Failing Upward Ch. 16

I heard the click of the hotel door locking behind us as my mouth and arms scrambled for Sid. God, he tasted good with my come on his lips. I stopped with a jolt. Fuck, I almost forgot...

"Wait..." I said backing away. "I don't think it's too smart messing around with this sand in my pocket. I really don't want us traveling anywhere else. I kinda want to stay in this universe."

"I thought you had to be in direct contact with the sand."

"Well, it's on my pants, too-- let's not take any chances."

He leaned heavily against the back of wooden chair next to the dresser and sighed, "Well, take the fucking things off first then."

They unsnapped and unzipped again-- no problem. I put my thumbs inside and tried wedging them down; I hopped around, struggling. Fuck. They were stuck. They wouldn't budge. I'd sweat so much that the damn things had become part of my skin.

"Hmm, maybe I should help..." he insisted.

"No, I can get them off-- just give me a few seconds." I bounced backwards on the bed and squirmed and shimmied and panted. Fuck, my sweating was making them stick worse. I finally stopped and looked up to Sid. "Well, on second thought, why don't you grab the bottom of the legs and pull?"

Sid latched on to the legs of my leather jeans like a dog on a bone-- first he snapped sharply toward the headboard, throwing me along with it. Then jerked me in the opposite direction toward the foot of the bed. He shook me back and forth, swinging me around broke some of the leather's grip. I felt it slip a trifle. The bed springs squeaked and groaned under each effort; shit, I squeaked and groaned. My legs gradually worming off the bed with each of Sid's contortions. I was forced to reach for the headboard and hang on.

"Again, harder!" I instructed. He looked up at me with those yummy hazel eyes filled with lust, and I rocked my hips suggestively-- "What's your motivation, baby?" I panted. "Come and get it!"

"Christ," he hissed, and with one snap of his wrist, my slacks were over my hips. Now my bare ass was half off the bed.

"Again!" I encouraged.

He threw his weight backward-- and with that one hefty tug, I swore he'd pulled my legs out of their sockets. Sid yanked one last time, and they let go, sending him, crashing backward, knocking over the chair.

Three succinct raps fell on our door. We both jumped.

"Hey you two!" Smith yelled from the hallway. "Can't you do it without waking the whole freaking hotel?!"

"Shit," Sid muttered, picking the chair up. Then he remember I was half naked on the bed and turned to me with a predatory eye. My heart was pounding, and my eyes watering. Erm yeah, and my dick was saluting.

"Go away!" I yelled, spreading my legs. "Not you--" I said to Sid, "you-- come here." Sid was on me in a moment. His mouth, his hands, roaming my body. His cock shoved hard next to mine. I thrust up against him, savoring the length, raising my back off the bed to get more. I opened my mouth wider and let him suck on my tongue hard.

I didn't hear anything more from the hallway. Not that I was listening to anything other than our hearts pounding like subwoofers. My hands worked frantically at Sid's slacks, trying desperately to get them unfastened and off. In the same time it took for him to groan twice, I had them undone and pushed around his thighs along with his underwear. Then I reached for his cock and reverently stoked its length. Smooth, soft, the head moist-- god, I'd missed him.

I broke away from his mouth. I spread my knees wider. "Got to have you inside me."

"Lube. Where's the lube?" he gasped.

"What do you mean? Isn't it handy?"

"Shit! It's in my suitcase. Fuck. Just a moment--"

He jumped out of bed and ran across the room where his suitcase sat propped against the wall under the window. He threw it open, rummaging around. He pulled the lube out and stood back up. He was unscrewing the top and rubbing it generously on his fingers and cock as he came back to bed. He spooned into me. I could feel the heat building as he pushed one finger then another rigorously inside me.

"Hurry, now!" I begged.

He flipped me around and was on top of me the moment the words came out of my mouth, pushing my knees to my chest with his left forearm while his right hand guided his engorged cock into me. His mouth hovered, suspended three aching inches from my mouth. He pushed gradually inside me. Not fast enough. I wanted to feel him, all of him in me. I jutted my hips up into him, and he pulled back.

"Now!?" I pleaded.

"I missed you," he answered.

"I missed you more." I rocked my hips, teasing.

"I don't think so."

"Prove it," I said, cupping his chin.

I felt his cock slide the rest of the way up my ass. I clutched at his hair, pulling his mouth hard against mine.

Flash. I saw him. I felt him. His thoughts, his heart. He saw inside me. My brain exploded into so many cosmic pieces as he built up a steadily increasing tempo. Yes, this was my Sid. Any doubts I had dropped like petals. It was the roses. I became intoxicated with the smell of them. It came from inside us, mingling. It seeped through my pores, heating my blood. His touch, his flesh, his immortality connected to mine. He knew I saw his soul, and he saw mine. Bright lights. Sharp and painfully vivid. Flashes of memories. Day and night.

Texture and color became like air and water to me.

I seemed to recall blubbering 'I love you' and 'don't fucking stop' sparked with every dirty word I ever knew with slobbering, broken sobs. Sometimes I think the sobs came from him, but most were from me. As I felt him edging closer, near coming, I couldn't separate my longing from his-- not until I felt his hot whispered endearments on my neck and the smell of Mica lingering on his breath-- then, with a tremor, his muscles tightened, and I felt him come inside me. My eyes open, but I became blind. My vision spasmed, overloaded, collapsed. I could smell and feel, but I saw nothing. I closed my eyes tight as he wrapped his fingers lovingly around my cock, pumping slowly, one, two, three times. I whispered his name like a mantra. I came, making a spectacular mess all over my nice, sweat-drenched black fishnet shirt and his hand.

I didn't move. He didn't move. We stayed linked together until his cock slipped out of me. Even then, we lay still, holding on to the moment. The only movement was his thumb caressing my temple in lazy circles. My lips smiled against the back of his ear. I could see light through the lids of my eyes again and slowly I opened them-- my vision returned.

I didn't know what to do or say. I just felt safe. Sid was here. Sleep crept in, I let my eyes lazily close again, letting peaceful dreams drift me away...

I awoke to Sid's snoring. It really was a lovely thing. I never knew I could miss someone's snores, certainly never thought I could fall in love with them, yet I had. I closed my eyes and listened, allowing them to swell over me. They were a comfort. A reassurance. I opened my eyes again, watching his nose twitch and eyes crinkle. The sun was just nudging through the curtains, warming the sheets. I smiled and wondered if Sid was dreaming of me. I curiously touched his cheek to find out. I felt a bit guilty peeking inside him, like a kid reaching inside his grandma's forbidden candy dish. His sandy lashes fluttered. Oh, yes, he was dreaming of us. A pleasant dream. In his apartment, curled up together. No sex, just plain naked comfort, both of us snuggled together in a quilt on his sofa watching an old black and white movie.

He sensed me there. His eyes opened, and he smiled.

"Hello you," he whispered.

"Hello you, too."

He pulled us together, filling in all my sharp edges with his warm body.

"You don't know how happy I was when I realized that was you on stage. I was so worried that that Wes's plan to switch back to his own universe wasn't going to work. I hoped and wished, but I just didn't dare plan I'd get you back."

"Hmm, are you so sure this is me?" I teased.

He snorted. "No doubt in my mind." He poked me in the side, giggles spilled out of me. I pulled the sheets up to our necks and snuggled in closer.

"When did you realize he wasn't me?"

"Right away on the beach on Lake Michigan," he said, folding me into his chest. "First you were begging us 'Please, please, don't bury Shackleton.' Then, whammo, you grabbed the shovel outta my hand. I thought you were going to toss it over the dune, instead you dug up a spade full of sand and rained it down on Shackleton. You starting flinging the sand down on him so fast I thought you'd just lost it-- you'd snapped or something. You didn't say a fucking word. Nothing. All the way back to the cottage you shook and had a wild far-off look. When we got back to our room, you withdrew. Like you were shell shocked. Fuck, I didn't know how close I was to the truth thinking that... You wouldn't talk to me. You crawled into bed facing the wall, curled up with your knees to your chest. Then I touched you-- er, him. I knew. I knew then. It wasn't you. Dr. Lancaster and the others didn't figure it out until later-- after I got him, Wes, to open up to us."

"He told you what happened?"

"Yeah, everything..."

"Christ."

"You know then..."

"I have a pretty good idea. So Shackleton, where is he?" The sudden realization struck me, "he's still buried alive?"

"Yeah."

I sat straight up. "Fuck."

I didn't know whether to be relieved or not.

"You sure?" I asked.

"Well, who in the hell would dig him up?"

"Yeah, that's true. No one cares about him. Sad isn't it?" Sid looked at me in disbelief and snorted. "Not like me. They found me-- Glenda, Uncle Dan, Les-- they dug me up. They kept looking until they found me. No one gives a fuck about Shackleton. No one."

I laid back down next to Sid. I was surprised at myself for still feeling pity for him. I couldn't help it. Not everyone had people who loved them.

We both looked at each other silently for awhile. I was feeling mighty thankful. It could have been so much worse.

"I have a pretty good idea what happened to the other Wes after being buried alive for months," I said finally. "Weird shit goes through your head. Let's say I had lots of time to think on what my counterpart had been through considering the condition I was in."

"You were buried for months?" His eyes welled up, and he hugged me tighter to his chest.

"I'd rather be buried for months than have Shackleton touch me, torment me, rape me. God, no wonder he crawled up in a ball in bed next to you. I'm surprised he even snapped out of it."

I sniffed his chest. The fragrance was in him. For a change as I smelled the roses, I felt a comfort instead of lust.

So nice.

"It was bad," he said. "Seeing him all hurting and not being able to do a thing to help. I knew he wasn't you, yet he was. It's hard to articulate. He sounded, acted, even smelled like you. He just didn't feel like you when I touched him. Still, just seeing him-- it hurt. Every moment he was here it hurt because I knew what happened to him and I worried about where you were. What was happening to you. And he was there in front of me, like you. You. It was like he was you. I couldn't separate you from him."

"It was hard for me too with the other Sid," I confessed. "Life was running smoothly for the two of them in their universe..."

"Yeah. I remember how happy he was when he found out that Glenda liked me. I thought he was going to come out of his skin. It made me happy, too. He told me that if Glenda could accept me in one universe, there was hope for his Sid in another. I thought, Christ, we were together in another universe. Like were meant to be, always. Sid and Wes in love in another universe. It was sorta romantic, you know."

"He's had the whole alternate universe figured out for some time..."

"Yeah, it was a revelation for me, but not for your uncle. He already figured as much."

"How's that?" I asked.

"The black hole thing."

"What black hole thing?"

"That's how you do it--"

"Do it?"

"You create a mini black hole and go through into the another universe."

I closed my eyes to think.

"That doesn't make sense. I don't know a hell of a lot about black holes, but I thought they pretty much devoured and crushed everything that enters."

"Not micro holes. They're unstable, small; they collapse quickly. For some time theorists hypothesized that these mini black holes could be portals into other dimensions. That Hawkings guy wrote a lot about it-- your uncle has spent a lot of his life researching just this. He and Hawking believed mini black holes could be artificially created and be used for jumping into other dimensions. Lancaster, well, I guess he figured there was another way-- I guess you're proof it's no theory."

"Does Shackleton know this?"

Thoughts flashed through my head. Shit.

"Sure. He must."

"And he thinks the serum from me will get him this?"

"No, from what Wes, um, told us, it didn't work. He tried the serum made from your blood over and over, but it didn't work. Shackleton did a complete transfusion from him. All Wes's blood."

I felt dizzy, recalling my time in the lab at Shackleton's mercy. I couldn't begin to imagine the horror my counterpart must have gone through alone with no one, nothing to stop him. Sid saw the terror in my face.

"I don't know if I could have made a decision like that," I said, "to go back to a world that Shackleton haunted, where I might still be buried alive."

But even as I said it, I knew I would have taken the same chance to get back to my Sid.

"I was so fucking torn. I didn't want to send him back," he said, "but I didn't want to leave you there. It was horrible. We talked about it-- for days and days-- then night before the concert we never went to bed-- stayed up talking, going over if he should or shouldn't. In the end, he made the decision. I couldn't say either way-- wouldn't. How could I? He argued he'd be fine. He kept assuring me that you were fine, that he was positive Glenda, she'd find you-- dig you up, like she had your uncle. He was so sure. He figured she'd never stop until she found you..."

"He was right."

"At first I thought he wanted to go back because he was being selfless."

Selfless. I twisted around thinking on what Sid told me. Was it selfless? He was me after all. I couldn't believe it was selfless. He loved Sid. Was it that he wanted to get back to Sid so bad he was willing to risk going back to a world with Shackleton running unfettered? I would. Or did he feel he didn't belong in this place like I didn't feel that I belong in that other universe? Either way, it was a risk going into the next universe blind.

"Shackleton. He still hadn't gotten what he wanted--"

"Sick bastard," he said. "He tried and tried getting your power. It didn't work. But Shackleton thought he could get what he wanted from you some other way... See, you made him feel when you touched him. He thought you could transfer other things-- powers. He told you-- I mean the other Wes-- it was chemical."

"I did it. In the lab, when I gouged Shackleton's eyes. He screamed. I hurt him. But if that's true, then..."

I reached over and pinched Sid's nipple as hard as I could.

He yelped.

"You felt that!" I laughed.

"Fucking hell, of course I felt that!"

"I mean, you aren't supposed to feel pain."

"I do if you pinch me, you wiener."

"How'd you know that?"

"It happened with Wes. I mean the other Wes."

I wasn't sure if I should be jealous or not. What the fuck did he mean by that?

"What exactly did he do to you?" I said sharply.

He blushed. Fuck. I threw my head into my pillow.

"He bit my tongue, ok? But that was it. I said it was confusing. I mean, he kept coming on to me. He's the same as you. I mean-- you know-- tenacious, sensitive, hot. Almost irresistible. Almost."

"So you're saying I'm not irresistible?" I mumbled into the pillowcase.

"I'm saying I managed to restrain myself until last night."

I turned my head, smiled at him.

"You were almost irresistible too."

I laid on my back and stared at the hotel ceiling. Stucco. White.

"What if I could make it so you could feel again all the time?" I asked him. "Would you want that back?"

"Sure," he said, looking up at the ceiling with me. "But I don't think that's possible..."

"I do," I said, turning to him.

"How?"

His eyes sparkled a bit as he waited for me to answer, darting from my own eyes to my lips and back into my eyes.

"What if we were connected, always connected," I said finally.

He started to laugh. "We already are."

"I don't mean metaphorically you ass. I mean chemically-- electrically. Tell me... Shackleton thought he could get this through sex didn't he?"

I was sorry to spoil the mood by uttering Shackleton's name again, but it couldn't be helped. I needed to make a point.

"Yeah," Sid answered. "He told Wes that. I don't know if it was another form of torment or if Shackleton was so full of himself that he wanted Wes to know. The creep explained everything he did to Wes before he did it. He told Wes that strong emotional reactions were what would work. But he was wrong... It didn't work."

"Maybe he wasn't wrong. Not completely."

"No way am I going to let you hurt yourself for me."

"No," I shook my head. "Not pain. At least not his kind of pain. But I think he was right. I think I know. It is chemical. It does have to do with sex."

"Listen, what do you know about chemicals and black holes and electrical impulses? What makes you think you know what would work?"

I didn't want to give Sid false hope, but shit, I felt it in my guts that it would work.

"Are you crazy?" I pushed on. "Just because cavemen didn't understand what fire was didn't mean they couldn't start one."

Sid looked unblinking into my eyes. I could see the flicker of hope inside him. He wanted it.

"Shackleton was right," I said. "It was through sex. I remember awhile back Les said to me that maybe sex was the point of it all."

"But it can't be just sex. If it was it would have already happened for me, but I'm the same-- unchanged. And Shackleton tried it. He forced himself on Wes. He tortured him. I hated Shackleton so much before, but after Wes told me what he did, I knew I was capable of killing him-- I mean, he hurt you."

"He hurt me. He's probably hurt thousands of other's of myself in other universes. Doesn't mean he's won. Doesn't mean we can't be happy. Doesn't mean I can't do this. Let me. Let me do this."

"I love you. I trust you. I just don't want you to hope for something that might not happen."

I frowned. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he wanted this-- but only because I did.

"I don't want you doing this because I want it..."

"No, I do want this. I guess, maybe it's like getting you back. I hoped and wished that you'd come back to me in this universe-- I just didn't plan on it."

"My practical Sid..." I whispered.

He smiled at me with that sweet lopsided grin.

"Yeah, well, one of us needs to have their feet on the ground."

"Try then? You'll try?" I asked.

"Of course I'll try."

"But you can't just try. You need to believe. Believe."

"Hmm, sounds like planning to me."

The sun shone through the curtains. It was high in the sky. Sid sat up, a silhouette.

"We need to get up," he said. " It's almost time to go to the Silverdome."

I ached thinking of what I'd taken from him. I wanted to give him what I'd taken back. I thought about the future. Our future here in this universe. I knew the chance we'd ever get back to ours was nil.

Shackleton was here. But so were the people I loved: Karen. Les. The band.

Life. I could live with this life. I sat up and reached for his hand.

"I'll plan then, but I still don't think sex will do it..."