Folie à Deux

//Author's Note: While beta-reading an upcoming story for Lit author 8letters, I was overcome with inspiration and wrote this. This is the fastest I've ever written a story of this length (15k words in like four days. This is also the first story I've written in almost ten years that wasn't LGBT in some way. A good, old-fashioned, heterosexual incest story just like Mom used to make.//

"Come on," I said, as the phone rang for the third time. "Please."

Click-click.

"Jay?"

"Hey," I said, clearing my throat roughly. "Hey Nat."

"How are you guys making out over there?"

"Well, funny you should mention that."

Blake smiled up at me and swung his tiny little hands at my phone.

"Oh no," she groaned. "Did you guys lose power again?"

"Do you remember that big oak beside the house?"

"...Not really, but I bet I can guess where this is going."

"Branch broke off about an hour ago and went clear through the roof."

"Oh my God! Are you guys okay?"

"Yeah," I said. "Water is already starting to get down into the attic and into Blake's room though."

"Oh my God!"

"I already shut off the gas and the electric, so it's not going to get worse than water damage, but—"

"No," she exclaimed. "Water damage is bad enough!"

"Yeah." I scooped Blake up in one arm and moved off the couch.

"Can I do anything to help?"

"Well, actually..." I took a deep breath and sighed. "I hate to ask, but we're gonna need a place to stay for a little while. My insurance will probably pay for a hotel, but I don't really want to—"

"Oh my God! Of course! Yes!"

"Thanks, Nat."

"Are you kidding? Yes. Please! Stay as long as you need! I've got two extra rooms!"

I nodded, brow furrowed as I tried to keep it together.

"Are you going to come over, like, now?"

"Yeah," I said, taking a long, deep breath. "Yeah. I-I need to get some clothes together, see what I can get from his room that's still dry, and uh... I don't know. I haven't had a chance to catch my breath yet. Right now, I'm just reacting."

"Okay. Listen, real quick, do you remember Jessie? Jessie Hogan?"

"Um..." Blake gurgled happily in my arm, and I bounced him up and down a few times. He grabbed a fistful of hair and yanked. "Ow. Yeah, a little. Didn't she go to school with you?" I grunted as I tried to lean away, but Blake was fascinated and clung tenaciously. His eyes sparkled with tactile joy.

"Yeah. She's getting married today. This afternoon. If you guys get here in the next couple hours, I'll just have time to see you before I go."

"Okay," I said, turning slowly and taking stock.

"I can give you the tour and everything."

"We'll be able to manage for a few hours by ourselves, won't we Bear?"

Blake made a raspberry replete with spit bubbles and smiled.

"Yeah, we'll be okay."

"Are you sure? I don't want to be a bad host, and I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't go."

"Don't be silly. Jessica was your best friend for a while, right?"

"Yeah, but you're my big brother!"

"We'll be fine. I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"Let me get off the phone and start getting stuff together, and we'll be there as soon as we can."

"I can be a little late if you get held up any more in the storm."

"Two hours," I said. "I promise."

***

"Hey!" Natalie said, as she skipped down her front stairs. She was already ready, in a very pretty red dress and perhaps more makeup as I'd ever seen her wearing, but she didn't hesitate for a second before launching herself out into the rain and bee-lining for the passenger side back door. Her short hair, that barely reached the back of her neck, was held back from her face with a few bobby pins.

"Thank you so much for this," I said, as I ran around to the trunk.

"Hi Blake!"

Blake squealed happily as she popped his carrier out of his car-seat base and, faster than I thought she'd be capable of, Natalie was next to me reaching for more.

"Seriously," —I loaded up both arms with as much as I could carry— "thank you so much."

She hustled around me, an impressive feat with Blake's carrier in one arm, the diaper bag in the other, and in high heels. "Of course!" She hooked her fingers into the screen door and held it open for me as I darted into her kitchen. "Come and get comfortable."

I made two more trips to get the trunk of my car cleared of all our hastily-packed bags and the perishables that I could think to grab on our way out. Natalie was dancing in circles with Blake in her living room, and my fourteen month-old son was soaking up every second of it. Watching his entire, tiny fist gripping her fingers, as she led him around in his first waltz, hit me hard. I leaned against the counter and watched, smiling and letting a little of the weight fall off my shoulders for the first time in a while.

I had made it to the eye, and things would be okay.

"Here," Natalie said excitedly. "I gotta run in a minute, but I want to show you around real quick."

"I remember where stuff is," I responded, coming across to take Blake back.

"No no! C'mere!"

Blake roared in approval as I scooped him up and tossed him into the air while I followed my sister through to the back of her living room and down the hall.

"This is for you," she said, excitement building. I leaned my head in and nodded. Every time I'd ever been to her house, her guest room had been ready to go in case someone needed to crash.

"Aaaaand..."

I backed away, still nodding in approval of the first room, and gasped when she opened to door to her third room. Normally, Natalie used her third room for painting and other random artistic endeavors, but what she'd managed to do in a short period of time made my jaw drop.

One of our old cribs, likely in storage at her house after our parents had bought a new one when Blake was born, was set up in the middle of the room. The crib was half-full of her old stuffed animals, faded and limp from decades of being hugged tightly in the same places, with just enough room for all the stuffed animals I'd brought. Then, around the room, she'd hung two strands of multi-colored christmas lights that made the entire room sparkle. Blake laughed and swung his arms around like pint-sized wrecking balls. He was getting closer to clapping, but the physical coordination wasn't quite there yet.

"This is amazing," I said. "How did you pull this together?"

"I know the little booger hasn't been sleeping good," she laughed, leaning in close to boop my son's nose. Blake screamed happily. "So I'd been thinking about doing something like this for a while. I had it in my head as an idea even though I never expected you guys to come stay for any, you know, length of time."

I held Blake up, and he reached awkwardly for one of the lower, blinking lights.

"Oh no no," Natalie laughed, quickly diverting his arm. "Those are just barely hanging up as it is."

"Oh!" I shrugged my shoulders in nervous embarrassment and tucked Blake back in against my chest. He didn't seem to care or notice, and continued to reach.

"I've just got it draped over some nails, so he'll totally pull the whole thing down. Next time, I'll have it all better hung, so he can't destroy it too easily."

"I don't think we have to worry about him reaching these until he's fifteen," I laughed, "and I hope to have him better trained not to destroy other people's property by then."

"We were both pretty destructive at fifteen." She smirked and looked up. "Maybe I'll hang it just a little higher."

"Hey," I said much softer. "Thanks. He's gonna love this."

Natalie just smiled and gave me a hug from the side, but it was cut short when Blake dove for her hair.

"Jesus," I said, barely keeping him in my arms. "Maybe first I'll teach him some self-preservation skills... like how to not dive to his death."

"Yeah," she laughed. "Work up to the abstract stuff like criminal mischief later." She booped his nose again, drawing a gleeful squeal, and smiled broadly. "Okay. I've really gotta go. I'm already gonna be late."

"Go!"

"I'm going," she said, without doing any such thing. Blake rolled over in my arms until he was upside down, and she kept herself just out of his reach to his delight. "I'm going!"

"Someone is due for a change, and it smells pretty ripe!"

"Oh, did you hear that?" Natalie backed out of the room with a grin. "I think I hear my oven on."

"Uh huh."

"Gotta go take care of that!"

"Have a good time!"

"Help yourself to anything," she called, as she scurried down the hall and grabbed her coat.

"Don't forget an umbrella!"

"Shit," she grumbled. "Oh! Shit! I mean... Shoot!"

"He doesn't understand, now go!"

"Bye!" she said, voice echoing through her house, and the door slammed shut right behind her.

Blake stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth and threw himself forward in an attempt to grab my nose.

"Don't worry, Bear. We got this."

I set him down in the crib and took a deep breath. Diapers. Where had I put the diapers?

"Daddy is a little frazzled."

Blake laughed at my pain.

"Well you don't have to be an asshole about it," I said, arching an eyebrow.

I ran into the kitchen and grabbed the bag of diapers, and, with skill that only comes with regular practice, Blake was clean and dry in practically no time. I set him down in his little activity center and collapsed on the couch. While my son excitedly battered the mirror that showed him another baby who was exactly as excited as he was, I tried to take stock. The insurance company had already been notified. Everything with repairs would have to wait for that, and that wasn't likely to proceed until Monday. My parents both already knew we'd relocated.

"Ah shit," I cried, slapping my pockets. "Shit." I looked around in a mild panic. "Shit."

In seconds, I was out the door, and it was a phenomenal relief to find my phone sitting in the cupholder of my truck. The notification light blinked at me, and I sighed. Two missed calls and four text messages.

"Shit." I shook my head as I trudged in out of the rain. Just like that, I'd passed out of the eye again. She picked up on the first ring.

"Where are you," she screeched.

I rolled my eyes. "Hello Felicia."

"I called you four fucking times!"

"Twice, but who's counting?"

"What is the point of you having a cell phone if I can't get a hold of you when I need you?"

I bit down on my tongue and leaned against the counter. Blake had moved from the mirror to the clown nose that squeaked whenever he pounded it.

"I drove by the house. Where are you?"

"You just happened to drive by the house?"

"So help me God, Jay. If I have to ask you one more time—"

"We're at my sister's, okay? We're fine."

"Your sister? You hate your sister."

"I don't hate my sister," I said, slumping even more.

"Yes you do."

"No, you hate my sister."

"Yeah, 'cause she's a two-faced bitch."

I shook my head and tried to vent my frustration with physical actions she wouldn't see. "Did you see what happened with the tree?"

"I didn't go inside, but yeah. I would have killed you if something happened to Blake while you were watching him. You know that, right?"

"Jesus Christ," I sighed. "I got him out of there as soon as I could, alright?"

"Yeah, apparently so fast that you forgot to tell me. His mother."

"I don't know what you're mad about right now, okay?" I clenched my fists, trying to keep my voice down. "We're someplace safe. We're dry. I've got all his favorite stuffies. I already called the insurance company. I won't have to drive him as far on Monday when I drop him off at daycare, and you'll pick him up just like usual in the afternoon. I'm doing the best I can here, alright?"

"Do better."

"That's not—" I stopped when the screen of my phone lit up in my peripheral vision, and nearly hurled my phone across the room when I realized she'd hung up on me. "Bye, Felicia."

I wanted to scream. I wanted to break something. I wanted to run.

And then Blake babbled in oblivious joy in the next room, and I started to calm back down.

***

I looked up as the screen door swung noisily, preceding the front door by mere seconds.

"Oh thank God," Natalie sighed happily. "You're still drinking."

I looked down at the beer in my hand, having almost forgotten it was there.

"Now I don't have to drink alone. How is Blake sleeping?"

"Good." I took a sip and shifted, slouching in the chair and letting my lower half slide a little more underneath the table. "He went right down, and I haven't heard a peep from him in hours."

Natalie stood with her head inside the refrigerator for several seconds before popping back up with a beer of her own. "When you texted me like three hours ago asking if you could have some of the beer in here, I was sure you'd clean me out. Or at least drink more than one."

"Did you not know I was going to nursing school?"

She sat down next to me, at the head of the table, and laughed, but as soon as she settled into the chair, her expression shifted.

"How was the wedding?"

"Perfect," she said flatly. Eyes straight ahead.

"Jesus," I said, matching her disaffection. "Who would want that?"

"Shut up." She sat forward for a moment, twisting this way and that while reaching behind her, and then gave a heavy sigh as she pulled her bra out through the side of her dress. It was red, with the color nearly perfectly matching her dress. "I don't care what you think about what just happened, but I wasn't going to wear that one second longer. Not in my own house."

"I have no idea how women do that," I said, gesturing with the top of my bottle. "Those things always look like they're strapped on so tight that getting out of one must require a degree in mechanical engineering, let alone doing it while you're still dressed."

Natalie threw back her head laughed. "Thank you."

"I'm being serious. Every girlfriend I ever had could do it, and every time it happened just... impressed the shit out of me."

"Yes, yes. Keep telling me how impressive I am." She took a sip from her bottle while whipping her fingers back and forth at me. "That's really helping to take the edge off."

"Well there was that one time when the Gnome cookie jar fell off the top of the fridge..."

"Ah yes."

"...and you made that crazy gymnastics scoop-catch. Easily the most impressive act of physical grace I've ever witnessed"—I leaned forward, pushing my index finger into the top of the table— "and I used to watch Barry Sanders highlights on Sportscenter."

"I have no idea who that is, but I'll take it."

"You don't know who Barry Sanders is?"

"I assume he played... sports?" Natalie said coyly, adding a wide grin at the end.

"We're definitely talking about the same guy. I mean, the man was basically a Jedi."

My sister groaned and rolled her eyes. "Does it always have to come back to Star Wars with you?"

I gasped in faux-insult. "What's wrong with Star Wars?"

"Don't even get me started."

"It's the modern Illiad."

"Even after thirty odd years," she said softly, "I'm not always sure when you're joking." She took another sip of her beer, glaring at me through slitted lids, and then stood up. On her way to the kitchen, she said, "Did I tell you that I absolutely hated Rogue One?"

I couldn't stop myself from barking in laughter, and immediately covered my mouth. There was no way that being that loud wouldn't eventually lead to waking Blake, so I got up and followed Natalie into the kitchen to put one extra room and wall between us and him. "I mean, I guess it wasn't great? I—"

"Wasn't great?" she cut in. "Wasn't great?!"

I sighed as I leaned against her countertop and held my hands out defensively.

"None of it made any sense. Like, none."

"You know what's funny, and the reason I laughed when you first brought it up, is because the first time I found out what Rogue One was going to be about, you know, the stealing of the plans for the Death Star, I thought to myself 'who the hell wants to see that?' "

"Right?" she said.

"We already know how that ends!"

"Exactly!"

"And I'm not looking forward to the Han Solo movie either."

"Oh my God,' she said, her eyes sparkling. "I'm so glad you said that."

"Like, who didn't watch the original trilogy and immediately make some educated guesses that Han had a hard life, you know? We don't need to have it spoonfed to us. The interesting part of that arc is watching someone who is jaded find faith again, which they did when Han fell in love while still being an asshole."

"Yes!"

"The lovable rogue finds a cause worth fighting for! That's interesting, not watching them do neat CGI tricks while Han become more jaded."

"This is the most surreal conversation I've ever had," she said, smiling. "I'm in my kitchen, drinking beer with my brother, bagging on Star Wars."

"Who'd've thought?" I replied, holding out the neck of my bottle at an angle. "Right?"

She smiled and clinked her bottle against mine. "Yeah," she said, after taking another sip. "Where Han has to end up is not the most exciting trajectory."

"Not unless they decide to go real dark and have Han pull some bleak shit to cement his rep as an ice-cold smuggler. That would at least be interesting."

"And you just know that they're going to take the opportunity to show Han saving Chewie and earning the stupid life debt or whatever, because we can't leave anything unexplained. We gotta go and pull the curtain back on fucking everything because people are too stupid to let it be vague."

"You know what I can't wait for?"

"What?" she said, leaning forward a little.

"I can't wait for the R2-D2 movie where we finally see the befuddled factory employee, in charge of making a fleet of red R2 units, accidentally bumps the wrong lever and we end up with that one iconic blue trash can we all love to love."

"Yes!" she cackled.

"And then he gets struck by lightning to kickstart his quirky personality."

"Oh so we're just blatantly ripping off Short Circuit now?"

"Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?"

Natalie barely turned her head before spewing the larger portion of a mouthful of beer, and remained bent forward in silent laughter for several seconds. Her cheeks were beet red when she finally stood up and shook her head at me.

"Well played," she said.

I grabbed a towel from her countertop and went to work on the damage. "I can't help but notice you're not talking about the new trilogy."

Natalie sighed and took another sip of her beer. "My judgement cannot be trusted when it comes to those movies. Every time I see anything about them, the only thing I can think about is that I have a crush on Rae."

I blinked, turning slowly. "Wait, what?"

"Come on," she groaned. "We're adults here. Don't be an ass."

"Oh no!" I turned and held my hands up again. "No no. No judgement. I think that's awesome."

"I mean, I don't think I'm gay or anything, but every once in a while the camera catches her from a certain angle and... There's something about the width of her jaw, and her eyes, and I'm just like... love me?"

"Is it over the line for me to say I always thought you might be a little gay?"

Natalie squinted at me again as she drained the second bottle. "I'll allow it."

"No, I just mean you've never really had any long-term boyfriends."