Hearts of Warriors Ch. 15

It was as if he was possessed, denial blazing in his heart. He grabbed his wife by the shoulders and shook her, ignoring her missing throat. "Get up, Maria! Sophia needs you! I need you!"

Her head flopped sickeningly and the last of her warm blood pumped out of the tear in her neck. Mackenzie felt his soul die as he hugged Maria's lifeless body to his and began to sob his anguish into the room.

"Not my Maria," he wept. "Not my love. Dear God, please don't do this to me."

Mackenzie had no idea how long he wept as Maria's body went cold in his arms. It didn't even register in his mind that she had still been warm when he'd arrived, that whatever had happened to take her from him had occurred probably only a handful of minutes before he got back to the holding.

There wasn't much rational thought in his mind until he remembered his daughter and stilled in his rocking of his wife.

"Sophia." The word whispered out of his lips. He hadn't thought anything could be worse than finding Maria dead but the fear in his heart for his daughter surpassed even that. Maybe she had escaped whoever had done this to Maria.

Again, he knew he was in denial. Maria had been injured in the living room and had run to Sophia's bedroom. A mother always runs to protect her child when danger is around and Maria adored Sophia as much as he did.

Mackenzie's mind snapped back to the initial scene when he entered the room, Maria lying on her back with her hand stretched out...

"No! No, no, no, no, no!" He heard himself chanting even as his gaze returned to the bundle of rags half under the bed and saw a tiny white foot poking out.

Mackenzie's heart stopped beating; horror invading his soul as he gently lowered Maria to the floor and haltingly moved towards the bundle. With gentle hands he reached for the tiny body covered in her blood-stained nightgown, and picked up the lifeless form of his daughter.

Someone was scraping cut glass through his body. They were doing it repeatedly as a fire of agony tore through him.

"Wake up, Sophia," Mackenzie sobbed, cradling his daughter in his arms and pressing his large hand against her ravished throat. "Please wake up for Papa, angel. Please."

But he knew Sophia would never wake again. The deathly pallor of her skin and the coldness of her little body told him she had been dead longer than Maria, that his wife most likely had had to watch their daughter die before she was killed.

Mackenzie sat sobbing in a pool of blood beside his wife, cradling his daughter and holding Maria's limp hand against their child's body. They were a family and they did everything together. The only time they were apart was when he was out in the fields. If he'd been home today when whatever monster it was that had come calling had arrived, he'd have been lying beside his family, as dead as they were.

The tears wouldn't stop; the cut glass grating through his body wouldn't stop. His life was Maria and Sophia. They were his heart and soul and now they were gone, their end something so hideous and terrifying. He couldn't bear the thought of how they must have suffered. He couldn't bear the thought of living a life where they no longer existed.

Mackenzie still felt tears streaking down his face as he gently settled Sophia in her mother's arms and took his knife from his belt. He wasn't crying for himself but for the two beautiful angels who no longer graced the world.

"I'm coming, Maria," he whispered as he lay down, their daughter safely between their bodies. "Papa's coming, Sophia."

Mackenzie rasped the knife across his throat, closing his eyes as he felt his blood begin to flow...

Lily was sobbing, her arms tightly around Mac, holding him as he wept out the death of his family. The anguish in his eyes, the heartbreak in his voice, was more than she could stand and she had to try to comfort him somehow.

"I'm sorry," she whispered repeatedly, rocking him in her arms and holding him tightly, afraid he would splinter from the memory.

Mac held her tightly, struggling out of the past, grounding himself in the scent of his mate and her whispered words. He'd meant to keep control, he'd meant to make sure that Lily wasn't upset by this revelation and instead, she was the one holding him, soothing him and taking his pain on as her own.

He was continually underestimating her, believing her to be young because of her years. But his Lily was so much stronger than he imagined and he let her ease the ache in his heart because it was overwhelming him and threatening to take him under.

"How did you survive, Mac?" Lily asked when his tears subsided and she felt him gain some control. Her heart was breaking for him but she knew he needed to complete this story if there was any chance of him healing from it. No wonder he'd been alone for so long after something so awful.

"Demetri," he answered after taking a deep breath. "I woke to find I was a vampire. At first, I thought it was Demetri who'd killed my family but he explained it was a vampire who had crossed over that he'd been hunting. I was angry that he'd saved me and turned me into the same kind of monster that had killed my family. I think he felt some guilt that he hadn't been in time to stop the massacre from happening."

Lily sat back and wiped at his wet cheeks, brushing a soft kiss over his lips. "Doesn't sound like the Demetri who must have been around in those days," she mused. "He's only calmed down since he met Mara from what I know."

A weak smile crossed Mac's face. "Yeah, he was a lot less civilised back then but maybe deep inside there has always been a stroke of goodness in his soul. Demetri helped me bury my family and say goodbye to the world I once knew. Then I joined him on the hunt for their murderer. I was too young and new to the life to take down the vampire myself but Demetri let me have the killing blow once he'd incapacitated the vampire."

Mac rose from the bed and paced back to the window, staring out for a long time before turning around. "You're probably wondering why I'm telling you this now."

Lily met his bleak gaze, tracing every line of anguish still visible on his face. Deep inside, her heart broke a little more. She didn't need Mac to say the words. That he carried the death of his daughter so close even after all this time was a telling factor. The pain cut him so deep he'd probably never truly recover from it. His change in demeanour when having babies was mentioned the day before now made sense.

Her wolf howled its anguish and tears gathered in Lily's eyes. "You don't want children."

Mac stared into Lily's anguished face, hating himself for putting that expression on it. "I can't, Lily, please try to understand that," he pleaded. "I can't father another child. I can't ever risk losing a child as I lost Sophia. I'd never survive it a second time."

Lily blinked and the tears slid down her cheeks. She would never know what it was to be a mother. She hadn't really thought about it in detail until recently and even then, it wasn't something she'd wanted to happen right away. She'd wanted to spend time with Mac first, enjoying their life as mates before they became parents.

Now Mac was telling her that they would never be that and a little piece of her died inside. The tears flowed faster as she tried to reconcile herself to this added blow. Her wolf snarled her fury, clawing inside her to get out and hurt something or someone.

'Stop it!' she growled at her wolf, forcing the beast down with a strength she didn't know she had. "He aches at the loss of his daughter. Our mate bleeds inside. Would you bleed him more my wolf?"

The stern words had an instant effect on the beast. She stopped prowling and cocked her head to the side. Lily's eyes shifted to an amber colour as the wolf observed their mate's expression and tested his emotions within the bond. She howled mournfully and tried to surge forward to soothe their mate but was held back by her human side.

'Shhh. We will heal him together but he needs the love of the woman right now, not the protection of the wolf.'

Mac watched Lily's eyes change and braced for the wolf's assault. He knew he was in for a power of hurt when the beast attacked and he welcomed it for the pain he was subjecting his mate to. He couldn't fail to see a little of the spark die from Lily's eyes as she realised he wouldn't be dissuaded from this course of action.

It was criminal to keep Lily mated to him and to cause her this pain. If there was any way he could undo the mating he would, so she'd be spared the pain he was putting her through. But he couldn't. They were mated for life now, a life Lily had dreamed of having children in but now knew would never have. Mac cursed himself and prepared for the physical pain that would in no way compensate for the emotional anguish Lily was experiencing.

He tensed as Lily rose from the bed and walked slowly over to stand before him. When he looked in her eyes he saw no sign of the wolf, only the love and compassion of the woman that was his mate.

"It's okay, Mackenzie," Lily breathed quietly, wrapping her arms around him tightly and burying her head against his chest. "I understand. If I have a choice between eternity with you and the chance of being a mother I would chose you in a heartbeat. I love you, Mac. You are as necessary to me as the air I breathe."

She leaned up on tiptoes and kissed him. "Anyway, Annie and Mara manage fine without children. They're more than happy with their mates. It's not the end of the world."

Andrei's words came back to him and he hugged Lily tightly, cursing himself repeatedly for hurting her. He could hear the quiver in her voice, knew she was being brave and strong for him and it only made him hate himself a little bit more. Andrei was right; Lily would stick with him no matter what, whether or not he deserved her.

"I love you, Liliana Rose Romanov," he whispered through more tears. "I don't deserve you but somehow I will make this up to you if it takes me the rest of my existence."

"Just love me, Mac," she whispered back through her own tears. "Never stop loving me and I'll have all I've ever wanted."

*****

Lily somersaulted in the air, spinning so fast she was a blur to even the sharp vampire eyes watching. She sailed over Kallum's head with a fluid grace that wasn't natural, but then, she was Vârcolac and she wasn't holding back.

Since talking with Mac, she'd buttoned down her emotions tightly, muting all her bonds to contain the inner turmoil she was feeling. Everyone had given her the space she so obviously craved and hadn't intruded, but as the day had worn on, Kallum's concern had grown to the point he'd issued his challenge of a training session.

Whatever was eating his sister inside was causing her to shut down and internalising was the worst thing she could do. Mac had studiously avoided him and always seemed to have something urgent to do when he sought him out. The proposed meeting at the compound had been set back a day while the triumvirate gathered information, so they were locked in at the Praetorian compound, the tension level high.

Kal grunted as Lily caught the back of his knee with her staff as he streaked out of her way. Her eyes were amber showing her wolf's aggression and letting him know that she wasn't holding back. The fact that this was the third time she'd managed to hit him was evidence enough. His sister didn't want any quarter so he gave her what she wanted.

His wolf surged forward, his eyes glowing the same amber as he released some of his carefully held control. As Lily watched him intently, he executed the fastest of back flips catching her off-guard. She streaked forward to avoid his reach but his staff came down hard on her back causing her to overbalance and fall to the ground.

She rolled and was back on her feet in an instant, ignoring the pain in her back and the wetness from the open wound he'd inflicted. Her wolf growled its fury at being bested and she feinted to the right, quickly changing her direction as Kal anticipated her move.

In two strides, she was at the large box housing the practice weapons. Throwing the staff to the ground, she came back at her brother wielding two Katanas, the deadly weapons slicing through the air and missing him by inches.

Kal had to throw himself backwards to escape Lily's blades. The utter fury he saw in her eyes told him that he'd most likely have to loose his wolf further to contain her. The depth of Lily's pain must be crushing to send her so feral and his concern grew even as he quickly swapped weapons and began to dance around the practice area meeting each blow Lily rained down on him.

"This needs to be stopped now," Karn growled, a deep frown on his face as he watched the combatants. "Brandon, go get Mac." He didn't want to leave the area while two of his charges were intent on slicing each other to pieces.

"Let Kal help her," a soft voice said behind him and he turned to find himself facing the Armand-Hanlon Alpha's mate. Lacey was stunning with her silvery blonde hair and pale green eyes. Those eyes were fixated on the duelling pair who were spinning and slicing at incredible speed within the workout area.

"They're going to kill each other!" Karn's tone was rough though he'd moderated it slightly because of whom he was speaking to. Anyone else he'd have told to fuck off and most likely knocked them on their ass for interfering.

Brandon hesitated, his anxious gaze sliding from the match to Karn and then back again. The might of the Vârcolac was something of beauty to watch but it was hard not to be concerned for Lily. She was his best friend and though he knew her brother wouldn't hurt her beyond repair; the viciousness being displayed was unsettling.

"Lily needs to vent her frustrations," Lacey said, keeping her voice low. "Kal knows how to handle her and he won't hurt her badly. If it becomes too intense, I'll halt it."

Karn considered her words and his gut instinct to have Mac come and stop the madness he was watching through narrowed eyes. Lacey was their Alpha and knew them better than he did. Would they listen to her if she stopped their sparring match?

With a resigned sigh, he shook his head at Brandon letting him know he'd changed his instruction. No doubt Mac was probably already aware of what was transpiring in the practice yard anyway. If he was allowing it to continue then there must be a reason for it. Karn watched Kal launch an attack on Lily trying to shake off his concern, doubting any good would come from this.

*****

Mac sensed the wolves as he made his way through the trees putting as much distance between himself and the practice yard as possible. He couldn't stay and watch Lily work out her pain. Every time Kal landed a blow against his mate, he was overcome with the need to pound the Vârcolac into dust.

His head told him that was stupid, that Lily was more than capable of taking care of herself and was one of the best soldiers he'd ever come across. But since their mating, the need to protect her had started to dominate his thoughts more and more often.

Was this a sign that there was some effect of the wolf gene within him? He still didn't feel any different inside but on an emotional level he was starting to notice changes which were illogical. He had a much cooler head than his current emotional make-up.

Maybe it was because he'd talked about Sophia and Maria. He'd never shared his family with anyone quite the way he had with Lily. Demetri knew everything as he'd been there at the time, and Andrei and Alexei knew some of it. But Lily had been the first person he'd sat down and told of the event that had ended his world all those years ago.

He paused in his run, listening to the two wolves circle around him a few hundred yards away. He wanted to yell at them to go away but they were only abiding by the instructions both Rafe and he had given them. Protect the Praetorian compound. Ensure no harm came to the Vârcolac. How could he shout at them when they were keeping his mate safe?

He didn't need their protection and they knew it, which was why he was surprised that they were following him. Then he scented the air and understood. His head snapped around to the left as a large russet coloured wolf appeared through the trees.

He sighed as he watched the wolf approach him in the clearing. "You're dangerously close to being outside the protection of the compound, Liam."

The wolf sat down, rich golden brown eyes fixed on him. It surveyed him for a long moment and then the air shimmered and the redheaded Vârcolac appeared, straightening up from a crouch.

Mac found it surprising to see Liam dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, even though he knew the hybrids were not like other Weres and this was the norm for them. His whole life's experience consisted of his previous knowledge of ordinary Weres who did not have the ingrained ability to manipulate matter into clothing when shifting from wolf form.

Liam continued to regard him solemnly for another moment and then he turned to gaze over Mac's head into the forest. "I know why I'm running away, Mac. Why are you?"

Lily's turbulent emotions had been too much for Liam. He was better able to block emotions now, though nowhere near as good as he should be. Lily was so full of anger and pain inside, that even though she muted her bond; it was still too intense for him to stand so he'd tried distance to help him.

Whatever Mac was feeling, he was better at blocking his emotions, though Liam had to concede that Lily was past the maximum level of her control right now and this was why he was being inflicted with her pain. He turned his gaze back to the vampire and waited for his response.

"I'm trying to fight the need to kick Kal's ass," Mac finally answered with a sigh. He paused and met the other male's gaze, seeing questions in his eyes. He sighed again. "And I'm trying to escape the fact that I'm the reason Lily's trying to pound her brother to dust right now."

He didn't know why he told the younger man that. He wasn't one to open up to most people and Liam was someone he knew even less than most. It was out of character for him to discuss something personal with a stranger, even if that stranger was one of the Vârcolac. He studied Liam's expression and saw no judgement there.

"Lily's always felt emotions deeply," Liam said with a small smile on his lips. "She's probably the person I feel closest to in my heart, bar Elle, and yet she's always been one of the hardest people for me to be around because of that fact. The thing with Lily is, though she feels emotions intensely and sometimes needs space to work them through; once she does, she is always forgiving. She doesn't know how to hate anything or anyone."

"Some things are so hurtful that even the most generous of hearts find it hard to forgive." Even as he said the words, Mac flashed back to the understanding in Lily's eyes that morning, and knew that though she hurt over what she'd learned and the impact it had on her life, she would forgive him.

"And some hearts love so absolutely that there is no choice but to forgive," Liam countered, moving over to a fallen log and sitting down. "Lily hurts. Whatever it is that's causing this hurt is something pretty extreme from her reaction. But she's working through it and I can feel her love fighting to dominate the hurt. Whatever is between you...it isn't strong enough to damage her love, Mac. Nothing could do that."

Mac was surprised at the wisdom in Liam's words, the certainty in his tone. The younger man knew his mate far better than he did and he was privy to her emotions being the powerful empath that he was. If Liam said Lily was coping, then Mac had faith that she was. And yet, it still didn't assuage the guilt he felt inside for being the cause of her pain.