Her Diary Pt. 03

Today, as i said last night i plan to compile a list of all the tasks Sir has had me do, and also to write something more substantial than i've put out here lately. So i am going to start out with the tasks, just because i'm really keen to see what i've done, which means just going through my journal, looking back over the last month and seeing what i've achieved, seeing how i've developed, where i've stumbled and well, just my life really.

The first task i have a record of was to write a fantasy, something that would really turn me on in real life, and a story that has since made it to Literotica. For a long time i've had this fantasy of being dominated by a stranger, or being blindfolded, tied and helpless and used by someone i do not know, but as i was writing the fantasy i was more and more pulled to making this stranger a female and that's what my story became. It took me longer to complete than Sir originally set but there were some external circumstances that i could not avoid and so Sir was flexible. It was here that i first realised just how much of a give and take scenario this was going to be for us.

My second task was a full day at work without any underwear at all, no panties and no bra. Again we had to be flexible on this task, and Sir reminded me that i am always to ask questions when i feel i need to. Sir originally set the task as no panties and a skirt, and then i had to admit that i don't actually own a skirt that would be work suitable. So, Sir let me wear trousers and made me go without a bra instead.

At the time i never thought i would be able to do it, that people would just be able to tell, and people would start talking about me and i was pretty paranoid, but i didn't back down, i completed my task and that feeling of pride made all the self-doubt completely irrelevant.

The next day was, up to that point, one of the hardest tasks i have ever done. Wearing no underwear paled in comparison and i would be lying if i said i didn't think about giving up and not doing it. But just thinking about it made me feel so bad that i pushed myself harder to do it. My task was to go to the toilets at work and masturbate to orgasm. Which would have been fine if we had staff toilets that were a little more private but work only has very busy, very public customer toilets. But i did my task and Sir said He was so pleased with me, and that really did make it completely perfect.

Then Sir sent me shopping for a cucumber and a school girl outfit and so began the road to perhaps one of the less fun nights of play. No, that's not right, it was great fun... until the incident happened. Yep, this was the night we played with the cucumber and it ended up involving lots of blood and me feeling all faint and sick and us having to stop playing. Yes, the night i took my own virginity, with a cucumber, on my best mate's bed while house sitting for her. Oops. Stopping play that night made me feel like i was letting Sir down, but He said He understood and again i realised just how considerate He is and how much He genuinely cares.

My next task was to find some blogs/journals i liked and send Sir a list, let Him see if He approved and then email the people who write them. And from that i made my first two Live Journal friends, and found a few more people who knew more about what they were doing than i do and so found some people to share this experience with.

Then back to work and Sir wanted me to find a "ordinary" object at my desk and put it inside my panties, all day. So it was an easy task, but one that i was aware of ALL day. And then Sir decided that we would play in my parents' bedroom that night as they were away.

That was a real mental challenge for me, my parents' bedroom is like the inner sanctum, no one goes in there except them and before i went back to my own bed Sir made me cum on theirs. This was also the first night Sir made me sleep on the floor, following a discussion about my preferring the floor to some beds, and Sir saying something about a good sub sleeping at her Sir's feet.

When life kept us apart for a few nights Sir still maintained his control over me, sending me tasks and having me play with my pussy for varying lengths of time each day, until i was to play until the verge of orgasm the day before we would speak again, just so i would be so needy and ready by the time we spoke i'm sure.

Sir also expresses an interest in making sure i know that i am still being played with and under his control even when i am out with my friends, and as such Sir had me wear a bra that was too small when i went out with my friends to celebrate before we all went away to Uni. So even when i was drunk i was still thinking about my Sir. And it was vaguely restrictive, and i loved it. And Sir got to laugh at me falling over drunk i'm sure.

And then Sir asked me to do a task i just could not do for Him at that moment in time, He wanted me to go find somewhere public, like a park and pee. Now, i've read time and time again people doing this, and not having a problem with it. But i couldn't do it, it scared me and so i spent hours agonizing over my decision, fighting between the disappointment of letting down my Sir and my own fear. Fear won. But Sir forgave me.

One of the most difficult tasks Sir gave me to do, wasn't actually the peeing task. Yes, that challenged me mentally, i had a real block about that, but my hardest task was the day that Sir forbade me from using the word "i". Until then i hadn't realised just how much we use that word in every day life and it's pretty fair to say that i had such a sore ass by the end of the day.

Sir has also had me masturbate to orgasm in the bathroom at home at a time when all my family were around, so that i would be aware of them. Again, pushing comfort levels and making me do things i wouldn't have done without Him.

Another task was to go "virtual shopping", to find toys that if money was not an option or anything i could get and use with Sir. Anything that i liked the look of. That was a fun task.

Sir made me write a list of twenty reasons why i knew i was sub. Which was really difficult actually. i mean, i know how i feel, but to think of twenty good reasons! That was tricky and it gave Sir and i something to talk about afterwards though.

Sir's taken to tying me up, and i've worn this shoelace tied around the top of my leg all day as a constant reminder of His control. Now i have it tied around my wrist, my personal reminder of Him, all the time.

i've had 'Master's Pet' and 'For Master's Use' written across my tits and pussy, making me paranoid that somehow people could see it through my clothes. Feeling owned all day long.

Sir and i have fallen out over broken promises and i've argued over petty things because He broke His promise and i've taken days to get over it properly. i've cried and felt useless and slowly Sir's built me back up and i've rebuilt my trust in Him and it was a lot easier than i thought it would ever be. And i've realised how much this man means to me, how much i trust Him, unconditionally.

Sir's asked for an erotic poem, and i've done my best, and i've written Him another fantasy. He's tied me, made me wear clothespins on my nipples and clit and i've never wanted to go back because without Sir i would be an entirely different person.

When asked a second time i managed to complete the task to pee outside and felt so proud, so impressed with my achievement, and knew that Sir would be pleased as well.

Sir, over the last month or so, has changed the way i look at things. There used to be a time where i would get very angry, i would get very upset and i was never sure how to cope. i used to cut, burn and punch, i used to drink and i used to hate myself. But none of that is acceptable to Sir and my desire to please Him has shaped the person i now know i am, now i think i can be a whole lot calmer, i spend a lot more time thinking "What would Sir want me to do?"

i ask permission before i drink any alcohol, i know i can not hurt myself.

Talks of total power exchange scare me, sometimes i wonder how Sir could even be contemplating such a thing when we live thousands of miles apart, but then i lie in the dark with just the glow of the computer monitor and the conversation with Sir open in front of me and i've felt so content and happy and i start to understand why He might want to talk about it. But it still scares me.

At night, Sir says to me "now kiss your Sir goodnight and go to bed." and i say goodnight and i linger, just a few minutes, just to see if He will say one more thing, just to see if i can have a return Goodnight, and sometimes i do, but often i don't... and sometimes i wonder why, but most of the time i know that is just Sir.

i know He cares, and talking to Him makes me feel better, regardless, knowing that there is a place that feels right, that feels like belonging and... it's just good. You know?

And with that i don't think i have much more to say... i need to go and do today's task, to write a description of the perfect girl for Sir and i to play with. And i need a shower.

Goodnight

Me x x