Groundhog Fuck Day 01

After an exhausting hour of cleaning the dishes, John Dee was finally ready to get some sleep before he had to go to class. It was about 3 o'clock Monday morning, and the aftermath of John's mother's party had finally been cleaned up. His mother was already asleep, she had to wake up about an hour before John to start work as a car saleswoman.

Even with the excuse of having to wake up earlier than him, John felt a little bit angry that he was the one left with the burden of cleaning up the house after Mrs. Dee's party. He wasn't even allowed to invite any of his friends over and he was forced to hand out drinks to all the drunken partygoers. There was nobody there his age, his mother and all the guests were about forty years old. The thought of finally getting some sleep put John's anger to rest, and a few minutes later he cleaned his teeth and got into bed. Within a few moments he was asleep.

Dreams shifted and formed... and John found himself in a park. Alone. Except for two beautiful women sunbathing in their bikinis. In this strange dream world the sky switched between days and nights very fast, one moment it would be day-time, the next it was night-time. John considered walking up to the women but anxiety got the better of him... he knew he was dreaming but it still seemed so scary. A man's voice boomed behind him.

"So, you're too scared to approach those fine ladies I placed there so kindly for you?"

John swirled around to see a tall man, at least seven feet tall, in a pink suit with a pink top-hat to go with it. He had a black moustache and seemed to be middle-aged. His brown eyes were charismatically piercing and he stared at John.

"I d-don't ... I don't know what I'ld say, and I wouldn't want to interrupt them."

The tall man just laughed.

"You want girls to love you don't you? All men do. I really must get going but I'll make a deal with you, ask for a girl's number tomorrow and I will let you choose any girl you desire."

John looked back at him sceptically.


"But this is all a dream, I don't get how t-"

"Quiet! Do you we have a deal or not?

"Okay", said John, he was a little creeped out.

A song started, first the noises were far away and then it got louder... John's alarm. The tall man smiled, and the dream faded out and slowly John regained his senses, he was lying in his bed listening to his annoying alarm clock screaming at him to wake up.

'What a weird dream', thought John, 'Fuck I hate Mondays.'

Slowly John got out of bed, tired beyond belief, he could barely register what was happening... he had only got two hours of sleep. One moment he was eating cereal, the next his mother was yelling at him from across the house to take out the trash, then he was cleaning his teeth.

'I've got to get to my two classes, give Matt the $10 I owe him, submit my assignment, buy some milk and get back home in time to get rested for the mathematics exam tomorrow... Jesus, it's going to be a long day,' he thought.

John finished cleaning his teeth and headed for the door.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" He heard his mom say loudly.

John turned to see Mrs. Dee staring him down, her hands on her hips wearing her black night gown. Even though she was forty years old she was often mistaken for being in her late-twenties. She stood at five foot eight inches... with decent sized breasts and an amazingly curvy ass. Although John would never admit it.

"...What?" Mumbled John as he rubbed his eyes.

"The trash. Take it out. Now." Demanded his mother.

John groaned, grabbed the trash and shuffled towards the door to go outside.

"Quickly now! You're going to be late, and don't forget the milk!"

John disposed of the trash and walked down the street, the birds were chirping and the sun was out. Today was not very windy, which was a nice change from previous days in the week. John saw a pretty blonde wearing a red dress walking down the street, she wore a red skirt with a white shirt, with bright red lipstick... although she looked like she was in her thirties. As John walked towards her he immediately remembered his dream he had. John wondered if he should talk to her.

'Should I... no no no, she's too old for me. It was just a dream.'

They locked eyes for a split second before John looked down at his feet, and a second later they had passed each other.

John got on the bus, it was Mr Davis the blind bus driver again. Of course he wasn't completely blind but there was a local media controversy a few years ago about his poor eyesight and many people experts believed he shouldn't be allowed to drive. However the local council assured him he could still work, after he had a mental break down and threatened to commit suicide if he couldn't drive his bus. But that was years ago, and he's never crashed a vehicle in his lifetime so John felt relatively safe.

There was nobody on the bus but one other person. An attractive brunette... an attractive young brunette that is. She hadn't seen him yet and was just looking out the window. John gulped and considered approaching her, but noticed she had earphones in.

'She's listening to music... holy shit I can't talk to her, she wouldn't even hear me. Or she'ld pretend not to hear me. Maybe she really likes the song she's listening to right now.'

So John sat alone on the bus. He had always been socially awkward so talking to girls he didn't know on the bus seemed way out of his comfort zone. He had a few friends but deep down they hated having John around, John was just a confused, bumbling, socially-retarded pain. The worst moments were when they were around girls with John, John would embarrass them because he just couldn't talk to girls in a normal way. He stuttered even more than usual when he was around them and couldn't look them in the eye for more than a split-second. John was clearly a virgin, anyone who had spoken to him for a few seconds knew that. He was so inexperienced he hadn't even hugged a girl.

After about a ten minute bus ride John had arrived at class. He walked past lots of girls, there wasn't a single guy in sight for the first few minutes, John had literally walked past hundreds of attractive girls, some were standing still, some were walking around, some alone and some in groups. He barely even considered talking to any.

'It'ld look weird. The last thing I need is everyone thinking I'm some kind of creep.'

John's first class was a blur, it was a miracle he didn't fall asleep. This was his mathematics class with Mr Jeffries, the class he had an exam for. John struggled to stay awake but knew he had to focus on his exam for tomorrow. An hour later the class ended, Mr Jeffries winked at John.

"Alright class! Remember that the exam will mainly focus on cubic and exponential calculus functions, make sure you study, unless you're John in which case get some sleep!"

Nobody laughed, by the end of his joke half the class had already left the room. John and Mr Jeffries smiled at each other and John walked out the room, only to walk into a girl who dropped her books as a result.

"Oh... I'm s-so sorry." Stumbled John.

"Just watch where you're going. Creep."

"Do you want me to h-help you? With the books I mean?"

"No. I'm fine." She said, as she started picking up her books.

A few other onlookers, all girls, sniggered at John as he walked away.

'Fuck. That was embarrassing. What must they think of me?' He worried.

Next was history class. Now this was a class John couldn't handle, he could barely manage his Mathematics class which was his passion and there was a sense of urgency because he had an exam on it tomorrow. But with history... it was a compulsory unit which John hated and the exam wasn't for another four months. He took a seat at the back and accidentally fell asleep.

The tall man appeared again, and then John saw four naked girls clamouring around him, grasping onto his pink suit and all looking at him as if hypnotised by his charisma. They were at outside a mansion by a pool, and there was a huge party going on with naked girls everywhere.

"What are you waiting for John? These girls could all be yours! Ask for a girl's number!"

John woke up immediately to the sound of his teacher saying his name. It was Mrs. Jackson. His history teacher. She was african-american, aged about in her sixties. Her lame boring repetitive voice was one of the major reason's History class was so dull.

"John. John? John, time to wake up sorry, I have to lock the room."

"Where is everyone? How long have I been here?"

"Class ended only a minute ago, you really are tired aren't you?"

John stumbled up out of his seat, grabbed his stuff and apologised to his teacher before leaving. John headed the the library to study for his exam. It was only 2 o'clock so he figured he could stay until late studying. He headed to the library and got to work.

At almost 9 o'clock at night, still at the Library, John got a text. It was Matt.

MATT: Dude are you coming over or not?

'Shit. I forgot about Matt.'


John quickly texted his response.

JOHN: Shit sorry I forgot, I'll give you the $10 tomorrow at about 11AM??

MATT: No worries dude it's all chill :)

John started to get back into study when he realised something else.

'Shit! I forgot to submit my assignment!! Fuck!!'

John face-palmed himself, he couldn't believe how stupid he had been. He quickly got out his assignment and looked at the deadline policies.

It read: 'Students are required to submit the assignment by 3pm Monday. 10% will be be deducted from your grade for each hour it is late. For example by 4pm you will only receive 90% of your marks, by 5pm you will only receive 80% of your marks. Hand in at the Assignment Submissions Office.'

"Fuck..." John muttered under his breath.

John quickly worked out that he had already lost 50% of his marks. It was a very easy assignment so it was possible that if he handed it in now he could still pass. He only had about three minutes to submit it before 9pm!

John hastily grabbed his stuff, making a lot of noise as he did so. The old librarian, Mr Gray, who happened to be walking past noticed him.

"Excuse me, can you keep it down please?"

"Sorry sir! I'm in a rush sir!"

"Very well, but please leave quietly."

Mr Gray was oddly amused at John's frantic behaviour. Mr Gray smiled as John ran out of the library making a lot of noise as he did so.

John raced down to the Assignments Submission Office. He was going to make it in time! He got there are pushed open the door. ...Only, the door didn't actually open. It was locked. John was shocked. He looked at the writing on the door:

ASSIGNMENTS SUBMISSION OFFICE.

CLOSED ON WEEKENDS

OPEN WEEKDAYS 7:00AM - 8:30PM

"Fuck! Fuck..."

John sat on a bench near the office for a few minutes with a mix of anger, frustration and sadness. He would be getting 0% for his assignment. He got up and decided to head home, and get some sleep for the big exam tomorrow.

As he did he spotted a girl in front of him walking the same way as him. Nobody else was around, they had all mostly gone home. In a moment of insanity John walked faster to talk to her.

'Well fuck, what do I have to lose anyway?'


"Excuse me. Sorry..."

The girl turned around. She was ugly. This threw John off guard.

"Uhhh... umm.. I..."

"Yeah?" She girl asked, annoyed already.


"C-could I get your number?"

She folded her arms.

"Why would you want my number?"

"B-because your pretty."

"Fuck off. You're objectifying women when you do that. Don't talk to me again you piece of shit."

She walked away quickly and John stood there for a moment. His heart sunk and his mood dropped.

'Why the fuck did I do that, that was fucking weird. And I did it because a dream told me to? I'm going fucking insane.'

John depressingly walked to the bus stop. He was the only one waiting there.

'What a fucking day. And what a bitch, that girl was a bitch. And now I have to go home to mom who will probably yell at me again...'

Then he remembered.

'Fuck. I have to get the milk. What the fuck is wrong with me today?'

He hastily walked across the road to buy the milk. He didn't have enough money for it. The nice Russian man, a migrant and aged in his late eighties, who owned the shop let him pay with what he had.

"Really, I can have the milk?"

"Is not a problem my friend! Have a good night okay?"

John smiled, that made him a little happier. He left the small corner shop to see his bus about to drive past his bus stop. It wouldn't stop there because nobody was there at the bus stop to be picked up.

'Fuck!' thought John, knowing that another bus wouldn't come by for another twenty minutes. John ran across the road, milk in hand, in front of the bus towards the bus stop, waving his hand to get the drivers the attention.

The bus didn't slow down. And it didn't stop either. John saw Mr Davis was driving the bus, he wasn't even looking at the road! He was rubbing his eyes!

'Shit!'

That was the last quick thought John had before the bus slammed into him, it hit him hard, he went flying across the road, his head hit the road and his left eye dislodged itself and rolled across the road. John screamed as loud as he could, the bus quickly braked but it was still coming, the spinning wheels crushed John's legs and rib cage, blood splurting everywhere mixing with the milk that had broken and spilt across the road. For a few moments John was in agony, and then it all came to an end.

Darkness. Blackness. John couldn't speak, he couldn't see, and he couldn't feel anything. All he heard was the tall man's voice, the man from his dreams, who uttered one single sentence.

"Time to wake up."