Heat Ch. 04

I didn't move for along moment as I reeled from Ethan's abrupt departure and the anger I could still feel rolling through the bond. I knew before he arrived last night that he would hate me for mating him, but the reality hurt. I could feel his frustration and anger and some sense of confusion. I sat on the floor feeling sorry for myself, and as I wallowed in my misery I felt his anger and confusion grow.

With a mental shake I pulled myself of the floor and righted the heavy sofa with a frustrated shove. Being a Were was good for something I thought bitterly. It had cost me the man I loved but I could move furniture with ease. I stalked across the room and Ethan's seed seeped from my cunt like tears. I slowly and painfully blocked out Ethan's emotions. It was getting more and more difficult to block the mate bond but I'd take any reprieve I could get.

A ball of anger began to fester in my gut, anger at myself for being so pathetic for submitting so easily. I was angry with Ethan too, for how he had treated me and for how he had reacted to the thought of mating me. Damn, it hurt that the thought of being mated to me was so repellent to him. I sighed and breathed in the scent of Ethan that clung to my skin, with a growl I stalked into the bathroom. I jumped into the shower and scrubbed all outward signs of Ethan's possession from my skin in near scalding water. Hurt and anger coiled inside me rousing my beast. It pressed against my skin from the inside urging me to slip my skin and obey my instincts. I fought to control my emotions and my beast.

My father hated my Were side. He was a mortal who married a Were and they had two baby girls. One Were and one human baby left for him to raise when my mother had obeyed the call of the wild and run off. I had learnt early in my life to control and mask my Were side to avoid my father's wrath. I had better control than this I told myself. With difficulty I mastered my emotions and the beast within me quieted, but I knew it would need to run free soon.

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Finally, I thought when I locked my front door. I had to pay the repairman an arm and a leg to get him to come out immediately, but I needed to get out of my apartment and work of some of my mad before I went to find Ethan. We needed a solution and running in opposite directions wasn't going to fix our problem, or maybe it would I thought wonderingly. Time and distance would weaken the bond, maybe enough that it could be broken with out killing us both. I doubted it, but if Ethan hated me, anything was worth a try.

I parked my car in a lay-by by the side of the local woods, and walked into the trees. My shoes made almost no noise as I walked through the dappled shade. I felt better almost immediately, sounds of nature surrounded me and I took a deep breath. I walked deeper and deeper into the woods till nature surrounded me and removed the smell of the city.

I walked till I found the lake on the far side. It was surrounded on all sides by trees so it was mostly undisturbed by humans. Stripping out of my trousers and top I waded into the water. I needed to work off my mad and my hurt and swimming would do that for me. When the water was around the top of my thighs I dove into it and began to swim. I cut through the water with powerful strokes of my arms and kicking hard. I drove myself through the water, the physical exertion kept my mind empty and the cold water-cooled my temper.

When I got over my mad the need to drive myself died and I began to think. I had never heard of anyone breaking a mate bond but the sensation of the bond was weaker further away from Ethan. Maybe if I went far enough away the bond would weaken enough to be broken! I loved Ethan but I wouldn't force him to be with me because of some stupid hormonal match. I slapped the water in frustration and nearly dunked myself. I wanted to take down my shields and spend the rest of my life with him, but feeling his resentment through the bond everyday would slowly kill me.

When the cold of the water began to seep into my bones I swam back to the shore and walked of the water. I was unconcerned about my nudity and the sun was warm on my skin. I would dry off quickly. I walked away from my clothes to lay on a large smooth rock. I had plenty more thinking to do.

"Now there's a pretty sight." The sound of Ethan's voice froze me.

My first though was 'great, now I'm imagining him too.' I turned slowly on my rock and faced him. He was standing on the beach watching me, looking relaxed in sweats and a running vest. I had succeeded in blocking the bond from my mind enough that I hadn't even noticed his approach! I Stared at him unable to think of a coherent thought. I watched his eyes roam freely over my body. I heard his breath catch and saw him lick his lips as he appreciated my body. I had no problems with nudity and I liked my body, but watching his eyes slide over my body pissed me off. After the grief he had given me the fact that he still thought my body belonged to him made me want to do damage.

"What do you want?" I demanded, sliding off the rock to stand on the beach. He took a step towards me and I stood my ground and looked at him, with one eyebrow raised.

"I wanted to talk, Alyssa" Ethan said quietly.

"So talk!" I challenged tauntingly, standing my ground and glaring at him. He didn't move any closer but I could feel his confusion about my mood.

"I've been thinking," he began, I just raised my eyebrows. "Just because neither of us wanted this doesn't mean we can't live with it! I mean I like you, we get on, your beautiful." He paused and took a deep breath. "We can make this work." His compliment softened me slightly but I refused to back down. He 'liked' me and I loved him. The difference between the two would kill something inside me little by little.

"What about me? I demanded, "What if I don't want to live with it?" I asked belligerently carefully hiding my true feelings.

"Lyssa..." Ethan began but I cut him off. My body was softening towards him wanting him.

"No Ethan, You don't get it!" I almost shouted, "I'm as much trapped as you are by this but I'm not willing to make do."

"What are you going to do?" He demanded, "You're stuck with me." His voice was angry. "You can't break the bond anymore than I can so we have to make this work. There aren't any other options for us!" He took two steps towards me and I tensed. "I'm not going to hurt you." He said softly holding his hands out at waist level.

"You don't take no very well," I replied with a half laugh. "I've no desire to loose in a battle of wills with you again."

"Don't say 'no' then!" Ethan answered glibly making me growl in frustration.

"I can't afford you," I said sadly. My shoulders slumped and I looked away from him but I stood my ground. "I know I messed up, but I think it can be fixed." I didn't pause to give him time to speak but rushed on with my plan. "Maybe if I go far enough away for long enough it will weaken the bond so that it can be broken without killing us."

"You want to leave me?" Ethan asked incredulously. There was a dangerous rumble at the edge of his voice.

"I have no choice, staying will kill me." I heard his growl and started running even before I heard looked up to see his eyes flash gold. I ran as fast as I could over the loose stones on the beach heading for the dubious protection of the trees. I couldn't risk him catching me and strengthening the bond even more. I called my beast as I ran letting it out from the tight constraints I normally kept it under. I needed its instincts to have a chance of escaping Ethan. I didn't waste time looking to see if he followed me, I knew he was. I could hear him behind me.

I reached the trees just as my beast broke free entirely and the change was on me. I had a brief moment to curse before my vocal cords changed. Pain assaulted me and my legs gave out under me as my hips changed and the joints in my limbs rearranged themselves. Fur surged through my skin and spread to cover my body. My face elongated forming a snout and my eyes glinted gold in the dappled light. My back arched and I came up onto my hands and feet as they changed into paws, and my legs shrunk so I could run on all fours. As the change completed itself I glanced around the forest with new eyes, my sight now in black, white and greys tinged by my sense of smell, so that scents flavoured what I saw. I got my feet under me to take off when a large weight hit me knocking me off balance. I spun to face the threat and froze when I came face to face with a large russet wolf. His scent told me it was Ethan though I had never seen his wolf before. The sight of him as alpha wolf made me want to show throat and submit to him. I forced my wolven mind away from those instincts with difficulty and faced him.

He growled low in his throat, warning me. He was alpha and I must submit. I growled back. I refused to be weak! I wouldn't give up without a fight. *Your mine Alyssa,* he spoke into my mind. *Don't even think of leaving me* Releasing my beast had lowered my shields allowing him to speak into my mind. I lunged at him snapping at his throat with sharp fangs. I had moved before I even thought about it and it took him by surprise. He back pedalled to avoid my snapping jaws, I knew I would not win in a fight between the two of us, so I took off running into the trees. I had to reach my car and get out of here or I give myself to him again, and I would never be able to leave.

I weaved between the trees letting my beast's instincts control my body. Ethan had recovered quickly and was following me. I sped up knowing I had to try and put some distance between us if I was going to escape and reach my car. I sensed the edge of the trees and the road beyond and cried out in success. I risked a glance backwards and was thrown off balance as Ethan slammed into my side.

I snapped at him as he knocked me over but he wasn't perturbed. His own teeth aimed for my throat. He obviously intended to force my submission. I threw myself away from him awkwardly determined not to lose again. I couldn't win a fair fight but I was determined not to be weak and give into him again. Ethan was on me before I had chance to recover my balance and I had to scramble to avoid him. He pressed his advantage trying to take my throat and prove his dominance. I dodged again and managed to turn and face him in time for his next attack. I countered with a leap of my own, attacking him, refusing to be on the defensive. I went for the throat and missed, I spun to face him and saw my chance, and instead of attacking I sought escape and leapt for the edge of the trees seeking the safety of humanity.

Ethan's weight threw me into a tree, knocking the wind out of me, and dazing me for long enough for him to sink his fangs into the back of my neck effectively holding me in place. My pride demanded I struggle against him testing his dominance. His teeth dug deeper into the back of my neck piercing skin. I froze, understanding the warning, my mind was running a thousand miles a minute, furiously seeking a way out that wouldn't involve me loosing most of the back of my neck. Ethan's body mounted mine and I panicked, I wanted too much from him to settle for sex.

*No,* I cried out into his mind.

*You keep saying that to me,* he replied slowly. I could feel the struggle he was having to hold back.

*You could listen!* I retorted trying to lighten the mood.

*I would if you truly wanted me to but you want me here and now. You want me to mount you and let the beast fuck you!* His words and mental images they created tantalized my human side. My beast just wanted to submit to its mate.

*Please Ethan!* I begged again desperate now.

*Why?* he asked and I could feel his confusion. His human brain was trying to understand but it was fighting against his beast who wanted to take me, as was right.

*Because I love you!* I cried out. *Settling for just this will kill me as surely as silver.* the last was a mere whisper in his brain, painful to both of us, as I gave in, my body slumping beneath his.

His hips thrust against me and I didn't know who was in control man or beast. I whimpered as I felt his cock thrust against me. He thrust again and his cock pierced me, sheathing him inside me until his hips thrust against mine and rocked me on my paws.

*Mine!* man and beast cried into my mind. I didn't deny his possessive claim as my body accepted him and my hips pushed back against him. The sensation of him filling me in our wolven bodies was unbelievably hot and erotic. It felt right! He was my mate and he was claiming what was his, but something within my human heart bled a little. My wolf revelled in the sensations of my mate above me taking me with fury and passion joining us almost brutally again and again. His hips pounded into me his teeth anchoring me still fixed in the back of my neck holding me in place for his possession. My mind was filled with the sensations of my mate above me his cock tunnelling into me, stroking over desire slicked flesh, there was no more room for thought, the sensations filling me were too sharp everything much more intense in my wolven form, every sense was sharper, more acute. I could hear his breath as it hissed out of his nose and mouth warming the back of my neck, I could smell his desire and the scent of him surrounded me, mixing with the scent of the earth beneath us and the trees surrounding us. I could feel his heart beat pounding in time with mine, the thrusts of his hips driving into me as his pelt rubbed against mine, russet on auburn.

I didn't know if wolves can orgasm, but by the escalating tension in my body werewolves could. I tightened around Ethan's invading cock my whole body clenching around him. I could feel his cock swelling within me, a knot forming at the base preparing to lock him within me. The knot nudged at the entrance to my cunt and slipped inside pressing against me deliciously. The friction it created inside me as he powered into me made me growl with bliss. I could feel Ethan's pleasure through the bond and it spurred me on knowing that he was with me, that his lust was as all consuming as my own.

I used my powerful leg muscles to push back against him accepting him into my body even as I dropped the last weakened shields in my mind accepting the bond. I couldn't fight it any more, my emotions were too strong, and my wolven instincts demanded it. Human logic paled beside the instinctive need to mate completely. Sensation resonated between us as the pleasure grew until finally it broke over us and our howls echoed through the woods.

We stayed locked together to sated to try and move as our bodies gradually subsided. Ethan released the back of my neck and I whimpered as his fangs pulled from my skin but I made no move away from him. His tongue stroked over the back of my neck affectionately grooming me and caressing the marks he had made, soothing the small pain. I shivered at the tender gesture. Slowly as his flesh subsided and mine relaxed around him Ethan dismounted from me and I growled at the back of my throat as a fission of remnant sensation shot through me.

I didn't move until I felt Ethan's nose nuzzle against the side of my muzzle. I flinched away from him unsure of what he wanted and I saw something flash across his eyes but I couldn't define it

*'Lyssa,* his voice in my mind was soft and gentle, as if he was afraid to spook me, afraid that I might bolt again. *We need to talk!* I sighed – a strange sound from a wolf – and nodded unwilling to trust my mental voice. Slowly he stepped away from me and his body began to shimmer as he forced the change. I watched for a moment as his fur began to ripple and retreat and a low growling slipped from between gritted teeth. Muscles shifted under skin and bones grew and shrunk and joints popped and reformed. Forcing my eyes away from him I gathered myself, he was right we needed to talk. I glanced over at him. he was knelt with his back arched and his hands fisted in the dirt as he shuddered through the final stages of the change. Looking away I gathered my own beast and began forcing it back down, inside my skin. It resisted unwilling to be controlled, ruthlessly I forced it down. I knew the effort would cost me; I had denied my beast for too long. The change took over my body and a howl escaped my control, the pain of my body reshaping itself exploded inside me as my body broke itself and reformed.

I came back to myself kneeling on the ground on my hands and knees naked and quivering. I jumped when Ethan touched my shoulder, but I let him help me to my feet. My legs trembled and he held me steady until I found my feet. With his hand on my arm he lead me away from the edge of the woods into the depth of the shadows. I followed docilely unwilling to start thinking just yet. We stopped at a tree, seemingly undistinguished from the rest, save for the ragged pile of Ethan's clothes strewn around its roots, and he urged me to sit. I sank gratefully to the ground, changing back and forth quickly after such a long abstinence had taxed my energy.

Ethan sat next to me, I didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed that he released my arm and was careful not to touch me. I watched the patterns of sunlight as the leaves fluttered in a slight breeze careful not to look at Ethan. I listened to the sounds of nature around us and wondered what Ethan was thinking but unwilling to ask and start the inevitable talk. I could feel satisfaction in his mind but I couldn't fell why.

"You love me?" He asked suddenly, making me jump. I bit my lip unsure of the answer he wanted. "Alyssa!" He demanded impatiently.

"Damn it!" I exclaimed, "I didn't want this," I bit my lip again still not looking at him.

"Didn't want what?" Ethan returned catching my chin and drawing my face around so he could look into my eyes. " Is loving me so bad?" He asked defensively, his pride stinging.

"You don't love me," I replied softly. "Loving you can only end up hurting me, I didn't want to trap you like this," I sighed. " I'm not like pack women!" I added sadly.

"I know your not!" Ethan replied, " but you can't blame me for being shocked, I didn't even sense you were a Were, and you were telling me we were mated, while I was still reeling from the shock of the memory of forcing you and the knowledge that I'd never been more sated in my life."

"I'm sorry," I said, glancing away unable to meet his eyes. "I tried to stop it," I choked, "I knew you would hate me for it." I was on the verge of crying. I never cried but with everything that had happened my reserves were low and I just couldn't be strong.

"Shhhh," Ethan soothed stroking my shoulder. "I don't blame you." I was so startled I looked directly at him. Leaning forward he brushed his lips gently over mine. "Once I got over my mad, I realised you had done everything but emigrate to avoid me. I'm the one to blame, I should have respected it when you said you couldn't go out." He looked uncomfortable.

"I should have done more!" I said guiltily. Ethan's lips took mine gently silencing my self-condemnation. "No blame," he whispered against my mouth. "You couldn't have done any more. For Luna's sake every time I touched you, you begged me not to." Seeing the unease on his face I pressed my lips back against his and gave his words back to him.

"No blame" I said into his mouth. "I wanted you Ethan, I just didn't want to strengthen the bond between is. I knew my only chance of freeing you was to break the bond while it was still weak!" Ethan's expression hardened and his hands clenched on my shoulder.

"I forbid you to even think about trying that!" he ordered arrogantly.

"Forbid?" I asked incredulously, My temper sparking at his tone.