Hero Worship

There was an awkward pause as he was lost in thought. She took this as disinterest.

"I'm sorry...I feel ashamed...I shouldn't of...," she started.

"No, no...nothing to be ashamed of, Rachel. Something you said...made me thinking of my...never mind...it's not important now," he tried to assure her that he was paying attention to her.

He continued, "Shame can be a destructive emotion. One shouldn't feel ashamed about their sexual desires. Sexual desire is as natural as feeling hungry, and without either of, we humans wouldn't be here. Aside from procreation, sex is a strong desire for us to connect with those we love..."

As he spoke, a thought flashed through his mind and it brought him oddly back to his father. His whole life he had a strong desire to connect with his father. 'Had I been searching for my father through my girlfriends?' he asked himself deep in thought. 'Had I been conflating the two? Is this why I can't stay in relationships very long?' The timing was poor, but these thoughts hung there demanding to be examined. Unconsciously, once he was certain a girlfriend could not help him find his father, his desire to renew the search compelled him to move on, to continue the search elsewhere.

His complexion paled and he stared off to nowhere as his mind spun and his eyes disconnected from the world. He felt the roller coaster weight of his thoughts. This revelation both enlightened him and burdened him. A veil had been lifted, and he felt instantly embarrassed that he hadn't seen this before. For too long he stumbled through relationship after relationship, and like a fool he hadn't a clue about himself, his private motivations.

"Are you OK?" Rachel asked.

He snapped out of his trance. He realized he'd been rude. Rachel had been pouring her heart out to him and he got lost in his own shit.

"Yes...yes...I'm fine. I'm sorry. I have to apologize. You were saying that you believe making love to me will help you heal...from what you went through. You're looking to replace the bad memories you now have surrounding sex with good ones," he said, attempting to smooth over his transgression of zoning out on her.

Rachel smiled at him. "Sooo...you agree, then?"

He didn't answer her. He only smiled back at her. He felt that she took that as a--yes, but he couldn't say no.

The waiter brought their main course plates and they stopped talking about it long enough to start eating and made small talk about the food.

"I'm curious," Rachel stated.

"Go on," he assured her.

"Before the food came, you were talking about shame, and sexual desire, but then you got lost in thought. You were in deep. You were zoned out. What was going on back there?"

"Something in our conversation made me think of my father, and...and, I think I just had some sort of breakthrough...it's stupid.. but..."

"What? Tell me," Rachel encouraged.

"I think my desire to find my father has produced an unnatural wanderlust in me. That unresolved conflict has been a destructive force that's bled into my relationships, especially my relationships with women, my love relationships."

"What did I say that made you realize that?" She asked.

"Nothing directly. The mind works in strange ways sometimes. You were talking about your desire to right the wrong, and I was mentioning how sexual desire is a desire to connect with those we love, and just...I don't know...those thoughts combined, and...weird...," he shook his head in disbelief that he'd thought of it at all.

"See, we're good for each other," she said, smiling. "It makes me feel good that just talking to me was able to help you see that."

On the train ride home Rachel leaned her head again on his shoulder and snuggled her body up to his.

He felt the warmth of her pressed against him. He felt her left breast press against his right arm. As the train made its way north to Steve's station, passengers disembarked at other stations along the route. No new passengers were getting on the train, as it was late and everyone was going home from the city. In the dark, mile by mile, station by station, the train emptied. They sat near the back of one of the train cars.

When their section of the car they were riding in emptied enough to offer privacy, Rachel said, "I need you to do this for me. I don't want you to protect me, Steve. I want you to heal me." Her right hand moved to his chest and she let a finger wander to his left nipple. She slowly twirled her finger around his nipple through his shirt. This time he didn't push her away. After their conversation at dinner, he knew he needed to help her with her quest, and perhaps he was starting to realize, he need this too. He needed to absolve himself of the guilt he carried around with him for the last three years. He was beginning to think that this was a way for both of them to move forward.

When she felt no resistance from him, when he didn't push her away, she moved her hand down to his thigh near his crotch and started kneading his inner leg. Throughout the day Steve had been slowly letting go of his guard. He wanted her now as much as she wanted him. His groin was on fire, and with each squeeze of her hand near his epicenter, his cock grew a little more until it was straining in his pants. As she slowly moved her hand in that direction, she felt the heat of his sexual organs warm her fingers. She reached his balls and massaged them through his pants. He moved in his seat to relieve some of the pressure caused by his erection.

He moved his right arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him. She then moved her hand to his straining cock and slowly massaged it. He let his right hand brush the side of her right breast near her arm pit.

A train conductor opened the door at the other end of the car and looked around to see how many people were left in this car. There were only a few other passengers towards the front of the car and Steve and Rachel near the rear. The conductor's sudden appearance dampened Steve's growing lust.

"Not here," he whispered to Rachel. "We're almost to my stop."

She retracted her hand from his cock.

In the car ride from the station to Steve's apartment the heat of their passion was palpable; the air was thick with sexual musk. No words were exchanged; there was nothing more to say. Their logical brains had disengaged. They had given control over to their libidos.

Inside his apartment, they turned into one another and like two magnets they came together and kissed tenderly. They gazed into each other's eyes for a moment and then Steve, still with lingering doubt, said, "Are you sure?"

"I need to," was all Rachel said, and they kissed again, a long passionate kiss. He moved his hands to her buttocks. He slipped them under the little black dress and massaged her butt through her panties.

She dropped to her knees and fumbled his belt open and unzipped his pants. He assisted her and pushed his pants down to his knees. She pulled his boxer briefs down and exposed that large hard cock she'd been massaging on the train. She stroked it a few times before she took in into her mouth. She let out a deep, satisfying, guttural, primal moan as she engulfed his cock. The object of her quest had entered into her being. She sucked his cock gently and slowly, she was not the vacuum-cleaner sucker her mother was. She savored every inch of him like a long awaited dessert.

But, she wasn't there to give him head, she need him inside her. She soon got up and led him to his bedroom. As he removed his clothes, she stripped off the little black dress and got into bed. Naked, he climbed in bed and kissed his way from her feet up to her panty clad crotch. He put his fingers in the waist band of her panties; she lifted her butt and he slowly removed them. As her pussy came into view he could see she wasn't shaved, and he liked that. The same auburn color on her head was mirrored between her legs. He dove into that auburn bush and drove his tongue between her folds. Her pussy was already wet with anticipation. She was as ripe and ready to burst as a sun choked peach.

While his tongue got to know her pussy, she leaned up and reached behind her and unclasped her bra. She then pulled at his head with her fingers to signal him to move his face away from her crotch, just as her mother had done three years ago. "I'm so ready. I need you inside me now," she moaned.

He kissed her belly along the way to her chest. He knew she wanted intercourse, but with her big beautiful mounds now in front of him, those luscious white farm bred orbs he had briefly fantasized about now spread out for him like a banquet, he just had to stop and savor her sweet breasts. She patiently let him devour her breasts as she reached down between his legs and stroked his hard cock.

When she could wait no more, she pulled his cock to her waiting desire. He positioned the tip of himself at her entrance and looked at her lovingly. Leaning over her, he kissed her softly. She responded in kind. Their kisses were soft and sweet, a getting to know you exploration of tender lips touching tender lips, and tongues communicating a longing only their tongues understood.

When she could stand not to wait another second, she wrapped her legs around his butt and pulled him into her. She winced. She was tight. A tear welled in her eye.

"You OK?" he whispered.

She nodded her head and smiled. He pushed in a little further and stopped. He looked into her eyes for direction. She extended her head up and kissed him. She whispered in his ear, "Please."

He slowly drove himself to his hilt. She let out a moan that sounded to Steve has if it came that from the depths of her soul. Her skin flushed. Tears welled in her eyes and leaked down her cheek. He kissed the tears off her cheeks, and then moved his lips to her mouth. Her lips quivered. Their salty lips tingled with electric sensations as they softly kissed.

Steve slowly and tenderly made love to Rachel. He was not himself; he was having an out of body experience. He felt as if he could last for days inside her. Each stroke filled him with the warmth he could only liken to the warmth a baby must feel while suckling its mother's breast. Each stroke erased a little more of the guilt that had dogged him these past three years.

For Rachel, each slow and steady stroke in and out of her comforted her. Each stroke palliated the damage done three years ago. She felt whole again.

They made love like that for an hour. Slowly, their lust built with each passing minute. With each stroke, slowly, the warmth and comfort they first experienced turned into raw sexual passion. Steve picked up his pace and Rachel started to push onto him; meeting his hilt with her clit as he drove his cock deeper into her. They began to moan in unison. Her whole body began to quiver and quake. Little currents of orgasm began to flow within her from head to toe. His cock pulsed inside her.

They wanted to stay like that forever, but they knew they couldn't deny the orgasm that was overtaking them. They fucked on, each stroke more forceful than the last, until they were both pounding hard, like race horses making it for the finish, defying their orgasm not to come in-spite of their desire for it.

Uncontrollably, they relented in unison. An earthquake of passion waves rocked through their bodies. Their moans so loud and guttural it made their throats sore. They quaked and quivered for minutes as they rode the descending waves of orgasm down from its peak.

Soaked in sweat, they breathed heavily as they looked into each other's eyes and smiled. They kissed again sweetly. He remained inside her while she wrapped her arms and legs around him holding him there. They simply held each other and breathed. Slowly, he began to grow again inside her. Something he hadn't experienced since his younger days. He was soon hard inside her. They rocked gently as one until a second, more mild orgasm washed over them both.

Exhausted, he pulled out of her and rolled over on his back. She snuggled in to him with her head on his chest, and her right leg wrapped over his. They both fell soundly asleep.

With the morning light, and without a word, they both knew their passionate night was not to be repeated. The love that flowed between them was a special bond, not like a lover's love, or a familiar love. They were soldiers in the war of life. Circumstances beyond their control had collided their lives together. That last night, they both had done what they needed to do to free themselves from that event three years ago that interrupted their otherwise idyllic lives.

They would stay in contact with one another. Their bond stronger than siblings, more steady than spouses. He would become her son's godfather, she his daughter's godmother. When they needed comfort, they dreamt of that shared one night of passion.

~ The End ~

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading! For Literotica authors, writing these stories is a labor of love. The only compensation we receive is your feedback, so please let me know what you think, and vote.

I'd like to thank ThatEditorGuy for his sterling editing. I'd like to thank Ray Dario for beta reading, editing, and giving me invaluable advice. Any mistakes left in this story are my own doing, as I couldn't help but fiddle with it afterword.