How to Hunt Mermaids

Author's Note: This was based off of a writing prompt I did a week ago...

************

If you ever watched Disney's Little Mermaid you probably think you know all about mermaids. You don't. They're not nice, half humans with red hair and voices like angels... an opera singer maybe but they are not angels. Real mermaids look more fish-like with smooth slippery skin and glimmering scales. Beautiful but not in a sexual way (unless you're into that stuff).

I have a pretty athletic figure. I do yoga in the early mornings before hunting to settle my mind and my body. I keep my blond hair in a pixie cut. I was never feminine like my sister or my mother. I was the son my father never had with his dark blue eyes, as blue as a Norwegian sea. I was a Tom Boy in high school that crushed on older guys. Most guys I know prefer a woman with long flowing hair like in those movies but some guys I found like something different. Hasn't helped me keep a boyfriend though... Enough about my tragic love life or lack there of.

Hunting mermaids is the Erikson Family business. We live in Finland where Finnish mermaids are the fiercest and more troublesome than those tropical mermaids. Before you get all offended like those environmentalist protestors who say hunting anything is wrong, Mermaids produce a protein in their blood that can help our own bodies combat cancer. One shot of the mermaid serum and a terminally ill patient is bought another year. Some go into complete remission. Also mermaid serum can help with other health problems such as alzheimer's disease.

So we don't hunt them for sport or because we want to. I actually like the buggers even though they love to mess with fishermen, stealing our catches. We do all the work and they reap the reward? At least help herd in those schools. Mermaid Hunters, like me Ingrid Erikson, are employed by state governments though there are still protests about it.

No one really knows why mermaids' protein can do this but I'm not a scientist. That's not my job. My job is to capture a certain amount of mermaids a year while thanks to the International Ocean Cryptid Protection Act (or Triton Act as some so-called clever reporters started calling it; other critics simply called it the Mermaid Act) we mermaid hunters can only hunt so many a year. Only 5 mermaids a year. $8,000 a piece. It's best to hunt mermaids with a crew but that means splitting the money. Less people more profit... though this rule doesn't always work out.

We don't know how many mermaids are left in the world but they migrate twice a year, so we only have at least a month or so to hunt and capture these creatures. If you're lucky you get your quota of 5 but like I said... hunting mermaids is hard. I'll tell you of one hunt I had when I was only 28 and not the wiser 36 year old I have become.

It was a typical Norwegian morning in winter. Frost coated the docks in the harbor. The grey mist was thick like butter. You could only see a few feet in front of you. The sun was barely up. I held my coffee cup in my hand as my partner Captain Graham in his old green woolen cap got the fishing boat ready. Using a small fishing vessel is your best bet for catching mermaids all hunters know.

Hunting mermaids in a small row boat was the best way to fall in and catch pneumonia or worse be dragged down by those clammy, clawed, webbed hands. That happened to me once when I was 18. I was lucky the mermaid I was chasing was in a playful mood. Otherwise she would have held onto my leg and not let go until I stopped making bubbles. I still have the scar on my ankle from where she dug her claws into me.

I held onto the hot coffee cup for dear life wishing I could just inject the brew into my veins thinking that could jolt my senses. Once the boat was finally ready I stepped aboard the Sea Dog (yes a silly name, nothing fancy like the Lobster Queen). Then we drove the boat through the dark frigid waters of the harbor.

To draw out the mermaids hunters have a special call. I dipped the water proof radio into the inky blackness and turned on the dummy mermaid call. It's basically an orca distress call or any other mammal that is native to the area. Mermaids love to help their fellow sea creatures, but that has a certain risk. I was in a hurry and you'll see why it was a bad idea later...

It was probably about an hour before there was a sighting. Through the mist I could just make out the tip of a fin and heard a light splash. I was beside old Graham at the steering wheel keeping my eagle eyes open, trying to penetrate the mist with my intense gaze.

Chasing mermaids is about as hard as it sounds. Slippery little creatures. Suddenly I heard another splash and swear I heard a giggle. Or perhaps that was just my imagination... Mermaids can't giggle in a human sense. Their giggles or laughter sounded like a dolphin squeak.

"Turn the boat around," I ordered. Graham didn't hesitate. Since it was just the two of us he had to be more alert. I did most of the other work like keeping watch for other predators, spotting, and using bait. I saw it leaving a wake in the water but it disappeared underneath our small fishing boat.

"Over there!" I whispered.

"Keep your knickers on, Ingrid," Graham bristled. "I see her." Graham's eyes were old but just as sharp as mine. But I was excited. It would be the first catch I made without my dad. I wanted to make him proud. Without this money my family would go hungry and I may have opted out of going to college but my sister wanted to be a doctor.

I was still new to the profession of hunting mermaids. My father would take me and my sister but she never showed much interest. Mom thought it was barbaric and too dangerous for kids. So many things could go wrong on a mermaid hunt. They're not like in fairytales... nothing like Ariel from Disney.

My father couldn't go on many mermaid hunts anymore. It certainly takes a toll on you. Some old mermaid hunters come out of it missing limbs because they fell into the water and faced a mermaid's killer whale friend or shark that happened to be in the area hunting the same mermaid.

I ran to the side of the boat to see if I could find her. Suddenly I saw her. She breached the surface then lay on her back swimming leisurely along looking at me with her big almond shaped eyes. They were as deep and mysterious as the ocean and as frosty blue as sea glass. Her face was more fish-like with puckering lips and two slits for noses. Frilly gills along her small slender neck. Her hair was as green as seaweed, long and flowing dreamily as it was combed by the currents. Her smooth green flesh gleamed in the morning gray like whale blubber. Her tail was covered in scales that were iridescent green. She was the size of a teenager, an adult in mermaid size. I swear she winked at me. Then she disappeared deep into the dark blue again.

"Shit!" You can't out swim a mermaid. They have gills and have sleek bodies that make it easy for them to cut through the roughest currents.

"Lost her...," my partner groaned.

"No, she's just playing with us," I said searching the waters, my eyes taking care not to miss a thing. I spent my life near the ocean. I could spot a whale or a ship in a mist and tell the difference in a heart beat. I've known all my life that the sea likes to play tricks.

Then I caught a head breaching and a tail splash. Straight ahead.

"Thar she blows...," I whispered smiling to myself. Graham cut the engine. Always best to let a mermaid come to you when hunting in open waters. Some Mermaid Hunters like to herd mermaids into rivers using robots. Someone tried dolphins but mermaids and dolphins are notoriously best mates. Dolphins may save drowning sailors from time to time but mermaids save dolphins all the time. They hunt together and travel in the same pods.

I was at the bow of the fishing boat. I was the spotter. Graham focused on me waiting for my cues. I held up my hand for him to stay. We sat in the water letting the gentle currents take us out to sea, away from the harbor. The mermaid was trying to lead us out to sea where we could easily lose her. We stayed at the mouth of the harbor waiting.

It was a good 30 minutes before I saw her again. She was slapping her tail on the water's surface like a whale saying hello. In this case she was taunting us. But I wasn't going to take her bait. I had bait of my own...

I went to the chest below my feet and got out a shiny hand mirror. My dad taught me this trick. Mermaids love shiny objects, especially mirrors. They're like parrots, dad used to say. This should draw her in. I tied the hand mirror I got from a super market to a fishing line then dropped it carefully into the dark water. I was completely still. I felt a slight tug but did nothing. After a few minutes another tug. Still I didn't move. The third tug came a bit harder. She wanted the mirror badly enough to put herself in danger.

I motioned for my partner to bring the crane with the net forward as I slowly danced the line in the water feeling the occasionally impatient tug. My captain pulled the lever that controlled the crane and it hummed as it craned over my position.

My nerves were on edge. My muscles tensed every time I felt the mermaid pull harder at the mirror. I was afraid the line would break. I knew I had her on the hook... I began pulling the mirror up until I saw the mirror and her just below the surface.

"NOW!" I cried out. The mermaid grabbed onto the mirror as the net descended. The net crashed into the water creating a big splash. Mermaids have incredible vocal chords that are human as well as animal. They can have voices like opera singers or be like screeching dolphins. They use clicks and purrs as well as echolocation to find their way around the dark ocean. The screeching is the worst part.

This mermaid screeched so loud I thought sailors would hear her from 50 miles away. My ear drums threatened to burst. She struggled in the net, clawing and flailing about in the net.

I was excited to have captured this mermaid but forgot that some mermaids traveled in pods. Not just with other mermaids but... It was then I heard a clicking purr... I saw a dark fin rise out of the dark water. Two more. Orcas. The distress call I used earlier had attracted other orcas. That happened sometimes... It was another risk to mermaid hunting.

Graham didn't need to be told to turn on the engine. My ears flooded with the roar of the motor along with the screeching of the mermaid and her whale friends. Most mermaid hunters have hearing problems when they got older. Dad had need of a hearing aid when he was 37.

One of the Orca whales turned over to look at me. I could feel it's anger as another caught the net and began pulling it in the other direction. I fell back onto the deck as the boat was jerked forward and the whales and Graham started playing tug of war.

"Cut the line!" I cried as I struggled to my feet. Luckily I was born with sea legs. I could briskly walk on a boat as it was tossed without losing my balance.

I didn't wait for my captain to obey. Sometimes you gotta cut your catch loose or else you become the catch. I pushed the big red button that released the cable. Our boat jerked back, swaying side to side like a rubber boat in a toddler's bath tub. I heard the squeaking of the Orca and the squeaky sound of the mermaid. They were laughing at us. Great.

"That was too close...," Graham wiped his brow. The sun was breaking through the mist, dissolving it into nothing. The winter winds blew against us, the waves lapping at the boat.

"Who ever said hunting mermaids was fun never hunted mermaids," I sighed, my heart raced, hammering like a train making it up a hill.

"A shame your father couldn't be here," Graham said.

"And listen to him tell me I fucked up?" I laughed wryly. "Better he sit at home watching the news."

"Should have taken up hunting manticores," Graham shrugged putting his woolen cap back on. "Better pay out."

"And more dangerous," I balked. "You've seen those tails? I'll stick to sassy mermaids." Manticore Hunting is a whole other mess. Get stung with Manticore venom and you're dead within 30 minutes. I don't envy Manticore Hunters.

"Better luck tomorrow then," Graham started up the engine. "An old partner of mine heard about a few mermaids gathering around this cove up the eastern coastline."

"Tomorrow morning then," I closed my eyes, doing my yoga breathing exercises to calm my racing heart listening to the sea gulls laughing and the howling of the wintry winds, breathing that good salty air into my lungs.

I'm wiser now than I was then. So if you're going to go hunting mermaids bring shiny objects, don't let your anger get the better of you, and don't ever hunt alone. That last rule my dad drilled into me. Now I bring at least 1 other partner with me.

THE END

**********