Grief

Then people milled around and in the crowd she saw Ray being embraced by Karen Ferguson. Marilyn bitterly thought why didn't she wake Ray last night and talk to him. Would she be destined to go through life with two holes in her heart over the people she lost?

**************************

That brought everything up to date as the limo turned the final corner of their neighborhood to deposit the Thompsons at their house. The long black vehicle pulled into the drive and the chauffeur parked the vehicle leaving it idling and opened the driver door and went to the rear door and opened it for the couple to exit. Before he left, he offered his condolences on behalf of the funeral home.

Then Ray and Marilyn Thompson found themselves blinking in the harsh sunlight as they prepared to enter the empty house and pick up the empty pieces of their lives. The silence in the home magnified the void left there. Ray and Marilyn drifted aimlessly in the house. They still hadn't spoken to one another. Perhaps it due to the internal sorrow they both were dealing with. Perhaps, because of the pending fear both felt that the next conversation would be the first irreparable step to the dissolution of their marriage. They both felt that it was coming, but neither wanted to deal with it today. Not on the day they said goodbye to their baby.

They both suspected that soon friends or family would be dropping by to see them or calling them so they could lend their support at this difficult time. All they had to do was to stall long enough and the distraction would put off the final task for another day.

Marilyn decided to go upstairs to wait out the arrivals. Ray just stood at the foyer studying the family photographs framed on the wall that had tracked their lives. He continued to sink into melancholy as he focused from one picture to the next. Would Karen expect to start a family right away, he wondered.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The gut wrenching wail from upstairs echoed downstairs and brought Ray to action. He bounded up the stairs as another mournful cry repeated.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The cry continued past the possibility of earthly endurance and the pain stabbed at Ray's heart as he scurried to the source.

There, on the floor of Rachel's bedroom was the collapsed figure of Marilyn crying inconsolably as a third mournful denial erupted from her. Ray was shaken to the core of his soul at the sight. He realized then that neither he nor Marilyn had manifested any true emotional release during the process of Rachel's funeral and now it was coming up in spades for Marilyn.

He dropped to the floor beside his wife desperately seeking to find some way to comfort her as he gathered her in his arms.

"Our Baby! Our Baby!" Marilyn continued to cry out as Ray held her tightly as she cried violently against him. Still the house echoed with the painful cries as Marilyn continued to release her emotions.

After what seemed like infinity, Ray became aware that Marilyn had an object gripped tightly in her hand. As he focused on it, he was aware of the primordial look in Marilyn's eyes. Eyes that looked at him in pain, in begging desperation. Eyes that begged for release, for forgiveness as she slowly brought her hand to unclench the paper she was gripping.

Then a stunned Ray studied the paper Marilyn had handed him. It became clear to him what had happened. During the hospital vigil, neither Marilyn nor Ray bothered cleaning up Rachel's room after she began convulsing. Neither wanted to disturb the karma of the room for fear of bringing a bad result down on them. As though that had worked out for them.

Now, Marilyn to occupy her time had decided to tidy up Rachel's room and made her discovery as she picked up the Harry Potter book from the floor and the paper Rachel had marked in the book slid out for her to pick up.

Ray studied the crude crayon drawing of the stick figures complete with captions. There was the house; a large stick figure inscribed "Daddy"; a slightly smaller figure inscribed "Mommy." Trailing them were two small figures: one was inscribed "Sister" and the other was "Brother."

Looking down on them from a cloud was a stick figure complete with golden wings and a halo simply inscribed, "Me."

Now the full impact of the sorrow that had flooded Marilyn struck Ray as well as the smiling stick figures burned into his soul. For five years, they had begun preparing mentally for this. For five years, day by day, they shielded themselves. Now, the emotional dam that had been fortified for the past five years burst open as he joined Marilyn in grieving.

They remained huddled on the floor of Rachel's bedroom clenching to each other and time froze for them as phone calls, text messages, doorbells, and door knocks blended into insignificance. The afternoon sun edged into twilight and they continued to silently hold on to each other.

Finally as darkness overtook the room, Ray heard Marilyn speak. In a soft timid voice edged in fear and uncertainty she said, "Ray, is it over for us? Is there someway we can get back to being us? I've lost Rachel; if I lost you then I will have no reason to live. Is there still an "us"?

By response, Ray stood up and brought his beautiful wife to her feet and holding her hand led her blindly down the stairs. They stood momentarily beside the wall by the front door just holding one another.

And that was how it came to be that once again on a late spring night suddenly the Christmas lights blazed into brightness into the neighborhood as a declaration of the love in the Thompson's household.

Ray led Marilyn upstairs into their bedroom. Ray had the epiphany as he began softly kissing Marilyn. He was back in "their" bedroom. Where he belonged. He belonged to "their" and she belonged to "their" and at this moment nothing else mattered but the woman that had captured him years ago.

His lips were eagerly making to reacquaint to their mates of Marilyn's from the long absence. Her body pressed against his and the familiarity was both reassuring and exciting as their hands again began claiming their spouse. Marilyn groaned as he kissed her and his hand briefly coupled her breast. Ray had discovered over the course of the years how Marilyn enjoyed being touched there. He was determined that tonight and forever thereafter that he would minister to the woman he loved. And he began to softly chew on Marilyn's earlobe which brought a pleasing gasp as Marilyn relished the electrical sensation.

Marilyn's hands brushed against Ray's torso as she caressed him, returning kiss after kiss to her mate. Her hands trailed along his ribcage as she appreciated his body. For a decade she had access to this wonderful man and now she wanted to play catch up for the recent unpleasant period they had undergone. Her hand slid down and cupped Ray's testicles and softly gave them an encouraging squeeze.

Ray was thrilled by Marilyn's signal. He wanted nothing more to ravish Marilyn. To take her with brute force and establish once again that he belonged to her, and to her, only. That she belonged to him, and to him, only. But deeply ingrained in his love for Marilyn was the desire to please her. To show her that she was everything to him... and always would be.

Marilyn responded to his unspoken signal and they both began to undress each other. After years of practice, they could still follow the process and relish and thrill to the sight of their exposed flesh come into view to be smothered with attention, caresses, and kisses.

Finally, in the dim light of their bedroom, the couple had shed their clothes and instinct and nature demanded their coupling. But both had other plans. They were no longer the college students that were infatuated with each other. For years, they had grown together. Finding out what made the other tick. What pleased their mate. And they intended to put that into practice.

Ray slowly slid down Marilyn's exquisite body until he knelt like an acolyte worshiping his goddess. He moved his face against the small wiry thatch of pubic hair above Marilyn's treasure. He breathed in her aroma. An aroma that had been denied him for too long. He nuzzled his face against her abdomen and Marilyn encouraged his efforts by cradling his head in her hands.

Kissing, nibbling, licking, moving slowly southward. There was Marilyn's excited little rosebud eager for attention, but Ray had a long term strategy for that. Attention was randomly merited all around which brought Marilyn's anticipation level to the stratosphere as she silently begged for Ray to accede to her desire and plunder her rosebud.

As Ray got closer, he took note of Marilyn's body response to his stimulation. Her body shook, her knees began to buckle as he closed into the target. Her moans drifted down to him and finally he couldn't stand the absence either as he pursed his lips and sucked in the delicious little clitoris.

The spontaneous reaction caused Marilyn to fall onto the bed. Ray without missing a beat continued to lavish the little nub. Marilyn's thighs pressed against his head encouraging his efforts. But, Ray didn't need a road map to know what drove Marilyn sexually. Ten years of practice, trial and error, discussions during pillow talk; he knew what Marilyn wanted and he continued to give it to her with little butterfly flicks of his tongue.

"Oh, Ray, I'm coming!" Marilyn excitedly moaned. Her hands clinched fistfuls of his hair as he brought her closer and closer. Then, without warning his teeth clamped down on her firmly and she exploded into sexual ecstasy. Her body convulsed as her secretions flooded Ray's face.

She purred like a kitten as Ray continued to lap up her juices after her tremors had stopped. Then Ray began to slide up her body and Marilyn prepared herself to return the favor and suck on Ray's wonderful cock.

But, Ray stopped her before she could begin to kiss that blood engorged monster and said, "Darling, it has been too long. I need you!" With that, Marilyn understood how Ray needed her as she spread her legs to welcome his girth.

At first, Ray was concerned that he wouldn't last as long as the first time they made love. It had been so long and he had been deprived of Marilyn's charms as he slid into the warm comfortable folds of his woman.

Marilyn gasped as the cock slid deep into her and she took her hands and held Ray's face as she kissed him in appreciation. Ray's concerns of premature ejaculation was put to rest as he and Marilyn settled upon a mutual tempo.

Terms of endearments and manifestations of love continued in the night as they rocked away in unison. The bodies shone with the sheen of physical exertions lubricating the bodies sliding against one another. As Ray escalated his pace Marilyn knew he was reaching a climax.

Luckily it coincided with hers as she urged him on. "Please, darling, I'm so close to coming! Fuck me!"

Ray began to power thrust against her. It wouldn't take long now! He slammed his body against her as she slammed back. Her face fixed in determination to couple with her husband. The endearing sight was enough to send Ray over the edge as he came. Each powerful thrust representing another spurting of sperm. Once, twice; then Marilyn came again as her body thrashed beneath the powerful thrusts continuing to pin her against the bed.

After he was through, Ray was amazed that his erection continued to throb in desire. Not questioning it, he plunged back into Marilyn. The surprise caused Marilyn to instantly climax again as Ray fucked her. It was though she was a pinball machine as she exploded from orgasm to orgasm. Mercifully, it didn't take Ray nearly as long to come a second time and he dropped his exhausted body alongside of Marilyn.

No sooner than he was besides her, they began post coital caressing each other. Ray began kissing Marilyn's face and he became aware she was crying by first feeling a tear falling on his lips and then tasting the salty droplet.

"Marilyn, what's wrong?"

"Ray, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please forgive me! I should have never drifted away from you! You are the only person in the world for me!"

Marilyn began furiously kissing Ray in an effort to convince him of her sincerity. Ray responded in kind kissing and caressing every inch of Marilyn in his grasp.

"Oh Marilyn, my beautiful woman, it is me that owes you an apology. I let my ego get in the way and shut you out and I never gave you a chance to talk to me. I kept letting things fester and I kept drifting away. I can't believe I was going to let you out of my life. To lose Rachel and then you..."

Marilyn listened as Ray choked through the heartfelt confession. Ray collected his thoughts and continued his emotional purge.

"...I would have been lost without you, Marilyn... You have always had my heart and if you left, my soul would have been gone. And it would have been all my fault."

Marilyn interrupted, "No dear, I'm the one to blame. I kept letting John be where you should've been. While I never committed adultery, I was cheating you, Ray. I let him fill an emotional need that should have been for you alone...how can you even stand me for what one to you? To us?"

Marilyn grabbed Ray in an emotional hug. Ray responded with a matching hug so fierce that it threatened to crush Marilyn.

"Marilyn, Baby, we both are to blame for letting things get away from us. We were so focused on Rachel, that we forgot about us. We tried so hard to keep her here that we didn't see the stress we were putting on ourselves and each other."

"Ray, how do we get back to where we need to be? I'll do anything for you!" Marilyn declared.

At that moment, the doorbell chimed and Marilyn automatically began to rise to get dressed and answer the door. Ray grabbed her and said, "First thing, is we ignore the world. This is the time for us. And we put no obstructions in our way to each other."

For the remainder of the night, they ignored the phone calls and knocks on the door and made love throughout the night. Slow, sensuous, love. Not the rushed fumbling of their first coupling, not the lustful rutting of their honeymoon, but the pleasing gratification of the partner they vowed to cherish for eternity. And they spent the remainder of that night rediscovering their love.

As dawn broke, they left their house after placing a house key under the doormat. Text messages were sent to both sets of parents as they drove to their destination. In short time, they studied the electronic board with arrivals and departures and destinations. They made their choice and marched up to the counter and presented their passports and a credit card and flew to their destination with just the clothes on their backs and no emotional baggage. And they disappeared for three weeks.

******************************

John Tullos was disconcerted by the chain of events. For three weeks after the funeral he had been trying to reach Marilyn by voicemail and text. She never responded back to any of his entreaties. After the first week, John applied for compassion leave for Marilyn and made the application retroactive for the first week. He had left the ending date open for Marilyn's return, but sooner or later, he would have to take this up with his superior.

Didn't she know what a predicament she was putting him in? Why won't she call me to let me know what is going on? John thought. Maybe, she's clearing the way to be with me, he thought hopefully. Then came a knock on his door.

"John, can I come in?"

A tanned, rested, serene Marilyn glided into his office and sat across him from his desk.

"Marilyn!" he happily sputtered and he rose to go greet her with a hug and kiss.

Abruptly, Marilyn held up her hand to halt his progress. "No, John, there isn't any need to say hello to me." She warned him and indicated for him to sit down. "I just came in to give notice that I'm quitting, John. I realize this put you in a spot, but, I can't help that. I'll be willing to stay long enough to get my replacement up to speed, but after leaving you in the lurch, I figure you've got someone already doing my work."

"What the hell, Marilyn? You walk in here after disappearing on me for three weeks and the first thing you do is quit? What about us, Marilyn? Have you forgotten what we meant to each other?"

"John, we were never meant to be. You were there for me when I needed an emotional anchor and I will always cherish you for that. But, I only have loved one man in my life and that is my husband. For me to try to go into a relationship with you would be dishonoring him and me and you, John. You deserve more out of a relationship, John than I can provide. You deserve someone that loves you and that isn't me, John. Ray will always have my heart and soul and you would always come out second best, John." Marilyn looked onto the hapless man with sympathy.

"I'm leaving because I don't want to remind you of what might have been. I came too close to losing the only thing left that I cherish. Ray and I have a fresh start and I owe it to him to give it my best shot and I can't do that here with you around. It would be too easy to renew our little talks and that would lead me into a trap that I'm not going to fall in."

Marilyn stood up and extended her hand, "Goodbye, John."

John desperately gripped her hand as though to will her to stay and said, "Marilyn, we can work this out!"

With that she ignored his comment and slipped her hand out of his and walked out the door, out of his life.

Across town, Ray calmly sat across the conference room with every partner in the law firm in attendance to give a healthy dose of discipline to the upstart associate that thought he could go missing for three weeks and not suffer any consequences.

As soon as the meeting was called to order, Ray transformed into the attorney that made him renown throughout the state. He refused to allow the tribunal to go on the offensive. Instead, he began leveling a number of grievances he had suffered through while in their employment. Then, he listed the clients he had brought to the firm. Then, he listed the existing clients that he tended to on a regular basis. It was soon apparent to everyone in the room that Ray held the winning cards and any talk of punishing him would have to be shelved for the sake of the firm.

But Ray wasn't through. He demanded and received a commitment to partner status for himself and three other associates that did the bulk of the work in the office. By the time he left the conference room the handwriting was on the wall for the elderly leeches that had not contributed to the firm for years. Ray was already contemplating his move into Charles Fletcher's office as Karen Ferguson rushed to him and squealed, "Congratulations, darling, I was so afraid you were going to be fired! Now, we can get started with our family!"

Ray sadly looked down at the excited beautiful secretary and said, "Karen, we have to talk." And he slowly dislodged himself from her embrace.

*************************************

Have nine years already passed? Ray thought as he viewed the calamity erupting in his house. Colorful wrapping paper was flying in the air as the last gifts were being opened by the twins. Between the shrieks of joy from the discovery of the gifts and the bartering that had already initiated between his daughter and son he continued to watch contentedly.

Beside him was Marilyn as she slipped her hand into his and gave him a long kiss for her Christmas gift of the expensive emerald necklace.

"You spent way too much on me again, Ray. I'm going to have to make it up to you tonight." Marilyn warned him as she rubbed up against him.

Yeah, Ray thought, like that will ever be a problem for me! He wondered what she had in store for him, but he already knew he would enjoy his late gift.