Forgiveness Denied

Chapter Three

I wanted to punch the bitch's lights out. But, what would that accomplish? Maybe the Big Chicken Dinner, a Bad Conduct Discharge. I have three children that I spend way too little time with now. If we divorce I may never see them again. Do I love MaryAnn? Shit, I really don't know. I never analyzed it. MaryAnn was just my wife; my children's mother. You are supposed to love your wife, right? We've gone through everything together. Then it really hit me. We haven't gone through the last two and a half years together. She has done everything alone. She has been both mother and father. I know nothing of what she has had to do to keep the family together. If she was keeping it together with LTJG Fuckhead helping her out, I really can't complain.

Her developing a relationship with someone else, is that really her fault? If I had been with her here she would not have even given LTJG Victor MacDonald the time of day. I believe I know her well enough to know that her reaching out to him was not 100% sex. I'll bet the percentage is closer to 20-30%. She needed someone to talk to and be with besides the kids and Melba.

I will ask her what she wants --- tomorrow.

I went to my boss, the XO and told him I needed a day off.

It was a Wednesday. I didn't say anything to MaryAnn on Tuesday. Wednesday morning I told her I wasn't going to work and when the kids got on the school bus I wanted to take her to breakfast. I know she was thinking the breakfast place on base or maybe Denny's. For this talk we went to the big hotel in downtown Albany and had a real breakfast with eggs Benedict and Champagne.

When we finished breakfast I popped the question. "Do you want a divorce?

She looked at me with a surprised look. "You're asking me?"

"Who else should I ask" I cleverly replied. She said "I thought you would be telling me, not asking, Neil."

"Well, I'm asking." She quickly replied "NO! I want you, not a divorce" My response was "Can you give Victor up? I mean completely. I don't want you to go near him ever again."

Did I mention MaryAnn has striking green eyes? Well, those eyes were brimming with tears when she said, "I never want to see him again now I have you. Let's get out of here and go home to make the love I wanted to make when my sailor first came home, but my guilt got in the way. I really do love you Neil." These were words that were spoken to get her what she wanted and, as I was to sadly learn, were not sincere. I had to learn the hard way how she had perfected her lying.

So what if I was the beneficiary of a sexy wife that was taught sex tricks by LTJG Fuckhead? I liked the perfect blowjobs and the repertoire of sex positions right out of the Kamasutra. She even offered her ass on a good night. That could have been because her pussy was getting a bit sore, but so what. I could (should?) have asked the snarky question "you learned all this in just a few times with Victor?" What the hell, why fuck up a good thing?

Chapter Four

Disaster! About four months at my new job at Fleet Aviation Electronics Training Unit Atlantic Fleet (FAETULANT), in Norfolk, VA I was ordered to take my two day training course on surface to air missile evasion tactics on the road. I was to fly to NAS Albany, GA for the two day course and then take a Navy vehicle to NAS Jacksonville, FL and repeat the course there. Then drive back to Albany and fly home to Norfolk.

When I got home, I told MaryAnn about the trip. She got really excited and said she would go with me. We discussed it, but I was not really in favor of the idea. I told her the Navy would pay for my plane ticket, but we would have to pay for her round trip flight from Norfolk to Albany and return. I asked the obvious question, "Why do you want to go to Albany?" She said that she wanted to visit with her friends and that we could go to O' club and have a good time. My response was I have some very bad memories of that place, and damn few friends. She just wouldn't give up and got mad at me because she really wanted to go and that if I loved her I would let her go. To my everlasting regret I gave in and bought her a round trip ticket. If I had known then what I learned later, I would have made it a one-way ticket. We made arrangements to stay with one of the POW widows who was in base housing waiting and hoping her husband, would be released soon from the Hanoi Hilton POW prison. I thought Sue was a good friend, but she turned out to be MaryAnn's willing confident and enabler in the big lie. She was the conduit between MaryAnn and Victor ever since we moved to Norfolk. I remember complaining about the hefty long-distance charges she racked up calling Sue's phone. I would bet she was getting calls from Fuckwad using Sue's phone which accounted for the several reverse charges! What irony. The perfect cuckhold was paying for phone sex between his wife and her lover! My cheating bitch of a wife never broke it off with Victor and was carrying on a letter and long distance phone communications with the prick the whole time! No wonder she was so anxious to return to Albany. As I learned much later Sue turned her spare bedroom over to MaryAnn and Victor and they slept together the two nights I was in Jacksonville.

I didn't have a clue and would have never have found out except for what happen about two months later.

Chapter 5

I was in the classroom at FAETU teaching a class in electronic warfare when I was called out to take an emergency phone call. It was my next door neighbor calling from the Portsmouth Naval Hospital. She told me MaryAnn was having severe abdominal pains and had been taken to the by ambulance to the hospital. I told my CO what was happening and jumped in the car to get to my wife's side as quick as I could.

When I got to the hospital I was put in a waiting room for over an hour until a young intern who looked about twelve came in the room. He said "LT Davis?" I said "yes, how is my wife?" He said "I have good news and bad news." Jesus, this guy must have skipped the bedside manners class. "We had to remove her right ovary, but she can still have children with one ovary." I look at him with a question. "Why did you remove her ovary?" He said, "It's not that rare that she had an ectopic pregnancy, that is when the zygote fails to fully transverse to the uterus and the fertilized ovum begins to cell divide in the Fallopian tube. When the zygote becomes large enough to distort the Fallopian tube it cause severe pain.

"Next question Doc. If the husband has had a vasectomy, how can this happen?" The look on the interns face was almost worth the pain I was feeling. He mumbled something like "You should discuss that with your wife."

At this point in the narrative I have to decide whether to lapse into fiction and fabricate an emotional confrontation with the lying and cheating bitch. But, to my regret now, I must take the far less satisfying and dramatic path, the truth. I sat in the waiting room and mentally constructed the future. Do I want to divorce the slut and move into the BOQ and go through financially ruinous path of lawyers and custody battles? No. I don't. When MaryAnn was discharged about 8PM I walked her to the front entrance and went to get the car with minimal talk. When we were on the road to Virginia Beach and the new house, I asked if she is going to divorce me and marry Victor since she appears to want to start a family with him. All I got out of her was "I can't think or talk about anything right now. I just had surgery and I want to go to bed – alone." We had a big '70s station wagon with three grade school aged kids in the back seat so our discussion was guarded. "Little pitchers have big ears" my mother used to say when she and my Dad were having "discussions."

The next few days after were arrived there was a lot of silence around the house. About a week she said the Dreaded Words: "We have to talk." She said "Yes, I want a divorce. I have a lawyer and he wants to talk to both of us." I snapped back "Hell no. I will not sit in some sleazy divorce lawyer's office and destroy our lives."

MaryAnn said "You have to. The Virginia divorce laws are archaic and the only way I can divorce you is if you move out of the house. If I move out it is considered abandonment and I get nothing and could lose the children. You must move out so you are abandoning me."

The next few hours were full of raised voices and accusations on both sides. I screamed at her "I am not moving out of this house and live in a tiny BOQ room!" This began a horrible period of both our lives. We had minimal communications and MaryAnn continued a campaign to drive me out of the house so she could get a divorce by charging me with abandonment. I was to sleep in a spare room while she stayed in the master bedroom with bath. I shared a bathroom with our three kids. The best thing about my marital exile I became closer to my children. My oldest boy was 11, Lori was 10, and little Jeff was 7. MaryAnn would not allow me to eat with the family; I did my own laundry and kept my room clean. I ate a large meal at the base at lunchtime and made a lot of peanut butter sandwiches and ate them in the garage while working on my Model A Ford and the Lincoln.

I know that MaryAnn was communicating with LTJG asshole, but I couldn't really catch her. My suspicion was that the woman next door was mailing and receiving letters between the two. Since she knew I was monitoring the phone bill, she was likely making her calls from next door. Hell, they could be using carrier pigeons as far as I knew. There was no email or text messages in 1972. I really didn't know why MaryAnn was continuing the liaison in secret. She was in complete denial of anything and brushed off the fuck meeting in Albany that resulted in the pregnancy as a onetime mistake. Her MO was all the fucking she had been doing was "just a mistake." I would have been happier and would have given the bitch her divorce if she had said one honest thing. I believe if she had been truthful and told me she wanted a divorce so she could marry LTJG asshole, I would have divorced her right then and moved on as best I could. Without anything to back me up, I suspect her lover just wanted to continue fucking married pussy with no strings. He was five years younger than MaryAnn and it is unlikely he wanted to take on a ready-made family. Pussy is pussy, but marriage is a whole different thing. He couldn't have been dumb enough to want a wife five years older than him with three young children. Shit, he couldn't afford them. If he had full access to MaryAnn's snatch, it would have lost the appeal very quickly.

The unnatural co-habitation around our house could not be sustained; it didn't end with a bang, but with a whimper. MaryAnn started putting a plate for me at the table and we went to movies together a couple of times. We drifted back to a more normal life that was likely no better or worse than most marriages. I spent much of my time in the garage where I restored two cars, a 1930 Model A Ford, and when it was finished I sold it and bought a 1941 Lincoln Continental convertible, 12 cylinder beauty. One good thing about the US Navy, if you don't like your assignment or location it'll change every two or three years.

In early 1973 I received orders to the Air Wing One staff as the aircraft maintenance office. MaryAnn stayed in the Virginia Beach house as the Wing was home ported at NAS Oceana in Virginia Beach and was embarked on the USS John F. Kennedy when the JFK was at sea. After a four month period at sea as the Wing Maintenance Officer, I was ordered to the Carrier Group Four staff as the Electronic Warfare Officer, also embarked on the JFK. This was a big step up as I was working directly for the Admiral. The job was intensely interesting as I was involved in nuclear weapons and other duties that were highly classified. I was responsible for matters far above my rank of Lieutenant. To be completely honest I didn't think very much about MaryAnn and didn't care if she was being fucked silly by LTJG Fuckwad. I actually found out much later that he was on the USS Oriskany in the South China Sea for most of 1973 and 1974. That likely explains the fact that MaryAnn wanted to come to the Mediterranean mid-cruise. One advantage of a peace-time Med cruise is the ship charters commercial aircraft to allow the wives and husbands to have a real three-week break. I met MaryAnn in Naples, Italy and we drove to Florence and Rome. She made her way to Palma, Majorca for a great five days. It was almost like a second honeymoon, since we really never had a first honeymoon back in 1960. The JFK then went to sea and for a very short exercise. MaryAnn somehow was able meet the ship in Livorno. The nearest airport is at Pisa, so we were able to see the leaning tower before she flew back to Virginia with the rest of the wives.

It could have been the time that healed our marriage, except for the knowledge the only reason she come to the Med was her lover was in the Western Pacific. What is the old saying "If you aren't with the one you love, you love the one you're with." The tables were turned on LTJG Shithead. He was on deployment to Westpac and I had access to MaryAnn's pussy!

MaryAnn went back to Virginia for the rest of the cruise. I hope she invested in a good vibrator or maybe she visited the NAS Oceana BOQ.

Chapter 7

When I finished my tour on the JFK I received order back to RVAH-11. While I was away from the Vigilantes the Wing had moved again to Key West, Florida. MaryAnn had to make the move from Virginia by herself once again; although my oldest, Brad, was a teen-ager and was more help than the last move.

The atmosphere at Key West was much like that at Albany. Infidelity was the norm and the sexual revolution had been won. MaryAnn and I never discussed it but we sort of drifted into a sex no-fault understanding. As long as the kids weren't affected we pretty much did as we pleased. I should say MaryAnn did what she pleased, I was still faithful, and I guess I still believed in being faithful to marriage vows. A real cuckhold.

I did get pissed one night when we were at the O'Club with the Maddens, a couple that lived down the street, in the Sigsbee Island housing area. They had a total open marriage and practiced it frequently. One Friday night, Mike Madden and I were at the bar and the wives were circulating from table to table and dancing with whoever they could talk into getting on the floor for a grope set to music. Around midnight Mike and I tried to find our wives to go home and discovered they were not in the club. The O' Club had an open design with only a few separate rooms off the main bar and dance floor. With most of the patrons gone it was easy to see MaryAnn and Diana were not in the club. We went out to the parking lot and saw that Mike's car was gone but mine was still there. Mike said the girls probably got pissed because we weren't paying enough attention to them and went someplace else. They were either in a downtown bar or went home. No personal cellphones in 1974, so we decided to go home in my car first and then go looking for Mike's car downtown if they weren't home.

When we pulled in Mike's driveway his car was not there. He said, "Neil, I'm beat. I suggest you go to bed and the girls will be home eventually." Mike was blasé about the whole thing. I wasn't. If the bitch wanted to go pub crawling, she could have at least told me before she left the club.

I drove back to town to look for Mike's 1973 Mercury convertible. It was the only yellow Merc convertible on the island so it was reasonable I could find it at one of the late night music and dance bars. I had the idea they probably went to Sloppy Joe's, Hemmingway's old hangout, or maybe Hog's Breath Saloon, another place that rocked until 4 or 5 AM. As I was heading there, I passed Garrison's Bight where the big charter fishing boats were moored. On a hunch I swung into the parking lot along the quay where the biggest boats were tied. Damn! The big yellow Merc was parked in front of a forty-five foot Sea Ray with the cabin lights on.

I got out the car and walked down the finger pier where I could see into the only boat that was lit up. I could feel the bile rising in my throat when I saw MaryAnn and Diane down in the main cabin with a drink in their hands. Diana was in her panties, and she was sitting with a guy either side of her fondling her exposed tits. They weren't very big, but the men were pulling and licking on her nipples and enjoying them anyway. Margaret had not gotten around to removing her bra and panties but the guy with her was sucking on her face with his tongue stuck in her throat.

This is usually when the cuckhold slinks away vowing to BTB as soon as he secures the credit cards and saving accounts. Not this sailor. I yelled down the cabin. "God Dammit MaryAnn. What the fuck are you doing here? Get you fucking ass off this boat and in the car NOW."

I didn't blame the men. Why should I? I learned later MaryAnn and Diane went to Sloppy Joe's when they left the club and met the three men. The men invited them back to their boat "Just for a drink." Our wives were simply acting like two of many round-heeled middle-aged sluts looking for a good time. Key West is one big orgy. At the time, MaryAnn was 38 and Diane was 40. They likely did not tell the men they were US Navy officer's wives. The guys could have taken them for hookers. They were certainly behaving like whores.

The picture I saw in the cabin of that boat is burned in my brain. Diane was the older, but she did have a good figure. MaryAnn, on the contrary, looked exactly like what she was, a housewife who had birthed three kids and was about 30 pounds overweight. I saw her sitting in cabin in her underwear with a roll of fat around her waist. That may have been why Diane had two guys fondling her while MaryAnn had one. On the way home in the car MaryAnn acted like it was all my fault. I didn't pay attention to her in the club and Diane and her were just going to have a few drinks in Sloppy Joe's and go home when these nice guys offered to show them the boat and have a few drinks. Why was she nearly naked? Oh, it was really hot on the boat and anyway she wasn't showing any more than if she had a bathing suit on. She couldn't help it if Diane wasn't wearing a bra when she left home, and it was really getting heated in boat cabin. I wanted to scream what was in my mind, "What would I have seen if I had waited thirty minutes before breaking up your little orgy?" I didn't say that because she would have just lied. I stopped thinking when I saw them down in the cabin. The lighting was such that anyone on the pier could see in, the occupants couldn't see out well. If I had only raced back to my house and gotten my camera, by the time I got back I'll bet the party would have been photo ready! Today, with the ubiquitous smart phones you can capture scenes like this in HD video.

At this point in our marriage I couldn't sustain the disgust and outrage. I just realized sluttishness was a genetic trait, just like eye color. Her mother was a slut and MaryAnn inherited that trait. I knew then it was just a matter of time until I was going to kick the cheating bitch to the curb. The boat episode receded to that place in my memory with all the other cheating behavior. Fuck her.

Chapter 8

My next duty station after Key West was back to Pensacola, Florida. I was actually at Whiting Field, Milton, Florida, but we bought a house in Pensacola so the kids would have a better school, and Milton, FL was really a red-neck small town. I transferred to NAS Whiting, near Milton, in June, 1975. As a full Lieutenant, I was able to afford to buy a decent house on Confederate Dr. in Pensacola and settled in to an unspoken arrangement with MaryAnn. She could do what she wanted and I would too. The only rule was she had to be discrete. I did not want to find out who she was fucking and I wouldn't tell her who I was. It wasn't a modern "open marriage." It was more like the military in the 90's—"Don't ask, and don't tell."