How a Sorority Changed the World

Let us look back and try to determine how we began to understand the need to reduce our 'carbon footprint' in order to change our world. In my opinion, it started in the year 2009 in a little up state school called More Head University. I give credit to a little known sorority called "Kuma Kuma Thy. I believe most people had little hope that we could turn our environment problems around, but as history shows, the Kuma Kuma they went above and beyond the call of duty in their efforts to improve the environment.

The way I understand it, in honor of Earth Day the girls held a meeting to see what they could do. There was talk of park clean ups, starting recycle centers among others but they knew all the other Greek Clubs would be doing the same thing. They all realized it would take vertical thinking to make a real difference and there was a lot of back and forth until Suzi 'The Chest' Moran came up with 'You Ride the Bus and We'll Show You Our Bust' campaign. Everyone loved the idea, of course the Kuma Kuma Thys being renown for having the largest bras on campus helped to make it a success. The game plan was to have the girls break into groups of three and then to pick buses at random to ride, then as soon as the boarded the bus they would take off their tops. In no time at all bus riders quadrupled, morning and afternoon traffic became less crowded as fewer and fewer cars were on the road.

As the success of their campaign grew other sororities started thinking out of the box. Sigma Omega Chi otherwise known as 'Sluts on Campus' started their program of 'If You Switch to a Prius Then You Can Try us.' and from there it just snowballed. Next, the jock frat started the 'Make Your Husband's Company Go Green and we'll treat you Like a Queen', which included such things as cutting lawns with no shirts on all the way to we will trim your tree with our genitals hanging free. When the BDSM Club started the 'Use Renewable Energy or We'll Slap the Shit out of You, Oh Yeah we Don't Rhyme' you could just tell that maybe we could save the future. Everyone enjoyed the African American frat with their 'We'll Give you a Tenner if you cook Organic for Diner' especially in the suburbs. Of course, who could forget the Gay Frat with their 'Turn Your Thermostat to Seventy-eight and we'll Make it a Date' and the downtown strip club's 'Plant a Tree and Get a Lap Dance for Free'. The biggest surprise had to be the town pimps with their 'Don't pollute and we'll get you a Prostitute.' All of these groups showed us that grass roots campaigns could influence the American people into changing their life style.

As the people began to enjoy not only the benefits of being rewarded for being eco-friendly but also the benefits of living in a clean city the movement just took off. Citizens began picking up litter just because it made their town look better. Whole neighbor hoods began volunteering in planting and caring for grass belts around the city. While there were many who questioned the morality of rewarding people for merely doing what was right, we soon learned that a good deed has its own incentive. Although it's nice to watch a young woman expose her breasts, it is even nicer to live in a city with clean air. There is even talk of changing our city's name to 'New Eden' and with our clean streets, lush gardens, not to mention our fresh air to breath maybe we deserve it. No one knows who started the new platitude, 'Have a Green Day' instead of 'Have a Nice Day' but you have to admit it has a nice ring to it.

When the government realized how popular the movement had become they got involved, they started to reward companies that went green with contracts and incentives. As these companies grew they began to hire more people who then had more money to spend on products and right before our eye the recession of the of '08 and '09 was gone like a bad memory. After the big corporations understood there was money to be made by reducing their carbon footprint they all rushed into 'green manufacturing' and ' green energy' like they were really concerned about planet.

I have to be honest with you, back in '09, I didn't believe we could turn our environment or our economy around, it was too far gone, and I felt there was no hope. It is with sincere gratitude, that I give credit for my apostasy to a small yet wholesome sorority in a tiny school that managed to change all of our beliefs and for popularizing the new motto nationwide of 'Have More Sex to Save the Planet.'