Going Home Again Ch. 02

With great reluctance I woke up the next morning. Mariah was giving me a good shake, rattling me to consciousness. I squinted my eyes open, silently cursing the invading light and croaked out, "No more." Again and again, for most of the night, she had used me for her pleasure (though I'll be the first to admit I loved every minute of it) and I felt like I just gotten to sleep now. I was exhausted. She smiled down at me and said, "I just wanted you to know I have to go to work. I'll be back tonight at six if you want to see or talk to me. You go ahead and sleep some more now." She leaned down and kissed me, a not too quick little peck on the lips, then lifted the blankets over me and disappeared from my view. I caught a quick look at the clock. 5:30 am. I last saw it saying 2:00 am when she had last woke me for more sex. Maybe I HAD just fallen asleep when she woke me again! I drifted off to that thought.

When I woke again it was after 1:00. I remained laying comfortably under the covers for another hour or so, just enjoying the warmth and dreariness of the moment before I finally got up. I took a long shower, then a long bath. I hate sitting in dirty water so I always shower before a bath. Today's theme for me was relaxation and relax I did, using the time to think about the events of the previous evening, what had happened and where I wanted things to go.

Well, it was pretty plain what had happened. I had had a nerve wracking, very tense and wonderful night with the woman whom I had never stopped loving. Even after her betrayal and all the pain and anger I felt for her, I still loved her.

I thought about that some more. Five long years had passed since that fateful night. Was I really still angry? No, not really. Anger is a fleeting emotion usually. Did I still feel betrayed? Yeah, a little, but it wasn't a terribly strong feeling. There was a much stronger feeling that I couldn't put a name to, but it was definitely not a happy one.

As for where I wanted things to go, I really wasn't sure. When we broke up she was living a promiscuous lifestyle. That was a major part of why I left. I guessed she had continued that lifestyle after I was gone and by now she had to have been with an awful lot of men. That was kind of scary. It was quite apparent that she knew what she was doing in bed. Boy did she ever! Last night had been…well it was a "wow" experience. I, on the other hand, had been nearly celibate for the last 5 years. A few times a year I'd get a friend to help me scratch the itch, but that was about it. It was plain, basic sex and nothing really adventurous.

I wondered if plain old me would be able to satisfy Mariah. With all the men she had been with she was bound to have had better lovers and better-endowed lovers. Would my manhood and me be manly enough? Would she stray again?

I realized that I was thinking like I had already taken her back. That was dangerous. I would give her a chance, just like I said I would, but I wasn't about to dive in with my eyes closed. She had a long way to go before I would feel secure with her again, if ever.

It was 3:00 by the time I finished my bath. 3 hours before Mariah would be back. I needed to get home and change. I had to return the tux to the rental place too. I gave my mom a phone call. Knowing her she was likely ripping her hair out with worry by now. When she picked up the other end and answered, her "hello" was frantic.

"Hi, Mom. It's me."

"John! Where have you been all night?"

"Relax, Mom. I'm at Mariah's place. I crashed here last night."

"Oh. So, what's going on then? You two are not a couple again, are you?" Her voice was sharp and stern when she asked, masking fear if I knew my Mom. She always worried about me. She was probably afraid Mariah would hurt me again. I could understand that. I was afraid of that too.

"I'll be home soon, Mom. We can talk about it then, okay?"

"Alright, dear. Be careful."

Taking the bus home in a tux was not fun. I hate tuxedos! They're hot and stuffy and not comfortable. The way people gawked at me wasn't very enjoyable either. I was relieved when I arrived back home.

When I got inside Mom was waiting for me on the couch, not really watching T.V. "Oh, good. You're home," she said. "I bet you're hungry too. I made you a roast beef sandwich. It's in the fridge." Good old Mom. She knows me so well.

"Thanks, Mom. I'm just gonna get changed first." I went to my room and changed into my more comfortable jeans and T-shirt. I went back to the kitchen and got my sandwich out of the fridge, put a couple of pickles onto the plate and poured myself a glass of chocolate milk, then returned to the living room and sat down on the couch next to my Mom.

She looked at me and asked, "Did you have a good time last night, dear?"

"It didn't suck." Somehow I managed to keep a straight face as the memory of Mariah's oral actions the night before ran through my head.

"Well, I'm waiting."

"We went for dinner, then for a walk in Stanley Park. We talked a lot, then I ended up crashing at her place." Mom sat there patiently and let me talk. Patience is not one of her stronger points, so this was impressive. "Has Mariah been around in the time I was up north? Do you know what she's been up to?" Mom was an incurable busybody. If anyone had kept up on Mariah, she would have.

"Well, I did hear about her and her loose morals a fair bit, up until about 6 months ago. After that it was like she'd dropped off the face of the earth."

6 months? That was quite a gap.

We chatted for a while and she warned me not to trust Mariah any farther than I could throw her with one arm tied behind my back. I decided to make a phone call to Jane. She had been both Mariah's and my friend before I moved away. She knew the reason I left and was sad both for the ending of a fairy tale and to see me go. She had known about Mariah's indiscretions before I did, but had kept quiet about it. After I had found out about them Jane had been sympathetic to me but had refused to take sides. She's just like that. Hopefully she could fill me in on that 6-month gap.

When she answered the phone, I was very nervous. Did I really want to know? "Hi Jane. It's me, John."

"John? Hey! It's been a while. How are things in Prince Rupert?"

"Actually I'm back in Vancouver again. I got a new job here."

"That's great! We'll have to meet for lunch or something and you can give me the details!"

Well, this was going better than I had hoped. We small-talked for a few minutes before I got to the point. "So, Jane, are you still friends with Mariah?"

She hesitated for a moment, then replied, "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I'm kinda curious about what she's been up to."

"Well, uh, yeah, we're still friends. Um, what exactly is on your mind here? You were pretty clear before that you never wanted to see or talk to her again."

"Yeah, well…" This was it. How to explain what had happened? "I kinda bumped into her yesterday and I was just sort of wondering."

"Oh my. Well, what's on your mind?" Her tone shifted a little, became more open.

"Well, what has she been up to lately?"

"Actually I'm a little worried about her. She's become pretty withdrawn. She goes right home after work and I think she's even more depressed than before."

"She was depressed?"

"You know, John, I love you, but sometimes you're an idiot. She's been depressed since the day you left her."

"She has?" I could feel her eyes rolling on the other end of the line.

"Of course she has. I'm not condoning what she did. I would have left my boyfriend too if he'd done to me what Mariah did to you. All the same, she did love you and it hurt her deeply when you left."

"Oh."

"For the last several months I don't think she's even been out on one date. At least she hasn't told me about any and she always tells me about her dates."

"Oh."

"Every now and then she would break down and say how she hated herself for what she had done to you and for what she had become."

"Oh."

"If you're a big dork say "Oh.""

"Uhhh…"

"You know, if you want to call her I can give you her number."

"Well, actually, I already have it."

"Oh."

"That's my line."

"Shut up, dork! So, are you gonna call her? I know she'd love to hear from you."

"I'm thinking about it."

"She's been trying to change, you know. She's been trying really hard."

"I'll tell you what, Jane, if you're not doing anything tonight maybe the three of us could hang out."

"Okay. Where?"

"Come get me at 6:00. I'm at my parents' house. I'll talk to Mariah and we'll see."

I felt relieved. Jane was a good person and a good friend. If anyone could help me keep perspective she could.

Mariah's Tale

I didn't sleep at all that night. I was too afraid to. If I had slept and woken up to find John was not there I would have died. So, I watched him sleep and just basked in his presence. Having him in the same bed as me was better than I remembered and my memories of that were sweet. Whenever just gazing upon his gorgeous face as he lay there peacefully became too much for me to bear I would wake him up and have sex with him. I did this four times, four glorious times before I finally just let him sleep. Of course, I continued to watch him as he slept. Can you believe I was afraid to blink?

When I finally had to go to work I woke him one last time to tell him. It was painful to have to drag myself away from him, but I did it. I got showered and dressed, then was off to work.

I tried to concentrate on trends and market projections but it was pointless. My co-workers noticed that I was off in my own little world. Normally I was sharp as a tack, so I'm sure this caused no end of water cooler gossip.

In the washroom one of my co-workers came up to me and asked who was the man of the week who so wore me out last night and made me smile so broadly? I hadn't even realized I was smiling. She even went so far as to ask me to introduce her to "the stud." She was stunned when I gave her my harshest glare and told her that I did not appreciate her manners. I had never been ashamed of my flings and I had not been shy in the past about introducing my female co-workers to my "men of the week" as she put it, so it was understandable that she was surprised. She made a hasty apology (I was her boss after all) and asked what was going on. I explained to her that I had been making changes in my life for the last while and that I was no longer playing the field.

I bet the water cooler gossip was flowing fast and furious.

I hoped that John would call me when I got home and I was overjoyed when he did. I picked up the phone and said hello.

"Hi Mariah."

"Hi, John. How was your day?"

"Sleepy," he replied. I couldn't stop the grin that stretched my lips at that comment. It had been fun making him so sleepy. "I got in touch with Jane today," he continued.

"Oh? That's nice. Jane's cool."

Yup .I invited her to come and hang out with us tonight. Interested?"

"Sure." I would have preferred to be alone with him, but I was not going to turn down any opportunity to spend time with him. "What do you want to do?"

"I was thinking just visit a little bit. Maybe play some crib."

"Sounds good. I'll order in some food."

"Alright. She's coming to get me and we can be there by 7:00."

"I'll be waiting," I replied.

Damn him! He left me just an hour to get ready! I needed more time! I had to shower and do my hair and make up, pick out an outfit…what was I going to wear..?

After I got over my panic I got ready. The door buzzer rang and I let John and Jane in. When they got to my condo door and I opened it, the tension was sudden and so thick you could practically see it. John and I looked at each other and said hello, neither of us making eye contact. Jane looked at me, then at him, then back at me.

"OHMYGOD! You guys are dating again! Oh my god! Oh my god! This is sooo great!" Janey was gushing. Her eyes were wide and she got excitedly animated. John looked at her with a very cute expression of panic on his face. I wished that we really were dating again. I was going to MAKE my wish come true!

Jane looked at me and said, "Uhh, I gotta go." She looked at her nonexistent watch and continued, "I forgot…I have a thing. Mariah, tomorrow you and me are going to have a long talk!"

John panicked again and said, "Jane, we just got here." He's no dummy. He knew she had no prior engagement.

"Can't stay," she exhaled, "gotta go! Sorry. Maybe next time." She gave us both a hug, then turned and left. I could have kissed her.

Janey was the only person who had remained my friend in the aftermath of John's and my breakup. She knew everything about me and I guess she knew John pretty well too. With her excited observation she gave me more hope than ever.

John looked at me with a sheepish expression and asked, "Well, what do we do now?"

"I have a couple of ideas," I responded with a grin I hoped was sexy.

"Uhhh, maybe we should talk for a bit." I could tell by the way he said it that he was afraid. Janey must have been his lifejacket and, now that she was gone, he was at my mercy. Janey had given me an opportunity and I was going to grab it. I was not going to screw this up!

"Alright." We went to the couch and sat down. "What do you want to talk about?"

"The night we broke up."

My heart skipped a beat when he said that. I did not want to relive the worst day of my life. "…Alright," I replied in a somewhat weaker voice.

He paused with a thoughtful expression on his face, then he asked the question I feared in a very haunted tone: "Why did you do it, Mariah? What did I do wrong? Was I…bad at it or something?"

"Oh god! No! No, you were not "bad at it." You didn't do anything wrong. Not a thing. Don't you ever think that you did!"

"Then why wasn't I enough for you?"

He was enough for me now. I guess at the time he wasn't, or I would not have cheated on his so readily. I honestly didn't know why. I considered making something up, something to ease him and soothe his ego, but I decided against it. If he was going to take me back there would have to be trust and understanding. Lying now would sabotage my efforts.

"You know, I've thought about that night over and over again and I've wondered why myself. I really don't know. I can only say that I'm…" My voice caught in my throat then. Apologizing has always been hard for me, no matter how much I meant it. To be wrong was a horrible thing to me. To admit it was worse. That showed weakness. I despised being weak. This served me well in business, but right now I knew it was time to swallow my pride. "I'm so very sorry. I really am."

John looked at me with that hurt look I hate to see on him, especially knowing I had caused it. I resolved to fix that if I could weather this conversation. "How do I know it won't happen again?"

"Well, I guess you really can't. You certainly have good reason not to trust me. All I can do is try to earn your trust again, cross my fingers and hope that it's enough. Is there anything I can do to help with that? I'll do anything."

Somehow I managed to keep myself from crying. I was very proud of that. John buried his face in his hands and I saw him shake. He was quiet, trying to hide his sobs, but he couldn't hide it from me. I wanted to take him in my arms, hold him against me and say whatever it took to comfort him, but I was afraid to.

He looked up at me with tear filled eyes.

Let me be very clear on this. I had thought that the night he caught me cheating and broke up with me was the worst I had ever felt. I was wrong. Seeing the naked, aching pain in him, unmasked by anger and disbelief, THAT was the worst! If I never feel half that bad again I'll be relieved.

"Mar," he croaked, "I hope you never have to experience how I felt then."

I gasped when he said that. Until right then I had been caught up in my own misery. I gave token acknowledgement to his suffering, of course, but I had been focused on me. This was an awakening.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you said that."

"No, you don't understand. I've been so selfish. I've been so focused on me and how I felt when you left me that I didn't really understand that you had been suffering right up to now. I apologize for that."

The change in him was subtle, but powerful. His tear filled eyes seemed clearer and his posture straightened just a hair. Not an uptight straightening. More like he had just regained a little bit of lost dignity. He reminded me of the king of Rohan after Gandolf undid what Wormtongue did. My heart soared and the dam broke. We both cried freely. They were purging tears, the very best kind.

He let me embrace him then. I could feel wispy threads starting to form a new bond where one had been severed five years ago when his strong arms wrapped around me. One of my demons was obliterated in that moment. One down, lots more to go.

"Mar, let's get out of here. Let's go somewhere."

"Okay, where?"

I dunno. Anywhere. Just out."

I didn't want to go out. I wanted him! I grasped his hand in mine and guided him off the couch and to my bedroom. I started undressing him when we got there. I kissed my way up his stomach and chest as I lifted his shirt up and off. He didn't resist, so I kept going. I pressed my lips to his, mouth open and softly pressuring. Them. I kissed down his neck and chest, down his stomach again while he stroked his hands through my hair. I love that! I unbuttoned his jeans, then unzipped the fly. I slipped my thumbs into the band of his briefs and hauled them both down.

My wonderful John's gorgeous cock sprang free and I wanted it! I slithered my tongue up the underside while John stepped out of his pants and briefs, then he lifted first one calf, then the other, removing his socks deftly. I don't know how he managed to stay on balance while I was licking his cock but somehow he managed…until I shoved him back onto the bed. I hopped onto him and straddled his thighs, lifting my halter top off of me and tossing it on the floor. I had not worn a bra under it and John took advantage of that. He pressed his cold hands against the soft flesh of my breasts, making me squeal with delight at the shock of how cold they were. His hands massaged my soft globes and he gently rolled my nipples between his fingers. They hardened as he pinched a little harder. Oooh, that felt good!

I reached down and grabbed his hard cock in my hand and started stroking it. I knelt up and, with my free hand, slipped down my shorts, giving him a good view of my shaved mound. It was hard to get my shorts off and stay straddled on him, so I had to stand up over him.

"Nice view," he said cheekily. He gazed up at me as I lifted first one leg out of my shorts, then the other. I, in turn, looked at him and smiled a broad grin.

I knelt back down and took his pulsing shaft in my hand, holding it firmly in place as I placed my slit upon the head of it. A shiver ran through me as I felt my pussy dampen and engorge. I rubbed the purplish helmet along my crevasse several times, savouring the caress as I felt his cock's head flare and harden even more.

With a blissful sigh I lowered myself, impaling myself on his manhood. God, I love the feel of his cock in me! I've had bigger and thicker, smaller and thinner, but believe me, there is none better!

I leaned forward, my breasts mashing against his chest. I had missed this close intimacy so much! How could I ever have been so stupid as to risk losing this? I HAD lost it, but now I had it back, at least for the moment. Now I had to work extra hard to keep it.

I brought my lips to his, pressing them firmly together. I traced my tongue along the outside of his lips, then slipped it into his mouth and toyed with his own tongue. There was a hunger in both of us, our kiss turning more desperate and needful. When it finally broke I gazed lovingly at him and softly said, " I love you, John. Always."