Finding Our Way Ch. 01

Brett's POV

What the hell was wrong with me? Hiding in the bathroom, crying like a girl??

When Devin had walked in on... well, whatever the hell that was between Travis and me, I had been mortified. I was so turned on at that point I would have dry-humped him right there in the kitchen. Luckily, Travis had let me wriggle away and I hurried to the bathroom.

I stood there, trying to get my body under control and wondering where all this was going when I heard Travis telling Devin he was just 'messing around'.

God, I was such an idiot. Of course someone as hot as Travis wouldn't give me a second look. It's not like we had spent much time together; we ran in completely different circles. At least, we had until I moved in here. Shit. How was I supposed to live right next to his bedroom?

I ran the faucet and splashed my face with some cool water. Taking a look in the mirror, I took a good look at myself. There wasn't anything wrong with me. I wasn't bad looking... and I was a decent person. I didn't deserve someone who just wanted to mess around. I wasn't about to be somebody's quick fuck. I guess if that's what I wanted, I would go for it, but I wanted something real. Something like Devin and Gage. And giving myself to some meathead jock that only wanted to screw me wasn't on my to-do list. He could look elsewhere for that... not that he would need to look too far... I was pretty sure Sandy thought he was hot. Which he was. Very hot. Probably had the pick of all the guys falling at his feet. Other hot guys looking for a quick fuck.

Before I let the jealousy rise up in me, I resolved to not let it get awkward at the house. I would pretend I wasn't attracted to Travis and treat him cordial enough to know we could be friends, but nothing more. Straightening my shoulders, l glanced in the mirror again. Let's do this, I thought, truly believing I could handle this. For god's sake, it wasn't like I had been pining for the guy all summer or anything. He just pushed my buttons and knew how to mess with my head.

The flickering screen was the only source of light by the time I made it out to the living room. My eyes took in the scene, searching for a place to sit. Devin and Gage were cuddled up at one end of the blue velvet sofa while Travis had claimed the opposite side. Jack and Jeremy were sprawled out on the floor and Sandy was sitting in the ugly recliner.

Damn. It was either sit on the floor near Jack and Jeremy or take the middle cushion on the couch. Sitting near the two horniest guys on campus was not really where I wanted to be, but sitting near Travis could be dangerous. I felt his eyes on me and glanced over in time to see him pat the cushion next to him.

Shit. If I wanted to show him I was not his plaything, I guess sitting next to him and ignoring him might be a good first step. I made my way over to the sofa and sat, leaving as much space as possible between Travis and me. He glanced at me, but I just pressed my lips together in a tight smile and turned to watch the movie.

Big mistake. I hate scary movies. Hate is not a strong enough word. I have a guttural reaction to them. It's not the violence, or even the scary parts...it's the damn blood. I am a chicken shit when it comes to blood. I panic. Sometimes I faint. Even at the sight of fake blood. And real blood? Let's just say that a certain gym teacher will never forget an incident involving me, a climbing rope and a bloody nose. It was not a pretty scene.

Gritting my teeth, I made myself watch the screen. No blood yet. I was good.

"Are you okay?" Travis's voice was low and his breath glided across my ear.

I yelped and jerked in my seat, swiveling my head to Travis. "You scared the crap out of me," I hissed, pushing him back.

He chuckled low and leaned back over, his thick arms open wide and inviting. "I can protect you."

A shiver ran down my spine. Fuck. I was so screwed. I could feel my resolve crumbling. What would it feel like to be in those strong arms? I looked at his lips and suddenly the words he said earlier rang through my head. He was just messing around.

I glared at him, straightened my shoulders and turned back to the movie. Shit. Just in time to see a man get sliced in two. Blood everywhere. Everywhere. The room spun and I grasped the edge of the seat cushion, trying to ward off the rising panic.

"Hey, Brett?" Travis whispered. "What's wrong?"

I need to get out of the living room. I couldn't breathe and the world was spinning. The walls were closing in. I felt a full-blown panic attack coming on and quickly pulled myself up and scrambled up the stairs, running for my room. I pushed the door open and flung myself onto my bed on my stomach.

The panic clawed at me and I grabbed the bedding, trying to feel grounded. My breathing became labored and I closed my eyes, feeling the dark come for me.

"Brett?"

A voice filtered through my fog, but I couldn't speak. Couldn't breathe. My chest was tight and I grabbed at my shirt, desperate for air as my heart beat so hard it hurt. I punched at the bed and screamed inwardly.

"Brett, just breathe," that voice said quietly and I felt the bed sink under someone's weight. His hand pressed on my back, holding steady for a moment and I felt warmth spread out from his fingers into my skin. As he started moving his hand in small circles, my breathing became less ragged and I was able to take a deep, calming breath.

"Hey, what's wrong with Brett?" Gage asked from the hallway.

I flinched, ashamed to be caught in the midst of a panic attack by yet another person. Then I heard Travis speak, his voice coming from just inches away. I should have known it was Travis helping me; his hand felt heated and my body had reacted even in the middle of my panic.

"He's fine, Gage. I think the combination of the heat from earlier and the pizza and beer made him feel a little sick."

"Ah, that sucks."

"Yeah, I'll be down soon."

I heard Gage move back down the hallway as Travis pulled his hand away. He stood up and I turned to my head and saw he was heading to the door. Panic clawed at me again. I didn't want him to leave; I wasn't ready to be alone.

"Stay," I blurted out, my eyes on his back.

He reached for my door and closed it before walking over and sitting back down on the edge of the bed.

"Hey, I wasn't going anywhere," he said, his voice low. "I just figured you didn't want anyone else to see you having a panic attack."

My eyes widened as I rolled a little and pulled myself to a sitting position, my back pressed against the wall. "You knew?"

He nodded. "Yeah, my cousin gets them. She says they make her feel like she can't breathe. Is that how it is for you?"

I nodded, staring across the room.

"Why did it happen? I mean, I hope I didn't do anything..."

"No!" I cried out, a little too loudly. "No," I said again, lowering my voice. "It wasn't you. I... well, I have this issue with blood and gore. I know. Grow up, right? I don't know what it is, but as soon as I see blood, even fake movie blood, I panic. Obviously," I told him, trying to smile a little at how absurd it sounded. God, he was going to think I was a total loon. "But this one didn't last very long."

"Hey, no big deal. So next time we watch a comedy," he told me, a smile spreading across his beautiful face.

I smiled at the way he put me at ease; he really was a good guy. Too bad he likes someone else. I sighed and let my eyes fall to his lips. When I had touched them earlier, they felt so soft... I wondered what they would feel against mine. My tongue slipped out and unconsciously licked my lips.

Travis groaned and my I pulled my gaze to his eyes. Something flashed in them and I shuddered. His beautiful brown eyes were dark, intense. Nervous, I licked my lips again and looked away.

"You've got to stop that," Travis whispered.

Surprised, I turned back to him. "Stop what?" What had I done?

His eyes stayed on mine for a minute, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. He sighed and looked away. "You keep licking your lips. It's sexy as hell, Brett."

Shit. Did he just call me sexy? My cheeks flushed and heat coiled in my belly. I stared at him as he brought his gaze back to mine. Why would he think I was sexy? I licked my lips again, wondering why he thought that...

"Are you teasing me?" he growled, leaning closer, his eyes still on mine.

I jumped a little and turned away. "Right, like I know how to tease a man..." I muttered to myself. Flirting was a skill that I had never mastered.

His large hand gripped my shoulder and my breath hitched. Heat spread from his steely fingers directly to my dick. I stared up into his eyes, realizing he had scooted over closer to me on the bed.

"Are you teasing me, Brett?"

"No, I swear..." I held out my hands in a show of confusion. "I don't know how to... I mean, teasing you how?"

His low chuckle whispered across my skin and my heartbeat sped up.

"You know what I think?" Travis murmured, his face closer to mine.

"W-what?"

"I think you know how sexy you are... I think you know you could get any guy you wanted."

I shook my head and swallowed hard. Travis was crazy.

Travis smiled a slow, sexy grin that made me shiver. "Oh, yeah. Any guy you wanted." He paused and licked his lips. "What guy do you want, Brett? Is there someone that you desire? Someone you ache to be with?"

"Y-yes, but he... he likes someone else," I told him before I thought about my words. Shit, what if he knew I was talking about him?

"Then he's an idiot," he murmured as he trailed a finger along my jawline, making me tremble.

I laughed nervously. "No."

Travis let his finger travel over to my lips and slowly traced around them. I'm not sure why, but I parted my lips and he dipped the tip of his finger in between them as I flicked my tongue forward and tasted him. I wanted more and let my lips wrap around his finger and sucked him in, letting my tongue twirl around his finger.

He moaned loudly. "Fuck, Brett."

I sucked harder, eliciting another moan from him.

"You have no idea the dirty thoughts running through my mind right now," he murmured.

I gasped and let his finger slide out of my mouth, suddenly embarrassed at how wanton I was acting. This wasn't like me. I scooted away a little, trying to give myself some distance from Travis, afraid I would do something to embarrass myself further.

He sighed and pulled back, watching me. "I guess I am heading back down."

I watched and was pleasantly surprised to see his breath was a little ragged. I nodded and smiled.

"I'll be down soon. I'm going to finish cleaning the kitchen." My voice sounded small and I cleared my throat. "Um, thank you for helping me earlier. You may not realize it, but you... um, when you rubbed my back... you helped me get through it sooner than I normally do."

He smiled, his eyes lighting up. God, he really was sexy. Such a beautiful smile.

"I'm glad I helped. Anytime, Brett."

"Thanks, Trav," I said, feeling a little shy. I wasn't used to talking about personal things.

He nodded and reached out and gripped my bicep before letting his hand glide down my arm. He pulled away and looked at me. "See you downstairs."

I nodded, watching him until he closed the door.

Oh. My. God. What the hell was all that? I had never been more turned on in my life and we didn't even kiss! I jumped up from my bed and paced the room. I knew he was just looking for a good time, not a boyfriend, yet I was lusting after him. God, I needed to pull myself together. How was I going to sleep next door to a man that set me on fire with one little touch or look?

I waited a few minutes and calmed myself down before I headed back down to the kitchen, not looking towards the living room, in case I saw anything awful on the movie.

Travis's POV

I took a seat on the sofa and tried to settle in and watch the rest of the movie, but it was futile. My body was thrumming with desire. All I could think about was Brett. When he sucked my finger in between his lips, the feelings were so intense, I just wanted to shove my hard cock in his sweet little mouth.

There was something so enticing about him. He wasn't like any guy I'd been with, yet I was drawn to him. No, most of the guys I had hooked up with were big. Brawny. Masculine. The sex was hot and dirty and we walked away satisfied. No strings.

But this... this felt different. I enjoyed just being around him; I was genuinely interested in hearing what he had to say. I wanted to hold him in my arms, not just fuck him and leave.

I craned my neck to see if I could see him coming down the stairs, but was out of luck. I doubted he would want to join us for the movie, anyway. Taking the last sip of my beer, I was just about to head to the kitchen for another when someone paused the movie.

"Hey!" Jack yelled.

"Sorry, guys. I just remembered something. I'll start it back up in a sec." Devin held his hands up in the traditional 'whoa' gesture. "Look, the landlord said he would cut our rent in half next month if we do yardwork. He plans on visiting in two days, so it will have to be tomorrow if we do it."

"What kind of yardwork?" I asked.

"Basically it would be mowing, pulling weeds, trimming bushes, planting grass where it's missing, putting down some woodchips and rocks in a few places."

It was going to be hotter than Hades tomorrow, but I was in. Half the rent meant my savings could stretch farther. "Okay, yeah, I'll do it."

Devin smiled. "Great! Gage is in, too. Brett, you in?" He swiveled his head around, looking for Brett. "Where did he go?"

"I'll check in the kitchen, but I can't imagine he won't want to do it," I told him.

"Okay, tell him we'll start around 7:30 in the morning- that way we beat some of the heat." Gage groaned at his boyfriend's words and I silently agreed with him, but knew he was being practical.

Devin pressed play and the movie resumed while I made my way back to the kitchen. I stepping into the room and my belly tightened when I saw Brett standing at the counter, filling plastic containers with the leftovers. He was bouncing to music only he could hear.

God, he was sexy. His tight, round little ass shook and my dick hardened until it was pressing uncomfortably against my restrictive clothing. His hair was messed and I wanted to run my fingers through it and really muss it up. Wanted to grab a fistful of his hair and bend him over the counter. Hell, I wanted to pound him into tomorrow, one hand on his hip and the other still in his hair. I wanted to hear him begging for my cock. I wanted all this... but what did he want?

Brett spun around and nearly dropped the containers when he saw me.

"Fuck, Trav," he cried out.

I smirked. "Is that an invitation?"

He shot me a look like I was nuts and stomped over to the refrigerator to put the food away.

"Hey, I'm sorry I surprised you. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm heading upstairs, but I needed to pass on something from Devin."

Brett's leaned back against the counter, his arms folded over his chest, waiting, so I explained the rent deal and the yardwork.

"Shit. I hate the heat," he glanced over towards the windows overlooking the backyard, his face in a grimace, "but I can't pass up the deal."

I agreed with him and we worked together quietly to clean up the kitchen. By the time I changed the trash and took it out, the guys were filtering in from the living room. The movie was over and everyone was ready for bed. Jack was the designated driver for Jeremy and Sandy, so they decided to hit the road.

"Thanks for cleaning, guys. This is great," Gage said as he and Devin headed upstairs. "See you guys in the morning. Don't forget. 7:30. Ugh."

"Only a masochist gets up early to work in the heat," I muttered and heard Gage's laughter from upstairs.

And then we were alone.

We stood and looked at each other for a moment, awkward silence filling the air.

"Well, I guess I'll see you in the morning," he finally said and headed towards the stairs.

I moved over and blocked the doorway, not wanting him to go just yet, but without any kind of plan to keep him there. He raised an eyebrow at me as I flipped the kitchen light off. The room was instantly bathed in moonlight and I sucked in my breath when I looked back at him.

His blonde hair glistened, light filtering through the tousled strands, while his skin looked silvery and pale. His eyes flashed in the dark, as if daring me to show him what I wanted. Was he daring me to do what he couldn't? Did he feel the pull as much as I did?

Giving in to the intense desire that had my body on fire, I leaned down and brushed my lips against his. He gasped and I knew one small kiss wasn't going to be enough. My lips pressed to his and a current of electricity coursed through me, jolting me into action. I needed more. Just more.

And I took it. My mouth pressed against his and the silky feel of his sweet lips flooded my senses. I flicked my tongue out and tasted his lower lip before I nipped it. He moaned and it was the most erotic sound I had ever heard, igniting a lust in me that I knew I had never experienced in my life.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close, wanting every inch of our bodies pressed against each other. My tongue urged him to open his lips and when he did, l slid inside and tasted him, and oh god, it was sweet. Amazing. His tongue tentatively touched mine and I groaned into his mouth.

He found his courage and soon our tongues were dueling and dancing, moving in and out of the other's wet heat. His hands were on my back, running up and down and back up to my shoulders. I wanted skin on skin and reached down to the hem of his shirt and slipped my hands under. When I touched his heated skin, I groaned again. How could he feel so soft and hard at the same time?

My hands went up his back and then slid slowly down, feeling the dips and planes of his muscles. My fingers teased just under his waistband and he gasped, pulling away.

"Wait," he panted, "stop."

I yanked my hands away and stepped back, watching as he raked his fingers through his messy hair.

"You cut your hair," I wanted to reach out and touch the silky locks.

His eyes found mine, full of unasked questions.

"I like it," I whispered into the darkness.

"What are we doing?" he whispered back.

I stared at his mouth, fighting the desire to taste him again. Fuck! What were we doing? I shrugged. "I don't know, Brett," I answered honestly.

Something changed in him. It wasn't physical, but I could see it just the same. A wall came down; something shifted.

"I'm not someone's fucktoy, Travis," he stated, his voice thick with tension.

He used my full name. I felt like I had been slapped. My gut clenched and my eyes widened. "Why would you think that?"

"Seriously? I know you are just messing around with me. I am not that kind of guy. You can't give me what I want, and I can't give you what you want, so we need to stop this... whatever this is." He gestured back and forth between us.

My gut rolled and I felt a panic rising in me that I didn't understand, but I couldn't force myself to beg. My jaw clenched and I stared back at him. "If that's what you want, Brett, then okay."

He nodded and I moved out of the way so he could leave.

"But, just so you know, Brett, you would never be just a fucktoy to me. Never." My voice shook with my admission and he turned to look at me a moment before disappearing up the stairs.

I stood for a long time, unwilling to move. The light had dimmed in the room and I looked out the window to see clouds covering most of the moon. For some reason, this broke me out of my foggy confusion and I finally headed upstairs, stepping quietly so as not to wake anyone.