Ginsu Memories

'Ding Dong!' The doorbell rings, but Donna keeps reading.

"Her defenders flee shamelessly, leaving the princess at the mercy of the pirates. As the barbaric hoards swarm aboard, she desperately seeks sanctuary in the captain's cabin. Without warning, the door explodes in a shower of splinters leaving the dark shadow of a pirate blocking the only exit."

'Ding Dong!'

"The forsaken princess feels the thick callused hand of the pirate encircle her waist. She feels the excited breath on her neck, and smells his pungent sweat. As her bosom crushes against his hard muscled chest, it ignites with the fire of forbidden passion. Tears of helpless frustrations fill her eyes waiting for the cruel hard fate to befall her.

Her lips ache with desire, as the lust-crazed pirate presses closer."

Irritated by the sound of the doorbell, Brenda lays down her pirate book.

Enveloped in her fantasy cocoon, Brenda's body aches with desire. She feels the frustration of the forsaken princess. She wants to keep reading the romantic saga of the defenseless maiden, but is forced to answer the door. Still burning from the embrace of the pirate's hands, her mind is clouded with dreams of debauchery. Brenda rises from the sofa like a sleepwalker, and opens the door without first checking the peephole.

"Aaah Sooo!" shouts a slim dark skinned man.

Dressed in black, he blocks the entrance like a shadow. Out of the blackness of his body emerges a long pointed knife. Its silver blade sparkles like diamonds in the afternoon sun. Like a long scintillating finger, it points directly into Brenda's open mouth.

Brenda backs up.

With a quick kick of his left foot, the small man slams her apartment door closed. Never pausing to look back, the man advances. His feet move forward with the smooth confidence of a sword fighter. His bearing is elegant, and ingratiating. With a quick perfunctory bow, the foreigner begins jabbering.

"Permit the honor please, of showing Ginsu Wonder Knives!"

The blade cuts into the air with the quick graceful motions of a Sushi Master slicing up invisible fish. Brenda can hear the swish and feel the wind of the blade against her cheeks.

She is forced to retreat.

Brenda is mesmerized. Only minutes before, she was enraptured in a romantic saga of debauchery, waiting to find out the fate of a princess at the hands of the ravishing pirates. Now she is alone in her apartment walking backward to escape a knife wielding maniac. Her mind is dazed, transfixed by the shining point of the knife. It has a hypnotizing quality. The sing-song tone of the Oriental's speech entrances her. At times, he is hard to understand. Talking constantly, the man pursues Brenda into the apartment until her legs strike the edge of the couch, and she collapses into a sitting position with her knees akimbo.

"Let me show."

Brenda is afraid to refuse.

"The edge is serrated to cut through toughest meat, and will cut bone, no problem."

The man nods his head several times in emphasis.

"Cuts bone, no problem."

As if defying Brenda to contradict him, he repeats himself. "Cuts bone, very well."

In her vulnerable seated position, with her knees much too wide apart, Brenda realizes that her life or at least her virtue may be in danger. Her inner voice screams for calm. Any sudden move, the slightest sign of panic could send that knife plunging straight into her heart. With one false move, her life's hot blood could spurt out onto the floor. Her heart thumping wildly, speeding out-of-control, Brenda knows that she is in big trouble.

"I flip for you," says the knife artist.

With a quick twist, the man flips over his attaché case, displaying a cutting board imbedded on the other side. Laying the case on the coffee table, he produces a long hard bone from one of his pockets like a magician.

"Wham! Bam!"

With two lightening quick chops, he cuts the bone in half.

The brute power of this foreign intruder astonishes Brenda. As the harsh sound of the bone chop resonates into silence, she protests.

"No wham bam, thank you man! That is too fast!"

She shouts each word separately in a loud but calm manner to avoid offending the crazed devil. Brenda intended to say she does not want to buy knives, thank you, and that he was talking too fast. But by imitating the stilted language of the foreigner, her words conveyed an unintended meaning.

"Aaah Soo! No problem, many choices!" the smooth talking knife hawker shouts back, deliberately misunderstanding the protesting maiden. With a flick of the catch locks, the attaché case opens to reveal 30 gleaming knives in all shapes and sizes.

The salesman lays his serrated knife down on the coffee table. For the first time, Brenda does not have a dagger aimed at her heart. This is her chance. Just like in the pirate books, she can kick over the table, grab the knife and run. She can make her move. She can save her honor.

Brenda leans forward to the edge of the sofa with one hand braced on the coffee table. Her heart pumping madly, she is ready.

As her fingertips tentatively graze the knife handle, the unpredictable foreigner shouts.

"Ginsu Master Chef!"

Brenda recoils, as he seizes a wickedly curved cutlass from the attaché case. This new knife is twice as big as the one Brenda was about to grab.

Now there is no escape.

"Very fine knife. Master knife. Total control and ease of use."

Brenda is almost in tears. Her escape ruined, she awaits her fate at the hands of the crazed Ginsu Knife salesman. Driven by fear and desire, she closes her eyes to her fate praying for deliverance, or an imaginary savior to rescue her.

Eyes closed tightly, a captive in her own living room, Brenda listens to the hypnotic cadence of the man's voice. His words blend together into rivers of sound as he lapses into a foreign dialect. His animation escalates into a gentle but disturbing agitation.

"Ginsu master control. Aki kara koshimoto!"

The words are meaningless to Brenda, but the intent is clear. Every word is punctuated by the swishing sound of the knife blade slicing through the air. Brenda is clearly at the mercy of her master.

Waiting for her fate to befall her, each breath an eternity of yearning, Brenda pulls her dress tight between her parting thighs. Spreading her legs underneath her golden gown, she shudders in anticipation waiting for the silver blade to find the golden tunnel between her legs. She feels the tickling point of the silver knife. Her fear is gone. She waits patiently for the hard ramming, to the hilt, all the way to the curved handle. But the blade is withdrawn. She feels the wind of the knife slicing past her chest. Disheartened when the thrust never comes, she juts out her burning breasts until they touch the broad flat heat of the burnished blade. As her nipples touch the metal, sparks fly like fireworks.

The burning embers threaten to ignite her golden gown. In alarm, the pirate pulls her body closer to smother the fire. He crushes her mouth with kisses while the fire from her nipples bend and melt his heated blade. A silver rain falls into her lap like tears. A hot lake forms between Brenda's legs. The lake turns into a shimmering river of desire. She is soaked. Her cave of fire fills to overflowing. Light tremors shake her body until her world explodes in a bright string of fiery bursts. Brenda erupts, freezing time with quakes of delight.

"Blam!"

Brenda's fantasy is broken by the sound of a slamming door. She opens her eyes. The Ginsu salesman is gone. Only a small curved blade shinning like diamonds lays tilted to one side on the coffee table. It is a sample Ginsu Vegetable Slicer.

In Brenda's jewelry box, underneath her earings and necklaces is a spiral vegetable slicer. To her friends, it looks oddly out of place. But for Brenda, it is a romantic memento of her Ginsu Memories.