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An article on the internet ruined her marriage.
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StangStar06
StangStar06
5,824 Followers

Hi people, You see the strangest things on the net. The other day I was looking through my email and saw an article on women who want their husbands to have an affair. It got my curiosity up so I read it. This story is the result of that.The article was true, the story isn't. But the great editing job by Mikothebaby almost makes it feel real. SS06

* * * * * *

My name is Carmen Johnson. I'm writing this story for all of you other mid to late-forties women out there who may be in my shoes. A little over a year ago I read an article online about women in our age bracket who were in supposedly very stable marriages who wished their husbands would have an affair.

Yeah, I know it sounds strange to me too. It sounded so strange that I read the whole article and that was what fucked up my life. The article talked about women who wanted their husbands to have an affair, so they'd have a reason to divorce them.

In most cases the husbands didn't beat or abuse the women, they weren't cheating on them, nor were they alcoholics or addicts of any kind. In most cases there was nothing wrong with the husbands at all, the women had simply fallen out of love with them. In the majority of the cases the women were also not having or planning on having an affair themselves. They'd once again simply fallen out of love with the men they married.

After reading the article, I was shocked even further because what they described seemed almost exactly like my life.

The more I thought about it, the more it began to resonate with me. It was word for word a perfect description of my life. There was nothing wrong with my husband Allen. He's a truly nice man. He's a great provider and an even better father to our daughter Joy. He's very compassionate and forgiving and I know from the bottom of my heart that he loves me. He'd make a great best friend, but he just doesn't do it for me anymore.

I remember when we were first together, when there seemed to always be a fire burning between my legs, or an itch that it seemed like only he could scratch. But after being together for twenty five years and married for twenty-three, I guess he finally took care of that itch because I just don't have it anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I still love him, but it's more the way you love a brother or a cousin. I thought about it for a couple of days and wondered what I should do about it. I'd been pondering that question the evening that one of my lifelong girlfriends had come over to pass the time. Allen had gotten home from work an hour or so before. He'd gone into our home gym to throw some weights around as he called it while he waited for the sun to drop.

Allen is a runner. In Michigan it gets so hot during the middle of the summer that Allen usually waits until six thirty or seven to go out and run. He'd kissed me and then headed out to pound the pavement for a while as I sat down to talk to Patti.

"He is so cute, Carmen," she'd said. "I love the way that after all of this time he still loves you. Usually, by his age they're sick of their wives and screwing their secretaries. But that man still loves you just as much as he did when you guys first got together."

"Yeah, isn't it great," I said. I guess my tone let Patti know that I was less than enthusiastic about the subject.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Don't tell me there's trouble in paradise?"

"Not exactly trouble," I said. I grabbed her arm and dragged her into our home office where I showed her the article. She read it and then looked at me with a smile on her face.

"So you want Allen to have an affair," she smirked. "Just so you'd have a reason to divorce him. Honey you're out of your mind. Maybe you don't remember what single life was like. The last time you were single was what...over twenty years ago. Trust me when you were single it was a completely different time and you were young and pretty. You could have had any guy you wanted and you took the cutest, smartest one you could find and you fell in love with him, got married and had a baby with him. You got the brass ring girl. You're on the train for happily ever after."

"If you want to see a fucked up life, try being forty-eight years old, divorced, living alone and not even steadily dating anyone. It makes what you have, seem like a fairy tale."

"I guess the grass is always greener from the other side," I said. "The freedom you have seems like it would be really great. You don't have to worry about making anyone's meals except your own. You can go anywhere you want, any time you want with anyone you want to go with. You're not tied down to anyone."

"Carmen, do you have rocks in your head?" she asked. "If I had to be tied down to anyone it would probably be either George Clooney or your husband Allen. Allen is a great guy. Out of every husband we know he's probably the best."

"I know that Patti," I snapped. "I'm not saying that Allen's not a great guy. He's a very good fucking guy okay. That's not the problem. The problem is that I just don't love him anymore. The problem is that every day I spend here feels like fucking torture and I want to be free. The problem is that from the bottom of my heart I can't take another night hoping that he doesn't want to have sex with me. The problem is that I just don't have the balls to ask him for a divorce because he's too nice a guy and I don't want to hurt him but he just doesn't turn me on anymore." As I'd spoken, my voice had risen to the point where I was almost yelling.

Patti looked stricken in front of me. Her eyes were huge and her hand was over her mouth.

"Did I shock you?" I asked. "I thought that when you've been friends for as long as we have that we could be honest with each other." Patti just sat there and then pointed behind me. I turned around to see my husband Allen standing behind me.

He looked like a balloon when all of the air has been sucked out of it. He had the biggest tears I've ever seen running down his cheeks. Then he looked up at me. "I forgot my iPod," he said. "I hate running with no music." He turned and went back out to do his run.

"Why didn't you tell me he was back there?" I yelled at Patti. "I didn't mean to hurt him. I was just thinking out loud."

"With you standing there in front of me flailing your arms around while you screamed out how bored you are, I didn't notice him there until it was too late," she said. "By then you'd already put your foot in your mouth."

"It's going to take some time to fix this one," I said. Patti looked at me like I was crazy.

"That man loves you, Carmen. Did you see how hurt he was?" I just nodded my head. My husband Allen is one of the strongest people I know. He once ran the last five miles of a marathon with blood pouring out of his shoe. He'd cut his foot on a piece of metal a little over a week before the race. They'd only taken the stitches out two days before. The pounding of running over twenty miles on that foot had torn the deep cut back open during the race. He kept running step after step, in agony but he finished.

"I don't think you even understand what you did, Carmen," Patti told me. "I really think that you read that article and started feeling that way because of what you read. I think you're going to end up like some of those stupid women who listen to Oprah and end up making their marriages far worse than they were."

After Patti left, I started thinking about what I would say to Allen when he came home. I felt a deep sense of dread. I was actually sorry that he'd over heard what I'd said. I guess I'd have phrased it differently if I'd had the chance. Allen, in all of our time together, had treated me like a precious gem. He'd never said an angry word to me, even when he was. He deserved far better. Even if I had intended to tell him, which I hadn't, I would have said it in much kinder terms.

About a half hour after Patti left the house phone rang. I picked it up.

"Hello, Carmen, it's James Peterson. I work with Allen. There's an emergency with one of our customers vent systems and since Allen designed that system we need him over here ASAP. I've tried calling his cell but it goes straight to voice mail. Is he there?"

"No, James, he's out running. He should be back soon. As soon as he gets in I'll tell him that you called."

"Thanks Carmen," he said. Then he hung up. About ten minutes after he called, Allen came in. His eyes were so different from the way they were when he'd kissed me on his way out for his run. They were dull and lifeless. His smile was gone and the easy comfortable way we related to each other was gone with it. He looked at me, not like the man who'd loved me and lived with me for over twenty years but like a stranger would. He looked as if he was waiting for me to say something.

"Uhm you got a call from James Peterson," I said. I felt like a coward for diverting his attention from our problems but I just didn't know what to say to him at that moment. I needed more time to think about what I wanted and about what to say.

A few minutes later I heard the shower running. Allen always took a shower after running. He'd learned early on that I wouldn't let him anywhere near me unless he was and smelled very clean.

I knew that he'd come downstairs ready to relax and watch TV with me and maybe we could talk a bit then.

He did come down the stairs but he was fully dressed, as if he was going to work. He also had his bigger briefcase with him.

"There's an emergency. I have to go," he said. I nodded my head.

"Allen, you just ran all of those miles, you're probably starving. Do you want me to make you something to eat?"

"There's no time. I'll grab something on the way," he said. Then he walked out the door. As the door closed I heard the sound of our garage door opening. A few seconds later I heard the sound of Allen's Mustang starting up. The car's awful exhaust system still made that awful noise that he loved so much. I wondered why he hadn't just driven his Jeep. He rarely drove the Mustang to work. But he babied that car. I'm sure he had his reasons why it was okay to drive it tonight.

I shrugged my shoulders and turned on the TV. I'd dodged a bullet. We wouldn't have to talk about our problem tonight after all. This also meant that I could watch my shows without having to listen to Allen commenting on them. I could watch Hot in Cleveland and Lifetime movies the whole night. And when he got home his wonderful Magnaflow exhaust system would warn me as soon as drove up the block so I could just jump into bed and pretend to be asleep. That way I wouldn't have to try to come up with something to say until tomorrow night.

I woke up the next morning and realized that I'd fallen asleep on the couch. The hissing from the TV told me that I'd been watching some cheesy movie on one of those minor channels that didn't broadcast a twenty-four hour schedule.

I wondered why Allen didn't wake me up. Then I remembered that he was angry with me over what I'd said. It was just as well. I didn't have to say anything until I figured out how I'd make it up to him.

I decided that I'd bake his favorite cake and we'd sit down and have a talk when he got home this evening. That is if he went to work. He might have the day off after being at work late last night.

I went up the stairs and didn't hear the sound of the shower. He was probably staying home. That would give us time to talk. I decided to make him a nice big breakfast to eat while we hashed things out.

Stepping into our bedroom it hit me that the bed had never been slept in. Allen had been out all night. Whatever the problem was it was probably a big one. I checked our voice mail. Usually when Allen worked late, he called me every few hours until he got home. Our voice mail was empty. I called his cell phone and it rang several times and went to voice mail. I started to leave him a message but I really didn't know what to say. There were a few seconds of silence and then I spoke. Allen, Honey, it's me. Call me when you get this...bye."

Allen never called me back and by afternoon, I was frantic. The only time he'd ever gone that long without calling me had been a nightmare. He gotten hurt at one of their customer's plants and had been hospitalized. I called his office and asked what was going on. His secretary Sherry spoke to me. She seemed very guarded and not her usual self. She was very polite, but she spoke to me using her professional voice. I'd known her since she'd first hired in and didn't know how to actually run their phone system. It wasn't unusual for her to switch me right over to Allen after telling me a joke or telling me to beat him up because they were all being mean to her.

"Sherry did they take care of the emergency?" I asked.

"Which emergency are you referring to Mrs. Johnson?" she asked. She'd called me Mrs. Johnson instead of Carmen which was a warning in itself.

"Is Allen there?" I asked.

"He's not in the office right now," she said. "May I take a message?" Her responses to my questions were very professional and probably scripted. She wasn't giving me any kind of information at all. I didn't know if something was going on at the company or if Allen was just pissed at me and having her screen his calls.

Patti dropped by after work and was dying to know what had happened later on with Allen. We talked and drank a little bit of wine to pass the early evening. While she was there, my daughter Joy came over and sat with us for a while. I wondered why my daughter would take an evening away from her fiancé but was glad to have the company. We had a few glasses of wine and talked. I got the idea that my daughter was watching me.

Usually when she just dropped by like this she wanted to ask for something. Either she had another expense for her upcoming wedding in the spring or she wanted something that neither she nor her future husband could afford. I was sure that she was just being polite until Patti left and then she'd tell me what she was really there for.

She did go upstairs for a while. She came back down with a couple of clothes carriers full of stuff but I couldn't tell what was in them. Joy had tons of clothes still in her closet in her room. She often took loads of them to the apartment she shared with Ted.

When I got up to fill my glass again, I heard her asking Patti, "Aunt Patti, what the hell is going on with my mom and dad?"

I heard them whispering and when I went back into the room they stopped.

"Why the hell are you two talking about me behind my back?" I asked. Neither of them said a word. They just got that deer in the headlights look.

"Well?" I asked.

"I asked Aunt Patti what was going on with you and Dad," said Joy.

"Honey, there's nothing going on, it's just a misunderstanding," I said.

"I tried to tell her that," said Patti. "I told her that your father had just overheard some of the things you said and took them the wrong way."

"How many ways are there to take, "I don't love you anymore?" asked Joy. She stood up abruptly shaking her head and got ready to leave. I could tell she was pissed.

"Joy, sit down honey. Don't just leave. Let me try to explain this," I said.

"Mom, there's nothing to explain," she said smiling. It wasn't a very nice smile either. I know my daughter. She was pissed but she was being nice for Patti's benefit. She was so much like her father sometimes. No matter what happened just put that happy smiling face on.

"Come on Joy," I said. "I know you want to say something."

She erupted then. "Where the fuck is my mother? What did you do to her? Where is the woman who taught me not to ever do mean things, even to strangers or bums?"

"Joy," I began.

"You read some dumb assed article...not in a medical journal or written by a psychologist...you read it on the internet and then hurt the best man I know," she said. The venom in her voice and on her face was very clear.

"So your father told you huh?" I said. "I knew he'd try to twist this so I seemed to be the villain just because I want out. Don't I have a right to be happy too?"

"Mom, Daddy didn't tell me shit," she said. "I went to see him at work, to ask him to pay for the photographer for the wedding. Ted and I just can't afford the prices those guys are quoting. He said fine he'd be glad to pay for it. But I noticed that he was off. I stayed a little bit longer to try to see if I could figure out what was going on. I told him I'd stop by here to drop him off the printed quotes and packages and we'd figure out which one to hire."

"He told me that it would be better for me to bring them by the office. That meant either he didn't want you to know he was doing it, or he wasn't going to be home. Mom, he looked like hell. I could tell he was really hurting and just trying to keep up that brave face for me. I left and stayed in the hall after Shelly went back into the office. I heard her telling him his divorce lawyer was on the phone. I was shocked. But I've seen enough of my friends parents go through divorces. From the way that Shelly was talking to him, she was being really solicitous, I could see she was trying to be his friend and support him through this."

"I went back in and spoke to him. I told him that I'd heard what they were talking about and I asked him what was going on. Do you know what he told me, mom?" she asked.

"He told you that I'd..." I began.

"Nothing, Mom," she said. "He gave me that tired old bullshit about how this had nothing to do with me. And that both of my parents loved me and that there's not always a right or wrong in these things. Sometimes people just change, he said. But Mom when I looked at him, barely able to keep the shaking out of his voice or the tears out of his eyes, I wondered...So yep, I grabbed a couple more suits for him to wear to work, since I'm here. But I really wanted to take a look at you too."

"I figured that maybe you'd be upset too and we could get to the bottom of this. But you sit here as cool as a cucumber sipping glasses of wine with Aunt Patti while my Daddy is miserable. So yep I asked her what was going on. Now I know and I'm leaving. Mom, I really hope you're happy. Daddy is still Daddy. He's giving you what you want, just like he has for the past twenty five years. But you know what they say, "Be careful what you wish for..."

She headed for the door. "So I still end up the bad guy huh?" I asked.

She turned and glared at me. "What the fuck did you expect?" she asked. "I love you Mom, Daddy told me to remember that. His exact words were, "She's still your mother and she loves you too." The problem, Mom, is that I just don't LIKE you very much right now."

"Joy, wait," I said. "We need to talk about this. And I want to talk to your father."

"I don't feel like talking right now mom," she said. "And Daddy emailed you."

After she and Patti had gone, I went over to the computer and logged in to my email account. There it was among all of the junk mail and chain letters.

"Dearest Carmen," he wrote.

"I always considered the day I met you to be the luckiest day of my life. I still do. What I overheard yesterday hurt me very badly, I can't deny that. But still, though it hurts I realize that you have the right to express the way you feel and to act on those feelings. I guess when this is all over I'll still feel glad to have had you in my life for as long as I did. You were the perfect wife. You were loving, beautiful, smart, sexy and the best friend I have ever had. I hope the next man in your life has qualities that I lack and can bring all of those things out in you again. Mostly, I wish that you'd felt that you could trust me enough to just sit down with me and explain how you felt. I guess that's another thing I missed because I never would have forced you to stay with me if it made you unhappy. I honestly thought that we were happy. As usual, I'll do my very best to give you what you want. I've already told my lawyer to start the divorce proceedings. I have no intention of trying to be unfair to you. We'll split everything 50/50, including the house. But if you'd like to keep the house, we could write that into the agreement.

StangStar06
StangStar06
5,824 Followers