George Goes Green For Earth Day

He was ready to forsake all others for her. Already a changed man, he was ready to embrace whatever cause she had by making it his own. Save the planet, save the whales, say no to fur, say no to drugs, don't drive and drink, say no to cell phones and talking and texting, while driving, just save everything and say no to anything that she wanted him to help save and to say no to and he'd be their biggest supporter. Yes, of course, he'd even stop drinking and go to church for her, so long as he could have her.

Already longing the loss of her, she had the flawless face of his perception of an Angel. Surely, someone who looked like her was a model, a singer, or an actress. Definitely, someone so beautiful must be famous and celebrated as a celebrity. He'd buy whatever she modeled and pay whatever she charged to watch her perform, while up on the stage as a singer or go to every movie she made as an actress.

Only, he didn't know who she was. He didn't have a clue. Having never seen her before, he had no idea. He didn't even know her name.

Maybe with those long, shapely legs, she was a dancer, a professional cheerleader, or a stripper. Wow. Boy, if only she was a stripper, he'd tuck C-notes instead of dollar bills in her G-string. If only she were a stripper, who recycles and cares about the planet, finally, they'd have something in common, stripping. He enjoyed watching women remove their clothes, just as much as he imagined she enjoyed removing her clothes. He'd pay anything to see her remove her clothes, a private show, just for him. Definitely, though, someone who looked like her, shouldn't spend a moment in a dump like this, no pun intended. The contrast of her beauty amid the trash and the garbage was startling. She should have people do that for her, take her trash, garbage, and recyclables to the dump. Someone so beautiful should never be exposed to a smelly, rat, disease, and bug infested dump like this.

If they were together, if he was her man and she was his woman, he'd do that for her. He'd take her bottles, plastics, papers, cardboard, and cans to the dump, even if he had to tie them to his waist and drag them for miles through the deep snow of winter or the hot sun of summer. He'd do that for her, so long as he could cuddle naked with her in bed later, once he arrived home from recycling and from single-handedly saving the planet, that is, of course, after he showered. He'd show her that he didn't even need a take his truck or even her bicycle to the dump. He'd walk there, as the ultimate sacrifice to save energy by using his own body, his strong legs and back to drag them there. All the while he lugged her recyclables, he'd be thinking of the treasure that would be there waiting for him at home, upon his return.

He wondered what was her name, something Heavenly, no doubt. She must have a name that evokes a great literary work. Maybe her name is Cleopatra, the Queen of Egypt, or Helen of Troy, or Scarlett from Gone With The Wind, or Juliette from Romeo and Juliette, or Desdemona from Shakespeare's Othello or Ophelia from Hamlet, or Lenore from Edgar Allan Poe, or Emma from Jane Austin or from Flaubert's Madam Bovary, or Rebecca from Daphne du Maurier, or Dulcinea from Cervantes Don Quixote, or Eve from the greatest book of all, the Bible, named after the first woman or perhaps, Cinderella, forced to go to the dump by her hateful stepmother and stepsisters who are jealous of her because of her beauty. Just as he wondered her name, he heard the owner of the dump say it.

"Hi Gayle, how are you?"

Gayle, he thought. Interesting, but, of course. Instead of being named after the Earth, Eartha or named after water, Brooke, she was named after the wind, Gayle, no doubt. Her name is Gayle, he said breathing it out, as if his breath was a tiny gust of wind that softly blew back her shiny, blonde hair, just before taking her in his arms and kissing her.

"Gayle," he said calling to her, after having returned to the muted privacy of his truck, and after having received her look of distain that shunned him. He envisioned her running to him naked with open arms through a daisy filled meadow or along a white, sandy beach. He repeatedly called her name softly, as if whispering her name, while they lay naked in bed making love. "Gayle, Gayle, Gayle." Now that he knows her name, definitely, he'd be dreaming about her tonight and forevermore.

Never embarrassed before or even conscious about his wasteful ways, he was consciously embarrassed now. Opposites do attract, only in this case, he knew he wouldn't stand a chance with her, in the way he disregards the ecology and abuses the environment. He assured himself that she wouldn't even go out with him, unless he changed his wasteful ways and, at the very least, recycled.

No doubt, she was the type of woman who wanted someone who cared more for the Earth than for themselves. Yet, from her gorgeous and well groomed appearance, you'd never guess she was an earthy environmentalist. After seeing her lugging her heavy load of recyclables, instead of wanting someone who was wasteful, she'd want someone who understood the effects when glasses, papers, plastics, cardboards, and metals aren't recycled.

Surely, he could figure all of that out without problem, no sweat. He'd do a search on Google, as soon as he got home, and learn all about recycling. He'd become a recycling expert, a recycling guru, and impress her with his recycling knowledge peppered with factual tidbits that showed her that he was committed to saving the planet and helping the environment. Yes, of course, that's how he'd woo her, by his knowledge for the ecology, albeit forced knowledge, and concern for the environment, albeit insincere concern.

If she only knew that he still poured his leftover paint down the drain and tossed his used batteries in his garbage, she probably wouldn't be surprised. If only she knew how much trash and garbage he is responsible for dumping, much of which could have been recycled. Without doubt, she'd hate him. Certainly, she couldn't be with someone like that. Definitely, in the way that he was now, she couldn't be with someone like him. He'd have to change his woeful ways and, without doubt, change his woeful ways he would.

After she left, from befriending the owner of the dump, so as to get the inside scoop on Gayle, he discovered that she works as a home organizer, was single, and didn't have any children. Perfect. His heart leapt in his chest when he discovered she wasn't married, didn't even have a boyfriend, and had no baggage. Only, how could that be? How could someone who looks like her not already be taken? What's wrong with her? Surely, there must be something wrong with her for her not to have a boyfriend or a husband, and children.

Maybe there was nothing wrong with her. Maybe she had just gone through a messy divorce or a bad breakup. Definitely, he could do rebound sex, especially with her. He'd allow her to use and abuse his naked body, if that would make her feel better. Certainly, it would make him feel better. It's the least that he could do, have her use him physically and sexually, and in that way, he'd be indirectly helping the environment by helping her to have sex with him. Admittedly stretching the ecological point to fit his sexual profile, it was convoluted logic, but it made sense to him, especially now with her still fresh on his mind.

He got her business card from the owner of the dump and on the pretense of calling her to hire her to do some organizing work in his home, he made an appointment for her to come to his house. George decided to win her heart and to do that, he needed to change his life and turn it completely around, actually. As his committed effort to show and to prove his love for her, as his first step to win her heart, he drove to the dealership that very day and traded in his beloved but slightly used, gas guzzling Hummer for a new, fuel efficient Toyota Prius. If that doesn't show her that he loves her, nothing will.

"Wait, hold on. There's something wrong here," he said to the car salesman. "I'm trading in my Hummer and how much must I still pay for this car that cost not even half as much as my truck, when new and is small enough to fit in the back of my truck? Yeah, yeah, I know no one wants Hummers anymore; everyone is going green, conserving on gas, and buying more fuel efficient cars. You'd think a car this small would have a small price tag, too."

Already missing his Hummer, he was not so happy with his Prius purchase, especially after hearing the news of Toyota's fatal crashes and all the recent recalls. Feeling a bit like Don Quixote riding his unfamiliar stead over uncharted ground, albeit Sancho Panzas's donkey instead of Don Quixote's horse, at that, he slowly drove his new, albeit very small car home, at least happy with the fact that he was saving the planet by conserving gas and was hopefully on his way to wooing his beloved Gayle. Certainly, it would make him feel better, without a doubt, especially after having to sell his beloved Hummer, if he made a love connection with Gayle and his attempt to woe her wasn't for naught.

"Gayle, Gayle, Gayle," he loved saying her name. Her name rolled off his lips in the way that a soft breeze would, while in their Honeymoon suite that overlooked the South Pacific Ocean in Bali. "I love you, Gayle," he imagined saying to her. "And I love you, too, George," he imagined she saying to him, before showering him with a thousand kisses and before making sweet, hot love.

To soothe his soul, he thought, Gayle would like the fact that he drove a Prius instead of a Hummer. He only hoped he wouldn't have to trade the Prius in for a bicycle to win her heart. He cringed at the thought of having to pedal uphill in the cold chill of rain to tow recyclables to the dump. Still, thinking of himself, as if he was Rhett Butler leaving Tara to save Scarlett from the advance of the northern soldiers, he'd do that for her.

By sorting, stowing, filing, shelving, and dumping, Gayle takes homes that are a mess and makes them more efficient by getting rid of and organizing the clutter. With an appointment made with her that day to help him with his closets and messy basement next week, he was putting his plan in force to win her heart. Before her appointment, he spent the days making more of a mess in his house, so that she'd stay longer.

Nonetheless, even though it was okay if she saw he was a slob, she'd see that he was someone who wanted to change his disorganized and slovenly ways, by cleaning up his cluttered house. Moreover, she'd see him as someone who needed her help to change his ways. By being more organized, by hiring her, he wanted to show her that he shared the same concerns and values about saving the planet, as she did. With Gayle coming over for her appointment next week, with her making a professional visit that he already deemed as their first, official, semi-date, he dug through the garage looking for his recycling bin and was quickly bitten on the hand by a large spider.

"Holy shit! That thing was nasty. That was the biggest frigging spider I ever saw in my life. Take that you bastard," he said stomping on it and crushing and squishing it into the pavement.

Then, he thought, good thing Gayle isn't here to witness him crushing the spider because she'd probably want me to recycle him, too. She'd have me carry it out on a stick and let it wander in the backyard to bite me again. The reality of living with someone who was so different from him, so concerned about saving the planet and helping to improve the environment, was slowly opening his love blinded eyes to the reality of how much he'd really have to change to not only win her heart but also to keep her interested in him. Nonetheless, the thought of her in his life far exceeded whatever changes he personally had to make to win her heart and keep her there, maybe, even as his wife and the mother of his children, Sierra, Cheyenne, and Sky. If all that it took was for him to be more conserving, recycling more, and be more aware of his carbon footprint, he'd freely embrace her lifestyle for his for a chance to be with her.

Nursing his red and swollen hand, he tripped and fell and accidentally bumped his head on the rusted bike that hung from the rafters and that he hadn't ridden in 10 years. The bike came crashing down on him.

"Fuck! That hurt!"

What would have been an easy fete before to stow his bicycle in the Hummer, he had to put the back seat of the Prius down and remove the bike's front tire to fit his two-wheeler in his tiny car. Certainly no Lance Armstrong, but willing to play the part for the affection of Gayle, he took the bike to the bicycle repair shop for a makeover, to buy a bike helmet, and to show her that he rode a bike, too. Then, when he lunged over a pile of lumber, he stepped on a nail that pierced his shoe and his foot.

"God damn it! Shit," he said picking up his foot and reaching down to pullout the nail, glad that he had a Tetanus shot last year. "Trying to do the right thing, trying to conserve and be more ecologically concerned is going to cost me my life," he said. "Between being bitten on my hand, hitting my head, and now impaling my foot, what can possibly happen to me next?"

Finally, he saw it. His recycling bin was buried beneath the snow blower, behind the lawn mower, and beneath a pile of other assorted junk. Maybe he'd have her help him organize the garage, too. This project alone will keep her here most of the day, he thought, maybe even the entire week.

He brought the recycling bin in the house, cleaned it, and, as if filling up a fruit bowl to display as a centerpiece, in the way that he fashioned the paper, cardboard, cans, and plastics, he filled it with recyclables. Even though he had to go Online first to see what recyclables were, when he was finished filling his bin with recyclables, it was beautiful, a work of art. Then, he prominently displayed his recycling bucket filled with papers, newspapers, cardboards, glass bottles, plastics, and cans on his front porch, so that she could see that he was a changed man, as soon as she walked up his front steps.

His next trip was to the hardware store. After buying the wrong light bulbs twice, after spending a small fortune on lighting and light bulbs, he changed every light bulb in the house to efficient energy saving light bulbs. Instead of having to run his air conditioning on days that aren't as hot, he nearly electrocuted himself when he tried installing a ceiling fan in the living room without first turning off the power.

"Shit! That was a jolt. That's a reminder to turn off the power first, for sure."

Then, in an earnest but expensive effort to win Gayle's heart, he got rid of all his old, but perfectly good appliances, albeit inefficient appliances and bought new ones with the energy star rating. With his date with Gayle quickly looming, he paid extra to have the store rush deliver the appliances. It was a costly affair, but what environmental women wouldn't like a man who had new, shiny, stainless steel, energy efficient appliances? They not only made his kitchen look modern, sleek, efficient, and clean but also made him appear more environmentally friendly.

"Hello," he imagined saying to her. "What do you think of my new kitchen? What do you think of my stainless steel, energy efficient appliances? Yeah, that's right, Gayle, my stainless steel appliances aren't the only things around here that are hard and shiny, that is, once I plunge my hard cock in your wet pussy," he imagined thinking, but not saying to her for fear of scaring her by coming on too strong, vulgar, actually.

Gorging himself first on a breakfast of steak, eggs, and ice cream, the next day, he said good-bye to meat, eggs, and dairy and became a vegan. He started buying all his fruits and vegetables from the local farmers. Having been a vegan for only a few hours, it was already lunch, his first real test, and he'd kill for a cheeseburger.

Going one step better than paper instead of plastic, he carried his reusable shopping bags with him when going to the buy groceries at the supermarket.

"Can I check your bag, sir?" The security guard at the grocery store's front entrance eyed him as if he was a thief.

"Check my bag? Why? What is this the airport? Who are you, TSA? Hey, I paid for all this stuff," he said reluctantly submitting his bag of groceries with receipt to the inspection security guard. "Just because it's in my bag and not your bag, doesn't mean that I stole the food," he said. "You people make it difficult to go green."

"Have a nice day, Sir," said the guard, still eying him suspiciously.

Helping to save the Earth by not using a Styrofoam or a paper cup, he took his reusable plastic mug when buying coffee at the coffee cafe.

"You can't use that cup here, sir."

"Why not?"

"It's bigger than our cups."

"So, just fill it up with however much coffee you'd normally give me and--"

"We can't do that, sir?"

"Why not?"

"Because your cup doesn't have a lid and we're liable should you spill the coffee on yourself or on someone else."

"Oh for gosh sakes! You make me want to dump the coffee on you."

"Security!"

"Okay, okay, forget my cup and just give me regular coffee in your cup. Then, when I get outside, I'll dump your coffee in my coffee mug and when I'm done drinking my coffee, I'll eat your paper cup."

He change the thermostat in his home and nearly electrocuted himself.

"This should be easy. Take the black ground wire to this screw and the red wire goes-- Yeow! Gees, that will teach me to turn off the power first. You think I would have learn that lesson with getting a shock from the fan yesterday. Boy, that woke me up. I could save some money on coffee and just touch his wire every morning."

He changed the showerhead in the shower from a high flow to a low flow. Pleased by how shiny the new showerhead was and how nice it looked, he was disappointed the first time he took a shower.

"Well this really sucks. I'd get more water pressure if I stood outside in the rain."

Willing to do whatever it took, he was willing to take the next step in the world of preserving energy and conserving fossil fuels to save the planet and to win Gayle's heart. He got brochures and price quotes on solar panels for the roof and for a tankless water heater for his water.

"How much did you say it was for solar panels? Is that Euros or dollars or yen?"

"Initially there's a cost," said the solar panel installer, "but in the long run, it will pay for itself in savings and eventually, you may be off the grid, where the electric company pays you a small fee to use your power."

"I should live so long to see a return on this investment," he said handing the installer the check for the payment. "I should live so long to realize my power company pay me a penny."

"Oh, and there's a tax credit, too."

"Great. Now, I have to finally file my taxes to realize that energy credit."

He bought a 5 gallon water cooler to save on using more plastic for bottled water. He was doing everything he could think of to conserve on energy and to help the environment to win Gayle's affection.

Planning on using the day that she was there to help him organize his house, closets, and basement, to ask her out on a date, finally, the day was here and so wasn't Gayle. She rode her bike over and he wondered if she even had a car. He should have parked his bike on the front porch. She looked as beautiful, more beautiful, even, than he had remembered her to be. With his heart pounding and his cock hardening, he had a difficult time not staring at her beautiful face and equally beautiful body but, in the way of a moth being shooed away from a light bulb, he forced himself to look away. He didn't want to appear lecherous by leering, even though he was and even though he did.