How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Once she stopped crying, she started apologizing for losing control. "Amanda, stop right there. You didn't lose control. Not one bit. You responded quite reasonably to a very crappy situation. You're right when you say that this isn't fair, and that it should have never happened to you. But don't ever apologize for feeling hurt. Or for crying when you're hurt."

"But..."

"No buts. I'm your friend now, and while I won't promise that I won't do something to hurt you, I'm going to try my best not to. I also won't promise I'm always going to be there for you, because we both know that sometimes things happen to keep us from being there. Not to mention the fact that I'm already 35, and you're what 23, 24?" So, in all probability, you're going to still be living after I'm already gone."

Amanda looked a little perturbed. "That's the second time this morning that you made a comment about your age. Please stop that. Age really doesn't make a difference to me. If you're my friend, I don't care whether you're the same age as me, 15 years younger, or 50 years older. Just let me be happy you're with me, and forget about the stupid age thing."

Steve blushed. 'You're right. I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to think you owed me anything. I like being with you. I'll admit that over the last couple of years, I pulled back from everybody. Even my closest friends reminded me of the times we spent with my wife. It wasn't their fault, but friends that I'd had since college would send me into a deep depression because they stood up with me at my wedding. With you, I get to start over. I have a friend who I trust and who trusts me, and I can talk about anything. That's so nice."

Steve paused and took a deep breath. "But you need to also understand that after what happened two years ago, I can't help but worry about mortality. I lost the love of my life. No matter how hard I try, I worry about my own life, and what's going to happen."

"Steve, I get it, but you need to stop worrying about that. It's true, none of us knows what's going to happen today, or tomorrow, or ten years from now. But you need to live now. I need you to live now. I need your friendship. And you need mine."

Steve nodded, and wiped the tears that were forming in his eyes.

"Now what do you say to changing into our suits, and spending some time on the beach?"

"Sounds good, sweetie." Steve blushed again. "I guess I should tell you, I tend to call everyone sweetie."

Amanda pulled him into a quick hug. "Don't apologize. I like it... a lot." And she gave him another quick peck on the cheek. "See you in a couple of minutes." And she dashed in the women's changing room.

Steve smiled to himself and went to get changed himself.

A few minutes later they were walking down to the beach. There were a few dozen people out, but not really as many as Steve expected. "I guess the weather scared a few people away. Not that I'm complaining, but this is not typical. Why don't we move off to the side away from the others?"

"That sounds good."

As they walked, Steve stole a few glances at Amanda. He was afraid to look too much, because he knew it would cause a reaction that would embarrass him again. Regardless of her comments about friendship and age, he knew he would never be in her league in terms of anything romantic or sexual. The best he could do is glance a few times and enjoy what he saw. She had been out of high school for a few years, but she definitely still had her cheerleader's body.

What Steve didn't notice, is that Amanda was stealing just as many glances at him. And she definitely liked what she saw. She wondered how he kept in shape. She had always tried to be active. Through high school, she was a cheerleader, but she also was part of the dance team, and she ran track. The last couple of years were so stressful that she really didn't have time to do much, and she felt that she would start to get out of shape quite quickly if she didn't do something to change it.

They got their towels spread out, put on some sunscreen, and lay on their backs. Amanda hesitated, but finally decided to ask, "So, Steve, do you exercise? I mean, I need to get back into some kind of activity, but I don't know what to do. Got any suggestions?"

"Well, mainly I run. I try to get in a few miles 3-4 times a week."

"Is that it?"

"Promise you won't laugh."

She giggled. "Sorry, I couldn't help it. What you said just hit me as funny. I promise I won't laugh."

"I don't know if I should tell you now."

"Please. I'm sorry I giggled."

"I do yoga."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I take three classes a week."

"How did you get into yoga?"

"We started doing it right after Becky was diagnosed. One of the doctors suggested it as a way to relieve the stress that came from worrying about what was happening to her. I have to admit, it did help. After she died, I couldn't see myself giving it up."

"It sounds like what I need. Would you mind if I joined you? I mean, I don't want to intrude on your 'me' time, but..."

"No, no, it's fine. I'd love toga even you join me in the class. It's a good group, and I love my teacher. She's wonderful."

"Is it okay that I don't know what I'm doing? I mean, I've seen bits here and there, but I've never been in a class before."

"Nah, it'll be fine. We have new people join all the time. And maybe you and I can practice a little on our own once in a while. I may not be a teacher, but I've been doing it for over two years now, and I can guide you through the basic poses."

"That sounds wonderful."

They were quiet for a few minutes. Amanda decided to take another chance. "You know I used to run track, right?"

"Yeah." He wondered where she was going with this.

"Well, the truth is, I haven't gone running in a couple of years because I hate running by myself. I need someone to run with, but I don't want to ask because I've asked so much from you already..."

"Amanda, yes, you can go running with me."

"Really?"

"Really. The truth is I hate running by myself, too. I run during the week so I can stay in shape, but the only running I really like to do is when I'm in a race. I'm nowhere near competitive, and I never will be, but I like to talk to the people around me. It's a social event for me. So, yeah, I'd love to have you run with me."

"Great. This is turning out to be a perfect day." And Amanda closed her eyes and smiled.

Steve watched her smile, lay back, closed his eyes, and smiled as well. "For me, too."

After a while in the sun, the friends changed, and headed back to town. Steve dropped Amanda off at her apartment.

"Why don't you meet me at my house tomorrow at 8? We'll go for a short run, and then I'll make you breakfast?"

"Are you sure, Steve? I don't want to impose."

"Amanda, I'm going to be doing those two things whether you are there or not. As long as I'm doing them anyway, why not do them with my new best friend?"

"I like the sound of that."

"8 am. Ready to run."

"See you then."

**********

Very quickly Steve and Amanda developed a routine. Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday morning they went for a short run, and then had a light breakfast. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings, they met for yoga class, followed by a light supper. The next Saturday, they decided to go to the zoo. Neither one had been in years, but after seeing all the families, Steve got a little depressed.

They decided to leave after a couple of hours, and went to a movie instead. Unfortunately, they made the mistake of choosing a romantic comedy, and even though the movie ended with the couple apparently together, the major focus of the movie was how the hero reacted when the heroine was sick and in a coma.

When she realized what was happening in the movie, Amanda leaned over and whispered to Steve, "Anytime you want to leave, you just let me know."

"I'm okay. It's fine."

Amanda knew it wasn't, but there wasn't much she could do. She grabbed his hand, and leaned over to put her head on his shoulder. Steve didn't say anything, but he truly appreciated what Amanda was trying to do. At the same time, he started to feel a warmth in his heart that hadn't been there in a long time.

When the movie was over, they were walking to the car, and Amanda started apologizing, "Oh, Steve, I'm so sorry. I've just picked the wrong activities all day long. From now on, you pick, and I'll follow."

"Sweetie, seriously, it's okay. I enjoyed both the zoo and the movie. We had no way of knowing that we'd run into that many families or how I'd feel during the movie. But it could have easily gone the other way. We might have just as easily run into a bunch of newlyweds or seen a movie about a wedding, and then I would have been apologizing to you."

"Yeah, I guess."

"So, let's just go have a nice dinner, and we'll try again next week."

"Actually, next week, I have a huge favor. And you need to feel free to say no. I'll understand."

"Amanda, just ask. I promise, I'll do my best."

"Well, I promised my parents I'd come see them... well, my dad... for Father's Day. The problem is, it'll be the first time I've seen them in person since everything fell apart. I know it's a lot to ask, but would you come with me to offer me moral support. I just know that if I'm there by myself, they're going to give me a lot of grief about what I did wrong, and why I couldn't get it together to keep him - honestly, it's a bunch of bullshit that I don't need."

"Believe it or not, Amanda, I understand exactly what you're going through. When Becky died, her family blamed me for letting her die. We've managed to get past it now. They understand there wasn't anything any of us could do, but at the time, they were pretty angry, and most of that anger was aimed at me."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. It's just another part of this that's just not fair. You tell me what time to pick you up, and we'll be there."

They ate mostly in silence, but both of them were thinking about the other. And while both of them were afraid to say anything, they were thinking that they would really like to take their relationship a little further than friendship.

**********

Steve picked up Amanda at her apartment a little after 11 the next Sunday morning. Her mom had said that she wanted to serve Sunday dinner about 1, but that Amanda should bring over her new boyfriend about 11:30 so they could meet him.

Amanda wasn't really angry about it, but she did clearly tell her mom that Steve was just her friend - he was not her boyfriend.

Since they still lived in the same town, it didn't take long before Steve pulled into Amanda's parents' driveway.

"You okay, Steve?"

"I've got to admit, I'm pretty nervous."

"Don't be. It may take a while, but my parents will come to love you. In the meantime, you keep them off my back, and I keep them off of yours."

"That sounds good... I think."

"Don't worry, Steve. It'll be fine."

"Amanda, sit still for a second," Steve dashed around the car to open her door for her.

"Wow. Thank you. I haven't had that happen since Prom."

"Way too long, dear lady."

Amanda blushed a little. "Well, we better get into the house before the parents get suspicious."

Amanda and Steve barely stepped on the porch when the door opened. Amanda's mother held the door while her father stood in the background.

"Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Thank you inviting me to dinner today."

"We're glad to have you Mr. Adams. And please call us Bill and Carol."

"Only if you'll call me Steve."

Pleasantries aside, Carol dragged Amanda into the kitchen while directing Steve into the living room with Bill. "You men go have a seat while Amanda and I get drinks in the kitchen. Iced tea okay for everyone?"

"Sounds great," Steve answered. Bill just grunted.

The two men had just gotten seated when Bill said rather tersely, "Little old for my daughter, aren't you?"

"I think you've misunderstood, sir. Amanda and I are just friends and co-workers. I'll admit, we've spent a lot of time together lately, but just as friends. We've never even kissed."

"Humph. Then you're an idiot. I can see it in my daughter's eyes. Hell, I can see it in your eyes. You've got a thing for each other."

"Um, I don't know..."

"It's there. But you better be damned careful. That bastard and bitch nearly destroyed her with that shit they pulled. If you break her heart, I worry about what it will do to her." Steve could the older man start to tear up a little. "I can't live without my little girl. Please don't hurt her." He quickly wiped his eyes, and his gruff exterior came back up.

In the meantime, in the kitchen, Carol whispered to Amanda, "I'll admit he's cute, but isn't he a little old for you?"

"Oh, mom, it's not like that. I mean, we spend everyday together, but we're just friends."

"Nonsense. I can see it in your eyes. You've only got eyes for him, and truth be told, he's only got eyes for you. Just be careful, sweetheart."

"Okay, mom, it's true, I wish there was more to our relationship. But Steve has been hurt pretty bad, too. Not to mention that he worries a lot about the age thing."

"Can you tell me what happened to him? Was it like yours?"

"No, his wife died of cancer on their tenth anniversary."

"Oh, my goodness. That poor man."

"Yeah. It was a couple of years ago, but because of her death, he really worries that if he and I were together, he might get sick and leave me behind."

"Well, how do you feel about that?"

"Mom, honestly, I think I'm in love with him. I don't care about our ages. I just want to spend the rest of our lives together. He's so loving and caring. I can't imagine not being with him."

"Have you two... you know...?"

"Oh, no, mom, we haven't even kissed. Well, a few pecks on the cheek, and several hugs. We've held hands a few times, but never anything serious. I think that's one of the reasons I love him. We're becoming really good friends first."

"Sweetheart, I'm very happy for you, and I hope it works out the way you want."

"Thanks, mom. I love you so much. I knew you'd understand." She gave her mom a quick hug.

"Okay, we'd better get in there. Your father and boyfriend are probably wondering where we are."

The men were sitting in silence deep in their own thoughts when the women came into the living room. Steve seemed to be deeply entranced by a piece of fluff under the coffee table.

Amanda handed Steve his glass of tea, and then sat in his lap. Bill grunted again and mumbled just loud enough to hear, "Just friends, huh?"

Steve was suddenly very nervous. "Amanda, sweetie, don't you think you should sit in your own chair?"

"Nope, I'm good. My mom and I had a very good talk, and you and I have some things to discuss later. For right now, I'm exactly where I want to be."

"Um, okay. Are you sure?"

"Very sure, honey."

Bill grunted again. "Please don't forget there are other people in the room. I mean, after all, it's not like you didn't come to visit just anybody for Father's Day."

Amanda jumped up. "Oh, my gosh, I forgot your card and gift. I'll be right back." She dashed out the door to the car.

Steve looked even more uncomfortable. Carol decided to put him at ease by putting him to work. "Steve, why don't you come help me set the table for dinner?"

He seemed to snap out of his trance. "Absolutely, how can I help?"

Carol turned to face her husband. "Why don't you keep our daughter busy until you're called?"

"Yes, dear." He knew there was no arguing at that point.

A few seconds later, Amanda bounced back in the door. "Where's mom and Steve?"

"He's helping her set the table. In the meantime, why don't you and I have a little daddy-daughter time? Come sit by me."

"Okay."

"So, Poppy, are you sure about this? I mean, it's not been that long since your world collapsed. Are you sure this guy isn't just a rebound?"

"I'm not sure we can ever really know that daddy. I do know that I never felt this way with John. I'm not sure I ever really loved him. I know I cared for him, but honestly, I'm pretty sure I was just settling for the first person to ask me to marry him."

"So, what makes this guy any better?"

"Well, for one thing, we became good friends first. We have a lot in common - fun things that we like doing together." She paused holding her breath for a second. "And daddy, he's such a good man. He's so kind, and caring, and loving. Do you know that twice now I've caught him talking to his dad about doing the right thing?"

"Yeah, so."

"His dad died a few years ago. Now, when I say he's talking to his dad, he's not really. He's just responding to the memory of his dad reminding him to always do the right thing. Both times I caught him, it was about him being a perfect gentleman to my being a lady in need."

"That's interesting, even if it's a little weird."

"Daddy, he always puts my needs ahead of his. But don't get me wrong, he's not spoiling me, and I'm not taking advantage of him. Believe me, I'm my father's daughter. You taught me that I should always put his needs ahead of mine, and I do. We've become really good at taking turns taking care of each other."

Bill was looking very thoughtful considering everything his daughter was telling him.

"Don't you see daddy? I'm giving you the best Father's Day gift I can. I've fallen in love with a man that cares for me as much as you do."

"I am happy for you Poppyseed. But you're wrong about one thing. This is the second-best Father's Day gift. The best was the day you came into my life. You really have had me wrapped around your little finger since I held you seconds after you were born." He gave Amanda a big hug, and whispered, "Be happy, Poppy."

"I love you, daddy! Can you just hold me for a few minutes?"

"Anything for you, sweetheart."

At the same time in the kitchen.

"She's in love with you, you know."

"I know. I think I'm in love with her, too."

"So, what's the problem? Why aren't you telling each other that? And don't give me that nonsense about the difference in your ages. You know darn well that it's not that big of a difference."

"Well, there's also the guilt I'm feeling."

Carol stopped and stared at him for a second. "Nope, you're going to have to explain that one a little more. What guilt?"

Steve was holding a stack of plates, and suddenly didn't know what to do. He took a deep breath, and then just sat in the nearest chair, still holding the plates. "I told Amanda about this, but I'm not sure it registered. When my wife, Becky, and I got married, we insisted the minister take out the phrase, "'til death do us part" because we knew we would be together for eternity. I still have the goodbye letter that Becky wrote for me that said she would be waiting for me in the next life, and I truly believe that she will be."

"And now you feel that you're betraying her memory by loving Amanda."

"Exactly! I promised to be faithful for eternity. But if I'm falling in love with Amanda, doesn't that mean I'm cheating on Becky?"

"Steve, I'm not going to pretend I know anything about the afterlife or philosophy or any of that other stuff. I do believe in God, and heaven, but I have no idea how our relationships work after we die. However, I have no doubt at all in my mind that you can give all of your love to Amanda, and still be true to the love and memories that you have with Becky. I believe your heart is big enough to love them both."

"Really?" Tears were starting to build in his eyes.

"Oh, Steve, you are a good man. Let yourself love and be loved. You and Amanda deserve to be happy. It's clear that you two are already deeply in love. So, do it. Be happy. Live a long and full life together."

"But..."

"I know what you're going to say, but you can't live in fear. None of us can ever know what's going to happen. So be as happy as you can for as long as you can. Love my daughter. Let her love you."