Fi Pt. 01

Christ, what sort of advice was that for a mum to give her son? Well for one thing it was outside the square and that was one of the things why Blanche and he loved their mum. One of his university friends summed it up brilliantly: "Your mum is as silly as a chook but is absolutely adorable. Most of us wish we had a mum like yours." Blanche and Scott had flushed with pleasure at being old that. Blanch had recently gone to Melbourne to study to become a nurse and rarely came home because she was living with a married guy separated from his wife.

Scott, who was well-built and just five-eleven, pulled on sneakers and cycled over to his mom's place to meet Miss Texas as his mum had called the housekeeper, staring at the photo on the kitchen fridge and then saying one of her scary things: "This girl will change our lives." Scott hoped the girl wouldn't turn out to be an axe murderer. Christ, if he could develop that into a solid theme he could have the book that was hovering beyond his grasp. Only by inches did he avoid running into the tail of a parked car. Fuck, day-dreaming again.

Scott placed his bike on the open front porch against the weatherboarding of the house and turned to look at the rosy lips of the new housekeeper. He looked up and up and saw she was a blonde. Fuck she was tall. So the dwarf said, "Hi good looking."

"Oh hi Scott, what a lovely greeting. Are you adorable like your mom?"

Her accent was American and rather soft for a Texan, he thought, even when she said mom instead of the more customary mum. How on earth did she know his mum was adorable? So he asked.

"How do you know my mum's adorable?"

"Christ Scott, if you had a mom like mine you'd know the answer to that question."

She swore just like him. But weren't Americans suppose to avoid profanity except in the privacy of their homes or when being passed in tennis or missing a five-foot putt at golf?

"Well pleased to meet you, er, Fi. Blanche and I are proud of our mum."

"Oh, I've only heard the name Scott mentioned."

"My sister is still a name not being mentioned by our mum because Blanche is hold-up with an older guy who is married."

"But wasn't that a situation your mom wrote about when she was writing?"

"Damn right. But apparently other people's daughters can do it but not one's own."

"How do you feel about that Scott?"

"I'm easy. Mum still feels she has responsibility for Blanche who is only eighteen. If Blanche wasn't so besotted about the connection I'd go down and fill the guy in."

"You mean hit him?"

"Yeah."

"What say he beat you to pulp?"

"I guess that's another reason why I haven't gone down to deal with him."

"Well that goes beyond stupid manly thinking. But you'd go if she called in tears."

"Fucking oath."

"That translates as an affirmative. Good boy."

Scott was intrigued at the way this shelia thought. God she and his mom ought to get along like a house on fire.

"Come in. Your mum is nursing her first gin. I've placed her on a ration of only two standard sized gins or alternative alcohol drinks a day and she's promised to obey and trial my regime for a month. I have put out beer for you."

"Although you don't look like one you sound like a housekeeper who's taken command."

"Why thank you Scott."

As they walked inside she asked what he did for a job. The sly bitch. His mum would have told him within the first hour of meeting her. "I spend a lot of time looking at a blank screen on my computer or looking at stuff I've written and feeling depressed."

Fi laughed. It was the sound of golden decibels decreasing in volume. Scott felt the hair on his nape stir.

"Your mum will be telling you she wants you and me to spend four hours a day together minimum, you showing me around Sydney and I talking to you to try to stir your mind into lifting your thoughts on to a higher plane."

"Huh?"

"Oh Scott, is that a way for a professional writer to verbalize? His adoring fans would feel short-changed as would his heroine he is developing."

"A beer would be good," Scott said, playing it safe.

"Oh hello Scott, said his mum, sporting a new hair style with blonde high-lighting and in a short dress with her legs showing most of their length and an awesome-looking cleavage apparently having been discovered.

Scott swallowed. "You look great mum. You've been made-over swell."

"Isn't Fi a darling? Her next project is you."

CHAPTER 2

Fi and Scott took a commuter train to Circular Quay and caught the ferry to Manly for lunch.

"Oh this is glorious Scott," said the lovely Fi in a red shirt and white shorts and a white scarf around her neck flying in the breeze as they looked back to the retreating Sydney CDB skyline. She linked arms.

"Your mom allowed me to read your last draft."

"Oh."

Fiona smiled reassuringly. "She called it crap."

"Yeah."

"You know what's wrong with it, don't you?"

"Sort of."

"What sort of answer is that Scott?"

"A sign of drooping confidence I suppose. Tell me what you think."

"The working title of 'Liquid Amber' caught my attention immediately but although your thoughts were strung together well Amber certainly wasn't sending her sex liquids around, which I had half-expected her to be doing with that title. Neither was she, as the author intended her to do, oozing herself into society as she attempted to climb the social ladder, molding to fit every demand she confronted. The pace dropped away and even failed to work up to match the climax."

"Well that's more graphical than what mum told me. She said things like, "I frustrated the reader with my lapses and other irritations that I would have lost some of them rather early in the piece and heaps more well before the finish."

"Oh."

"Well, do you agree with that?"

"Perhaps. I studied English lit but dropped out of college at the end of my second year. I never have a humble opinion so all I can say is two major things that occurred to me in plowing through your work -- yes plowing and rarely reading with a smile on my face. The rhythm was too uneven for my liking and the novel totally lacked passion."

"Okay, they are majors. Anything else?"

"Yes, I adored the way you drew Amber. She was how you imagined your mother was as a young woman, wasn't she?"

Scott gaped at his critic.

"I thought so. But I couldn't decide if I really like Rocco and thought he wasn't a suitable guy for Amber because you didn't flesh him out well and as a character he was all over the place. People, especially men, are really not like that but I have to say some women are. I wanted to strangle you when you had Rocco stalk off when Amber said no sex tonight for obvious reasons and you had him waiting for the barmaid Julie to take her next break. Rocco laid her over the front of a car in the rear car park and had sex with Julie while she had a cigarette. I'm afraid that was the end of Rocco for me."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes Scott and it wouldn't surprise me your mom threw the draft into a corner at that point for Pluto to pee on. You must have been tutored about what works with characterization of heroes and what doesn't?"

"Yeah I suppose so but I guess I thought I knew all about guys, that I needed to know what made heroines what they are supposed to be."

"Well judging by what I read over the past two nights that is a very truthful response. I really related to Amber. I suggest you leave Rocco in the novel and make him the lover of Amber's best friend Sky who needs a name change and eliminate the character she is having sex with."

"Like what name?"

"What market are you hoping to be published in?"

"Just Australia. Well at least initially."

"Then a name like Kathryn or Katie or Kylie."

"What about Francesca?"

"I'd say brilliant. Then you'll need a new hero."

"Yeah and with a name that appeals to women."

Scott cheered up after that, adopting the look of a guy who'd made a big decision.

They had an enjoyable outing and as Scott placed Velcro tapes around the bottom of his trousers before cycling home Fi asked, do you have a steady girlfriend.

"Yeah."

"Well don't be afraid to let me know when that's finished."

Scott looked at Fi so intently she had to turn away until he said, "I'll bring my laptop Thursday. Can we work for four hours on Amber? I've decided to ask you to work with me get that novel back on track rather than scrap it."

"Yes but only for four hours. Remember I'm the housekeeper."

Gwen came in looking exhausted. "God I wish you hadn't made me join the gym. I feel half dead."

"I bet the trainer who assessed you told you to start slowly and work up as you gain fitness?"

"Yes, but I'm not the sort of person who does anything by halves."

Fi smiled and said she wondered why she knew that. She served lightly braised chicken, four green vegetables, carrots and one small potato each.

"Where are my other four potatoes and where is the bread?"

"Under my administration we eat only healthy food. I've thrown out all bread, sugar-loaded biscuits and cakes but although you gave me a free hand you may over-rule me if you wish. But I urge you to give me one month and the new Mrs Gwendolyn Mace will have emerged. Oh, why don't you drop the title of Mrs and use none or only use Ms when a title is mandatory?"

"I've often thought about it."

"Then I'll be quiet until you make your decision whether or not to do it, rather than procrastinate. I'd assume your loss of confidence over your two failed books introduced procrastination into your life?"

"Damn right it did Fi. Christ you can be so cruel."

"But always for a purpose. I'm the inspiration Scott needs to reach the plane required to become an author and eventually it will occur to you I'm the inspiration you need to get back to writing."

Gwen looked at Fi. "Are you sure you're only twenty darling? You are almost much too adult even for me."

They ate in silence until Gwen said, "Yep, I've decided to drop the title of Mrs. I guess I clung to it for the sake of the children but that usage is long out of date."

"Good girl. Apart from the loss of another half pound of potatoes, how do you like your meal?"

"I'd be lying if I didn't say it's delicious. I usually only eat chicken fried or roasted."

"Well not for another month. Now for dessert."

"Ohmigod, the wicked housekeeper will allow me to guzzle dessert."

"A healthy dessert, of course."

"Damn, count me out."

A few minutes later Gwen looked at the serving on the flat plate. "Actually it looks and smells delicious. What is it?"

"Low fat cheese cake. There is no cream. Sorry. But in this dish is peach sauce."

Gwen loved it and looked surprise when Fi said, "We haven't eaten a great deal so we sit her relaxed and talk. In twenty minutes our stomach signals our brain it's had sufficient and we no longer feel like raiding the fridge. My best girlfriend's mom is a hospital nutritionist and taught my mom and me so many things. I used to be a fat kid.

"You fat?" Gwen said wide-eyed.

"Yes until I was sixteen. Girls often lose fat around that age anyway but I had heaps to lose. Wrong diet for my body type, Mrs Mason said and set out to prove she was right."

They chatted and after a while Gwen said, "Struth, it worked. I no longer feel like more tucker."

Fi laughed and said, "Say that again."

* * *

Scott said, "With us working in collaboration I require only the truth from you."

"Yes Scott."

He pulled out his laptop from his backpack and said he'd mapped out the characters and brought up those pages on screen.

"Well, what do you think?"

"Commit all this to memory and that will assist in development and consistency. All I can say is you need to think more about your hero and heroine. This guy Ned, I like the name, and Amber and he need to have their character emerge progressively and to develop as you well know. The problem I have with Amber is you see her as being perfect, far too perfect for my liking. Doesn't she pass wind?"

Scott tugged an ear lobe. Well I wanted a lovable heroine.

"But we all have shortcomings Scott. You must have been looking at a fellow student's boobs when your lecturer covered that point."

"I don't look at boobs."

"Well you appear to spend time looking at mine."

"Yes but yours... Oh, I lie and am not perfect either," he grinned. "So Amber must have some traits."

"Undesirable ones, yes, but only mildly so. One useful way some authors I read use is to have the heroine being overly impatient or even prone to bouts of bad-temper but gradually the readers learns how the heroine begins to deal with such shortcomings."

"Gotcha. So Amber has to learn to curb a wandering eye which is why she has a bad time with Rocco just after Ned comes on to the scene but has yet to pitch for her?"

"Well yes but I suggest you make sure Rocco only gets Amber's breasts out before he shocks her and she closes up on him. If he gets it in many of your women readers could be sickened and disgusted by Amber's bad choice and failure to react like a heroine."

"Gotcha. I sense you think a Rocco/Amber relationship is risky."

"Yes but it may earn you kudos if it occurs within the first couple of chapters as being unexpected. If he fails to score within an ace of getting to pussy the relief of some readers could be immense."

"So it will have awakened emotions."

"Absolutely."

"Passion but tailing off into a kick in the guts for the villain."

"Exactly."

"With emphasis on believability and Amber scuttling to safety amazed she could have been so stupid."

"You've got it pal."

Scott's eyes narrowed and he tugged an ear lobe. "What are your thoughts about Ned?"

"He appears well constructed, likeable and you have a clear outline of how he'll grow as a character, wisely taking in Amber's influence."

"But?"

"God Scott, you are the author. Accept too much of what other people tell you and your individuality as an author could be in peril. You don't want to sound in the reader's mind like 1000 other authors do you?"

"No Fi but I would appreciate my question being answered."

"Well it's just a personal thing and keep in mind it's currently fashionable and some women like it."

"What is?"

She sighed and said Ned was to go around with facial stubble.

"Ah, well I'll keep that in mind but no immediate change."

"Good boy. All I want you to do is to think deeply about your influence on readers because you'll already know storyline is not everything."

"Yeah right."

They were sitting shoulder to shoulder in front of the small screen. Scott asked could he kiss her and Fi turned her head. They kissed. It became a deep kiss. Scott broke away with a smile and Fi had a frown.

"What?"

She said when they were alone he'd never have to ask for a kiss. She wanted to be his pal. But as for pulling up her top she never wanted him to grope her like that again unless he no longer had a regular girlfriend.

"Sorry."

She smiled and said that was okay. "It's just how I am."

"The kiss reeled my mind and I just thought, well..."

"I see. And would your hero be like that?"

Scott thought for a moment, head a little inclined. "Well actually yes but he wouldn't have rushed for a breast like a clumsy clod as I did."

"Good thinking. I think that would be entirely in character for Ned as you propose."

"Propose."

"He is under development isn't he?"

"Ah yes. Christ you are thorough. Don't you think you should be writing?"

"I really have no interest at this stage. I only involve in things that interest me. So had Ned done what just happened between you and me what would Amber's reaction had been."

"Er the same as yours."

"Think Scott, we are far from being identical in character."

"Er I'll have to think about it."

"An excellent response. You really won't have any idea and this is where imagination comes into play. You have to work like a detective piecing together some of the things you know about women and forming a model and triple checking the result appears to have authenticity and then ensure that particularly model of behavior for Amber remains fairly consistent throughout."

"Fi, how can you know such much? You're only twenty."

"I've read widely and I'm a keen observer. I may be ready to write if the idea appeals to me when I'm in my mid-thirties."

Scott sniffed. "Are you saying I'm too young and inexperienced to begin a writing career?"

"Not at all. I rather think you mom has prepared you for this, in this respect seeing you with the start she wished she'd had. Being your mom she'd assumed you'd have her writing skills and her incisiveness in perception."

"But I haven't."

Fi snorted and said how could he know that this early, that he was just out of the start blocks.

"You are confusing me."

"That is the usual waffle women get from men. You need to think about Amber tying up Ned mentally in knots fairly frequently because that's what some women often do until their man manages to sort her out in his head either partly or fully.

Scott looked at Fi in wonder. "You are going to be so good for me."

"Well understand this Scott, rely on me more than your literary coach and if I read you have written things I've said to you as direct quotations I'll break off these exchanges. This is your book, not mine. You have to think and develop as an author and rely on no one person to discuss concepts and no one source for your research."

"Understood," he said meekly.

Fi sighed knowing this wasn't going to be easy. "I'm off to prepare lunch."

Walking to the third bedroom Gwen used as her office, Pluto coming to the door to greet her with a leg rub, Fi said, "How's it going?"

"My mind appears clearer. Can being off pot, reduced alcohol intake, better food and mind-numbing exercise work this quickly?"

"I wouldn't know but I suggest your whole persona has lit up a little. You are no longer the ex Mrs Frump."

"Oh darling, thanks for this hideous hair. People on the street openly gawk."

The upside is most people have poor memory recall and after the first or probably no more than the third sighting will have forgotten how you used to look."

"How do you know so much? And no more of that vacuous crap retort you read a lot."

Fi pondered. "Well I do read a lot and until my sisters married we always sat and talked a lot. Although I was born in Perth in Western Australia where they do speak English you must understand we were carted around the world like gypsies by my father, a noted geologist, and into strange environments where we slowly picked up the ability to communicate with the natives."

"Yes of course. That would through you sisters together."

"Stacy my elder sister proved to be a born linguist and is now an assistant professor in the languages school at the largest university in the city where she lives. Mandy my sister three years older than me developed us socially in each new environment because that was her bent and we all thought she'd become a sociologist or something in environment studies but she chose to become a dress designer. My year-older brother Anthony was born a sportsman and was soon playing with local male kids and he taught us a lot about the things he picked up about males. He's now studying architecture. I b went around helping our maids and became skilled in domestic service and that is why I'm here rather than choosing prostitution."

Scott looked up from his work grinning, hearing the two women scream with laughter. The newcomer was making his mom so happy.

"My mom's vocation is studying human development and is a professor at our home town university. So there you have it. We are a homogenized multi-talented family with the three sisters communicative to the nth and my only claim is my mom believes I'm the most intelligent person in our family. That claim scared the crap out of me and I refused to undergo advanced assessment knowing any high result would turn me into an insufferable bitch. I attended university for two years, did exceedingly well but found the whole thing boring."