Femina Perfecta

December 2020

John readied himself before getting out of his car. It was cold out and no matter how many decorations and lights the people of this small town put up, none of it changed the temperature. Not that it wasn't cold in the big city where he lived but at least there he could be in the comfort of his own apartment where he could either overload himself with work or just wait out the holiday season keeping occupied with something else.

He honestly couldn't even believe he was here. It had not been his idea. But there was nothing he could do about it now. It was done. He was here and he only had one more day before his relatives were going to surround him and smother him. Gross.

He got out of his car and started the short walk through the parking lot to the bookstore. He had determined the day before that this was the best place to get a proper cup of coffee. This town also had one of the over priced deluxe coffee places but John's inner sense of intellectual honesty wouldn't let him pay $6 for a mocha that advertised itself as being made with "organic" coffee beans. Of course they were organic beans. All coffee beans are organic beans because caffeine is a natural insecticide.

The big box style bookstore this town had was a dying breed. John was surprised to see it still open. The coffee served at the little coffee shop attached to it wasn't fancy but it was good. John opened the door and took the right turn towards the smell of the ... Wait.

He stopped in his tracks. He saw her. It was her. It had to be her. "Megan" he whispered under his breath.

Retreat. He backed away. Where to go? Back out into the cold with the dim sunlight being no comparison to the beauty of her face. His heart was racing. Was it really her? He looked at her through the store window.

...

July 2018

"No. Don't give me that. Yes you do." George said.

John shook his head. "I don't drink. Honest."

"Come on. Just a sip. You're not driving or nothing."

"So what?"

"Dude, don't you even realize how much money you just made. Celebrate. Stop being such a ..."

"Fine. Give me the ... whatever that is."

All of Johns colleagues looked on as he took a sip from the shot glass and then had to spit most of it out. A roar of laughter and cheer erupted.

"Drink it. Drink it. Drink it." they chanted again and again.

John suffered through it and his face was red while all of his insides felt like they were on fire. "Why would anyone ever make something like that?"

"You'll see." George told him. "Just wait." he said as he handed John another drink and encouraged him. The large party of his fellow employees chanted again and John drank again. Before they would finally leave him alone he had to gulp down five of those nasty shots and he was already feeling off balance.

John made a note to self, don't tell everyone about a big deal on a Friday afternoon. Wait until Monday.

It was still a very funny situation at work. John was supposed to be an engineer but it turned out he was much better at running an office. He was supposed to be testing materials and working on equations but instead he did paperwork and talked to customers. His greatest strength lie not in doing the work himself but in getting those under him to be really good at their jobs. It was just something known at the company that John's team always won every contest. If you wanted job security, raises, and promotions; you wanted to get on his team. John was going to move up in the company and everyone could see that.

John himself often felt like his successes were unearned but there was no question about what he'd done that day. With one well timed phone call, just the right question being asked, and a truthful even if carefully worded answer; John had gotten the biggest client of their top competitor to switch over. That would mean more work but it also meant more salary, more overtime, more bonuses; and for this night, more partying.

It was maybe about two hours later when John finally started to feel like himself again and not feel like he was under the influence. Most of his friends had gone and only George and Martin were still there with him. John was just then going to say goodbye himself and go home when he saw her.

John did not believe in love at first sight. How could he living in this city? Where honesty and integrity ruled the work world, the world of dating was nothing but people stabbing each other in the back and more often than not ending with claims of domestic violence and restraining orders while one person raided the bank account of the other. Even if things never got that far, there were recent stories all over the news of woman after woman claiming sexual harassment; even as it was revealed that more than half the men being forced to pay child support by the city had never even met the women who were claiming them to be the fathers of their babies.

So, no. John did not believe in love, much less love at first sight. Yet there she was and just her image was having an affect on him. He told himself that it had to just be the alcohol, yet even as he did so internally he knew the truth. It was her. She was doing this to him.

Cautiously he got up and started over towards the young woman and her group of friends who were standing by the pool tables. His friend George was in tow without being asked. What was his plan? He told himself not to get his hopes up. She probably had a boyfriend. She was so pretty, there was no way she didn't have a boyfriend already. A lot of John's own personal insecurities bubbled up. He never thought of himself as particularly handsome and besides being good at his job, he had no other unique things about himself that he felt comfortable telling people.

As he got closer he remarked to himself that he was going to have to change his stance on the existence of God. Surely, this woman was made in the image and likeness of the divine and wasn't the result of an accidental combination of random biology. Her hair was perfect. Her eyes were perfect. Her face was the image of an angelic being.

Deep down, John started to doubt himself. She was too good for him. She wouldn't be interested. Rejection was imminent.

John was no stranger to rejection in life. John was guarded about his past and that was something that would turn off most women. Sure, some women found him initially mysterious but that feeling would wear off fast once they found that they were unable to get him to reveal his secrets. As he stood there in front of this woman he figured she probably came from a good family with parents who loved her and supported her. Of course he couldn't know that for sure unless he asked and he would never ask. He instead would give her and every woman the privacy he himself so often longed for and specifically not ask about her past.

"So, does anyone here want to play pool?" John asked with his most confident smile. He was addressing all four women there but of course they could all tell that there was only one true recipient of his offer. Even with the music playing and the sound of drinks, laughs, boasting, and others playing pool; there seemed to be silence as John looked at the woman he was interested in and to his utter amazement, she was looking back at him and seemed herself to have a longing in her eyes.

One of the other women, a short girl with red hair, was turning her head repeatedly to look back and forth from her friend to this man who'd been so bold as to just walk up to them. Her incredulous look eventually turned to a huge smile.

"Um ... Can you give us just a moment?" the redhead asked and then she pulled her friend away. The other two women introduced themselves to John and George but John couldn't be bothered to remember their names. He smiled but even then he looked past them at the other two.

The redhead returned and introduced herself along with Megan. That name John was going to notice and remember. Megan. He smiled.

"I'm Max." he said. He was halfway tempted to give them his real name but in the current climate, even after a couple drinks, he still had enough of his wits about him to know not to do that. Yes this girl was pretty but that did not mean he trusted her or any of them yet. He was actually glad now that they'd taken that moment to confer with each other because if they hadn't he might have been too wrapped up in her gorgeous eyes to say a fake name and he might have just blurted out "John" along with his whole life's history. But he was in control. There was no fear of that now.

...

"This is silly." he told himself. He'd come here to get coffee and that's what he intended on doing. He was going to get coffee. So what if she was in there. Who was she to him? Nobody.

Well, ok. Not nobody. Not absolutely nobody anyway. She was one of a handful of women whom he'd slept with in his life. John wasn't the kind of person to just go sleeping around. Each woman and indeed, each time that he'd ever been sexual was a detailed memory etched into his mind.

And it wasn't like he'd acted like a predator when he met her. He treated her with respect and sleeping with her was the last thing on his mind. But one thing somehow miraculously led to another. That sort of thing never happened to John. Every previous time he'd ever had sex in his adult life it had been after more than a month of dating the woman. And then it would last about another three months and John would be single again for one reason or another.

Each woman left something behind in John's heart but none of them had ever affected him the way this woman had and he'd only known her for a single night. She was his one and only "one night stand". It wasn't his fault she'd done that to him. He had all the right intentions for her.

Maybe he still did. He hadn't dated any other women since her even when he'd been given the chance. No more dating for him. Maybe now, now that she was here, he could tell her that and see what she said. Maybe he could get closure. Maybe now he could finally stop comparing every woman he met to her. Maybe now he could move on and put her behind him.

He got himself back into the bookstore and deliberately walked right past her table where she was letting her coffee get cold while she read a book. He ordered and while he waited for the teenage girl behind the counter to serve him, he looked back her way. She hadn't noticed him.

Well, why would she? She was probably here with someone. John was slowly shaking his head even at the very thought. Maybe she'd dated a lot of people and had a lot of other "one night stands" since he'd met her. Perhaps he should even count himself lucky he hadn't gotten some std from her. She was so pretty, she obviously could have any man she wanted.

John's coffee was in hand and he thanked the server. He spotted an empty table where he could just sit and read the news and drink his coffee in peace. With any luck, Megan wouldn't even notice or remember him.

Megan. What a beautiful name. Sigh. It wasn't meant to be and he knew that but that didn't stop his mind from grasping out at the wisp of a dream.

He made his way to the table he'd spotted but he wouldn't even make it half way. He couldn't take it. She was right there. Right behind him. Slowly, deliberately he turned to face her.

He figured he must have looked strange as he was standing there looking at her with coffee in his hand. Maybe someone would think he was a stalker. A small town like this with a shortage of women probably had more than its fair share of stalkers.

It was after he'd waited there long enough for it to start to become awkward that she finally looked up from her book. There was a glimpse of recognition behind her eyes but she put on a puzzled look.

"Megan?" John asked.

She tilted her head to the side and didn't answer right away. Then it hit her and her eyes lit up. "Max?"

John let himself smile. "Yeah. How are you?"

She got up from her seat and came over to him and before he knew what was going on she was giving him a hug, or trying to while he tried to protect his coffee from spilling.

"So, you live around here?" he asked.

"No. I'm just here visiting family. How about you?"

The thought came to him to ignore her question and instead answer with one of his own. 'Will you marry me?' he thought to ask. But of course he wasn't stupid enough to actually ask that. "Had to get out of the city." he said and that was true enough, though the exact details were a lot more complicated.

...

October 2020

Mr. Yamaguchi was giving the young messenger one of his famous stare downs. The small Japanese man carried himself with such gravitas that few had the courage to meet his eye. It was obvious that the young man who had brought the package wanted to say something about the brazen decorations in Mr. Yamaguchi's office. The old man was unapologetic about his Christian heritage and he had a way of putting even the most outspoken atheist in their place and effectively shutting them up. He would not tolerate hearing a word against his statue of the virgin Mary, his crucifix, his board displaying the ten commandments, or his large painting of the Japanese Martyrs who were crucified by the samurai.

John was lingering by the doorway and watched with amusement at the silent battle as the young man took in the sights and turned to the old man to say something but almost instantly caught a frog in his throat. All he could think to do was bow and show respect before finally leaving.

John got out of the way and didn't even spare a glance as the young man hurried away.

"John. Come." said the boss.

"I got the numbers."

"Is that all? Came all the way up here for that? Next time send Laura."

"I think you're in for a very pleasant surprise."

"Why?"

"Just look."

Mr. Yamaguchi pulled the document out of the large envelope and gasped. "Is this right?"

"I double checked it three times."

The boss smiled from ear to ear. "Come, sit. Let me see this." he said as he went around his desk to his leather chair. "But I think you still should have sent Laura."

"Sorry."

The old man took a few moments looking over everything and then he looked up and told John to close the door. John knew what that meant. The old man was going to have a drink. This was something that John saw often when he brought news to his boss as it was only something the Japanese man did when it was good.

"You know, now that I think of it, I'm glad you're here, actually."

"Really? You sure you don't want me to go get Laura?"

The old man waved the suggestion away. "You know about Jefferson?"

"I've heard."

"Retiring early and the bastard didn't even have the balls to come tell me."

In actual fact, John didn't blame the guy for being scared. If he had come to tell Mr. Yamaguchi, the old man might have frightened him into staying. It was the way of things that Mr. Yamaguchi got his way. Outside his presence you could think whatever you liked but when you were face to face with the man, he got his way.

"Carol." John said.

The boss shook his head. "No. I need you."

"You know you'll have to give it to Carol. It's the rule. Plus, it'll be an insult to her if you don't."

"Why? I make the rules."

"She's more than qualified and even though I'm the same rank as her now I still see her as my sempai."

"Oh, you remember that word."

"And a few others."

"What happened to you? Six months ago you were teething for a promotion so bad we thought you'd quit if we didn't move you up."

"Move up to where I am now. I just got here. I'm still just ..."

"Not the best yet. I know. I know how you think. You've been going through this company trying to master every task and breaking every record. But you're too high up for that way of thinking now. It's not about your performance anymore."

"Sir, that's not a fair representation of ..."

"Then what is this?" the boss said as he held up the numbers.

"My team did excellent work and I thought ..."

"John, my friend, you have to give up that dream. You still think that one day you're going to be back down there in the pit getting your hands dirty and being the biggest fish in the smallest pond. But now the company is calling you to something higher. In upper management we have a responsibility to the lower level employees. If we make a mistake up here, some of them lose their jobs."

"I understand that, sir. Which is why I think your best move is to promote Carol. And we both know she could use a break."

"A break! Being VP is not a break. John, I need you. Carol's never going to sit at this desk and we both know it. One day someone's going to have to replace me so I can go play golf all day."

"Well, we have a lot of years and a lot of money to make before then."

"The Lord comes like a thief in the night. I know you want this. Just say yes. Why make me push?"

"I do want it. Of course I do. I just think the timing is wrong. I'm not ready. I'm not even 30 yet. It wouldn't be the right move for the company right now."

"But in the long run, it is and I'd rather not wait."

"Have you spoken to Carol? Maybe you could interview her or slowly expand her responsibilities until ..."

"She's distracted. Too distracted. That damn divorce is ripping her heart out."

"That's still going on?"

"Funny, isn't it. Every place they make divorce legal everyone who gets one curses the day. Divorce is the coward's way. It takes no courage to run away. A real man stays and forgives."

John had heard this and a dozen other ways that Mr. Yamaguchi would disapprove of the divorce laws. The facts were that Carol's husband had run away with a younger woman and they were now expecting their first child before the divorce was even final.

"What's it been? Two years? Three?"

"Don't know. I'm just happy it was never an option for me. Never even had to think of it."

"Me neither."

"Not the same, my friend. There are days when I really don't like my wife. But she's best for me. Now, you. You still haven't gotten married. You're not hiding a dirty little secret, are you?"

"Not that I can think of."

"You need a wife. It's not good for a man to be alone."

"Well, when I meet a woman who actually wants to be a wife then I might consider getting married." John felt like that was a good answer. He didn't want to talk about that one girl who got away. That one girl who even now called up feelings in him. Again and again he'd gone back to that bar in the hopes of seeing her there. Again and again he would ask his roommate if anyone, especially any woman had called or come by. Again and again he found himself alone in his bed wishing that the one special woman would be there with him again. Again and again he wished that he could have the opportunity to take her and keep her and marry her. He had spent the night with the perfect woman and then through negligence he'd let her get away.

"Young women nowadays. No modesty. No modesty at all. Then they get older and wonder why they can't get a husband." the old man said.

"Some would say they don't need one." John answered.

"Then why do they all look for one? Huh? HA! Say, you met my granddaughter last August. What did you think?"

"Too young for me if I get where you're going with this."

"What do you mean? She's in college now."

"You're going to try to invite me to go to church with you again."

"And why not? What religion did your parents raise you?"

John didn't answer.

"Silent again." the old man said. "And why do you come to the company picnics with no one?"

"Who do you expect me to bring if I'm not married?"

"Someone. A brother. A sister. Don't you have any family?"

"It's complicated."

"You never say anything. You walk around here acting like you're an open book but it's not so, is it?"