Give It Up

Thank you to VMKane for editing and constantly pushing me to be a better writer.

******

I'm lying next to her, the room is pitch black and all I can focus on is her breath catching in her throat. The duvet has somehow managed to work its way down so it's only covering my lower half. The cool night air coming in through the open window is raising goosebumps on my arms. We're not touching, but I can feel the energy radiating from her body which is only inches from mine. Neither of us should have let it get this far, but the temptation of the forbidden fruit is almost too much to resist.

"Please tell me."

Her voice is quiet, gravelly and full of arousal. She's staring straight up at the ceiling. I can just about make out the rise and fall of her vest in the darkness. Even without her eyes on me I'm struggling to get my words out.

"I can't. It's too... I just can't."

I'm covering my face with my arm; I don't want to expose myself. She's peeling back my layers and I'm not doing a thing to stop her.

"Jessica, you've know me for ages, have I ever judged you?

"No... I mean yes, I've thought about you like that. The way your lips would feel against mine. How your skin would feel under my fingertips... How erotic it would be."

"Fuck."

I'm aching for her. I want to climb on top of her and consume her, get into her head and find out her deepest, darkest secrets. Instead I turn onto my side and lay my head on my left arm so I'm facing her.

"Why me Jessica? Why now?"

"You know why. It's always been this way."

"We can't. It's not right; too many people would get hurt. It doesn't mean I don't want it though."

"Tell me what you want, Tab."

I know she's only wearing a thin vest. I find my mind considering the possibility that her nipples are straining against the fabric -that they're erect because of me. It feels like we are in a black and white film, her beauty translates even in monotone, she could be Bacall or Dietrich.

"At dinner I couldn't stop sneaking glances at you, Jess. You looked so beautiful, your hair falling down around your face. All I wanted to do was have you all to myself. And now I do and I can't do a thing about it."

"Maybe. But we can still talk."

I reach out to her with my right hand but stop myself. This isn't about touching. A car drives past and its headlights illuminate her saxophone hanging on the wall. She always looks so in control when she's playing.

"What do you want to talk about? Shall we talk about how wet you're making me, Jess?

My stomach knotted tight.

"Stop it. You shouldn't be telling me that."

The lump in my throat is getting bigger. I feel like I have a fever.

"You're not?"

I can barely hear her. We are both whispering, scared stiff it will become even more real if we say it loud enough.

"You know I am..."

"Do you masturbate, Jess?"

I choke out a response. That word seems so dirty, even coming from her. I don't want her to know how many times I have done it to try and get my mind off her.

"Well, do you, Jessica?"

She raises her knees up and pushes the duvet down off her legs. She is wearing tight boxer shorts, typical Tabitha. She looks as girly as can be on the outside, but underneath she's much more complicated.

"Yes."

"Like this?"

My eyes have adjusted to the darkness so I can see what she's doing. She hooks her thumbs over the waistband of her underwear and pulls them down a fraction. She's teasing me; I can see the beginnings of her pubic hair.

"Tab, stop it."

I am almost begging, my voice desperate and needy.

"I want you to watch me. Don't say anything."

Her right hand moves between her legs, on top of her shorts. I can smell her, I want to taste her. The little noises that escape her lips are delicious. I can feel myself fidgeting. Her hair is pulled back in a tight ponytail, reminiscent of Dita in that video, if only she was wearing the mask.

"You've wanked over me, I know you have. You're always finding ways to be close to me, placing your hand on my arm, on the small of my back."

I love her back, just where it curves to meet her bum. I love to put my hand there. It makes me feel possessive, like I could manoeuvre her wherever I wanted.

She's rubbing herself in slow circles, still over the top. Her pants must be sodden. She moves closer to me, now on her side, mouth so close to mine I can feel her words.

"You've thought about telling me to put my hands against the wall and my back to you. My arse out for you, and only you. What if I were wearing that dress you complimented me on earlier? What if I reached around and lifted it up ever so slowly for you?"

"Tabitha... please stop."

"Tell me what you're thinking Jess?"

"Would you be wearing anything underneath the dress?"

"Do you want me to be?"

"No..."

"What would you do if I made you suck my cock? The one we were emailing about, the big black one that embarrassed you so much, Jessica?"

The very unsuitable for work email conversation that made me so uncomfortable I had to walk away from her to recover my composure.

"I'd willingly get down on my knees and let you do whatever you wanted to me, Tab. Beg you even. Just like I'm begging you to stop now."

My hand was now inside my underwear. I'd never been this wet before but I didn't want it to end. I was applying pressure but not moving my fingers.

"Would you take it in your mouth?"

I couldn't control my breathing, and neither could she. We were panting like dogs. Maybe that's all we were, animals, unable to control their carnal desires.

"Yes. I'd worship it. Submit to it."

A low groan escaped her. She liked to be in control, to be the one taking. Even in our everyday friendship she would get off on making me feel uncomfortable. She'd drop something on the floor for me to pick up so she could look down my top and make me blush, all the time surrounded by people.

"Would you really let me put it anywhere?"

No, no, no. Not this. I can't talk about this. Not with her.

"Tab. Don't say it. It's not fair, I can't touch you."

"Would you let me put it in your arse? How about bending you over your desk? Your tits scooped out of your bra and hanging underneath you? What if someone walked in and caught us?"

My fingers were moving in circles over my clit now. I desperately needed to come, this was torture, hearing her say these things but knowing we'd never get the chance to do it. I tried to keep my fingers slow, to prolong this feeling of intimacy. She was close, I could tell from her breathing and I wasn't far behind.

"Come for me Jess. Imagine it's my tongue on you."

I let go of all my inhibitions, all the repercussions we'd have to deal with and just enjoyed the moment. It was almost unbearably intense. Her eyes stayed locked on mine as she rode her own wave. We hadn't touched but I felt like we had fucked. I felt like I had her come on my fingers, not my own.

We had just crossed the forbidden boundary and I didn't know if I could go back.