How To Spot a Gold-digger

This essay is meant to be a little satirical and politically incorrect. There have been essays on how to recognize men who are abusive and such, which I applaud. However, I want to help my own sex to notice a particular type of dangerous woman: the selfish whore which refuses to call herself such, also known as the gold-digger. Gold-diggers are also often the sort of women who cheat and seek to turn their husbands into cuckolds, but not always. They are often abusive, too, whether physically, mentally, or verbally. Again, that is not universal, either.

This is an essay intended to give men warning signs of being taken in by a gold-digger.

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1. Her chief complaint about her exes is that they were "cheap". This is not just one ex who was a miser. I'm speaking of when she has a consistent pattern of dating men whom she later gives the epithet of "cheapskate".

2. She only dates men at least twice or thrice her own age. Again, love can transcend generations, but if she refuses to date men her own age under any circumstances, you have to wonder about her.

3. If she suddenly develops an "attachment" to you and wants a "commitment", as soon as you mention your earning power.

4. She always wants to go to the most expensive restaurants, no matter how many bills you have to pay lately. Naturally, she gets offended at the idea of going "Dutch" in such a case.

5. She accuses you of being cheap, if you refuse to let her borrow your credit card to go shopping for hours at the mall.

6. She pouts when you won't buy her expensive fur coats all of the time.

7. She always includes your career in any introduction to her friends and family. An example would be, "This is Tom, and he is an architect."

8. She has no interest in school and has refused to ever work. Instead, she has lived entirely on the wages of her exes. She has gone straight from "Daddy" to a series of "Sugar Daddies". Again, it's okay to be a stay-at-home mother. Even so, when she can't even cook or anything, and she doesn't even have kids, that theory goes out the window. She is planning for the maid to cover that angle. She is counting on you to hire that maid.

9. She goes out with her girlfriends all weekend long, comes back without saying anything about the fun they had, and immediately demands more cash.

10. She talks about hiring a pool boy for "our pool" on the third date, often before she has even given it up to you.

11. You propose and she immediately demands to know where you bought the ring.

12. You propose and she immediately inspects the ring to make sure it is nice and expensive.

13. She informs you on the fifth date that cubic zirconium is not good enough for her.

14. You see her with a ton of new jewelry that you haven't bought her yet, and she refuses to tell you how she got the cash for it.

15. She refuses to sleep with you, because you got her an engagement ring made with cubic zirconium.

16. Her wedding and honeymoon plans would cost you a month's salary, and yet she conveniently doesn't have any family to help defray the cost of the wedding.

17. She starts talking about your will on the second date.

18. She starts referring to you as her "Sugar Daddy" around her friends: not her lover, SO, boyfriend, beau, fiancé, or anything of the sort. You're now her "Sugar Daddy".

19. You catch her in bed with a man twice your size, who just happens to make half of what you do in wages. He also happens to be better-looking.

20. You catch her in bed with a woman, and she admits that she actually prefers women. Kind of makes you wonder why she would want to marry a man, right?

21. You find out that she moonlights as a stripper, some six months into the relationship. Again, there is nothing wrong with that profession, but she should have told you about early on, right?

22. You call a phone sex girl, and she just happens to be eerily similar to your girlfriend. Again, why didn't she tell you about this?

23. She's got a new Ferrari, and you can't even afford one for yourself.

24. The final hint that comes to mind right now: she wants a pre-nuptial agreement giving her more than half of your assets in a divorce and giving you only the obligation to pay her alimony for a decade.

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These are the most obvious hints that your new girlfriend is a gold-digger. Do what you want with this information. Just don't say that I didn't warn you.