Ex-wife's Revenge

Just a little flash story, could probably go in humor, but I like it here!

Many thanks to my sweet inspiration blackrandl1958 for her editing. Thank you, Todd172 for Beta reading.

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I thought we had a good marriage. We had no children, by mutual decision.

We both worked, though Jake was much more successful in his career than I was. Ultimately, we decided that we didn't really need my income, so I retired to a life of semi-leisure, making our house a show place and hosting Jake's associates for various functions.

I also donated time to all the "right" causes. All-in-all, life was perfect, apparently TOO perfect.

I noticed that Jake seemed to need to work late much more than he formerly did. I found this a bit odd, because I thought that after all his hard work he'd be able to cut back a bit.

One day I dropped by his office and noticed that his long-time secretary wasn't there. In her place was a much younger woman. Maybe I was just a jealous wife, but the only word that I could find to describe her was "bimbo." When I walked in, she was sitting at her desk doing nothing but filing her nails.

I walked up to her and asked if Jake was busy.

"Do you have an appointment?" she asked.

"No, I don't need one," I said.

"Mr. Tapper doesn't see anyone without an appointment," she said with a snotty attitude.

"Not even his WIFE?" I asked as I strode past her desk, walking right into Jake's office, ignoring her shocked expression.

Jake nearly jumped out of his seat when he saw me, quickly closing his computer screen. I immediately noticed that the picture of me that used to be on his desk was missing, and something else was missing as well: his wedding ring!

"Where's your ring, Jake?"

"I... It was irritating my finger," he said.

"And my picture? Just what was THAT irritating? Or was it just cramping your style? I wonder what I'd find if I opened up your screen, but frankly I don't really care at this point," I said, and turned on my heel and stormed right past "Bambi," or whatever her name was.

Now that his infidelity was exposed, it didn't take long for the divorce papers to arrive. After 20 years of marriage, he was leaving me for the little slut. It so happened that she desperately wanted to live in our million-dollar mansion, and since Jake could afford better and more ruthless lawyers, he got to keep the house.

I was given just three days to pack my things and leave the house. The first day I used to pack my things into boxes. On the second day, the moving company came and transported my things to my new apartment.

On the third day, I enjoyed one last meal in my favorite room, the large and beautiful parlor. I lit a few candles, put on some background music, and treated myself to a small feast: a plate of shrimp with caviar and a bottle of champagne of the highest quality.

When I was finished, I went to all the rooms and stuffed the shrimp leftovers, dipped in caviar, inside all of the curtain rods. Afterward, I cleaned up the kitchen and left.

Eventually, Jake returned with his new flame. I heard from some mutual friends that for a couple of days it was as if the two were in paradise, but then it began to smell everywhere in the house. The smell became torture...

They tried everything, cleaning, wiping, and vacuuming. They checked the air conditioning, thinking there may have been a dead mouse inside. The rugs were steam cleaned and they hung up air fresheners everywhere. Exterminators even came to drop the chemical death sentence on any possible vermin. Nothing helped.

As the stench worsened, friends stopped visiting. Even handymen refused to work in the house, and the maid quit. Ultimately, the couple could no longer withstand the odor and decided to find a new home. It was like a curse; no one wanted to buy the house, even after the price was cut in half after one month on the market. Rumors of the "stinkhouse" began to spread. Eventually, even realtors wanted nothing to do with the house.

In the end, Jake had to take out a loan to buy a new house. After some time had passed, I called him one day and asked him how he was doing. He proceeded to complain about his ordeal with the house. I listened to his story politely. I told him how I missed the house and that I would be willing to lower his alimony payments if he would give me the house back.

Jake believed that I had no idea how horrible the smell really was, so he agreed under the condition that I sign the papers on the same day. With the contract signed, I bought the house for a tenth of its actual worth. After a couple of hours, everything was settled.

A week later, Jake and his lover stood smiling and full of relief in front of their former house, watching the moving company transport their belongings away.

After they drove away, I had a small dumpster delivered. I put on goggles, a mask and rubber gloves, removed the curtain rods and tossed them into the dumpster!

Even after removing the curtain rods, there was still some residual odor. I did some research and had the entire interior re-painted with KILZ® paint, completely eliminating the odor.

It took some convincing, due to the house's reputation, but I had a big house-warming party that was a great success.

I took no small amount of satisfaction when I looked outside and saw Jake and "Bambi," standing on the sidewalk watching all the guests having a grand old time, wondering just what happened.

Ah, the sweet smell of success!