Finding Home Ch. 10

Cassy woke up early again. She stretched and smiled. She loved that the last thing she remembered doing was being kissed to sleep. It felt so decadent. She pulled on her sweats and started her stretches in her room until 6:00 am. She skittered down the stairs headed for the treadmill when she almost ran right into the wall of flesh that was Jesus. He caught her in his massive hands. "Where you going in such a hurry pretty Cassy?"

"Running, always run on the treadmill in the morning. Didn't expect to see anyone up this early. Its usually only me up in the wee hours."

"Nice to meet another morning person. But treadmill? That just sucks. Treadmills are for bad weather, come out and run with me."

"Out?"

"Yes out, on the road. Well maybe on the sidewalk. You will like it. I promise to not go to fast."

Cassy laughed. "I like fast."

Once outside, he made her stretch first. Cassy protested she had stretched already, "Just do it again girl. I need to stretch and I don't want you to sit there feasting your eyes on my body as I flex before you. It will drive you mad with desire."

"Jesus you are a very very bad man."

"And I am so good at being bad."

"Windy has good things to say about you."

"Girls always kiss and tell."

Jesus let Windy set the pace and soon she was flying along. He would call out the route telling her where to turn or when to stop. She ran fast like was her habit on the treadmill, but she found it took a lot more concentration to run and steer at the same time, watching her terrain. There was little opportunity to think. Jesus kept up but she could tell he was having to work hard to do it. Finally he called a stop. "Lets take a breather girl. You weren't kidding when you said you knew about running."

"When you are afraid, you learn to run. I got pretty good at it."

"Tell me what you were afraid of Cassy."

"Its not a pretty picture Jesus. I had a very ugly childhood."

"I need to know."

"Lets walk. Its a long story."

Jesus held Cassy's hand in his giant paw and listened as she told her story to him. They walked side by side. Jesus shortening his long steps to match hers. Soon his arm was around her shoulders. When she had finished he stopped. "Thank you for trusting me enough to share that with me. You have been through the fire pretty girl."

"It made me who I am now."

"There has to be a better way to make an angel."

"Tell me Jesus, what has made you into an angel?"

He laughed bitterly. "Angel? Devil more likely."

"No arguments, I told you my story. Tell me yours."

"All my life I have been big. I was good at sports. By the time I was thirteen I was courted by schools to be on the football team, the basket ball team, the fucking water polo team, you name it. All my life I was a macho fucking jock surrounded by macho fucking jocks. It is a very hateful world. It hates failure, it hates weakness, it hates women, and most of all it hates queers."

"And there I was in the middle of that world, and every one of those fucking jocks looked so good to me. I hated queers and I kept having queer thoughts. God I hated myself."

"Then I met Nathan. I could not stay away from him. He was so fucking beautiful. And he was open about liking men. He was everything I wanted to be and yet I was too terrified to even admit it to myself. I wanted him and I loathed myself for it. I thought I loathed him."

"Then one night we had been drunk and we had been both fucking these bitches and he started touching me. Lets just say the bitches went home kind of pissed. It was crazy. The sex was fucking amazing but more than that I fell in love with him, in love with a man. I hated myself even more and I hated him for what I thought he was doing to me."

"It was a crazy cycle. We would fight. We would hurt each other so bad. The words were worse than the fists. We would attack each others most painful secrets. He would taunt me about being a fag and a nigger. I would say terrible things about his being an albino and a rich elitist snob. I would swear I would never have anything to do with him again. I would stay away until I could not bear it and I would come back. We would reconcile. We would have amazing sex.

Then the cycle would start over. Nathan can be a controlling bastard. I would get pissed at myself about being a queer. I would deliberately do all the things he didn't like to piss him off. We would fight. I would leave. It got so it took longer and longer to come back. The last time I tried to come back Cam told me that Nathan had a girl now, had you, and to let him find his own way.

Somehow I had always kept that in my heart. That I could go back and he would always be there for me waiting and when that was gone, it wrecked me."

Cassy stopped and touched his face. "How do you feel about your bisexuality now?"

"It still makes me crazy sometimes, but I know it is who I am. Nathan was always honest and comfortable about his sexuality. I was so jealous of that."

They started to walk again. "You told Windy you were bi."

"It was pretty easy. We went to this titty bar and she was so obviously interested in watching the show that it seemed a natural topic for conversation."

"Windy thinks everyone is bisexual."

"So does Cam."

Cassy stopped again. "Give me your hands." Jesus held out his hands. Cassy gripped his hands in hers. "Just because I am with Nathan does not mean you can't come home. He needs you. I need you. Cam needs you. Let us love you. Please come home to us."

"Nathan wants this?"

"I don't know, but he always took you back before. I know he still loves you."

"I am so afraid. We hurt each other so bad."

"That is why you need each other now. You are the only ones that can heal the hurts you gave each other. Will you come with me to talk to Nathan?"

"Lets walk back to the clinic. Its almost 10:00 am. We are most likely the subjects of a city wide search at the moment."

Cassy squeaked and began to run back. "Come on. I never got permission to go out. What if I get in trouble. If they call Nathan, he will freak."

Jesus began to run along behind her. "Don't panic girl. I am sure we will be fine."

The Professor, Momma and Windy were in the kitchen when they came it. Momma stood up and pointed Jesus. "I knew it had to be you. Cassy would never worry us like this without you."

The Professor held up his hand. "They are back now. That is the main thing. It isn't that big a deal. Both of them are adults." He turned to face Cassy. "It is usually considerate to let the people who care about you know if you are going to miss breakfast. We are so accustomed to seeing your pretty face at the table in the morning, it is understandable that we were worried about you. You worried us unnecessarily."

Cassy stopped and her lips started to quiver. "I... I... I forgot. I am sorry." Her voice dropping into her old whisper.

Jesus stepped up and put his arms around her. "Cam, it was my fault. I talked her into going for a run with me. We got to talking, really talking. I didn't pay attention to the time because I didn't care. I forgot she had to be back." He held his arms around her protectively. "Its OK, baby you are not in trouble."

Her voice nearly inaudible, "Did you call my Master?"

The Professor smiled and shook his head. "We were considering it but Windy talked me out of it. She kept saying that you were going to be back soon. Cassy, why don't you carry your phone? I tried to call you and all I get is your voice mail. I went up to your room and found your phone in your bag."

"I forget I have it. I don't really know how to use it."

"I can tell from the fact you have several unanswered messages."

Cassy lifted her face from its refuge in Jesus's broad chest. "Messages? It takes messages?"

Windy made an exasperated sound. "Oh my god girlfriend, did that guy keep you locked in the basement or what?"

"It wasn't locked."

Both Cam and Jesus began to roar with laughter. Cassy began to giggle along with them. Windy tried looked outraged, and then shrugged and said, "Ah, fuck it." and began to laugh too.

Windy took Cassy's hand. "Come on girlfriend you have to learn how to use that damn thing and then we are hanging it around your neck on a gold chain like a rap star."

Windy and Cassy stood in the hall outside her door and looked at the cell phone. All the messages were from her Master. He had called her twice yesterday and once this morning. His messages were brief, mostly requests that she call him back. Windy showed her how to turn on the ring signal so she could hear it and showed her how to set up a call list. "I can't believe you have a cell phone and don't even use it. I would kill to have a cell phone."

"Who would you call?"

"Well maybe my best friend for one."

The phone rang and Cassy jumped and looked at Windy in panic. Windy laughed and pointed at the call button, "Just push it there. See on the screen, it is your Master." She said Master with a slightly sarcastic tone.

Cassy wrinkled up her nose at her and held the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Why do you ignore my calls?" His voice was tense and angry.

"I am sorry sir. I... um... I didn't know how to answer my phone."

"You what?"

"I didn't know how to use it. I didn't know how to turn it on and I didn't know how to check my messages. I am sorry, sir."

He was laughing. "My little innocent. It never occurred to me to teach you how to use it. And my stupid rules of no talking made the whole thing a moot point. Are you going to tell me you love me now or have you given your heart to another."

"Oh I love you and I have made room in may heart for another."

"It sounds like its going to be crowded inside your heart little one."

"You read my letter."

"Yes. I would like to talk with you about that but I think it would be better if we did it face to face."

"I think that would be a good thing."

The Professor stood below and hollered up. "Cassy don't forget you have a doctors appointment today. A cab will be coming by to pick you up in about a half hour!"

"Oh my god Sir, I have to shower and change. The Professor is sending me out to a gynecologist. Something about getting my pipes checked." Somehow Cassy felt that the topic of birth control might be a bit much over the phone.

"Go then. Call me when you get done."

"Yes sir, I love you, sir."

"I love you too."

Cassy looked at the phone and up at Windy. "How do you turn it off?"

"Idiot."

"Lucky idiot to you girlfriend."

Cassy was clean and dressed in crisp uniform waiting for the cab to arrive. She sat in the kitchen sipping on a diet Coke. "I really am sorry I made you worry Momma. Now that I have figured out my phone I will always call."

"You know Windy was right. She said that if you were not here for breakfast you must have had a good reason. She trusted you to make good decisions for yourself a lot more than either me or the Professor."

"I did have a good reason, Momma. The best of reasons. Jesus and I needed to finish that talk we started yesterday. We were just walking and talking. Both of us had a lot to say and the time got away from us."

Windy stuck her head in the kitchen. "Your cab is here. You damn well better have that phone with you girl."

Cassy nodded and held up her bag as she ran out the front door.

The doctor was a wonderful older lady. She put Cassy at ease from the beginning. She gave Cassy a full physical, lecturing her about her low weight, praising her for her gaining some weight recently. She talked about breast self examination and gave Cassy a brochure about that as well as making Cassy do a self examination herself to show she understood how. The vaginal exam was a little weird but over quickly.

They talked extensively about various types of birth control and Cassy decided that the pill seemed the most logical. She thought about the patch but somehow she felt like it would look out of place on her body. The doctor cautioned her to be careful and use condoms until she had started a cycle on the pills. She also gave a strict lecture about safe sex. Cassy figured she was due to start her period in about a week, maybe ten days.

"Doctor, ma'am, I am a very little woman. I read in my medical records that is because I was nutritionally neglected as a small child. Do you think I could have a baby?"

"There is nothing about your size that would prevent you from carrying a baby to term. If it was an really big baby we might consider a cesarean but those are pretty quick and easy procedures. There is no reason at this time to think you wouldn't be able to conceive. Are you thinking about getting pregnant?"

"No not in the near future. Someone just said that they thought I would make a good mother and it got me thinking."

"Thinking ahead is the first sign of a good mother."

"Thank you."

On the cab ride home Cassy called her Master. "You said to call you back when I was done, sir."

"How are them pipes?"

"My pipes, my pipes are calling." She sang the second line of Danny boy in a soft voice and then giggled. "I have been thinking of that song ever since the Professor said I needed to get my pipes checked."

"That is the worst pun I have heard in ages."

"My apologies sir. Anyway they seem fine. She took a sample of something to check for cancer. She said it was a routine kind of thing and that all women are supposed to do it. Speculums are totally weird."

"I wouldn't know."

"I guess not."

"Sir you said we should talk face to face. I have a lot of things I want to talk to you about. I was wondering if tonight would be too soon?"

"I was going to suggest the sooner the better."

"I will call you when I leave so you will know when to expect me. I like this phone thing. Suddenly being apart is just a geographical thing."

"The geographical thing has its disadvantages. I can't wait to get my hands on you sweet thing."

Cassy felt a delicious shiver go through her. "Mmm... just hearing you say that gives me shivers."

"Hurry up and get your ass home pretty slut."

"I love you." Cassy hung up and gave her phone a little kiss. "I can see why everyone in the whole world goes around with one of these things attached to their heads."

Once back at the clinic Cassy went to find Momma. "Momma I need to talk to the Professor and I need to find Jesus. How do I do that?"

"The Professor is in his office on the third floor, but I can call him down if its an emergency. He isn't with a client. Jesus went to a motorcycle shop to get some parts for his bike, but you could call him on your cell phone."

"Ooh he has a cell phone?"

"Cassy everyone has a cell phone. Knowing Jesus, it is one of those super complicated ones that is almost a minicomputer, music, video, camera, internet, everything. He loves toys."

"You have a cell phone?"

"I said everyone. It is how I communicate with the Professor in this big old house. Its how I call my grand children all the time."

"Can I have your number? Windy showed me how to program it into my phone."

Momma reached into a big pocket and pushed some buttons on her phone. "Sure baby I would love to do that. Go ahead and tell me yours."

"Mine? Oh my god, I don't know my phone number."

"Don't panic, just call me and I will be able to tell what yours is and then I will put you on my call list."

"Momma I feel so stupid."

"You are a miracle, little baby. You were born just a few days ago. Don't apologize. You have a wonderful way of making us all look at what we have everyday and teaching us to appreciate it."

The Professor came into the kitchen. "How was your doctor appointment."

"Good, I learned a lot about taking care of my body. I got a prescription for birth control pills. She said I have to use something like a condom until I can start the pill."

"Good job. What did you want to talk with me about."

"I need to go talk with Nathan. I want to go home for the night. I will come back tomorrow if that would be OK. I want to ask Jesus to take me."

"I talked with Jesus about what you guys were doing this morning. I think it is a good idea to do this before either of those big idiots have time to think too much about it and chicken out." His eyes seemed to blaze. "Could you speak to me privately for a second please."

Cassy nodded and followed him into the hall. He quickly grabbed her hand and led her to the end of the hall where the locked doors to the medical clinic were. Pulling her through the door he shut it quickly. He just as quickly had her in his arms, his lips on hers. Cassy could feel the quivering of his lips. Finally he let her go. "Cassy, sweet wonderful Cassy, you are so amazing. You have filled me with hope for the first time in so long."

"I am scared to death. It sounds like these guys can really get mad. I hate yelling. What if they start hitting each other."

"I think the very fact that you will be there will force them to look at themselves, force them to take more responsibility to consider how their behavior could hurt another person. If they do anything that hurts or frightens you make sure they know it. Neither one of them could bear to hurt you. Your fragility will force them to treat each other more gently. And both of them have grown a lot in the years they have been apart. And if things go all to hell call me."

Cassy grinned. "Another number to add to my phone. I am liking this. And while I am adding yours, tell me Jesus's I need to call him."

Jesus answered on the third ring. "Cassy? You OK?"

"You remember when you offered to take me for a ride any time? Were you just blowing smoke up my skirt?"

"You have been hanging out with Windy too much. But about the ride, my bike is laying on the shop floor in about a thousand pieces but I bet if you asked Cam you could talk him into loaning me his bike."

Cassy looked up at the doctor and asked, "Can we borrow your motorcycle?"

Cassy flinched back when Cam roared at her phone. "Jesus you manipulative bastard! You want to ride my baby! I don't even ride that bike. How dare you do this to me. You know I can't say no to Cassy."

Cam looked at Cassy and seeing the nervous frightened look on her face, he winked and smiled. The same wink and smile he had given her when they had acted out Windy's punishment so long ago. He put his fingers to his lips. "You put a scratch on my Valkyrie and I will tear your liver out. You will obey all the speed limits. You better promise to me that you will treat her like the lady she is."

Cassy could hear Jesus crowing in triumph over the phone. "Sweet Cassy, I will be there before you can change into your leathers."

"What are leathers?"

"Um never mind. We will make a stop before we take off to... where are we going?"

"You are taking me home. You are going to talk with Nathan. I am appointing myself official referee."

"If you are there, I will try. Put on your running clothes for now. We will stop and pick you up a more appropriate outfit on the way out of town. You are going for the ride of your life little one."

After she hung up she looked curiously at the Professor. "What was that about?"

"Jesus has been trying to get me to let him ride my motorcycle ever since I got it. I don't even ride it. Its like the coolest thing I own."

"We could get a cab if you don't want us to ride the it."

"No, I think this is exactly the right kind of bribe to get Jesus in the right frame of mind. Let him win this round. But I am serious about the liver thing."

"I don't think that Jesus is the kind of guy to obey the speed limit."

"I am not sure if that bike would go that slow. I was... um... blowing smoke up his skirt?"

"I love Windy. That is such a funny thing to say."

Cassy was standing in the garage in her sweats watching Jesus and Cam carefully unveil a huge sleek motor cycle. Cam ran his hands lovingly over the smooth contours. "This is not easy for me Jesus. I don't think I will be able to sleep until this girl is safe parked back in my garage."