Friday Night Alchemy

There were two messages on the phone when I got home.

"Hi Alun, It's Trish. Seeing you at the sports centre reminded me. Are we going to meet this girlfriend of yours on Friday or what? Call me. Ciao!"

Bloody hell! Give me a chance. I'm working on it.

"Hello Lover. Something's come up. Can you call me back. I'll be at work until eightish. Speak to you soon."

I rang Shana's shop straight away.

"La Perla. Elizabeth speaking. How may I help you?"

"Good evening Elizabeth, Its Alun, Shana's boyfriend. We met yesterday, remember?"

"Of course I remember you. Do you want to speak to Shana? Only she's just serving a customer. Can you hold?"

"Yes and yes. Thanks." I found myself listening to canned music for several minutes.

"Hi Lover." Vivaldi gave way to Shana. "How are you?"

"All the better for hearing you but what's so urgent it wouldn't wait 'til after work?"

"I have some good news and some bad news." She already sounded apologetic.

"And I have to choose which to hear first?" I deferred the inevitable.

"Its traditional."

"Ok then, give me the bad news." I steeled myself for the worst.

"I can't go out to dinner on Friday. Cleo, my boss, has got appendicitis so I've got to play hostess at our new line launch party." The worst happened.

"And the good news?" What dock leaf did she have to take the sting out of this nettle?

"The good news is I've got an invite for you. If you don't mind, I'd like you to be my escort for the evening." She made it sound like I would be doing her a favour. How could I explain to her that any reason to spend time with her was a good reason? I took a crack at it.

"Mind? My dear, sweet Shana, I thought you were going to stand me up and instead I'm invited to a party. What's there to mind?" I was relieved. This wasn't so bad after all.

"You'll come then?"

"Of course I will. Where is it?"

"The Hilton International, in Park Lane. Incidentally, its black tie, do you have a dinner jacket?"

The Hilton? This was going to be a bit of a do, wasn't it?

"No, but I'll pop down to the West End and rent one tomorrow. I've still got to get an eye patch anyway." It would be another long lunch but so what?

"Would you like me to come with you? I can sneak out for a couple of hours tomorrow."

Would I ever!

"Certainly, if you have time. I'd like that." I tried unsuccessfully to hide my enthusiasm.

"I felt sure you would. Until tomorrow then."

"Yes, I should let you get back to work."

"I'll call you in the morning. Goodnight Lover."

"Goodnight." It was my turn to blow a kiss down the phone line. I didn't expect a response from her, the shop sounded busy.

Next, I returned Trish's call.

"Yeah?"

"Steve. Alun. I need Trish. Is she there?"

"You can't have her, she's my woman. On second thoughts, I'll swap you for Shana. Ow! What was that for? I was only kidding." This had become a three way exchange.

"Well you don't deserve either of us." I could hear Trish in the background. "Give me the phone. Hi Honey. What's occurring?" Trish turned her attention to me.

"Bad news I'm afraid. You won't be meeting Shana on Friday."

"You haven't had a tiff already have you?" Trish was a natural pessimist when it came to my relationships.

"No, nothing like that. Quite the contrary. We're getting on like the proverbial house on fire. The thing is she's got to go to a business do and she's invited me along. Sorry to let you down but her boss is ill and Shana's got to cover for her. I only heard about it ten minutes ago myself and now I've got to go and hire a tux tomorrow."

"Don't apologise. You go and have a good time. I'm sure we'll see you both at some point this weekend. A tux you say? Is it a posh do then?"

She was right of course. It was no big deal. Having settled that, she got down to the serious business of being nosy.

"Not really. Just a launch party at The Hilton for La Perla's new line." I tried to sound blasé.

"The Hilton? She's known you less than a week and she's taking you to The Hilton? She's brave. You better give me her number so I can warn her about your manners." Trish was indignant but only because she wasn't going.

"You'll do no such thing. And if you don't behave nicely, I won't introduce you to Shana, ever. I mean it." I blackmailed Trish into conceding the point. It was gratifying to win one occasionally.

"Well you two have a good time. You can tell me all about it when I see you. Anything else to report?" She was gracious in defeat.

"Not really. Well nothing I can't tell Steve tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow? Oh yes, Ste did mention it. You're playing darts aren't you? Well if that's all, I've got a sulking boyfriend to deal with so I'll let you get off. Night."

"Night Trish."

Not wanting to let Steve down on two counts, I found my darts and went down the pub for an hour's practice. I hadn't played for months and it showed. It wasn't as if I was concentrating on the game anyway, I was far too pre-occupied with my love life and the good things a certain young lady was doing for it.

It was weird but I never doubted for a moment that Shana and I would sleep together this weekend. Such surety is rare in my life and in this instance had removed any and all anxiety, leaving only excitement and anticipation. And just now, I was as excited as when, as a callow youth, I had fumbled open my first bra clasp. I trusted that this weekend I would acquit myself rather less ineptly than on that dimly remembered occasion.

My darts game, however, was a study in inept fumbling. I gave up and went home hoping the rest of Steve's team would be playing well enough to carry me.

While getting ready for bed, I took another look at my present. The label said they were from Knickerbox. When I thought about it, it made sense: Shana probably couldn't afford the stuff she sold, even allowing for a staff discount. A fiendish plan started to form in the more Machiavellian recesses of my mind. It would require that I enlist Kat's help but she struck me as the mischievous sort.

With thoughts of Shana filling my head, I went to sleep and dreamt pleasant dreams about her.

Thursday

I was up early, bright eyed and bushy tailed. The aches and pains of the last week had all but gone and the bruising around my eye was fading nicely. Once the stitches came out tomorrow, I'd certainly be presentable enough for high society. The scar was going to be very prominent though. It would be livid for months and, even if things didn't work out between us, would be a constant reminder of Shana every time I looked in a mirror. Not that I was particularly good looking before, you understand, but I'd got quite used to having an unremarkable, average sort of face. I'd just have to wait and see what impact my new distinguishing feature would have on my pulling power. Not cheating on Shana, of course, just a few test runs to assess its impact on my scoring chances. Just idle curiosity, honest.

By eight o'clock I was in the office being conspicuously busy so I could justify another long lunch. The morning passed without incident with only a brief call to Shana to alleviate the tedium. She wasn't there but she'd left a message: One o'clock, outside Covent Garden tube station. I was there on time. Shana was waiting.

She was looking at something in the window of Cecil Gee and had her back turned to me so I snuck up intending to surprise her. Juvenile I admit, but fun none the less. It didn't work though. Shana caught my reflection in the window and spun round just as I was about to grab her. Not wishing to waste the opportunity, I caught hold of her anyway. The obligatory exchange of body fluids ensued, during which we were jostled more than once by people trying to simultaneously pass by us and ignore us. Only the new age type touting the Big Issue openly stared. When he caught my eye he gave me that barely perceptible nod that signifies both respect and approval between blokes.

"You taste good. What have you been eating" I was referring to the vaguely fruity aftertaste.

"Its kiwi fruit lip balm. I was early so I popped into Body Shop. You like it?"

"Dunno. I think a second opinion may be needed." I wasn't being very subtle but she decided to play hard to get. She glanced around.

"No. I don't see anyone who might offer a second opinion. Sorry Lover."

"Please Miss. I'd like to volunteer." I tried my best plaintive little boy voice.

"Since there are no other candidates, I suppose you'll have to do." Shana contrived to sound disappointed, but the enthusiasm she exhibited during the ensuing taste test lent the lie to that. "Well?"

"Delicious." I wasn't actually referring to the lip balm.

"Well if we've settled that, would you like to let go of me so we can get you this dinner suit?"

Reluctantly I released her and, hand in hand, we made our way to Moss Bros.

"So tell me more about this do. What exactly is it all about?" I thought I'd better know what I was letting myself in for.

"Like I told you, its a party to launch our new product line. Most of the people will be fashion industry notables and hangers-on, with a few celebs to add glamour and lots of press. The highlight - certainly for you - will be the catwalk show. Not that having a dozen pretty girls parading before you in bits of lace would make up for me not being able to give you my undivided attention, but its not a bad consolation prize."

Models? Catwalks? This could be fun.

"And what makes you think I'd want to ogle all those half naked models when I have you?"

"You're male. There's only two kinds: men who ogle women and men who ogle men. You aren't gay so you must be lecherous. QED." Now who was being unfairly logical?

"I'm glad you think that. I'd hate to disappoint you. Alright I'll ogle the models but only because its expected of me."

"A fair compromise if ever I heard one." She didn't believe me for a minute but she didn't care either so that was all right.

"Anyway, what's all this about not having your undivided attention?"

"Sorry Lover, but I'll be working most of the time. I'm afraid you'll have to share me with several hundred other people. I'm the hostess, remember?"

"Well if it can't be helped, I suppose some of your attention is better than none," And there was always the catwalk show to offer diversion. Though I would never voice such an opinion.

"Here we are. Moss Bros. Lets get you all tuxed up."

As I'm sure I've said before, I hate shopping, in consequence of which I delegated the entire decision making process to Shana. The upshot of this was that a half hour later we were on our way back to the tube and I had a dinner suit for tomorrow. I told you women were better than men at this sort of thing. I rest my case.

"Thanks for that Shana. I'd have been all afternoon in there. What's next on your agenda?"

"You're welcome. You'll look very smart tomorrow night. But now I'm afraid I'm gonna have to love you and leave you. I've got a million things to do this afternoon."

"I've still got to go and buy an eye patch so I may as well travel back with you."

"Oh! Thank God you reminded me! Kat made an eye patch for you. I've got it here somewhere." She was rummaging through her handbag. "Here we are!" Shana handed me a small bundle of tissue paper. I duly unfolded it to reveal a black velvet eye patch.

"Its perfect. You say Kat made this herself? She's very sweet to go to so much trouble. I'll have to call in and thank her." I was impressed. Kat was quite a seamstress.

"You can thank her tomorrow, she'll be at the launch. Didn't I say?" Shana was full of good news.

"No, you didn't. Well tell her I'm very touched and I'll see her tomorrow night. I'd better be getting back to work myself then, now I no longer have an excuse to go with you." Kat's thoughtfulness had just ruined my plans for the next half hour. I'll forgive her though: she's saved me having to go shopping.

"I'll tell her. You know, I think she's got a bit of a crush on you."

"Really?" I was flattered and made no attempt to hide my smugness.

"Now don't you go getting ideas, Mister. You can look but don't touch."

"Jealous of Kitten? Shana, you surprise me." I shouldn't have taunted her.

"Kitten?" There was a shrill edge to her voice. I knew that tone, It was a danger signal.

"Shana, listen to me. You're the best thing that's happened to me in years. You're incredibly attractive, on every level, and I'm already a little bit in love with you. I have absolutely no intention of jeopardising what we have, and what more we will have in the future, for anything Kitten - Kat - has to offer. Whatever she's selling, I ain't buying. Have I made myself clear?" I wasn't cross, just stern. Shana looked taken aback.

"Only a little bit in love with me?" She picked up on the one thing I hadn't really wanted to say.

"Well we only met less than a week ago so I only know a little bit about you."

Shana threw her arms around me and gave me a hug. We didn't need to say anything more, We just stood and held each other for a few moments. It healed any rift there may have been between us.

"I really must go now." Shana sounded even less enthusiastic about the idea than I was. We'd got as far as the ticket barriers at the tube just in time. It was beginning to rain.

"I'm not letting you get away without a goodbye kiss." If people jostled us this time, I didn't notice. This kiss set the standard and on the newly revised scale of one to ten, our previous best was no more than an eight. I disengaged one hand long enough to slap her bottom, not hard but hard enough that she wouldn't mistake it for a pat.

"That's for holding out on me."

"But you weren't 'a little bit in love' with me before. It makes a difference." It was her turn to look smug.

"I suppose it does. Go on! Back to work before my resolve crumbles and I carry you off to some seedy hotel and ravish you." I let go of her and urged her toward the ticket barrier.

"I'll call you later." Shana volunteered as she went through.

A thought struck me as she turned towards the lift.

"Shana?" She turned back. "I just thought. Are any of these models famous? I'm playing darts tonight and I want to wind Steve up." I thought it best to explain why I wanted to know. Shana smiled indulgently.

"Tell him you're going to meet Kate Winslet. That should get his attention." She was enough of a tease herself to understand (and fully approve of) my motives.

"But she's not a model, she's an actress." I was confused again.

"She's also on the guest list. Bye Lover." With that she turned and walked into the waiting lift.

I got a taxi back to work. I was in a daze all the way across London but once safely ensconced in my office I thought things through.

First off, I thanked my lucky stars Shana hadn't been spooked by my admission that I was falling in love. It would have been so easy to scare her off then and there but her reaction had been positive, very positive. I dared to hope she had been thinking and feeling the same as I: don't commit too soon.

Then there was the party. Not only did it sound amusing per se, but I was going to be dining out for months on it. Kate Winslet! Steve would kill for a gig like that. Yes, I was definitely going to enjoy gloating to him.

I was on a roll. Definitely on a roll. What was it Heinlein said? 'To enjoy the full flavour of life, take big bites.'

A minor catastrophe commanded my attention for the remainder of the day. So long in fact, I only just made it to Steve's darts match.

"Hiya Mate! What's occurring?" Steve was his usual, cheerful self.

"Buy me a beer and I'll tell you." Things had been going so well this week I thought I'd try my luck. Every winning streak comes to an end: mine was about to.

"Sorry Mate, but its your round. Last man here and all that." He had a point. The last man rule, instituted by Steve to promote better timekeeping, was sacrosanct. I did my duty. Or rather, Steve was granted custody of my wallet and got them in while I played darts and tried not to lose by too much. I was thoroughly trounced, a score that was likely to cost me another round at the end of the night under Steve's Rule Two: The lowest scoring team member gets them in. Supposedly, this rule encouraged practice but I suspect that, as Steve was by far the best player, it was just a ruse he'd dreamed up to get free beer.

Now that I'd duly lost my singles game, I had some spare time before the doubles matches. It was time to wind up Steve.

"Mate, that was crap. Playing like that, even Trish could beat you." It was a low blow but Steve was right, and Trish's lack of ability at darts was the stuff of legends.

"Yeah? Well my mind's on other things I'm afraid. Like tomorrow night." I left it hanging. Steve took the bait.

"So what's this about a party at the Hilton? Trish said you had some do to go to with Shana."

"Its basically a fashion show but just for lingerie. Knickers and bras to you. Shana invited me because she thought I might enjoy..."

"Perving!"

"... meeting Kate Winslet, actually." I sat back and watched the effect this info had on Steve. He started with goldfish impressions: his mouth opened and closed repeatedly but nothing came out. Then came incredulity,

"Kate Winslet from Titanic? No way!"

"Way!" I fed him a little more line. "She's on the guest list and Shana's offered to introduce me to her."

Steve passed from incredulity to acceptance.

"You jammy bastard." Then he passed immediately into the final stage: evangelism. "Lads! Cop for this. Tell 'em Mate."

Now I had a suitably attentive audience, it was time for the full story.

"I'm going to a fashion show with Kate Winslet tomorrow night. My girlfriend's organising it."

The lads looked only moderately impressed.

"Tell them the best bit." Steve prompted.

"Its a lingerie show. G-strings and such like." I coloured the facts a bit, in the best tradition of the gutter press. My audience was now very impressed, judging by the ribald comments and suggestions. Steve meanwhile had gone all quiet and contemplative, When the Sun reader set had lost interest and gone back to playing darts, I found out what was on his mind.

"You don't suppose she'll need a car, do you?" Steve was clutching at straws. I laughed.

"I suspect she has a chauffeur already. Besides which, you're not working tomorrow."

"I am now. 'Cos you ain't coming out to play, Muggins here has volunteered to work overtime. I could use the money anyway.

Trish is disappointed. Not because I'm working, she's used to that by now, but she is dying to meet your new bird. You know what she's like. Any chance we'll see Shana on Saturday, so I can get a bit of peace and quiet?" He was almost begging.

"I'll see what I can do about Saturday but tell Trish not to be so pushy. There's loads of time. I think Shana is going to be around for a long, long while."

"Really? This is serious then?"

"Unless she turns out to be rubbish in bed, yes. We're definitely pretty compatible in every other way."

"Still haven't shagged her then? What's the matter? She sewn up your flies or something?"

At least this time Steve believed me when I said we weren't sleeping together. I was thankful for small mercies.

"Nothing's the matter. Its just a timing problem. My injuries last weekend and her work this coming one."

"Speaking of your injuries, I saw Charlie this afternoon. He's well pissed off with his kid brother making a prat of himself over some tart - his words, not mine. Martin's gone back to York early though. Charlie said he sent him packing back to his poncy student friends Wednesday morning so I reckon you're in the clear. I told you it'd all work out. You've gotta learn to trust your Uncle Steve."

"Charlie's cool about it all then? No hard feelings? No recriminations for head-butting his brother?"