Friendship into Lust into Love

Fuck this shit, he thought, slamming the phone into its cradle. I have work to do, and I realllly don't have time to put up with Rachel's nonsense. He knew he was going to pay dearly for that, but he couldn't help himself. There was only so much blame a man can take for things that aren't his fault, things he hasn't even DONE before he just can't take it anymore. Better to hang up in anger than for that same anger to make him say something he can't take back.

It's not that his girlfriend was a BAD person, really, she was just...well, she was a difficult person, though recently she'd been more difficult than usual. After almost a year together, it was not looking good for them. There'd been love there once, but now it was just bitterness and fighting. Who am I kidding? There was always as much bitterness and fighting as anything else.

He put his head in his hands and sighed. What the fuck am I going to do?I'm not happy, she's not happy, but I can't...There had been a part of him that had wanted to end it for a while, but he wasn't one to give up. Besides, the fight that would come from a break up would probably kill one of them.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flashing window on his computer screen. He turned and saw that it was Leigh, an old friend from college, IMing to let him know her bus was on its way. She was coming to town for a job interview and he'd offered to let her spend the night with him. No, he reminded himself. Not 'with me.' That's what got me into trouble in the first place. She's 'spending the night at my apartment'.He sighed again. Like wording it differently would have made any difference to Rachel.

He wrote back to Leigh, telling her that he was excited to see her and to let him know when she was getting close. He was being honest, he wasexcited to see her; the fighting and stress and angst was more than worth it, and he'd been looking forward to this visit for weeks. He missed her, she'd been one of his closest friends for a long time, but recently they'd grown apart. Part of it had been the distance, the two of them having moved to different cities after college, both working long hours. But he knew that was only part of it, and he suspected Leigh did, too.

Leigh was beautiful, a fact that Rachel had reminded him of repeatedly for the last two weeks. But she'd been beautiful as long as he'd known her, but nothing had happened between them. Rachel hadn't really believed that, but even when she accepted it, she pointed out that wasn't for lack of desire. It had been a mistake to admit that to her, he knew, but he didn't like lying to his girlfriend.

The fact was that they'd both had long-term relationships in college, and they'd never had a time when both were single. But he'd wanted her badly. It wasn't purely physical, he was closer to her and more comfortable with her than with anyone else. But it was definitely physical, too. He'd been jealous of her string of boyfriends, all guys he thought were better looking, smarter, funnier...everything-er than him, guys who got to touch her and love her in ways he could only dream of. Of course he knew her better than any of them, and as they had come and gone, he had remained. But he'd never gotten what he'd always wanted, and now that they were living apart, he doubted he ever would.

He still didn't know whether she felt the same way; as close as they'd been, they'd never crossed that line, talked about his feelings for her, or the possibility that she'd had them for him. There had been plenty of jokes and comments over the years, but he'd always laughed them off, as had she. Significant others had suspected something, he knew, and not just his own; more than one guy had confronted him over "getting in his way" or "ruining things" for him. To her credit, Leigh had never sided with a boyfriend over him, but she'd also never acknowledged the potential that he really DID feel the way they accused him of feeling, and she certainly never admitted to feeling that way herself.

Now he saw his phone blinking; a text message. Shit, he thought. He looked at saw that it was from Rachel. "This isn't over." it said. "You'll regret that." Fuck you, bitchflashed through his mind. He beat the thought back, knowing nothing good would come from it.

He sighed yet again and returned to work. Better not to think about how weird this night was going to be. He just hoped Rachel didn't show-up at his place and do something crazy. He didn't put it past her, but the last thing he wanted was to make Leigh uncomfortable. There were plenty of things he wanted, but that was certainly not one of them.

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John was sitting in his car at the bus stop, waiting for Leigh to make her way out. He'd just left Rachel's, having gotten the earful he suspected.

"You know why she's here," Rachel had said. "She's going to try and seduce you."

He'd told her that was ridiculous, that Leigh was here for a job interview, nothing else.

"Then why is she staying with you? What, they wouldn't get her a hotel room?"

Pointing out that he'd offered just made it worse.

"Right, because you WANT to fuck her, of course, how could I forget?"

"Ok, that's it. I'm not having this fight with you again," he'd said. "She's going to be here soon, and I'm tired of trying to convince you of something you'll never believe. I've never cheated before, I'm not cheating tonight."

"Just remember to wear a condom; I don't want to catch anything from that bitch," she'd said as he walked out and slammed the door.

He looked up and saw that Leigh's bus was pulling in. He'd do his best not to think about Rachel, her jealousy, her meanness, but he doubted it would work. Leigh was fun, but he doubted that anything could distract him tonight.

He watched as she got off the bus, and suddenly all the fighting just melted away. His feelings for her rushed back when he saw her face, saw her smile at the driver as he took her bag off the bus. God, she's beautiful, he thought. Maybe he suppressed it, but all the memories of her laugh, her touch, came flooded over him. She was wearing a pair of tight jeans that showed off her legs and her ass. Oh, shit, that ass, he thought, remembering all the times he'd watched her walking, that ass swaying slowly from side to side, his mouth watering.

He smiled and managed a weak wave. She ran over to him, her breasts bouncing slightly. Are they bigger than before?he thought, as he got out of the car to great her.

"Yay!" she said happily, beaming as she reached him. "So good to see you!" she practically shouted, hugging him hard. Her breasts pressed against his chest, and they felt amazing.They certainly FEEL bigger...

"Good to see you, too," he said, holding her tight, perhaps too tight. But she didn't say anything, she just held him, too. "How was the ride down?"

"Ugh, long," she said, turning to him. "Don't say it."

"Don't say what?!" he said, feigning confusion.

She rolled her eyes and walked to the car. As she went, he looked down slightly and watched her hips sway, his eyes locked on her ass.Fuck, he thought. This is going to be hard.

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John drove home, listening to Leigh talking about how much she hated her job and how excited she was to about this interview. He tried to pay attention, but his mind was wandering, bringing him back to college. There were memories of them hanging out, laughing, watching TV, talking, but also memories of catching a glimpse of skin when she took off a sweater, when she came out of the bathroom in a towel...

"I'm sorry, what?" he said, realizing that she was staring at him, waiting for a response to something.

Leigh laughed. "Preoccupied, much?"

"I mean, kinda," he stammered. "Work's been busy."

"I feel like you were just telling me you were bored, a week ago? Maybe less?" she asked with a smirk.

He struggled to come up with a response, but nothing came. His mind was elsewhere.

"It doesn't matter," she said, apparently sensing that she'd caught him off-guard. "I was just asking whether you'd eaten. I had something on the bus, so I'm good, but I can sit with you."

"No, no, I'm fine," he said, recovering his composure. "I ate, too. I figured you'd had something."

Her mouth opened and a look of faux offense crossed her face. "Are you calling me fat?!" she demanded.

This one was a softball. "Yup," he said confidently. "You're a fattie. A big fat fattie."

"Gee, thanks," she said. She looked out the window at the city rushing by. "Do guys here like fat chicks?"

He laughed. "I dunno, hard to say." He turned to her and smiled. "There are crazy people everywhere, right?"

She gave him a bemused look. "Really, John? You take a poor, single girl and this is how you welcome her to your city?"

"Please," he said, now rolling his own eyes. "I don't think you're lacking in self-confidence on that front."

"John," she said, shifting her tone. John honestly couldn't tell whether she was now being serious or not. "Everywoman is lacking in self-confidence on that front. No woman really thinks she's attractive. Have you seriously not figured that out yet?"

He didn't say anything for a few seconds. He just stared at the road in silence. In that moment, he didn't really care if she was being serious or not. Memories of a different kind came flooding back. Rachel getting mad at him for not saying the right thing when she asked him how a dress looked. Rachel getting mad at him for looking at another girl she thought was prettier than her. Rachel getting mad at him when she saw the girls in some porn he watched had bigger breasts than her. Softly, he said "well that's stupid. And it's really not my fault."

Leigh's tone changed again. "I was just kidding," she said, her voice now soft, too. "I didn't mean to...bring anything up." She reached out and touched his right hand, which was resting on the center console. Her skin was soft and warm, and when it touched his, a bolt of electricity rushed through him. His muscles relaxed and the anger and frustration faded.

He slowly pulled up to a red light and looked down for a few seconds, just drinking the feeling in. He looked up at her and said, "It's fine, no biggie. My point is just that you're being silly, you have nothing to feel self-conscious about. You're beautiful and you know it."

She smiled. Her hand didn't move. "That's sweet."

He smiled back. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the light turn green, but he didn't move. After a few seconds of staring at his best friend, he turned away. Best not to press my luck, he thought. It's going to be a long night...

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While Leigh unpacked her stuff and unwound, John prepared himself to text his girlfriend. He clearly wasn't going to tell her about the moment in the car, but he had to say something. He'd never hung up on her twice in one day, and she was sure to be mad at him. Besides that, every moment since Leigh's arrival that he wasn't talking to her, he knew, was a moment she'd assume something was happening between them, and he didn't want that. Or did he?

You don't want to be with her, he thought. You'd much rather be with...the sound of the hallway door opening shook him out of that thought. Leigh walked out and into the living room; she'd changed out of her jeans and into a pair of yoga pants. He caught himself staring, but he wasn't sure if she noticed.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"Yup!" she said with a grin. "Much!" She has such a beautiful smile, he thought.

"So, your interview isn't until 10, right?" he asked, trying to keep his mind occupied. "It's only like, 10 now. Do you want to do anything before we go to bed?" Probably could have phrased that better...

"I dunno," she said, looking around. "We could just watch TV. Is there a game on?"

He gave her a look. "A game?"

"A game!" she protested loudly. "I like sports."

"And what sport would be playing tonight, would you guess?"

Her eyes got wide and she bit her lip playfully. "Football?" she said, hesitantly.

He smiled. He knew what she was doing, and it was sweet. "Nice try, but no. For one thing, it's a Thursday. You don't play football on Thursdays."

"Right!" she said, excitedly. "I knew that."

"But also," he said slowly, walking over and putting his hand on her shoulder. "It's May."

Her shoulder felt warm. He was close enough to smell her perfume, which brought rushes of memories back. They say smell is the closest sense tied to memory, he thought, visualizing moments from college, in her dorm room laughing and talking, in movie theaters, looking over at her and wanting to...he removed his hand, shifted away, and tried to act natural. "May isn't really football season..."

"Ok, fine," Leigh said, either not noticing his change in mood or pushing past it. "There's got to be some game of some kind."

"It's fine, really," he said, more comfortable now that he was out of the range of his own memories. "We can watch whatever you want, you're the guest."

She smiled. "Cool, I know what we'll watch." She bounced over to the couch and grabbed the remote. And 'bounced' really was the right word; John couldn't tell if she'd changed her bra or whether she was just that enthusiastic, because her breasts bobbed gracefully up and down as she moved. Holy shit, he thought, actually feeling his cock growing harder in his pants. He tried to look away, but he couldn't. He wasn't even remotely hiding his staring, his eyes transfixed on her soft, glorious breasts as she moved, seemingly in slow-motion.

The moment he finally did regain control, however, was the moment she bent to sit, her ass perfectly filling her yoga pants, which shaped and framed it in a way he had never seen before, on any woman, his whole life. In that moment, his brain didn't even fight the feeling, he didn't even try to stop his fantasies, he gave in and wallowed in the rush of erotic energy coursing through him. He visualized running over, grabbing her ass, massaging it in his hands.

He broke away from that and steadied himself. Woah, he thought. Woah. He looked up and saw that Leigh had turned on some reality show he'd never seen before. He sighed and took a seat on the opposite side of the couch, consciously putting as much distance between them he could.

But it wasn't enough. He tried to concentrate on the show, but every few minutes he caught a wiff of her perfume or a glimpse of her legs. He'd never really noticed her legs before, but now he couldn't stop thinking about them, how shapely and womanly they were. He felt his hard-on, which had never fully subsided, slowly returning.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked suddenly, trying to distract himself again and, even better, to give himself an excuse to stand up get away from her while things calmed down.

"I'll have some water," Leigh said. "But I can get it."

She jumped up suddenly and, as before, her breasts moved in a beautiful arc with her. the blood rushed into his cock and pressed harder against his jeans. She rushed past him, her ass moving quickly towards him and he braced for the mental impact. But at the last minute she turned and faced him, sliding past front-ways. His eyes widened as what passed by his face was not her ass, but instead her crotch. He could just barely make out the curve of her pussy lips. His cock throbbed against his pants, fully hard now.

"You want anything?" she asked casually, as if nothing had happened. How the fuck did I go 4 years without hooking up with her?he thought. Fuck...how am I going to go the next 4 hours?!

"Umm, I'll have some water, too," he stammered. Just then, the wave of perfume hit him and his eyes closed. It was almost too much for him to take.

"You ok?" she asked, confusion clear in her voice.

He didn't answer for a few seconds. He was desperately trying to regain control of his mind. He worried that if he didn't hold on a few more seconds he would say something that would ruin everything. And I mean everything.

"I'm fine," he said slowly. Keep it together, John."Sorry, I'm just tired and stressed from work."

He decided he'd regained enough control to look at her, and he turned, trying to smile. There was genuine concern on her face as she watched from the kitchen, a pair of glasses in her hand.

"Yeah," she said. "You keep saying that." She filled the two glasses with water from the fridge and returned to the living room. She sat down on the couch again, this time next to him. Fuck, he thought, feeling the warmth from her body. He shifted away from her.

"Woah," she said. That was a mistake, she wasn't going to miss or ignore that. There was a moment of silence and then she said, softly, "I'm sorry.I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." She shifted away from him.

"No, no," he said quickly, turning to her. "It's not you, really, it's just..."

He involuntarily reached for his phone, checking his text messages. Why did I do that?There was one, but he didn't read it. He knew who it was from, and he was pretty sure of what it said.

"I know. I get it," Leigh said, her voice still soft. "You don't..." her voice trailed off. He felt horrible. This is not her fault, John, he thought.Look what you did.

"Look," he said. "It's not like that. It's not. I just..."

"I shouldn't have stayed with you," Leigh said sadly.

"No, Leigh, it's not about me, I've got no problem with you staying here." What does that even mean? Why did I just say that?

"No, I know," she said, her voice harder. "It's not about you, I get that."

John didn't have a response, he didn't know what to say. There wasn't much of anything TO say. Finally it was all out in the open. Well, maybe not ALL.

"She just..." he started, scrambling for something to say. "She's just...uneasy is all."

"She doesn't trust me," she said. That hardness was rising, but her voice was still somehow sad, gentle.

That wasn't wrong, but it also wasn't complete. And there was no reason to make Leigh feel bad about Rachel. "She doesn't trust me," he said, softly.

Leigh looked up at that. That confusion was on her face again. "Why wouldn't she trust you."

He sighed. "Look." It was time to stop this before it got dangerous. "It's not really about who doesn't trust who. I just feel like, it's better for us to be, you know, extra careful."

Leigh didn't say anything. She just looked at him. He continued, nervously filling the silence. "I mean, the thing is, you're...you know. You're a beautiful woman and here you are, in my apartment, spending the night, and...I mean, it's better to just be careful, you know? We don't want anyone to suspect anything happened, right? I mean," just stop talking, John.But he couldn't. He kept going. "I mean, even when we were in college, you know, people wondered, people got uncomfortable about us, and...and you know, they weren't crazy." Shit.

"And what does THAT mean?" Leigh asked. That hardness had returned to her voice. The only ones who'd ever actually implied anything openly had been herboyfriends, never his girlfriends. They'd always made their complaints known quietly, and he never told any of it to her.

"No, no!" he said. "I don't mean your boyfriends were right not to trust you. That's not what I mean at all." So much for stopping this. So much for making this not hurt her."I mean they weren't wrong to worry about me, about how Ifelt."

There was silence for a few seconds. She was sitting Indian-style, facing him, but her head was down. He could hear his own heart beating, but he couldn't hear anything from her. It wasn't even clear she was breathing. What did I do?