Guilty of Lov'IN the First

Another romantic incest tale. I may have found my niche. Time will tell, I guess.

There is one scene of near rape and descriptions of unwelcomed rough foreplay. If these are hard for you to read, you've been warned. Neither scene reaches the level of illegal rape but could be disturbing for some. Rape is not a fetish or fantasy of mine. The scenes are part of the story as character development and insight. This is mostly a romantic story.

All sex is consensual between adults 18 and older.

####

I sat on the bed, staring at the sleeping face of a beautiful nine-year-old girl. She's perfect in every way. Of course, I'm not at all without bias. She's my daughter. My oldest. My shining star. I look over to the next bed and see my youngest daughter peacefully sleeping, her hair a mess, as usual, and splayed across her face. I must smile. She's my little tom-boy. She's three going on twelve. They have his eyes.

In the next room are my handsome men. My two sons. My little protectors. They sleep now but when awake, they look out for their mom and sisters. Little tough guys. Full of life, energy, and love. I see a lot of Alex's adventurous spirit in them. I smile with pride.

I look down at the picture in my hand. Alex. My cousin. My friend. My light. A tear falls from my cheek and splashes on his image. After twenty years, my pussy still tingles at the thought of that first night. Happy memories flood my mind. I smile as I wander back through the years.

Alex and I are forty-three years old. It's been twenty years since we shared something so special, so magical, so life-changing. It started seven years before that magical night.

####

I was sixteen years old. I was on a Friday night date with my boyfriend who, looking back now, was quite an asshole. Of course, I didn't see it at the time. I was "in love" and couldn't see past his handsome good looks to see how he treated everyone around him. Nobody liked him except me.

Anyway, the date didn't go according to his plans. He wanted to fuck me, but I was a conservative virgin girl and I was having no part of it. He roughed me up a bit, more mentally than physically. He pushed me around, grabbed my wrists, threatened me, but never hit me.

He dropped me off at home. As I was walking to the door, I tripped on the stupid crack in the sidewalk and went down, hard, on my face. My lip was split and I had a big raspberry on my cheek. The next day, I had a nice shiner and the side of my face was swollen. I was able to stay in my room and avoid everyone that day. Everyone except my best friend, and first cousin, Alex.

Alex and I were born six months apart. I was born in November and him in April. Our dads are brothers and are closer than peas in a pod. His mom believes. I mean REALLY believes, that if he had to choose between my dad and her, he'd choose my dad. She's a strange woman. But she may be right.

Dad and Uncle Jeff have worked together since dad was 15 and Uncle Jeff was 14. They're inseparable. Because of this, I grew up with Alex as more of a brother than a cousin. More importantly, we've always been best friends.

Alex showed up around five o'clock in the afternoon. I could hear mom telling him I was in my room and didn't want to be bothered. As if. He charmed his way in and my door opened. I hid my face from him. I didn't want anyone to know how stupid clumsy I was.

Alex didn't even look my way. "So, how was your date last night?" he asked as he wandered over to my bureau to fidget with my things. He loved pulling the heads off my dolls. I loved scolding him. It was our ritual.

"Fine," I answered shortly, keeping my face covered. "Leave my stuff alone."

I noticed him look at me. His face changed when he realized I was hiding. "What's up?" he asked concerned.

"Nothing," I said. "You should go."

"Go where?" he asked. "We're supposed to go to the swimming hole," he reminded me.

"I'm not going," I said.

He was now trying to see what I was hiding. I pulled the blanket up higher.

"What's goin on, Cin?" he asked again. "Did Mark do something to you? Let me see your face."

"Just go away, Alex," I said. "I'm fine."

"You know me better than that, Cindy," he said. "What did that asshole do to you?"

I knew he wouldn't leave. I gave in and lowered the blanket slowly.

"What the hell?" he said, eyes growing wide with anger as I exposed my face.

"Alex, Mark didn't do this," I tried to explain. "I fell down after he dropped me off."

"Right," he said sarcastically. "And I'm a monkey's uncle."

"Seriously, Alex," I tried again. "He wasn't very nice, and I made him bring me home, but I did this myself. I tripped on that stupid sidewalk crack dad keeps saying he'll fix and never does. Asshole."

Alex stood up and started for the door. "I'm gonna kick his damned ass."

"Alex! NO!" I tried to stop him, but he was out the door and driving away. "SHIT!" I muttered.

A few hours later, Alex was knocking on my window.

"What did you do?" I asked when I got the window open.

"I beat the shit outta that asshole," he said. "Look." He showed me his knuckles on both hands. They were red and bloody.

"Damn it, Alex. I told you he didn't do this," I scolded him.

"First, I don't believe you. I know he hurt you," he said. "Second, he had it coming for how he treats you. What happened last night? Try to get in your pants again?"

"Well, yes, but he really didn't hit me. He just pushed me a bit and was trying to hold me down." I started crying. 'How could I be so stupid?' I wondered to myself, finally hearing my own words describe the first stages of rape.

"Yeah, well, I don't believe you," he said, and the 'Night of Mark' part of the conversation was over.

####

Fast forward seven years. Alex and I are twenty-three now and still as close as ever. We still live in the same town that we grew up in. When we graduated high school, we both decided to go to the local college. Alex moved out and found an apartment with roommates. I continued living at home. We still did EVERYTHING together.

His apartment was shared by four guys, but each had his own private bedroom. You already know I'm going to get to the part where Alex takes my virginity. Now you know it happened in his private room. You can stop reading now. :)

What I haven't told you, nor have I ever told anyone else, is that night Alex kicked the shit out of Mark, when he showed me his bloody knuckles, I nearly creamed myself. It was the first time I'd ever looked at Alex in a sexual way. Him defending my honor really turned me on. I wanted to jump his bones right then and there.

He doesn't know it but the rest of the time he stood outside my window talking to me, I had my fingers buried in my pussy. I had three orgasms while he told me all about kicking Mark's ass. It was hard to concentrate on his exploits while I was frigging myself.

Since that time, I've had plenty of boyfriends and ample opportunity to lose my virginity. Something in the back of my mind wouldn't allow me to let anyone in my pants. Not that I didn't put out. I became a master of blowjobs. I figure if I can make a boy cum, he'll ease up on the pressure to fuck me. I also have a plan. I don't linger after swallowing a load. I suck it, swallow it, and leave while he's still happy.

Alex is the standard by which I judge all the other boys. If they don't match up to him, they're not getting their dick in me. The problem is, he stands so high on my pedestal, nobody else really has a chance.

You may be thinking that I've been wanting to have sex with Alex since that night seven years ago. Quite the opposite. That night? Perhaps, well, okay, fuck yeah, but I'm not that kind of girl. I was turned on and horny, sure, but not to the point of incest with my cousin. At least not yet. Fucking Alex was just a wide-eyed girl's fantasy.

Until it wasn't.

It was a hot Saturday night. We lived in a smaller town in the southwest desert. The closest major city to us was a 90-minute drive to Las Vegas, Nevada. It was a small, growing town. As a kid, it was small. Now, as an adult, I don't recognize it anymore. Nor do I recognize many people when I visit.

I was on a date with Bart, another asshole but not at Mark's level. Bart was WORSE!. We'd been out three, maybe four times already. He expected more than hand holding and kissing. He was determined to get more. Up until that night, he had been a perfect gentleman when we dated and hung out. Tonight, however, he had a few drinks and was feeling his oats.

The date started normally. He picked me up, took me to the local diner for a quick meal, then to the theater to watch the new summer kick-off blockbuster movie, Armageddon. I'm still not sure what the hype was all about. Bruce Willis was sub-par. Ben Affleck never could act but was much worse in this movie than most. Bart thought it was awesome. If I never see it again, it'll be waaaaay too soon.

When the movie was over, Bart drove us to the hill overlooking our lovely town. It's a beautiful view but the location is not for single people to be inspired by a lovely view. At least not a view of the town. As soon as he parked, he got in the back of his pickup and pulled two beers from the cooler. He helped me into the bed of the truck (which I also noticed an inflatable mattress stowed away for quick access giving the words 'Truck Bed' a different than intended meaning.)

We sat in camping chairs in the back of his truck and held hands looking at the twinkling lights of our growing little town. It was quite romantic. We began to kiss and make out. During this time, he was downing beer like he owned the brewery. I was still on my first when he finished his fourth and cracked the fifth open.

He started getting handsy, which wasn't totally unwelcome. I love the feeling of strong masculine hands on my breasts and other parts of my body. This time was different. With four beers already in him, and a fifth on the way, I was losing control of the situation quickly. He soon had my shirt off and was sucking my nipples. Again, not really a bad thing until his blood alcohol level was considered.

He stood me up and helped me out of the truck, grabbed the inflatable mattress, spread it out, and pulled a plug which started it self-inflating. When it was ready, he helped me back into the bed, rather forcefully. I started protesting when he got physical with me. The fight was on. Because he's much bigger and stronger than me, he soon had me pinned down with my pants and panties around my ankles.

I tried to fight him off, but it was useless. When he started unbuckling his belt, I knew I was about to become a rape victim. In my mind, I had one chance of stopping him. Offer a blowjob. My reputation was well known. When he exposed his cock, I moved with all the force I could and managed to get my mouth around his cock.

It was the best, and worst blowjob I've ever given. Best because I was sucking his cock to save my virtue. Worst because it was far from what I would have chosen to be doing at the moment.

I sucked him like a girl possessed. As the crude saying goes, 'I could have suck-started a jumbo jet'. I didn't want him to get anywhere near dissatisfied and think he'd get anything better from a different part of my body.

It took about five minutes, but I knew he was ready to fire. I doubled my efforts and was soon swallowing his load. Like most men, once he shot off, there was a small window when he felt a strong need to sleep. As soon as he yawned, I moved slowly to the back of the truck bed and told him I needed to pee before the next act.

As soon as my feet touched the ground, I pulled my pants and panties up, slipped into my shoes, and started running. I made it to the main road and was lucky someone drove past and picked me up.

I was shaken up, but he hadn't hurt me, and I didn't do much more for him than any other guy I'd sucked off before. I also learned a valuable lesson about sex and alcohol that has served me well over the years.

An older couple picked me up. They could see I was upset but I simply told them my car had run out of gas and I was scared I'd have to walk back into town. I don't know if they bought it or not but it kept them from prying.

I didn't want to go home in my mental state. I texted Alex.

Me: Where are you?

Alex: At my place. Where are you?

Me: Can I come over?

Alex: Anytime sweet thang.

I gave the gentleman directions and he was sweet for going out of his way to drop me off. I offered him some money for the ride. He wouldn't hear of it. I thanked the couple and let them know they literally saved me. The lady looked at me oddly. I'm sure she thought I should have said "figuratively." Nope. I used the right wording.

Once out of the car, I stood on the sidewalk and did my best to compose myself. Sixteen-year-old me would have delighted in watching Alex kick the shit out of Bart like he did Mark. Twenty-three-year-old me was just happy I got away. I didn't want to go in and let him know what had happened. I wanted to forget all of it.

Alex was waiting for me and saw the car stop and drive away. Before I was fully ready, he was standing next to me.

"Who was that?" he asked watching the car drive away.

Not being prepared for him to know how I got there, I stumbled for an answer before I said, "I dunno. A nice old couple."

"How did you end up with a 'nice old couple?'" he wondered.

"Long story," I evaded. "Can we go inside. I'm hot as hell."

He put his arm around my shoulder to lead me inside. I doubt he felt how my body reacted to his touch or how I melted into him. For the first time since Bart's first beer, I felt safe. And horny. 'God, how the hell does he get my juices flowing so easily?' I wondered to myself.

He led me inside and directly to his room, closed the door and locked it. He sat me on the bed and sat down beside me, arm still around my shoulder.

"Spill!" he demanded.

I couldn't look at him. If I even glanced his way, I knew my eyes would give me away. Looking into my lap, I answered. "Spill what?"

"Cin," he said sternly, "don't give me any shit. What the hell did Bart do to you?"

SHIT! He's good. "Nothing," I said, apparently not very convincingly.

"Bullshit."

"Trust me, Alex. Nothing happened," I tried.

He took his arm off my shoulder, turned his body to face me, took my chin in his hand, and forced me to look at him. "Cindy!" he said with the proper amount of authority to let me know he was serious, but not so much I felt forced.

He turned my head, but I hadn't looked at him yet. I couldn't hold back. I had to look into his eyes. When my eyes met his, I couldn't hold back the tears. I couldn't hold back the verbal diarrhea either.

"GOD, ALEX, IT WAS AWFUL!" my mouth said. "BART ALMOST RAPED ME. I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT AWAY WITHOUT HIM RAPING ME. GOD, WHAT DID I DO? I'M SO ASHAMED."

Alex, to his credit, didn't blink. Nor talk. He let me 'spill' and spill I did. My mouth wouldn't shut up as I gave him every sordid detail, crying the entire time.

"I'M SO ASHAMED. I FEEL SO GUILTY. HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID? HOW DID I LET THIS HAPPEN?" I cried. "SAY SOMETHING!" I demanded.

Alex finally reacted. He pulled my entire body against his and hugged me. I started crying again but my tears were different. I was no longer afraid. These were tears of comfort. I melted into his body and pulled him as tight as I could.

"Shhhhh, little one," he comforted. "You're okay. I've got you. You're safe."

My shame and guilt took over again. "How could I allow this to happen, Alex?" I asked rhetorically. I didn't expect an answer. I got one anyway.

"How in the hell do you think you're responsible for this?" he asked.

'Is he fuckin stupid?' I wondered. 'How is this anyone's fault but mine?' We call this 'Rape Victim Mentality' and it needs to be addressed.

"I should have seen it coming and got out of the situation before it started," I explained.

"Cin, this isn't on you. He prepared to have sex with you. He worked for it and the asshole figured you owed him. That's not your fault."

I didn't want to talk about it any longer. I didn't want to go home and face my mom and dad.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" I asked without much of a thought.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Cin," he replied.

I felt my heart slow, my mind ease, and my pussy tingle. 'What the fuck is wrong with me?' I wondered to myself.

"Thanks, cuz. You're the best," I said and kissed his cheek. "I'm tired. I need to sleep. Do you have a t-shirt and some shorts I can wear? These things," I said pointing at my button down blouse and jeans, "aren't all too comfy for sleeping."

"You betcha," he said and got up to fetch some clothes I could sleep in. He returned and handed them to me. "You can go ..." he started then stopped. "Never mind. I'll leave so you can change. You don't need to parade past my roommates to change in the bathroom."

"Thanks," I said. "That's sweet. I'm lucky to have you."

"Damn right, you are," he smiled. "Let me know when I can come back in." He grabbed another shirt and shorts, walked out, and closed the door.

I quickly changed. He's so much bigger than me. I was swimming in his shirt and had to work hard to tie the drawstrings on his shorts tight enough to keep them from sliding off my small ass. When I was done, I went to the door and opened it a crack. I wandered back over to the bed and slipped between the sheets.

A few minutes later, he came in, saw me in his bed and smiled. "Comfy?" he asked.

I nodded and yawned.

He turned off the lamp on my side, walked around to the other side and slipped into bed. He reached over and turned off the other lamp. It was dark. With nothing else to think about, my mind started racing through the events of the evening which led to me lying in bed with my cousin. I started having anxiety attacks. My breathing became ragged and hurried.

I felt Alex before I heard him. His left hand found my right hand and his fingers intertwined with mine. Holding my hand, he rolled over and laid his right leg over my waist and his right arm over my chest. His face nuzzled against my neck.

"You're okay, Cindy," he whispered. "You're safe with me. Nothing will happen here. Go to sleep."

I squeezed his hand, moved my body as close to him as I could get, and turned my head into his chest. My lights went out.

####

I woke up. The room was dark other than his desk clock. 2:43 am. I was confused and disconnected. 'Where the hell am I?' I wondered. I started to move but realized I was pinned down. I started to panic when reality flooded my sleepy brain. Alex was still in the same position he was in when I fell asleep. I could hear him breathing and lightly snoring. My hand was still in his hand, fingers still intertwined. I gave it a squeeze. I placed my left hand on his arm which was covering my breasts and squeezed it tight to me. I felt safe. My lights went out again.

####

I woke up again with Alex still splayed out and covering me. With his right leg over my waist, I knew I was awakened by my aching bladder. His leg was lying directly on my pee storage. God, it hurt. I didn't want to wake him, so I gently lifted his arm off me. His leg was a bit more of a challenge but I somehow managed to free myself without him waking. He stirred and rolled onto his back.

As I rolled out of bed, I felt disoriented. I wasn't sure where the door was. The only light was from his clock. It was 5:18 am. I fumbled around and somehow found my phone. I hit a button and it lit up nearly blinding me.

"FUCK!" I whispered. The light made my eyes burn. I turned the phone away from me and scanned the room. I found the door and quickly made my exit. The hallway was well lit, and I was soon draining my aching bladder.