Ghosts in My Head

It was innocent enough. Just a reply to an author following the reading of her most recent chapter of her very erotic story that she had posted on an online adult story site. "I'm loving your series. I'm always curious as to how much is drawn from real life experiences. I can't wait for the next chapters." There were many parts in the first half-dozen or so chapters of her story, that I had just finished reading, that struck a chord and resonated in me. I had no idea at that time, in that moment, just how quickly my life was about to change.

It isn't like I often send feedback to authors of stories I read - most times I don't. I simply read a story, and if I enjoy them, I will check out other offerings by the same author, and then I will continue checking for new stories I find along the way. As it was, I didn't expect a reply. I've sent similar comments to other writers over the years. Some reply, some don't - either way, I was surprised and excited to see her reply. I had just read her most recent chapter, and enjoyed it very much and I told her so in my comments to her.

I've been hanging around the adult side of the internet for a very long time. Most often I had found myself looking for, finding and reading from "interesting" story sites I found. I find that I gravitate to those stories that are touted as true-life experiences, or those that maybe aren't, but certainly could be. I regularly seek out excitement in my life through the emotions and experiences of others from their writing and the telling of their own experiences. Mostly I tend to read the stories of wives in search of something sexually exciting - injecting new experiences and perhaps finding something liberating in their day to day lives. Often, but not always, the beginning of their experiences was at the prompting of their husbands, also in search of sexual exploration and adventure. But, not always as was the case with her.

I know I do this because I am living in a vanilla marriage. I have love and respect for my wife, unfortunately, she is vanilla and I am not. In years past, I had satisfied my less than vanilla appetite online and lived out my hidden desires precariously through women I met in an adult chatroom that I frequently visited, and for a while, almost held permanent residence. I honed in on the submissive or submissive-curious women who passed by. They were the ones that caught and kept my attention the most.

I discovered through experience to get to the point quickly as to who I sought, and I let them know my intentions quickly, usually within the first line or two of chatting. We would connect at once or not, and I quickly moved along until eventually I found the one I was looking for. Once a connection was made, we then chatted, finding the common ground needed to build on. Then, abruptly in that first conversation, I would usually call them to action. But that isn't what this story is about. I digressed.

I had recently found my way to this particular site by following an author there, who was also posting his series on another site - a site that I used most frequently. I'm certain I had likely visited this new site before, in passing. This particular writer was in the process of telling his and his wife's "true" (at least purported to be true) account, mostly of her sexual journey and experiences both within and outside their marriage. I hoped to get a jump on his newest installments as I'd heard that at this site, the newest chapters appeared first. I was captivated to follow their story and read more! I wasn't disappointed. There were new chapters of his story I hadn't seen yet, and so in no time at all I was once again caught up once more. While there, I began to check out the other posted stories and began to read those by other authors. After checking out the first paragraph of a few stories in the story summaries, I either moved on, skipping the ones that didn't catch my interest, or I clicked "read more".

Then, there it was. The first paragraph. It was promising. It caught my eye, and so, I began to read. I didn't stop reading until the last word of the last sentence of the last paragraph, of the most recently posted, last chapter. In my mind I saw everything she saw. I had "played" with real submissives (online) before her. I understood and I knew her mind-set at once. I could empathize with her - the why and how of her need and desire to do the ever-increasing sexual tasks put in front of her by her newly acquired master. Each new task pushing her to go further than the last. To feel more excitement in her life. I knew this woman well already. I sensed it clearly in those first chapters before me.

I pressed send on the feedback to her that I had just written.

Now, I wish I hadn't deleted every single email message I sent or received from her (numbering in the thousands). I wish now I had kept each and every one of those treasures. I wish I would be able to retrace at will, every detail of the journey that began from that one simple act of pressing enter on that day. I want to be able to recall, when my memory fades, every bit of it, of her, with clarity and precision. I wish to remember every nuance, each phrase and every word she spoke, each picture she sent to me - that now live on only in my memory. But, when it ended, I promised her I would delete everything, so out of respect, and out of love, I did just that.

She replied to my feedback. It was the same day that I had sent it. In response to my question of how much of her story was true, she said, apart from the actual dialog, it was all true. Then she included her own email address in her reply, suggesting she would be happy to hear from me, and so it began. I had an advantage - five chapters of her following the orders of the master she found - describing her thoughts and feelings along the way. (I never thought to inquire as to where she found her master, other than posting online, somewhere). Like the chapters she had written, everything moved at lightening speed after that.

We exchanged a couple of emails. Often, as in my play with others, I offered her a simple task. I had her pick three people, those she wouldn't want them knowing what she was up to. She replied to the challenge with excitement, expressing a bit of determined shyness to see it through. I wished her luck and let her know I would be anxious to hear the outcome.

She called each one, a relative, a friend and a stranger. During each of the calls, she was instructed to bring herself to orgasm. If she failed to orgasm during the call, or if the call ended too early, she would have to begin again with someone new. Her response back to me, was once again full of enthusiasm. She was very excited to make the calls. She identified the first caller as her brother-in-law. Part way through the call, she said he had asked why she sounded a bit out of breath. She said she had replied something to the effect that she was busy about the house during the call. She said it didn't take her long to orgasm as she was so aroused and nervous just making the call.

The second call was to a customer service representative. I have little recollection of the specifics, other than she said she felt very naughty and excited - touching herself, and once again, fingering herself while on the phone and trying to keep up a conversation with a total stranger while her excitement rose to another climax!

She then told me of the final call. To her best friend. This time, my new sweetheart didn't get off quite so easily. Her friend commented and pretty much guessed as to what was going on. My girl claimed otherwise but it didn't sound like her friend believed her. Her first task was over, and a success for both of us. I was thrilled she had gone through it. She sounded equally excited by the task she had just done, expressing how she couldn't believe she had just masturbated while talking on the phone with three different people!

Little did I know at that time, but the first of small, insignificant deceptions, that later would manifest as ghosts in my head - haunting me throughout the duration of our relationship - had just occurred, in the most innocent and inconspicuous of ways.

After that task, our emails flew back and forth. Sometimes only a line or two at a time. Had I had a more modern tablet that would also have been secure from my wife, I would quickly have suggested a more direct messaging method. In the past, I discovered many messaging apps carried more risk of discovery, perhaps a pop-up on the screen at the wrong time or a surprise notification, and it would be too late. So emails on an online server it was.

Our chats and our tasks evolved very quickly. I learned much about her, bits and pieces of her past. I learned of her very strong sexual desire to be controlled - she was without a doubt the most submissive woman I had ever met in my life. Her level of excitement of just doing things, however bold or daring was incredible! She had explained to me she had not been in contact with the master from her story for some time. She explained how he had posted a picture of her nude, including her face on an adult website, purporting her to be his wife. That brought a swift end to that relationship and she was feeling that need once more to have that back in her life. It wouldn't be good if her husband's work or coworkers found out! All she said at the time to me was that she had him remove it, and he did. With great enthusiasm, I took on the role of her master.

It wasn't long before her emails to me were flooded with pictures of her. The first being a huge group of maybe seventy five or more - give or take quite a few. All of them in this group were on her bed, her beautiful face, her lithe, very toned and athletic body fully naked (with very few exceptions) and very much on display. She said she had them from a photo shoot she had done. The photographer, a friend was told they were for her husband, she told me that at the time, she had them taken to give to her master. They were stunning, and she was very stunning and gorgeous! I told her so. I felt I was was the luckiest man alive. I very quickly became enamored of her, and by all accounts, that feeling seemed mutual. Any opportunity that presented itself, one of us would be emailing the other.

She was more than a very beautiful woman. She gave herself completely to me. If I were to ask it of her, I had no doubt at all she would have done it, no matter what. Once I learned her routine, we began to work with it and incorporate her schedule within our play. She rarely skipped going to the gym. So, I had her present herself while there. No thong beneath her workout clothes. No bra, and a tightly fitting top. She would position herself to the best of her ability to offer the others at the gym, the most exposure possible as she did her workout. Eyes would be upon her, and she would do it for me. I still vividly recall the picture she sent to me of the top she wore on that first day. Her excited and erect nipples as prominent as they could possibly be. She was my dream.

I was falling in love with her. I discovered her to be a very caring soul. She volunteered to help adults with disabilities. The depth of her caring for others went far deeper as I was to discover in time. We connected in some very subtle ways as well. We both spoke without profanity, and that was very evident in our emails. Even within her story of her experiences online, her language was quite polite, even when describing the most intimate sexual acts and their impacts and responses in her body. It is remarkable that meeting on an adult sites one would find the other to be so similar, but that has also has its limitations, and now and then, the act of fucking, just has to be described at that.

She loved everything I was giving her, and in return I loved everything she gave back. We were becoming inseparable. She had made it clear to me, that she and her husband were very much apart. Her previous master insisted she no longer sleep with her husband, that he doesn't even see her undressed. It had been months since she had been involved with her master, and yet she kept her husband at bay. When he was home, he was sleeping in the spare bedroom. She no longer wanted him, to her, the marriage was over. I asked her when the last time she had sex with anyone. She said it had been a while, and it was with a neighbor, a man whom her master had encouraged her to fuck while she had been her master's submissive. She was beginning to feel she needed hard flesh inside her - and soon. As much as I desired it to be, that next hard flesh inside her wasn't going to be me.

The word "love" was soon uttered between us, and often. I meant it, with all my heart and soul. She was the perfect woman, inside and out. Her words of love in return to me gave me a fresh and exciting look on life. Suddenly, I was alive and in love with someone who would give me everything I ever had wanted and desired in life. I opened up to her as she did in return to me- passing on more personal information between us as time went on.

I sent her out shopping with her friend. She was to try on and buy some new lingerie. By now, her friend knew she was playing with, and becoming seriously involved with me. Her friend and her friend's husband very much disliked my sweetheart's husband. Following that, my girl had commented to me that her friend had made a comment about how good she looked during that trip and along the lines of how she might just have to kiss my sweetheart herself! Suddenly, I saw an opening and I took it. A new plan was hatched. Once again the details of how she went to dinner with her friend are now lost in the deleted emails. How my love put herself out there to her friend, to openly offer and end with a very passionate kiss to her long term best friend. The first time my girl had passionately kissed another girl!

I had instructed her to not hold back at any suggestion by her friend of taking it further. My girl was not to say no to anything! Her next message to me was that she would be going to her friends for a massage! I told her that I would want her to record as much as possible, and send me a picture or two if she could. I couldn't be there in person, so her emails to me of the experience and a few pictures would be my reward - my way of being involved in the real-life play that I could not be part of. I was not disappointed. When her email came to me, it was gushing with excitement! She had full on sex with her best friend and her husband! She experienced her first girl on girl sex, and she did it without hesitation.

Then the rush of photos followed. Tongues everywhere. There was nothing left to the imagination. Naked bodies, oiled from the massage, cum from her friend's husband dripping from my love's slick pussy. A closeup of my girl's tongue licking her friend's pussy and the reverse. Fingers entering one another's bodies. I really don't know who was more excited about it, her or I? It was obvious she had found herself in a world she wanted to be in. To me, the perfect mix of love and caring and sex.

I had found the woman I was ready and willing to give everything - everything for her without a shred of doubt. Everything she said or did showed me she was in it as deeply as I.

It was just the beginning.