Goodnight My Lover

Lillian awoke immediately with a night terror. Something was terribly wrong and Kevin wasn't with her in their bedroom.

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Chapter Four - A Year Later...Plans Revealed

On the one year's anniversary of her husband's death Lillian received a package in the mail. It was posted from her mother in law a few days prior. Thinking nothing of it she opened the package to find three letters addressed to her and each of her daughters.

Trembling. She opened and read her letter.

"My Dearest Lillian,

I wanted to start by telling you how sorry I am for not being there for you right now. I know that this past year has been an unbearable pain and burden placed on you. For this I'm sorry. I know that my accident was a shock to you and you didn't know how to cope with the sudden loss."

The letter was from her late husband Kevin. She had buried him the days following the accident without ever knowing of his condition or all of the plans that he had made. Some of those plans were about to be revealed to her finally after the year's time was up.

"Dear love.

I know my loss is difficult to comprehend for you and the girls. I've been planning it for some time. Yes I took my own life but please let me explain before you hate me. Six months before my death I made the most difficult decision of my life. That decision was to deceive you. For that I'm eternally in your debt for forgiveness. I apologize from the depths of my heart. Six months before I took my own life I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The cancer had spread far enough throughout me that there was no way I could beat it. So I decided something. I decided to carry that burden alone. I hope the past few months of my life with your are filled with memories of peace and love. It was what I worked so hard to do. I wanted for you remember me with happiness and joy, not of sadness and pain. And I was in pain. A great deal of pain. I know that you saw it and I'd never let you close enough to understand what it was or what it was doing to me. I traded the last months of the inevitable pain of my condition for a few short months of happiness.

Understand this. I've loved you with all my being my entire life. Before I met you I loved the idea of you. You gave me two beautiful treasures, three actually. Two amazing daughters and your love. There's much more to write but for now I wanted to put down some lyrics to the song I sang you on the phone that terrible evening. I don't have words that can say it any better.

Humbly Yours,

Kevin

Brandi Carlile - That Wasn't Me

..."I want you to know that you'll never be alone

I wanna believe, do I make myself a blessing to everyone I meet

When you fall I will get you on to your feet

Do I spend time with my family?

Did it show when I was weak?

When that's what you've seen, that will be me."

"Lillian. By now the insurance policies I had in place for years should have paid everything out. My mother wouldn't have sent these letters unless everything was clear to do so. There's enough money there for you to pay off the houses and put the girls through college. You should have enough left over to invest and you should be able to get through your life comfortably.

I've included in the folder you see before you details of all of this. In a few days an investment firm I spent a bit of time with will be calling you to set up your accounts and go over the plans I've put forth. Know that I couldn't let you know of any of this because my life insurances wouldn't pay out for a suicide and I needed there to be no trace of that intent. Now that it is all over, it's time for you to make some important decisions. I've helped with a lot of them. Just look through the folder and you'll see. I've also included three dvd's. These are my personal goodbyes and memories to all of you.

By now you know that I quit my job months before my death. I spent my last days getting all of these things prepared.

Watch them please with the girls. They are dated for specific events, like birthdays and anniversaries...graduations, prom night, college...

Lastly Lilian...I hope one decision you will make is to love again. I know that this will be very difficult for you. It is possible though in time. I want you to get yourself together for the girls and step back out into the world. Find someone to love you and be a father to Grace and Elly. I'm so forever grateful for the time we shared together. But it's time for you to share your life again with someone else. The best thing you could do to honor my memory is to live a long life full of love and peace.

Know that I'll always be with you.

Goodbye my lover."

Lilian dropped the paper and wept for her loss. Strangely though she felt comforted as she sat there. Comforted that her husband hadn't been killed in a senseless killing...no, no this was planned out to protect her. She saw that. They had talked about this scenario before. Lillian was so grateful for the time she'd spent with Kevin. Lillian was sad that she'd not been there to comfort Kevin at the end. She was there, but she wasn't aware of his plans on that last night. She had wanted to be able to hold him that night and ease his pain. To tell him how much she loved him. To help him release from his pain. Lillian was confident he'd known her true feeling without needing the words.

Lilian daydreamed that her husband was sitting at his desk reading the letter to her. When she finished reading she looked over to his chair and said 'I love you forever."

Kevin sat in his desk, smiled, folded his arms, blew her a kiss and replied while tapping on his heart...

"I'm always here for you."

The End.