Feeling Normal Ch. 03

Before you read the story, I just wanted to apologize for the long wait for part 3. I finished the semester and went a little crazy with my new found freedom, lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoy part 3 and hope that it's worth the wait.

*****

It had been a month since I had spoken to Ethan and it's been a depressing month. We had a great connection, but my fear of being rejected got in the way. I have been spending the month crying, whining, and eating my way through several pints of ice cream. Karen and my mother finally convinced me that I needed to get out and do something more than work and school, so I decided to treat myself with a trip to the mall. I hopped on a bus, but I thought about Ethan the entire way.

Once I got to the mall, I made my way through the sea of happy couples and families, which made it all the more worse; made me wish I hadn't gone to the mall. I finally found my way to my go to makeup store, Ulta, where I found peace in my favorites, nail polish & lipstick, which sent my femboy heart fluttering. After I spent an absurdly large amount of money, I finally made my way to the food court; I figured I could eat away the feelings that shopping didn't get rid of.

I texted Karen the entire way to the food court; after pigging out there so many times, I didn't even need to look up from my phone while walking there. What I saw next, left me more devastated than I had ever been over the past month; I saw him, Ethan, with another guy. The guy was some cute, petite, twink that was swishing his ass back and forth; I saw them make their way to a table and sit down to eat. I stood there with my heart twisting in my chest and hot tears starting to collect in my eyes; just then, Ethan noticed me.

"Oh...Erin! What are you doing here? I haven't talked to you in awhile! How have you been?" he got up and walked over toward me while he said this.

I composed myself enough to answer him, but I couldn't let him know how much this is hurting me, "Um...I'm fine. How...uhhh...h-h-how are you? Look...I...uhhh...I gotta go! It was great seeing you again." I sprinted to the bathroom with tears running down my face.

I ran into the stall farthest in the back of the bathroom and started to softly sob to myself. Just when my crying started to get to uncontrollable levels, Ethan walked in; he must have followed me to the bathroom.

"Erin? Are you in here? Is that you crying? Come on, Erin! Please come out and tell me what's wrong." He sounded so concerned for a guy who was just with someone else.

I slowly walked out of the stall and hid my face while I fast walked to the mirror. I splashed cold water on my face, but you could still see how hard I had been crying. I tried to walk out of the bathroom before we had to talk, but he caught me before I could make my way out the door.

"Erin, wait! Where are you going? Why are you acting like this? Can we talk for a minute?" He seemed desperate with a little hint of anger in his voice.

"Ummm...what do you want? Isn't your FRIEND waiting for you? You should probably get back to him, shouldn't you?" I spit the words at him with the intent of hurting him.

"Who? Steven? Oh my God...that's my brother! Is that what has you so upset? Because you saw us together? It's my brother, so you don't have to worry about him! Ok?" He held my shoulders and looked me right in the eyes as he said these words, but I didn't believe him.

"Yeah, ok! Look, it's ok if you don't want to be with me, but don't fucking lie to me! Do I look like a fucking moron?! Just...let me go!" I shook myself from his grasp and made my way out of the bathroom where I ran into the aforementioned Steve.

Steve spoke to me as I walked out of the bathroom with Ethan right behind me, "Oh, hey! You must be Erin! I'm Steve, Ethan's brother! Ethan was right about you, you are adorable!" He smiled at me and I felt like the stupidest person on the face of the planet. I turned around to find Ethan giving me the most annoyed looking face. I was so embarrassed that all I could think to do is run as quick as I could out of the mall.

I stopped right when I got outside of the closest exit. I went beside the building and crumbled into a ball and started sobbing again; God, I felt like such a whinny little bitch. Ethan ran out behind me and looked around before seeing me down against the wall. He squatted down beside me as he started to speak to me.

"Erin, please tell me what's wrong with you. You acted like this on our date and it really hurt me; I don't like seeing you like this. Please...tell me what's the matter. I promise I won't get mad or upset." Ethan looked so concerned, but I knew that could change with the utterance of those three little letters. I finally decided that I was ready to tell him, but if I was going to tell him, I didn't want to do it in front of a mall. I want it to be a little more personal than this.

"Um...yeah, I'll tell you. Come to my house tonight...around 8. I'll tell what's been wrong with me then." I stood up and stared into Ethan's eyes, waiting eagerly for his agreement to coming over. Ethan eagerly accepted the offer of coming over.

"Yeah! Of course! I'll be there tonight! Um...I guess I'll see you then!" Ethan was clearly happy that he was meeting me tonight; I just hope that his happiness lasts after I tell him what's been going on. I really like him, but I am so afraid.

I got home and stayed nervous the rest of the day. I walked all around my house for hours before my mom finally convinced me to calm down and take a little nap. I woke up around 6:30 and got ready to see Ethan. I showered, shaved, and stayed nervous until about 8 when I heard Ethan's truck pull up. I looked out the window and saw him coming up the walkway; my heart was racing faster and faster with every step he took closer to my door. I squeezed my eyes shut before I heard the doorbell *ding dong*. Reality came crashing back to me; I answered the door and greeted Ethan.

"Hey! How are you? Look, I'm really glad you came. Um...do you...do you want anything to drink? Eat? I'm sorry, I'm just a bit nervous." I was making an understatement; It felt like my heart was about to leap out of my chest. I saw Ethan looking around, presumably looking to see if we were alone. I was quick to tell him that we were.

"We're all alone. I asked my mom if we could have some privacy, so she went out with some friends. Come...let's sit down. I really need to tell you something and I think you'll understand why I've been acting the way I have after I tell you." Ethan and I made our way to the couch; he held onto my hips the entire way, which made me all the more nervous.

As we sat down on the couch, Ethan started kissing me on my neck and God it felt so good. The more he kissed and sucked at my smooth neck, the harder I got. I had to get this to stop, at least for the time being. Hopefully after I tell him, he will still want to be with me; I'm not holding my breath.

"Ethan...please! We really need to talk." I spoke in a sad and broken voice.

"Sorry, sweet boy! What did you want to tell me?" He looked at me with such concern, but all I could imagine was his impending rage.

"Um...the reason why I acted the way I did is because...oh God. This is so hard! Ummm...Ethan, I really don't know any other way to say this, but...

TO BE CONTINUED