Guilty Love

Things should have changed after being away from home for the better part of a year, that's what I thought anyway. My first year at university had been different certainly, but not in the sort of grand life-changing way I had hoped for. Returning home at the end of the school year I found everything pretty much same. I may as well not have bothered.

As sisters, and only about a year and a half apart, I grew up sharing a room with Lindsay. That hadn't changed either and even now as I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling I could hear her soft breathing from across the room. I turned my head to look at her but couldn't make out much more than an undefined mound where her blanket covered her. To think one of the biggest problems in my life was sleeping in the same room as me.

It sounded terrible when I thought of it that way. It wasn't like Lindsay had done anything to deserve being labeled as a problem, even just in my mind. She was as good a sister as I could have asked for and I wouldn't have traded her for anything. I just wished I could fix whatever was wrong with me.

Sighing heavily, and knowing I was better off staying put, I swung my feet off the side of my bed and stood up. I had taken to sleeping naked while I was away, but in acknowledgement of my return home I settled for stripping down to my underwear. Clad in my bra and panties I crossed the room to stand beside my little sister's sleeping form.

Only her head was visible sticking out from under the blanket that covered the rest of her body. Now that I was closer I could make out the features on her face, or at least half of her face. In the months I'd been at university she had turned eighteen and, if anything, she looked even more adorable than when I left.

I didn't know when my bizarre and frustrating obsession had started but it must have been related to us sleeping in the same room. The thing was that as cute as Lindsay could be during the day, the effect was somehow even stronger when she slept. The sheer look of tranquility and contentment that she held was enough to render me helpless.

"Perfect," I whispered under my breath.

That was the only word I'd come up that came close to describing how she looked to me. Watching her now I saw that same face, the one that had driven me crazy. A little older perhaps but no less perfect than before.

I'd hoped that some distance between us would help, that not seeing her for so many months would make me realize that I didn't really feel anything more than a love for my little sister. Unfortunately the feelings were stronger now, and many of them were definitely unsisterly.

I reached down to grasp the top of Lindsay's blanket and tugged it gently away from her shoulder before stopping myself. I'd always managed to keep from actually doing anything more than looking before and that's how it needed to stay. She didn't need to know how messed up I was, she didn't deserve to have to deal with my issues. They were for me alone.

For several long moments I stood there, blanket still in hand. Slowly I pulled it farther down her body until I reached her waist. I was losing the battle, or maybe winning. Always hard to keep score on internal struggles. I was still just looking I told myself, I was just getting the blanket out of the way. It wasn't really anything I hadn't seen before.

Soon Lindsay's blanket was piled up at the base of the mattress and her entire beautiful form lay before me. She was lying mostly on her stomach with her head turned toward me. She had on a t-shirt and pyjama pants as usual, the same I always used to wear to bed too. I noticed that her shirt had pulled up a little as she slept, exposing maybe an inch or two of skin on her back.

It was weird how interesting skin could be at times. It was constantly visible on other people on their hands or arms or faces, yet sometimes it was different. In the right places or on the right people it turned from an everyday sight to something more fascinating than the greatest work of art. The small patch on my sister's back wasn't quite that amazing, but it was still enough to draw my attention.

My hand went to the gap between her shirt and pants without even bothering to ask permission from my brain. I let my palm lay flat on her back for a moment before jerking it away. Now I was going too far, crossing a line I had always managed to avoid in the past. And yet, it felt so good.

Feeling guilty even before I touched her again I returned my hand to Lindsay's back, pushing the hem of her shirt up a little as I spread my fingers out. I slowly ran my hand up her spine to about the mid-point between her waist and neck before sliding it back to its starting position. Having pulled her shirt up some I wondered just how far I could get away with. It couldn't come off, not without actually moving her, and I didn't think she'd sleep through that.

Taking hold of the bottom of my sister's shirt on either side of her body I carefully tugged it upward. It was caught between her stomach and the mattress where she lay on it but I still managed to get it up to almost the level of her breasts.

I paused as I considered the possibilities, then slipped my fingers under the bunched up edge of Lindsay's shirt. Only the side of her breast was available to me without rolling her over and it really wasn't enough to get much of a feel, but it was more the idea of what I was doing anyway. It was so wrong in so many ways and so very, very exhilarating.

My heart was pounding and my hesitation was disappearing as my hormones took over. I'd still feel bad in the morning and I'd wish I hadn't done any of this, but I couldn't stop.

I turned my attention downward to the yet untouched pyjama pants that covered my little sister's lower half. They were loose, meant for comfort, and I decided I could probably get away with a similar process as I'd done to her shirt. Her legs were lying apart slightly, spreading wide enough that I wouldn't be able to get her waistband past her knees without pushing them together. That was okay though, I could still get it down far enough for my purposes.

I ended up only pulling Lindsay's bottoms down to just below her butt where I stopped and just stared. I'd seen her in her underwear or swimsuit plenty of times, and I had a fair idea what she looked like anyway, but still. Like every part of her body it seemed to fit, not too big or too small but just perfectly curved. Why did my sister have to be so goddamn amazing?

My levels of horniness were getting too high and, despite knowing I should retreat to my bed first, I gave in and slipped a hand under my panties. My pussy was so wet already I could fell the moisture that had soaked into the front of panties against my knuckles. For a few minutes I simply played with myself, trying to satisfy my urges enough to regain some control. My fingers sank easily into my sodden pussy and I wished momentarily for my vibrator but couldn't force myself to move from where I was to get it.

Finally I wrenched my hand away and took a couple deep breaths trying to calm down. If all I wanted to do was masturbate I could do that from the relative safety of my bed. I should get my sister's clothes straightened out and return to my side of the room.

Although....

I couldn't resist. Lindsay's naked butt was right there begging to be touched. As far as I had gone already I might as well go a little further.

With a slight tremble I lowered my hand onto her perfectly smooth ass and almost immediately my instincts took over again. I couldn't keep my already pussy-lubricated fingers from diving back in, this time with the addition of my palm mashing arrhythmically against my clit.

I was rubbing my sister's butt dangerously hard and tried to reign myself in from giving her a full on massage. That she still slept was probably using up my quota of luck for the year. Nevertheless the sensation of actually feeling her this way was overriding most of my ability to form coherent thoughts. All I cared about was cumming, and cumming soon.

My wrist was going to hate me in the morning, but then I'd hate myself in the morning too so nothing special there. Somehow I continued to move my arm faster, plunge my fingers deeper and harder inside me until finally that familiar feeling started building deep within me. I don't think I'd ever been so glad to achieve orgasm in my life, and certainly it had never felt so amazing.

Somehow I avoided making more than a small whimpering noise while I came. I wasn't usually a screamer anyway but I certainly could have been this time.

I pulled my hand out of my panties finally, finding it covered in my girl-cum as I expected. Lacking anything at hand to wipe my fingers off with I resorted to sucking them clean as best I could. I really didn't mind the taste but it wasn't anything special enough that I went out of my way to lick myself off that way most of the time.

As soon as I finished with my hand I started on getting Lindsay re-clothed. Her shirt was easy enough but her bottoms took a little more effort to pull back, particularly with my sense of caution coming back. Lastly I pulled her blanket back up and made sure she was tucked in snugly as memories came back to me of taking care of her like this in more innocent times. Back when I was the sister Lindsay deserved.

I sighed and stood up, not yet taking my eyes off of my sister. There were no easy options, no way to make sure she was happy. If she found out my secret, if I left, even if I tried to talk to her, it could all go so badly. I was stuck with simply trying to pretend things were normal and hope that I could control myself better in the future. I'd been doing so well until tonight.

"I'm sorry," I whispered even though I knew she couldn't hear me.

Since my panties were pretty much soaked and would become increasingly uncomfortable I slid them off before collapsing on my bed. I thought I would be up a while thinking and worrying but instead I felt sleep claiming me almost as soon as I got settled in. That orgasm took more out of me than I thought.

****

"Andrea! Hey c'mon, time to get up!"

I grumbled and only cracked open one eye to see who was waking me up so early in the morning. Or maybe not so early, the sun had already brightened the room and I could hear the background noises of activity downstairs. It must have just felt earlier than it was due to my lack of sleep last night.

Lindsay was standing beside my bed, almost bouncing in frustration as I refused to move. After a few seconds she jumped on my bed and started shaking my shoulder vigourously.

"What?" I croaked.

"Come on, mom's making pancakes and bacon and she says I can't have any until I get you up," Lindsay said.

As sleepy as I still was, I knew better than to stand between my sister and the prospect of her favourite breakfast.

"Alright, alright," I said. "I need to get dressed first though."

Maybe Lindsay had forgotten my choice of sleepwear these days, maybe it was something else. Either way she only clued in what I meant when I sat up and let my blanket fall away from my chest to reveal my bra. In one swift motion she was off my bed and digging through my shirt drawer.

"I forgot you don't wear much to bed these days," she said. "How about just a long shirt? You still have some right?"

"There should be a blue one there that would do. On the left-hand side I think."

She really had no idea what happened last night, for her it was business as usual. A small pang of guilt hit me as I watched her from my bed and remembered what she looked like with her pyjama pants pulled halfway down her legs. It wasn't nearly as bad as I expected though, maybe because I wasn't really focused yet.

Lindsay soon held up her hand up in triumph and tossed me the balled up shirt. It was one of the few night-shirts I still possessed since I didn't wear them to bed anymore, but they still came in handy every now and then. I pulled it on while still sitting down and let the hem fall down past my waist when I stood up, thus hiding just how naked my lower half was.

With me following close behind my sister made her way happily down to the breakfast table. She was acting so normal, and that was a really good sign as far as I was concerned. It meant I hadn't ruined anything yet.

I just had to make sure it stayed that way.

****

For a few days I actually managed to avoid any further ill-advised actions. The images of Lindsay's body burned into my brain were enough to keep me reasonably happy and to keep my thoughts off of any more exploration. I was however masturbating more than usual, particularly throughout the daytime, in an attempt to keep my hormones in check. This tended to leave me less horny at night when I was most likely to slip up.

I didn't completely stop getting myself off while in bed or anything. It was just such a convenient time, already lying down and relaxed as I was. I usually waited until I was sure Lindsay was asleep of course, not that she would necessarily mind if she knew what I was doing. The thing was that even if she was cool with knowing I masturbating it could still lead to awkward areas of discussion between us that I would rather avoid. Safer just not to be caught.

Unfortunately, one night it just wasn't working for me. It happened sometimes that I just couldn't reach orgasm and, while not a huge problem in some ways, it did tend to leave me sexually frustrated. That was not really a state I wanted to be in given my current circumstances.

I'd tried various techniques from gently finger-fucking my pussy to frantically rubbing my clit until my wrist got tired. I even stumbled out of bed long enough to grab my vibrator which usually did the trick. All I got for my efforts was sore and increasingly annoyed.

The worst part was I knew exactly what I could do to get the stimulation I needed. My sister was snoring softly in her bed and definitely asleep enough for my purposes by now. It would kind of defeat the whole point of what I'd been doing, it seemed that my plan may in fact have backfired on me. I'd unintentionally worked myself up instead of calming down and I was left without many options. When I thought about it I really only had two choices; give in and take advantage of my sister again or restrain myself and suffer through a long and possibly sleepless night.

Maybe if I could just distract myself with something I would drift off. I could probably go down into the living room and put the tv on quiet enough that I wouldn't wake anyone. It might mean falling asleep on the couch but that wasn't really a bad trade off compared to not sleeping at all.

I didn't even make it off my bed before pausing, barely having thrown off my covers and swung my feet onto the floor. Tv wasn't what I wanted. What I wanted was lying directly across from me.

Almost in a trance I stood and walked over to Lindsay's bed. I'd gotten away with it once, I probably could again. Even as I made the arguments in my head I knew I was in trouble. I was trying to rationalize and I wasn't resisting very well either. Is this how it was going to be, easier every time until something finally went wrong?

Lindsay actually had a corner of her blanket tucked under her arm which took a little bit of prying loose but I soon had it piled up at her feet. I wondered if she had taken after me and started sleeping in her underwear whether that would have made things easier or harder on me. Idle musings weren't getting me anywhere though, and as long as I was going to go through with this again I should probably be as quick as possible.

With my recently gained experience I found it much easier getting my sister's pyjama pants partway down her legs than last time. Partly that was because I wasn't quite as worried about her waking up since I was a little more familiar with her tolerances. If she had been on her back I might have gone for her shirt too, but it didn't seem worth the effort with her lying on her stomach again.

As with last time the sight of my sister's naked ass was enough to nearly hypnotize me. This was what I needed. I moved my hands simultaneously; one to my pussy and the other to Lindsay's butt, stroking both of them eagerly. It was kind of like a sexy coordination test.

With all the futility of my efforts so far I was glad to feel the increased arousal provided by my unwitting sister and to sense that it was working. I wasn't yet near orgasm but it would come, somehow I knew it would.

It wasn't long before my exploring fingers tracing Lindsay's skin led me to notice a change in her position. She was mostly lying the same she had been last time but with subtle differences. Notably I discovered that I had better access as I slid my hand farther down between her legs. I didn't go too far at first but I started to wonder if I could actually get to her pussy.

I shouldn't of course, I should just be happy with what I had. Already I had gone much too far and pushing more was just....

Actually there really wasn't any reason I could think of why it would be any worse. I was already completely fucked, figuratively speaking, if I got caught. How exactly were the consequences going to get any worse?

Slowly and very carefully I slid my hand between Lindsay's legs. It took me a second or two to actually realize when I was touching her pussy since it seemed to be completely smooth. I kept my pussy shaved pretty much constantly just because I liked the feel when I was playing with myself, but I never even considered that my sister might do the same.

I ended up not being able to get entire underneath her, but far enough at least that I could almost cup her pussy in my palm. It was such a high touching her where I was, more so even than her ass had provided. My long awaited orgasm was fast approaching and happily concentrated on achieving it as fast as I possibly could.

If I had been a little more calm I might have seen the warning signs of my sister waking up.

"Andrea?"

I heard my name spoken in a confused voice and for half a second I was just as confused where it had come from. Then I understood and I experienced a moment of absolute, pure terror.

"Lindsay?" I said, knowing full well it was even before my lips could move.

My mind was racing through possibilities but there really was no way to disguise what I was doing. Caught with my hand down my panties? That was doable. Caught with my other hand on her pussy? Completely fucked.

"I'm sorry," I said, repeating what I had whispered to her the last time. "I'm sorry. I'm just...."

I couldn't even think of anything else to say, what else was there? I pulled my arms back to my body, hugging myself as if it could bring some comfort. I was shaking all over and I felt very close to tears. Even though I had gone through the risks in my head previously I was completely unprepared for the reality of having to face them.

I couldn't decide what to do, whether to run and just get as far away as I could or maybe just curl up in a ball and close my eyes. It didn't really matter though since I was frozen in place and couldn't seem to gain any kind of motor control.

"It's okay Andrea," Lindsay said.

She had pulled her pyjama bottoms back into place and sat up, allowing me to see her face more clearly. It was still unreadable to me in my state but I was pretty sure I already knew what she would be thinking. She reached out to me and I flinched away.

"No it's not," I said, shaking my head. "It's not going... it just isn't."

Even before I finished Lindsay's hands were on me, pulling me toward her until her arms could wrap around me. It was such a bizarre thing for her to hold me that way given how she should be acting. Whatever that might mean I didn't really think about it. Mostly I just cried.