How You Can Get Free Stuff

There is lots of free stuff that you can get by just writing and sending an e-mail, if you know how to word it. It's fun, it's easy, and anyone can do it. Besides, you never know when you will connect with someone and what they will send you.

Ingredients: Personal Computer, Internet connection, E-mail address, credit card, writing ability, creativity, a sincere fondness for people, an almost psychic intuitiveness and awareness of what people are thinking and/or going through, a quick wit, and a wicked good sense of humor.

As there are many people in life who are lonely, bored, and unrecognized; there are many hard working people in business who are lonely, bored, and unrecognized. For the purpose of this story and to receive free stuff, we must focus on the group who work as customer service representatives and try to find those who are lonely, bored, and unrecognized. They are the ones who have the power to send you free stuff.

Pretty much it's the luck of the draw, but if you are as I am, someone who buys lots of stuff online, you're bound to find a few receptive CSR's. Now, you have the perfect scenario to getting free stuff. Do you see where I'm going with this?

My hat is off to all you customer service representatives. I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you can work with humanity day in and day out and still maintain your temper and professionalism.

Because I love to write and write at every opportunity, I discovered that I was able to capture the attention of the customer service personnel with a witty response, along with a bit of insight to the misery that is their life and my reasons for buying their product, of course. Now, just as I have experienced customer service representatives who love their jobs, who love their lives, and who do not have the psychological issues necessary to send me free stuff, there are so many customer service representatives who hate their jobs, are unhappy with their lives, and who are a bit crazy to be sending me all these free things when if discovered, they could lose this job, albeit as horrible a job it is.

In their gratitude for breaking up their otherwise lackluster day and entertaining them, these unhappy, albeit a bit crazy, customer service representatives send me freebies with my order all the time. When I receive my order it is like opening a surprise box at Christmas time. I never know what I'll get for free and am always surprised when I do receive free stuff.

It all began when I stopped going to malls and started buying everything online. I mean, c'mon, other than germs that gave you that nasty cold or a free upskirt of a hottie's bikini panties as she ascended an escalator while wearing a short skirt or a down blouse of a nipple while a cute woman browsed the jewelry counter, when was the last time you received anything for free at the mall?

Precisely, the point I'm making. You've never received anything for free by spending your time and money at the mall. You need to get yourself online, my friend. You need to get some free stuff.

I discovered that every time I ordered something online, I received a notice from a customer service representative. There in my e-mail box, as soon as I ordered my merchandise, was an acknowledgement from the customer service department. Yes, I know what you are thinking, that many times those acknowledgements are computer generated. So?

Look above or below on their home page and there is...your contact us link to free stuff. Now, that you have ordered something, now that you have an order number, now that you exist in their computer as a customer, you can avail yourself of their customer service department and, more importantly, their customer service personnel.

Now, you can write your letter to a live person, get her name, and continue your stalking, I mean, witty repartee until, from out of exasperation, I mean, good customer service, they send you something for free just to get rid of you, er, to keep you as a happy customer. Time and again, customer service representatives have rewarded me with freebies for entertaining them and reinforced our cyber friendship with a free gift, a token, if you will, for their appreciation of helping them through their day.

For this scam, I mean, plan to work, it doesn't make a difference if the company is large or small. Larger companies, of course, will send you better free stuff. So far I've received a keyboard, a mouse, a laptop computer valued at $2,000, a Jacque Lemans watch valued at $3,000, as well as numerous smaller trinkets from baseball caps to t-shirts to $25, $50, and $100 gift certificates good towards my next purchase of their products to a dog collar and leash and dog toys all for free.

I always take the opportunity to respond back to my computer generated sales acknowledgment with a comment regarding the product. Because much of what I write is funny or meant to be humorous, my e-mail is usually well received by a bored customer service representative, who sometimes is the owner of the company. More often than not, they'd respond back and once responded, I knew I had a sucker, I mean a fish on my line, sorry, a cyber friend online.

Fortunately, for the purpose of this story and to my personal benefit, many of the customer service people who I happen across are women around my age and that makes my job in trying to convince them to send me free stuff so much easier to do. Because they are women around my age, because we are on the same page socially, economically, spiritually, and emotionally, we connect. That connection is what reels in all the free stuff, which is where the psychic intuitiveness and awareness of what people are thinking and/or going through, quick wit, and wicked good sense of humor come in handy.

Just as it is important for you to have a good sense of humor, it is as equally important that the CSR who you are trying to work has a good sense of humor, as well. Otherwise, if she or he doesn't get your humor, your attempt to snag the free goods will fail.

Imagine for a moment that you are sitting in a cubicle all day with a computer and a telephone plugged in your head. Unless you are making millions of dollars as a commodities trader, instead of making an impossible to get by on $8-14 an hour, that's depressing. There they are the army of customer service representatives corresponding with customers via e-mails or talking to them on the telephone.

"Can you see them? They are bored, unhappy, and angry after a flurry of disgruntled customers makes them hate their jobs."

Their job, their sole purpose in the business world, their main responsibility for their company, and the thing that gives them a small amount of job satisfaction is in helping you and in giving you, the ungrateful, mean, nasty, dissatisfied and unhappy customer some customer service.

Now, are you ready to read the secret to succeed in getting free stuff from CSR's? Get closer to the screen so that not everyone hears the secret.

Most customers suck. Most customers are hostile. Too many customers take enjoyment in beating down customer service people. For them to call customer service and act so horribly as they do there is something not only wrong with their merchandise order but also there is something serious wrong in their not so perfect little life.

They are upset and annoyed that there is one more thing wrong in their miserable lives and now they must take the time to call you, the poor customer service representative who is paid crap to listen to their crap. Because of the misery that the customer faces in his sad existence, it is the role of a customer to make you, the customer service representative, as miserable as they are. It's logical, but in a twisted way.

They are looking for someone to vent their frustration and there you are on the other end of the line availing yourself to their verbal or written vomit. Seldom do they contact customer service to tell them that they love life, are as happy as a clam, and love their new RDX260 with the super accessories. All these CSR people hear are complaint after complaint and they've heard it all over and again. You can't say a swear word that they haven't head a thousand times a day and have hung up on a caller for swearing at them.

What satisfaction do these CSR's receive out of that job? The customer is gone within a few minutes of their contact leaving the CSR in an upset state. They seldom know if they helped that person or not. Moreover, there's no one there to pat them on the back and to tell them that they did or are doing a good job.

Note: This is key and worthy information to memorize. Helping customers is a thankless job, which would explain why so many customer service representatives are hungry for a compliment and react so favorably to someone who is nice to them, specifically someone who sends them funny e-mails, and someone who understands their miserable job and unfortunate plight in life. Because of the guff that they must endure, they are ripe for someone as solicitous as I am in my e-mails to them. This is where I step in and entertain the customer service people with a funny e-mail. They are so hungry for some sweet talk that they will give me the store just to continue receiving my funny e-mails.

I thank them for the product. I tell them how much I love it. I tell them that I plan on telling all my friends and family to buy this product, too. I expand by describing some of my friends and family members and go into depth why they could use such a product. Within the e-mail, I give them images of how I plan to use the product or how difficult my life was before I purchased their product and/or how better my life is since I bought their product. The more ridiculously funny are the e-mails, the more of a chance of a CSR taking it upon them to send me a little something extra with my order.

When you can write an e-mail that the CSR takes and shows to her boss and her boss shows it to her boss, you are golden, you've got it made. Unofficially, you have been officially authorized to receive free stuff. Oh, yeah, baby, you are on your way to living the good life for free.

Now, they look forward to reading more of your e-mails. Now, they even write back to you hoping that you will respond with another funny e-mail. You are helping them make it through their day and they are very appreciative of you for that, so appreciative that they will reward you with free stuff.

Probably, because I'm a man, these customer service women are more receptive to me, whereas, if I were a woman trying my plan, she'd no doubt, do better contacting a man than a woman. Only, fortunately for me, the majority of customer service representatives that I have come in contact with have been women.

Now, combine boredom with not being appreciated and after working in such a horrible job with a company that really doesn't care about you, these CSR's want to get back at their company big time. Then, add the spice of not being sexually fulfilled, which with the advent of menopause happens to too many women who are forty and fifty something, this is the beginning of how the plan fruitfully unfolds.

Some of these CSR's may be single moms or married to a man who doesn't appreciate them or a man who doesn't have a job and/or who drinks. Some of these women may be going through something that is exacerbated by the abuse they suffer in dealing with unhappy customers eight hours a day that conversely manifests to wanting to give you special attention because you made their day with your witty e-mail. Now, you are in the right place at the right time.

It's never a good situation if you have stress at home and on your job, too. You need to have peace somewhere. You need to have one place that you look forward to going to recoup your energy and recharge your spirit. Now, if you as a customer and as a writer can give them some peace along with a bit of humor, they will reward you generously for the time you took to write all those e-mails that helped them make it through their horrid days.

By taking the time to give these CSR's a few moments of attention, happiness, and laughter, it is their misery turned around to giddy happiness that works for you in getting free stuff from companies who employ abused and unappreciated customer service representatives. Think of it when writing thoughtful, attentive, and funny e-mails to customer service representatives that you are spreading good mental health to people who may really need it. Think of yourself as a psychiatrist.

I imagine many of these customer service women are stuck in bad marriages, which considering the divorce rate, wouldn't be a stretch to imagine. They are vulnerable to your kind words and humor. They are dying for some attention, especially from a man.

Guys suck and instead of appreciating the older, fuller figured, and aged to perfection women who they have at home and who have given them years of devoted love, loyalty, and affection, they reject them for the young, skinny, and dimwitted woman that they see on television, in the movies, in the celebrity magazines, and/or at the mall. These are the same women who reject these older men because they are fat, bald, and forty and fifty something.

Now that you know this about some customer service women, use this knowledge to your advantage and to your benefit to get free stuff. Only, it works better if you are sincere about it, as I am. Women can smell a bad man and insincerity (actually some women love bad boys, but that's another story for another time) a mile away.

It is my good fortune that, in fact, I prefer women my age and women who look like real women and not Barbie dolls with fake tits, fake smiles, and fake personalities. Give me a chubby, smart, fifty-year-old to a skinny, dumb, young woman any day. I'd rather have character to fluff and feel curves to bones. Give me backbone to lip gloss, personality to moodiness, and sense of humor to sense of style.

Let's us all bow our heads and have a moment of silence before bonding and commiserating with customer service representatives, so that we all can get our own free stuff.

Take a big breath and relax as you let it out and again. Breathe in and breathe out. Feel your victim, I mean, feel the spirit of the customer service representative, and imagine and visualize her giving you free stuff. When you are with them as one in mind and in body that is the time to compose your e-mail and the time when you will reap the benefits by uplifting a depressed CSR and hit the jackpot.

It really pays off to be extra nice and funny instead of being extra mean and nasty to customer service representatives. With a bit of luck, lots of imagination, a sense of humor, and being able to write, you can score some free stuff too. Good luck.