Fallout

The running led to the next chapter of my life, because that's how I met Debra. We were both running around the high school track, the soft track cushion took some of the strain off the limbs since I was now up to six miles, four days a week, and I couldn't help but notice the pretty and athletic woman with the long blond French braid. I'd seen her a few times before, mostly on the weekends; she was friendly enough to give a smile in return to my "good morning" as we passed. I also noticed she paid close attention to the five or six year old girl who was either drawing in a coloring book while sitting in the stands or running around the infield of the grounds.

One Saturday morning I decided to take a chance and introduce myself when the pretty woman stopped and started her post-run stretches, I stopped beside her, held out my hand and told her my name. This could go two ways, of course; she could ignore my attempt at friendship or she could shake my hand and tell me her name. She opened door number two.

"Hi, I'm Debra, nice to meet you, Sam. I've seen you here before, you always seem intent on your run, so I've never interrupted you."

I looked into her big brown eyes, happy she chose to accept my greeting. "And I try not to harass the women that run here, I figure it's tough enough being an attractive woman without guys hitting on you everywhere you go, but decided to take a giant leap of faith and ask if I could buy you a cup of coffee."

"I'd love a cup, but I'm here with my daughter."

"Well, if you'd like; introduce me and bring her along. The café has hot chocolate and other treats for youngsters."

During this exchange I noticed the little girl watched us with interest.

"Excuse me Debra, before we go any farther here, I did notice you're not wearing a wedding ring, please tell me you're not married; I would never approach a married woman."

"No, not married, never have been. My daughter's father took off a few months after I told him I was carrying his child. He wasn't ready to be a father or a husband. I raise Linda on my own."

By this time the little girl was standing next to us and I was introduced to Linda. Linda gave me a polite "hello" and seemed excited by my offer to buy her a hot chocolate; we picked up our workout bags, Linda grabbed her coloring paraphernalia and the three of us walked to the local coffee shop a block down the street.

As we sat in that coffee shop, little Linda enjoying her hot chocolate, wearing a smile on her face; Debra and I exchanging small talk over our coffees, I felt something, but couldn't describe it. It was almost a year later before I realized what I was feeling at that moment. I was too wrapped up at the time, having fun with these two charming ladies, to give it much thought just then.

My love affair with Debra started that Saturday morning. As we talked over coffee, we made plans to have a real date for the following weekend and things couldn't have been better. Debra and I had a lot in common: music, movies, politics. For the next two months we spent a least one evening a weekend together; Linda would be at one of her two sets of grandparents or with a babysitter. I tried to include Linda in our plans at least one afternoon every other weekend; the little girl seemed to accept and like me. Every once in a while I would spend a weekday evening having dinner at their home.

Debra and I took our time, but finally became intimate after a few months of dating. It was during one of the weekends Linda was with her father's parents (the father may have disappeared, but his parents were thrilled to have a grandchild). Debra and I decided to spend the weekend in Chicago. I went all out, two connecting rooms at the Palmer House, symphony tickets to the CSO, steaks at Ditka's (unfortunately Iron Mike wasn't there that night). All in all, a great Saturday evening.

Turns out the second room was redundant. I kissed Debra goodnight at the door to her room, two minutes after entering my room the connecting door opened up and Debra stood in the doorway wearing an animal print teddy.

I was already naked and that teddy didn't stay on Debra's body for more than a minute after I took her in my arms and started to kiss her. I pulled the straps off her shoulders and let gravity do the work. With the teddy removed, I felt Debra's hard nipples poking into my chest. I took my time caressing this beautiful body. I played with her breasts, squeezed her ass cheeks, then wrapped my arms around her to feel her entire body pressed against mine.

I turned Debra around and laid her down on the bed.

"It's awfully bright in here, Sam." She said.

I got up and turned one of the lamps off, but left the light from the bathroom on.

"I hope you don't mind, but I want to see."

Debra looked a little embarrassed by this, but didn't complain. I went back to making love to this woman. After fifteen minutes or so of foreplay, I couldn't hold off any longer and I lined up to enter her. Debra was wet enough to allow my entry, I watched her eyes as I pushed forward. Debra's body reacted and she pushed up to meet me until I filled her.

One thing I had to get used to was Debra's quiet reserve as we made love. Although Julie was never a screamer, even when she was taking Kyle's big dick, she did make some sounds and spoke encouragement as I'd fuck or lick her. Debra hardly said a word, she'd grip my shoulders or dig her heels into my ass to make her intentions known, she wanted me inside her, but words never left her lips.

We made love at least twice more that night and again the next morning before checking out and driving home.

A few days after returning from our weekend in Chicago I was in my home office reviewing a buyout proposal from a larger company based out of Birmingham, Alabama. The doorbell rang and who should be standing at the door but my ex-wife.

"Sam, can we talk?"

I knew where this was heading but let her in anyway. An old song played in my head, my mother sometimes sang it while cooking in the kitchen, there was a line, "Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone."

I listened to Julie try to convince me to let her stay the night. She just knew in her heart that if we made love one more time it would convince me we belonged together. Julie's outfit reeked of seduction; a thin blouse with those fantastic breasts barely hidden from view, her short skirt emphasizing those long lean legs she used to wrap around my waist. Her make-up lightly applied, just how she knew I liked it. Julie was the complete package.

After Julie left, I grabbed my keys and drove over to Debra's house. It wasn't too late, but Linda would be in bed already and I needed to talk to Debra without interruption. Debra looked at me with curiosity as she opened her door. I started talking immediately.

"Debra, my ex-wife came over to my house this evening. She wanted to sleep with me to convince me that she and I should get back together."

Before I could take a breath and continue, Debra interrupted me, giving me a look as if her best friend just died. "Oh Sam, you didn't?"

"No, wait. I told Julie I'm a one-woman man and kicked her out of the house. I'm only ashamed of one thing - I told my ex-wife that I love you before I told you. I rushed over here as soon as I closed the door on her, to tell you that I love you, Debra Jones, and that you've made me the happiest guy I know."

It must have been the right thing to say because I was pushed against the wall with Debra's lips on mine. Debra and I made love that night in her bed; her eyes never left mine the entire time I was inside her. No woman ever felt better in my naked arms.

The proposal from the Alabama company was very good. I met with their president; he reminded me of a young version of my grandfather. I decent business man who wanted to expand his company to compete with some of the big boys in our line of business. Since I owned a majority of our company, I could make the decision on my own, but I brought the proposal to my parents (who owned 15%) and our twelve employees (who owned another 18%). Looking over the proposal and hearing the acquiring company's need not only to keep the plant in Michigan, but expand here as well; everyone agreed to the buy-out. I agreed to stay at least a year to manage the transition and train my replacement as plant manager.

We negotiated over the next two months. The morning I was to sign the final papers, I got up early, filled two go-cups with hot coffee, bought two jelly-rolls at the diner and drove out to the church cemetery. I placed one coffee and one roll on Granddad's tombstone and opened up my lawn chair to sit for a while.

"What do you think, Granddad, am I doing the right thing? You spent twenty-five years building that business and here and I am selling it away. I wish you were here to give me guidance, just like you did for all those years."

I admit, I was looking for some divine sign, anything to help me relieve the guilt I felt for letting go of such a precious gift. Sure, every logical 't' had been crossed and 'i' dotted. The sale made sense, the employees were all on board with the decision, but my heart wasn't in agreement.

I sat for another half hour, finishing my coffee and roll, waiting as the sun rose over the eastern sky. Hoping some plant or animal, or anything, would do something mystical. Nothing, no wise owl sitting in a nearby tree making a sound I could interpret as a sign, nothing. I folded the lawn chair and headed to the car. I drove to the lawyers' office and signed the papers. I felt like crap despite the smiles of everyone else around the conference table.

On the other hand, my love life couldn't be turning out any better if I was in a Hallmark movie. I was in a loving relationship with a beautiful - inside and outside - lady. Almost a year after the night I declared my love on Julie's front porch, Julie and I were engaged and that's when things between Linda and me started to become strained.

During the time Debra and I dated and until this point, Linda spent at least one weekend a month with her father's parents. Usually, I was at Debra's house when Linda showed up on Sunday afternoon and we never noticed any negativity after Linda returned home.; but Linda's attitude changed soon after Debra and I announced our engagement. Suddenly, Linda was acting differently toward me.

Linda's paternal grandparents asked if Linda could spend more time with them and Debra graciously agreed. Now, Linda was at their house at least twice a month. The first blatant, 'there's-no-mistaking-this' sign something was wrong came two months before the wedding. I asked Linda if she would take her empty plate to the sink after dinner; her response was, "You're not my father and you can't tell me what to do!" Linda stormed out of the room.

Debra and I looked at one another.

"Where did that come from?" I asked.

"I don't know, let me check up on her." Was Debra's response before leaving the table. I sat there for ten or more minutes before realizing Debra wasn't coming back to finish her meal. I cleared the table, including Linda's dish, put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, the leftovers in the frig and still no Debra. I walked down the hall and gently knocked on Linda's bedroom door. Debra opened the door, stepped into the hall and told me she'd be a while, that Linda was very upset.

"Should I just leave?"

"Probably, I'll call you tomorrow. I'm going to spend the night getting to the bottom of this."

I left, stopped for a drink at Miller's Tavern, then headed home.

Things did not improve between Linda and me; in fact, they slowly deteriorated. I was at wits' ends trying to find a way to reconnect with Linda. I even read a couple of books on step-children and talked to a therapist. Sometimes the things I tried seemed to get us back on track, but never for long. It was one step forward, two steps back.

With a month to go before our wedding, we also learned that Linda's father, Nathan Miles, had moved back to town and was living with his folks. Here's a guy that took off when his girlfriend is four months pregnant, sees his daughter a total of three times in the first seven years of her life, never paid a penny in child support, and suddenly we're hearing hints of 'parental rights' from Nathan's parents.

During this entire three-month period, right up until a week before the wedding, Debra did her best to play referee. She tried numerous things to patch the relationship between Linda and me. Unfortunately, Debra saw everything through the eyes of a single mother who had been totally responsible for the welfare and upbringing of her child. She was obviously bias toward Linda when it came to who needed to do what to make the relationship work; that's why I read those books and talked to the therapist.

Things came to a head the weekend before our wedding. I was sitting in Murphy's having a pint when Nathan Miles walks in the door. I had only met the asshole once before when he dropped off Linda after one of her grandparent visitations. Nathan stood next to me and started in.

"Listen fucker; you're not going to take over being a daddy to my little girl. Her mother, the cunt, doesn't have the fucking right to let you be her daddy. I'm not going to let that happen."

I turned on my stool to look him straight in the eye, but before I could say anything, Ed, the bartender, came over and asked him to watch his language, there were other people in the bar. He also warned the two of us to keep it down and no rough stuff. Ed's words calmed me down a bit and I tempered my reply to Nathan.

"Look, I won't try and take over your role as Linda's father, but that means you'll have to be a father. You can't be a father to her if you're only going to see her once every couple of years or if you call her mother using filthy names. Doesn't work that way."

Nathan's reply to my attempt at civility was not what I expected at all. He screamed, "Fuck you - I'll raise my daughter any way I want!" while he grabbed my beer bottle and smacked it against the side of my head.

Here's the thing; I never took martial arts lessons, I never served in the military or as a secret agent, and I never carried a gun in my life. But, I have a very hard head and was lucky my father taught me how to defend myself and respond if I did get in a fight. For probably the third time in my life, I used what my father taught me on Nathan.

Before he knew what happened, my fist connected with his nose (Dad's lesson number one). My foot connected with his nuts (lesson two), my second foot clumped down on his instep (lesson three). Lessons four through ten took a half minute as Nathan was on the ground (lessons four to ten - never let 'em back up).

The EMTs and police arrived at the same time. I was extremely lucky; two other patrons heard my low key verbal response to Nathan's original outburst and at least five patrons saw Nathan hit me with a beer bottle as a provocation to my beating the shit out of him. The blood flowing out of my scalp only reinforced their testimony. (Kind of ironic when you think about it, the blood from the head and all, although it was a different bar than the one where we sandbagged Kyle.)

I spent over four hours of my Friday night in the Emergency Room of the hospital. Walking out of the hospital early Saturday morning, I was trying to figure out how I was going to keep the left side of my head turned to the camera during the wedding pictures; my left scalp was shaved for the six stitches the doctor put in. I needn't have worried.

I won the battle, but lost the war.

Saturday afternoon I knocked on Debra's front door; she answered the door, standing behind her was Linda. Linda began to scream at me, "I hate you, I hate you. You tried to kill my daddy!" Debra walked out of the door onto the porch, shutting the door behind her.

"Linda is very upset right now. Nathan's parents picked her up earlier and took her to visit her father in the hospital. They said you tried to kill him. I know that's not true, but he's hurt pretty bad."

"Listen, Debra; I didn't start the fight, just look at my head. He hit me with a beer bottle without any warning. Just took the bottle and slammed me in the head."

"I'm sorry Sam. Why would he do that? What provoked him?"

"He said I was trying to steal his daughter. I explained it wasn't anything like that. He hit me; just like that. All I did was defend myself."

"I believe you, Sam; but I have a little girl that's in trauma right now after seeing her father in the hospital. I think we need to postpone the wedding until I can get Linda calmed down."

What could I say? - No, you must marry me next week, even if your daughter is crying and screaming during the ceremony? - I nodded my head, told Debra I'd call her later, then turned around and went back home.

I did call Debra. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and everyday over the next two weeks. She'd stay on the phone for a while, made promises to get together soon, then she would hang up, "to take care of my daughter" or some such thing.

After two weeks I told her we had to talk. Debra arranged to have her folks watch Linda and we met at a nice café down the street from her house. It didn't go well.

"Sam, it's not getting any better. Linda absolutely refuses when I ask her to have you over for dinner. She keeps saying you tried to kill Nathan."

"Did you tell her he hit me first?"

"Yes, but it's not sinking in. She refuses to listen to me. Nathan's parents won't let her forget it was Nathan that ended up in the hospital. I think we'll have to suspend any talk of marriage for a while."

"Marriage, hell Debra, we're not even dating anymore. We were supposed to get married last weekend and this is the first time I've seen you in two weeks; and even then you say you have to pick Linda up in another hour. OK, we'll postpone the engagement, but give me the ring back. When you and Linda decide I can be in your life again, just call me and I'll put it back on your finger."

I know I was being a butt, but damn it, I didn't start this crap and Debra was allowing Nathan, his parents and Linda to control our lives. Nathan walks into Linda's life less than two months ago and he's calling the shots? I needed Debra to see that.

Debra broke out in tears and took the ring off, handing it to me reluctantly.

"Debra, I love you. This ring is yours, but not until you can get Nathan and his parents out of Linda's and our lives. We need to be a family, that's what we've said all along; at least up until two weeks ago."

In the end, Debra and I grew apart. We dated on and off for the next couple months, but I never was allowed back in her home for fear of Linda reacting violently toward my presence. When an old friend of mine called me from the west coast and asked me to join him with a startup in Portland, I accepted the offer and made plans to leave my hometown. My year of commitment to the acquiring company had passed; it was a good time for a new life.

When I was packing up my belongings I found a picture of Debra, Linda and me. As I looked at the photo of the happy trio, I remembered that first afternoon at the coffee shop - and it hit me - the feeling that I had that day as we three sat together for the first time. What I felt was the karma of the other patrons in the café; they saw how happy we were at that moment and were smiling at what appeared to be a quaint family scene.

I only saw Debra one more time after I moved to Portland. I was back in town visiting friends five years later when I ran into her at a local park. Debra was walking behind a stroller, a young toddler inside. Debra still looked good, but sad. I didn't avoid her when I saw her walking toward me on the path. We said hello, how are you, whatever. I looked in the stroller and complimented her on her beautiful baby.