Heavenly Angel My Ghostly Valentine

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A man is stalked by a ghost, albeit a beautiful ghost, his dream woman.

Did you ever feel you're being watched and that someone is following you, stalking you? Feeling so disconcerted that you turn around and every time you do, there's no one there and you're alone with your bad self and your paranoid imagination. Still the foreboding feeling doesn't stop and you're certain there's someone watching your every movement.

You just know there's someone there. You can just feel it and feel them stalking you and watching you. As if you're being watched on camera, only there are no cameras where you are because the feeling doesn't just happen outside, but indoors, too. Yeah, sure, there are a lot of cameras everywhere today, but not where you live. It happens in your apartment, while watching television. It happens in your bedroom, while trying to fall asleep. It happens in your bathroom while showering, going to the toilet, shaving, brushing your teeth, and, you know, doing other things.

At first I thought I was imagining things and being jittery and paranoid, but then things in my apartment were moved around, as if someone or something had been there and was looking at and going through all my personal stuff. A desk drawer ajar, a kitchen cabinet door left open, and my personal papers moved and not left in the way that I had left them. Am I imagining things? Did I leave it like that? Or was someone here? But who?

What do I have that anyone would want? Is someone trying to steal my identity? They can have it. I'm just a boring accountant. Is someone trying to steal my money? If they find any, they can have that, too. Living week to week like everyone else, I don't have very much.

I felt spied upon. I felt violated. I felt uneasy. I felt afraid. I was angry that someone had been in my apartment, but who and why? Even though there's no one physically there, it's an odd feeling, but I sensed someone was there in my apartment or was still there watching me.

Whenever I open my apartment door, I get chills, the willies, and the heebie-jeebies, as if somehow knowing and sensing that there's a big, black bug lurking somewhere waiting to spring out at me, when I least expect it. Now, every time I enter my place, before I even close and lock my door, leaving it open in readiness to bolt, I go from room to room looking to see what's been touched and looking to see if there's someone still there hiding, watching, and waiting. I know someone was here. I can just feel them and sense them, especially when they are still there watching me.

Sensitive to feeling that kind of unearthly energy, it's almost as if, with someone else there, the air in the room changes, the atmosphere, and the room changes, too. Suddenly, with the sensation of someone else there in the room with me, the room feels smaller. I hate the feeling and I hate living like this in my own apartment, always afraid and nervous.

Jerry, a friend of mine, told me that I probably have a ghost.

"A ghost? Seriously? A ghost? I never even thought of that. That would explain my eerie feelings, but there's no such thing as ghosts, are there?"

"Don't be so closed minded, Dan," he said. "We have no idea what else is out there in the vast universe. Now scientists are theorizing and close to proving that there are other dimensions, parallel dimensions, where we could be dead in one dimension, but still alive in another. As far as they know, scientists believe that we can't leave one dimension to return to the one we've already lived in, but we can go to the next dimension. Some scientists go as far as saying that we never die but just travel to the next dimension."

"That's so scary to think that we could literally disappear in a parallel dimension," I said.

"Yeah, well, that's because you're the anal accountant. You only see black and white or in your case, black and red and debits and credits. Besides with trillions of stars and billions of galaxies in the universe to think that we're alone and to think that our laws of physics are the only laws of science are foolish thoughts. For sure, nothing that we think we know or that we believe is true is true somewhere else in the universe. Our upside down could be their right side up, somewhere else."

"I don't know," I said. "All of that is just too much for me to wrap my brain around. I'm no Einstein and science and science fiction have never been my strong suits. I don't believe something exists, unless I can see it, touch it, and feel it."

"Don't be so naive, Dan. Ghosts do exist. Based on what I've learned by watching that paranormal television program, The Ghost Hunters and TAPS, The Atlantic Paranormal Society, if you have a ghost, confront it. Ask it what it wants. It may tell you and if it's something that you can give it for it to rest in peace or travel to the next dimension, where it should have gone, when it left our world, it may go away and leave you alone."

"Okay," I said. "I'll try it."

When I returned home, as soon as I opened my apartment door, I could feel it. Someone or something had been here. My ghost had been there and my sense was that it was still here. Oh, God. All the hairs on my forearms stood up. It was a frightening feeling. I can't believe I have a ghost. Why me?

"Hello? Hello Mister Ghost?"

Why I thought it was a male ghost and not a female ghost was beyond me.

"Are you here? Dad? Mom? Grandpa? Grandma"

Since both my parents and grandparents on both sides are deceased, I figured maybe it was one of them checking up on me. Maybe they are my Guardian Angels now. I thought of all my dead friends and relatives, everyone I ever knew who had died and wondered if it was any of them to come back to haunt me. As soon as I thought of their name, I said a prayer for their departed souls. Maybe my prayer is all they need to make it into Heaven. Maybe that's why they are here, asking me to pray for them. Then, what the Hell? I figured if I was doing them a favor by praying for them, maybe they could do me a favor by giving me tonight's lottery number.

"What's tonight's lottery number? Can you give me the winning lottery number? Hello? I really need a new car."

I waited and listened. Nothing.

"I know you're here. I can feel you. I can sense your presence. What do you want? Is there something that I can give you, help you with, or tell you to make you go in peace? Give me a sign."

I waited for a response but received none. Only, as if I could hear it breathing, I could feel it's presence and the hairs on my arms stood up again. The ghost was here. I just knew it was. I could feel it.

I was so discombobulated. I didn't know if I should sit, stand, or flee. I wanted to run, but where would I go? I live here, obviously, with a ghost. After living here for three undisturbed years, except for nosy Mrs. Platt always watching me from across the courtyard, she needs a life, I couldn't believe I suddenly had a ghost. Why? Why me?

"You're not going to hurt me during the night, are you?"

"No," someone said, not aloud, but as if it was in my brain.

With the answer so immediate, was that the ghost speaking to me or did I just think that? If felt the same, as when I'm talking to God and I sometimes think that he answers me. Is he answering me or am I thinking the answer? Is that me, my conscience or is that someone or something else communicating with me?

Then, there was laughter, a woman's laughter. Now for sure, I knew that wasn't my conscience because being a guy, I have a male conscience. Now I knew that it was a woman haunting me. My ghost is female. Shit, I wonder if she saw me naked and, just as I thought that, I heard her voice and her laughter again.

"Yes, I've seen you naked lots of times. I've even watched you masturbate," she said laughing.

Eww. My female ghost is a voyeur. Wait until I tell Jerry. He'll never believe me or knowing him, he will.

"Who are you and what do you want?"

"I'd tell you, but you wouldn't believe me. You wouldn't understand. I don't understand. Here one day and gone the next. I know only two constants."

There was a sadness to her voice, a resigned heaviness that I immediately picked up on, maybe because she's dead and doesn't want to be.

"Two constants?" All I could think of was my two constants, taxes and death. Even after I die, they'll tax my survivors with an estate tax, that is, if I leave an estate. "What are they?"

"I was taken before my time. It was a mistake."

Thinking that all prisoners in jail believe they are innocent, I wondered if all dead people think they were taken before their time and that it was a mistake.

"Is that the two constants? You were taken before your time and it was a mistake?"

"No, that's only one constant."

"What's the other?"

"We were supposed to be together."

She floored me when she said that. My soul mate is dead? We never had a chance to meet. No wonder I'm alone and can't find someone.

"We were? Me and you? Seriously, like girlfriend and boyfriend."

Suddenly, I felt disappointed, as if I was denied and cheated out of my chance to be with her, the love of my life. Weird, but I was angry that she was taken before her time and by mistake.

"Husband and wife," she said.

"No kidding," I said. "Well, that may explain why I'm still single," I said with a laugh, "and alone and lonely. Do I know you?"

"No, we never met and it's not funny," she said suddenly sounding hurt.

"I'm sorry," I said looking all around the room and up at the ceiling trying to pinpoint her voice that only existed in my mind. Nevertheless, not wanting to piss off my ghost and make her angry. There's no telling what she could do to me. "Where are you?"

"I'm standing in front of you."

"Really? You are? Sorry, but I don't see you."

"Duh! That's because I'm dead, dummy," she said with a sad laugh.

She called me dummy. In the way she said it was more of a tease than an insult. Well, at least she has a sense of humor.

"What's your name?"

"Christine."

"What do you look like?"

"What do you want me to look like?" She laughed a melodious laugh and I could tell she was teasing me again.

"Well, that's easy. Tall, blonde, and with big tits," I said holding my hands out in front of my chest.

"Sorry, but I'm short, fat, and flat-chested."

"You are? Oh," I said disappointed that I didn't have a hot ghost.

A hot ghost? A hot dead woman? What the Hell is wrong with me? I'm having a conversation with an imagined dead woman, who is now a ghost haunting me. Actually, hearing voices in my head, I'm talking to myself. Then, as soon as I thought that, she answered me.

"You're not talking to yourself, Danny," she said. "I'm real or I used to be real, that is, when I was alive."

"You know my name?"

"Of course, I know your name, I know your name, your address, and nearly everything else about you. I looked it up in your life book, before I left, which was the reason why I left. I left to find you. Once I discovered that I was taken by accident and before my time, I needed to see how my life would have turned out had they not made a mistake by taking me."

"I have a life book?"

"Everyone has a life book, some have just a few pages and others volumes."

"When do I die?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"No, probably not. Just tell me how I die?"

"I can't do that, but I will tell this."

"What?"

"Take a train instead of a plane."

"Gees, that's disconcerting, since I'm supposed to fly on business next month."

"Don't worry. You're good," she said.

"So, who took you?"

"An Angel, silly."

She can never finish a sentence without giving me a little jab.

"So, there really are Angels?"

"Yes, of course, dummy," she said with another laugh. "Satan exists, too, so you better be good. Trust me, I know. You don't want to live the rest of eternity down there. Rather you'd want to go where I just escaped from," she said.

"What's it like?"

"What's what like?"

"Heaven."

"Heaven? That's hard to answer. It's not the same for anyone, it's different for everyone. I imagine it's whatever you want it to be. It's just a mindset, is all. It's surreal and it doesn't physically exist in the way we know things exist here on Earth, things that are cast in concrete, formed in steel, and that are three dimensional. Heaven is more of an ethereal dream rather than an eternal nightmare, as it would be, if you were to go to Hell," she said with a laugh. "Another constant that I know, when we die, there is something rather than nothing."

"Well, that's good," I said, "that there's something rather than nothing. "I like your laugh," I said. "You sound pretty. I don't picture you as being short, fat, and flat-chested."

"Maybe that's because I'm not."

"So, just for giggles sake--"

"For giggles sake? Who says that anymore?"

"Okay, just so that I can picture you in my mind, if you could pick someone, a celebrity that I know, who would you most resemble?"

"Well, I know you'd like me to say, Angelina Jolie or Kim Basinger, but I look more like Jennifer Aniston."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Jennifer Aniston is good. So, when you say that you look like Jennifer Aniston, do you mean, just her face or her body, too."

"Danny, I could be her twin sister."

I liked it when she called me Danny. No one calls me Danny but my close friends. My Mom always called me Daniel and my Dad just called me useless or shithead. My co-workers call me Dan.

"Really? No kidding. Wow."

Then, I heard her softly sobbing. It was weirdly surreal and equally as troubling that I could hear that.

"Christine? Are you crying?"

"Yes."

"What's the matter?"

"You mean, besides being dead," she said with a sharpness to her voice.

"Sorry. Is there something that I can do to help?"

"There is, which is the reason why I'm here."

Okay, this ought to be good, I thought.

"How did you even get here? I always thought that once you were there, you were there, if you know what I mean."

"I snuck out."

"Snuck out? C'mon, I find that hard to believe. God is all seeing and all knowing. Surely, he not only saw you leaving Heaven but also knows you left his Heavenly Kingdom."

"I had help."

"You had help? Who? Who helped you?"

"Eros, the God of Love."

"Cupid? Seriously? There's really a Cupid?"

"Yes, Cupid exists and is a God."

"I thought there was only one God."

"There is, but there are lots of Angels and even though Cupid is an Angel, they refer to him as the God of love because love is his specialty."

"So, let me get this straight. Cupid snuck you out of Heaven and down to Earth to reside in my head," I said throwing my hands up in the air. "Why me?"

"I told you. We were meant to be together and an Angel made a mistake by taking me before my time."

"It's just like that movie."

"What movie?"

"Heaven can wait with Warren Beatty and Julie Christie, which was a remake of the original with Gene Tierney and Don Ameche. Both were funny," I said. "I loved those movies."

"Well, I can assure you that this is no movie. This was my life and now my death. It's real and tragically all so surreal."

"I don't understand, Christine, why would you bother leaving eternal bliss for Earth, when you'll only have to return back, once they discover you gone."

"Because Danny, I had to meet the man I was supposed to marry and have two children with, Charles and Elizabeth."

"You're kidding. We were supposed to have a son and a daughter? Elizabeth was my mother's name."

"I know. Charles was my Dad's name."

"This is too weird, Christine. I mean, you're real in the sense that you're dead but not dead and here but not here. Just tell me that I'm not crazy and talking to myself."

"Well, I'm not a psychiatrist. You may be crazy, Danny, for all that I know, but you are not talking to yourself. You're talking to me. I really do need your help to return to Earth and to stay with you."

"Seriously? Are you kidding me? There's a way that you, Jennifer Aniston's look-a-like twin can return to Earth to stay with me? We can be together?"

"Yes, according to Eros, the God of Love, since it was meant to be, there is one way."

"How? Just tell me. I'll do anything to get my destiny and you back in my life, so that I can have the life and the children that I was supposed to have."

"Love is the most powerful emotion. Even long after we die, love remains. As I'm already in love with you, after reading my life book and then reading your life book, my fated love for you allowed me to find you."

"Okay, so you found me, but how do I keep you here?"

"I was just getting to that," she said. "If you can fall in love with me, your bond will hold me here on Earth. Together we are stronger. With the both of us in love with one another, no Angel will take me then, after they see that I was meant to be here, especially after I was taken by mistake and taken too soon. What they did in their error could have untold ramifications in what happens in the future. Who knows? Maybe our daughter, Elizabeth was destined to become the first woman President of the United States or our son Charles was fated to become the Pope or to have children that would make a huge scientific or medical discovery."

"Seriously, Christine, and realistically, I don't know how I can fall in love with you, when I can't even see you, touch you, feel you, or kiss you and when you're a ghost."

"There's a way," she said.

"How?"

"I need for you to have sex with me."

"Sex? Seriously? Sex with a ghost? How the Hell am I going to do that?"

"Well, that's where Cupid comes in. He said that if we're both in bed naked and you're on top of me, at the stroke of midnight, just as the clock hits 12:01 am on Valentine's Day, that he'd shoot you in the ass with an arrow."

"Okay, being in bed with you naked sounds good, real good, especially with you looking like Jennifer Aniston's twin sister, as does having sex with you, but I don't know about being shot in the ass with an arrow. Will it hurt? Will it leave a scar? I'm a bleeder, you know and--"

"Danny, you won't feel a thing. It's a divine arrow. There's no pain and no sensation of it penetrating your humanly body. The only thing that will remain with you is the feeling of everlasting love for me."

"Okay, I can do this. Just tell me, what happens after he shoots me in the ass with an arrow."

"I don't know. He didn't tell me that. I just know that if I can trust anyone, besides, God with my faith, Mother Mary with my womanly emotions, Saint Peter with my life ever after, and Archangel Michael with protecting me from harm, I can trust Cupid with my heart."

"What if he misses and hits you? Will I be dead, too?"

"I don't know, Danny. I don't think so. I hope not. Besides, Cupid never misses. He's Eros, the God of love."

"Christine, if it makes you feel any better, I wouldn't mind being dead, so long as I was dead with you. Suddenly, I feel as if I've known you, since forever. Even though I never met you, I'm beginning to have feelings for you."

"Thank you, Danny. That does make me feel better. I told you, it's kismet, fate, and our destiny to be together, which is why you're starting to feel for me."

"What was that? I just felt something. What did you just do?"

"I kissed you," she said.

"I sensed it," I said. "Can you do me a favor?"

"I'm not going to give you a blowjob, Danny," she said with a laugh. "Besides, I did already."

Can she read my mind? How did she know I was going to ask her for a blowjob?

"You did? When did you blow me?"

"Lots of times. When you were sleeping, when you were in the shower, in your car, at the movies, even at work. I like sucking on you. You have a nice cock. I love your cock."