How Could I Have Done This?

Wow! This is number 100. I never thought that I'd make it and I want to thank all of those readers who've encouraged me to press on when I could quite easily have given up. There are, of course, those who will maintain that I should have given up years ago.

CM

I didn't really know the meaning of the word guilt until I woke this morning, up until that time I had considered myself to be guilt free. But all that changed with one phone call.

I was sitting at home, alone as usual, not a position that I was happy about but that can't be helped, and I had just finished my evening meal and taken my last sip of my last 2001 'The Angelus'. I was feeling pretty good about myself, I'd survived another week in the salt mines (my construction company) and the architect had signed off on a project that meant that I would receive my final payment next week. My bank balance was well in the black and the future looked brighter than it had for almost a year since the divorce settlement that almost wiped me out.

My marriage was now behind me and I'd almost forgotten that she had ever existed. There were no child support payments coming out of my bank account and the mortgage had been finalized six months ago. I was home free, but there was one small problem that kept me awake some nights, the lack of female companionship. Some nights I would wake up with a raging hard-on and memories of a time when my sex life was satisfying, wondering if that would ever happen again.

I've digressed enough and should be getting back to that fatal phone call. The dishes were in the dishwasher (a weeks' supply) and it was humming in the background as I flicked through the information on the TV screen to see if there was anything worth watching or if I was going to have to dig into my DVD collection, when it rang.

"Hi Daddy, it's Sara, is it all right if I come over and see you?" Sara was my twenty year old daughter from the wreckage of my marriage, the one good part of it.

"Sure Honey, is everything okay?"

"I'll tell you when I get there, I should be there in twenty minutes. Love you daddy."

If you're a parent you will realize that the next twenty minutes until she got here would be the most excruciating twenty minutes of my life. Something was wrong but she didn't want to tell me over the phone. All sorts of scenarios flashed through my fertile imagination, none of them good.

Sara was your normal young lady who'd evolved from your normal teenager. She was pretty in an athletic sort of way, her blonde hair she wore simple, usually a pony tail and her tanned complexion existed without the benefit of a tanning salon. From memory her boobs were full and firm, they didn't sag or need to be held up by a suit of armour type bra. Her legs were long and shapely and her arse swayed enticingly when she walked. She was a constant reminder of what her mother was like when I first met her, and because I was her father it took all of my will power to keep my hands off her.

I heard her car pull into my driveway and had the door open before she got to it. I didn't even have a chance to say 'Hi' before she was in my arms sobbing. "Oh Daddy it's so awful I don't know what to do."

"Calm down, take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong, from the beginning." I led her into the living room and sat her down on the sofa. I sat next to her and had my arm around her shoulder.

"You know how Mummy got me a job with her boss?" (How could I forget that little bit of news, her boss was the cause of our marriage breakdown.) "Well," she paused to collect her thoughts, "it was going fine, I was coping with my duties and getting on with the other staff, I'd even managed to get beyond the 'she's only here because she's the boss's daughter." (Technically she now was, since the two of them had married.) "Well, yesterday morning he called me into his office, at first I thought that he was going to blast me for something I'd done wrong, but that wasn't it."

"Sara, I think that it's about time that you tried something different."

"What do you mean?"

"I want you to take over the Rep's position. Do you think you can handle that?"

"I'd need someone to show me the ropes but, yes, I can do it."

"Good girl. This afternoon I'm going to take you with me on the road, we'll fly to Melbourne and I'll introduce you to our business associates there. I want you to go home and pack a few things, a change of clothes and whatever make-up and stuff you'll need. We'll be coming back tomorrow."

"How do I get to the airport?"

"I've a few things to tidy up here but I'll call home and pick you up on the way."

"Okay, see you soon."

I drove home and threw a few things into a carry all and was ready to go when he pulled into the driveway. He came in and grabbed his bag that Mum had left for him before she went to her meeting in Adelaide, and we headed for the airport.

We visited a few businesses before checking into a hotel for the night. He took me down to the restaurant for dinner and when it was over we went back up to our room, there were two bedrooms, where we have a drink while we discussed the businesses we'd seen and those we would see in the morning. I went to bed just after ten o'clock and was just dropping off to sleep when I heard my door opening and the next thing I knew was him sliding into my bed. "What are you doing?"

"I just wanted to keep you company."

"No, this is not right, you're married to my mother, don't you feel that this is wrong?"

"No, your mother and I have an 'open marriage', she's probably with another man right now."

"That doesn't make this right, for a start I don't want you here, I don't like you anywhere near well enough to even consider sleeping with you." His hand was on my boobs and I tried to push it away.

"I've seen the way that you look at me when you think I won't notice, I know that deep down you want me."

"I suppose that this is the line you used on my mother to fuck up her marriage to my father."

"Your mother didn't love your father, she told me that they hadn't had sex for months."

(This was news to me, I thought that Rachel and I had a good sex life, we did it just about every night up until a few months before she left, but then she was spending a lot of time interstate at meetings, at least that was what she told me, and I believed her.)

"Despite evidence to the contrary." I told him.

"That was what she told me and I believed her, that was how we got close and eventually became lovers."

"I'm really not interested in you or your 'open marriage' with my mother, all that I'm interested in is your not being here in my bed."

"You do like your job, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"And you'd like to keep it, wouldn't you?"

"This sounds very much like you're telling me that if I want to keep my job I'll have to let you rape me, I sure as hell won't let you make love to me."

"You have still a lot to learn about life in the real world, we all have to make some concessions if we want to get ahead. It's up to you what you do, but I promise you that you won't regret it if you let me make love to you."

"I don't have any choice do I, you aren't going to leave this bed until you do it, so you'd better get it over with so I can get some sleep."

I regretted it right from the very beginning and he wasn't all that good"

(She saw the look on my face.

"You don't think that I was still a virgin do you Daddy?"

"I . . . of course not, I'm sure that you've had to fight them off with a stick."

"I'm not a slut or anything like that, I've had two steady boyfriends in the last three years.")

I let him do it and he went back to his bed. I waited until I was sure that he was asleep and packed my things, grabbed the keys to the rental car and drove to a motel near the airport. I changed my flight time and caught the 'red-eye' back home. I didn't go into work and the phone started to run hot. I ignored it and around lunch time Mother and the bastard came home.

"What do you mean by leaving like that?" He was angry.

"You didn't expect me to stay there with you after you'd fucked me last night, did you?" I deliberately used the 'F-bomb' to shock Mother more than anything.

"I didn't fuck you!"

"We had sex didn't we? Even after I'd told you that I didn't want it you forced me into it by telling me that I'd lose my job if I didn't. I bet that was how you and Mother started off."

"Is this true, did you and she make love?" Mother was looking straight at him to see if he would lie to her.

"We didn't make love, your bastard of a husband raped me, he didn't beat me or anything like that, he just threatened to fire me if I didn't let him have sex with me, and you married this sleaze. Daddy is twice . . . no he's three times the man than this slimy toad."

"Are you going to stand there and let your daughter speak to me like that?"

"Don't worry, I'll get out of your hair so that you can discuss this latest development in your 'open marriage'."

"There it is, I ran out of there and got into my car and drove off. I didn't even pack a toothbrush so I hope you have a spare."

"Of course, you never know when I'll have one of my hundreds of women friends staying over."

"You're joking aren't you?"

'"Of course, I haven't had the guts to face another woman. Let alone have one sleep over."

"Poor Daddy, you really should get back on the game, you're a handsome man and definitely not too old."

"Thank you Honey." I kissed her on the top of the head and she made this little noise like she liked it.

She snuggled into me. "Daddy, I feel so safe here with you, you're so strong and secure."

We sat like that for ages, me holding her and stroking her face. She turned her face to mine and kissed me. "I love you Daddy."

"I love you too Honey."

I don't know how it happened, I didn't consciously move it, but my hand had found its way to her breast, I wasn't stroking it or anything, just resting it there. Her hand moved to cover mine, not to move it but to cover it, and press it to her. "That's nice Daddy, hold me there."

I made a feeble attempt to remove my hand from her breast but she held it in place. Oh well, what's the problem, I'm just sitting there with my hand on my daughter's breast, what could be wrong with that?

What could be wrong was that her hand should rest on my thigh, right adjacent to my cock and getting closer by the minute. Her hand wasn't moving but he was, he was getting bigger and harder and his head was just about where her hand was resting. I was sure that she could feel it and move her hand, and she did, she moved it and squeezed my cock.

"I can't believe that Mother traded this in on his feeble effort." She squeezed it again and, if anything, it got harder.

"Oh God. This is so wrong."

"Is it wrong for me to fill a void in your life? I love you and, as a loving person, I want to see you happy."

"But you are my daughter."

"When I do this," she stroked my cock, "can't you forget about that for a while and look on me as a woman who loves you?"

"I love you too, but everything that I've been taught, and live by, tells me that we shouldn't be doing this."

"What if I do this?" She took him out of my pants and sucked him, leaving off just long enough to say. "Will that make you forget your scruples?" To further emphasize her point she lifted her skirt and placed my hand between her legs, over her pussy, her wet pussy. I could feel the dampness seeping through the fabric of her panties.

"Please, don't do this to me . . . ." I gave up.

"Please Daddy, will you please kiss me and make love to me, I want you so much to make love to me." She whispered softly into my ear, having paused in her efforts to suck my life force out through my cock.

I worked on the buttons of her blouse until I had taken it off and freed her breasts, her beautiful young breasts, from her totally un-necessary and token effort of a bra. My mouth engulfed a nipple and she sobbed as I suckled on her. "Yes Daddy suck my boob, feed from me, I am yours, do everything to me that you feel in your heart. I want you to want your cock in me, to need your cock in me."

Any control that I might have had now deserted me, and I gave myself over to my lust, the lust that I knew had been locked inside me since I accidently saw her naked when she dashed from the bathroom to her room after her shower. It was that glimpse that started the erotic dreams of this moment, the moment when I made love to her.

"I've waited years for this moment." Her words echoed my own thoughts, had she wanted to make love to me?

"So have I." I had stripped the rest of her clothes from her and my eyes took in the full magnitude of her beauty, pausing when they reached her pussy, glistening with her wetness in anticipation of what was to come. Quickly dropping my pants I bent towards her waiting pussy, I drank deep of her wetness, my tongue increasing the flow until, with a sob her body convulsed its way through an intense orgasm.

"Oh my God, oh that was the best." She was struggling for breath. "I want your cock in me, please I have to have it, please."

Kneeling between her legs I placed the head of my rock hard cock against her pussy lips, pushing them apart I slid into her young woman's body. She was torn between the eagerness of youth and the need for a more subtle experience. Pulling me deep into her, she held me in, not allowing me to withdraw one millimetre. "Just hold him there so I can feel it all. That is s-o-o-o good." Eventually she released him only to drag him back as soon as all that was left in her was his head.

I took control, slowly moving him in and out of her until she convulsed her way through another orgasm, and then I increased my speed and power slightly, increasing incrementally until I was driving him into her with a fury driven by my passion for this compliant young woman. With one final lunge I drove deep inside her and unleashed years of pent up frustration, filling her with my seed.

"Oh that was the best. I thought when you licked me that it was good, but that had nothing on this. I love you Daddy, I love all of you and I want all of you forever."

"And I love you. . . ." I burst into tears.

"Don't cry Daddy, please, don't cry. I'm not sad that we did this, I'm the happiest that I've been ever since before Mummy dragged me away from you. I wanted you even then, I even waited inside the bathroom one night until I heard you coming out of your office so that I could run, not fast, to my room with nothing on. I wanted you to see me and how grown-up I was. I was sad that you didn't come to my room, not even to tell me that you didn't think it was right for me to be seen naked, I was going to show you my pussy and hope that you'd make love to me."

"It almost happened as you planned, believe me, I was close to doing what you wanted me to."

"Do you know what I want Daddy?"

"I hate to think, what do you want?"

"When we're at home alone, like this, I want us not to wear any clothes, I want to see you and for you to see me. You've got a great body, you should be proud to show it, even if it's just to me."

"I don't think that is wise, the temptation would be too strong. We can't do this again."

"But we can daddy, I won't tell. Anyway nothing can happen, I'm on the pill, you can make love to me as often as you want and there won't be any kids to worry about."

"You might be able to live with this but I can't."

"Yes you can."

"Please, don't tease me like this, you've found me at a vulnerable time, wanting female companionship more than anything, not even sex, just a woman to be able to talk to and to kiss and hold."

"But I'm offering all of that, and more."

"It's the more that's the problem. We've actually broken the law, if anyone found out about this we could both end up in gaol. I'd hate to think what my friends would say about this, they'd automatically assume that I'd seduced you, and I wouldn't be able to face them, ever."

"Fuck them! If they were your friends they'd support you no matter what. Anyway, I'd tell the world that it was all my idea and that I'd spiked your drink and you didn't know what you were doing." She stood up and held her hand out to me. "Come with me." She led me down the hallway towards the bedrooms. "Now doesn't this feel liberated being able to walk around like this without any stupid clothes?"

She led me to her old bedroom. The bed hadn't been made up for years, it was just the doona over the mattress. She lay down on it. "Come to me Daddy, I want you to make love to me just like I'd hoped that you would all those years ago." She placed the hand that she held as she led me here between her legs. "See I'm all wet waiting for your cock, all wet and sticky from your come. I feel dirty and I want you to fuck me like the dirty little slut that I am."

"No! You are not a slut and I can never treat you like one. I love you and lovers don't treat each other like that, you want me to treat you like a cheap whore, like your mother, but I can't do that."

"Is that the way that you think of my mother?"

"Sometimes, when I'm angry I think of her that way, slipping off to fuck her boss and then screwing me out of half of everything I had, and the final straw was when she took you with her, and wouldn't let me see you. I have never forgiven her for that."

"Neither have I, believe me. The number of times I wanted to walk out on her, on them, and come to you, but I wasn't able to, I had no money of my own until I started work, and that wasn't much because I had to pay board, even my car, I'm having to repay the money they loaned me to buy it."

"You should have called me, I would have given you the money."

"I know you would, but I couldn't have taken it because they controlled my finances and if I'd bought a car with my own money they'd want to know where I got it."

"Honey, I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that. If I'd been stronger at the time I would have fought to keep you with me."

"It wouldn't have mattered, she told me that she would have told the court that you had been sexually molesting me, she said she had proof of that."

"I don't know where she could have gotten that idea from."

"She said that she knew just by the way that you used to look at me."

"That would probably have done it, believe me it was hard to look at you without undressing you with my eyes, you were a sexy little prick tease, and you knew it."

"Only with you, Daddy, only with you."

"What about your two boyfriends?"

"I didn't really make out with them very often, they were shy and didn't know what to do, and because I loved you I didn't feel like helping them. Plus they had little cocks compared to yours and the bastard's."

"Some day you will meet a boy, a man, who will be able to satisfy you in every way, and when that happens you will forget about what we've just done."

"No Daddy. For the past couple of years I have dreamed about what it would be like making love to you, how gentle you'd be, how big you'd be, and now that I've made love to you I've realised that the only thing that will ever be better than that dream is the reality. Nothing, no-one will ever live up to this and right now I want more of it." She took her fingers from her pussy and placed them against my lips. I opened my mouth and it was filled with the taste of us, my sperm mixed with her juices, and it turned me on.

I rolled her onto her belly and pulled her hips up so that I could mount her from behind. I thrust him deep inside her and her voice took on a new dimension, instead of the young girl sighs it dropped a couple of octaves into a low sensual guttural sound. "Daddy, that is so good, you are in as far as you can go and you're stretching me so much. Oh my god!" Her muscle clamped down on my cock, milking me until I came inside her again. She collapsed onto the bed with me on top of her. I rolled off and she was immediately in my arms. That was so good, it's the first time I've ever done it that way. Oh Daddy, you have so much to teach me and I want to learn it all so that I can be the best possible lover for you. I, I want to be your wife."