How's It Gonna Be? Pt. 02

Against my natural inclination... but as a thank you to those that took the time to not only read my last story but to constructively criticize my efforts.

To you - I thank you and I hope this is some small measure answers your questions, fulfills a need for a more complete story or corrects some of my failings in Chapter One.

If not, I'll happily refund your money!

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* Chris, Juan and Maria *

Chris was not surprised by the sudden appearance of Juan and Maria but wondered about the absence of their son.

"Hello Chris. The gate is fixed and Maria made us some Gorditas. We thought maybe you'd want to eat and talk."

"Gracias, Maria! Where's my favorite 5 year old?"

"De nada Chris. Carlos is staying with a friend tonight. He is so excited; they have a horse."

"Well, maybe we should get him a horse of his own. What do you think Juan?"

"I think you like to make trouble for me Chris!"

Chris laughed loudly as the three made their way back to the kitchen. Somehow when Maria was there they always made their way to the kitchen. Maria got busy preparing their meal as Chris handed a beer to Juan and left the room to pour himself a scotch. He knew what was coming and thought he'd benefit from a drink.

"What did you have to do to fix the gate Juan?"

Juan laughed "Straighten a bolt! You got lucky, Chris."

"Yeah, lucky." Muttered Chris

Maria looked over at Chris, then at Juan. "Juan tells me you had a visitor today. Is it true, the infamous Callie came by?"

"Unfortunately it's true. I can't tell you why she bothered but she did and your poor husband had to clean up after her."

Maria chuckled and then seeing his expression expertly changed the subject while they busied themselves with the business of eating. When they finished eating she shepherded the men out of the kitchen while she cleaned up. "Why don't you two go into the family room while I cleanup. Juan could you please pour me a glass of wine, I'll be in shortly?"

"She's going to interrogate me isn't she?"

"Si Jefe"

"Cut that shit out Juan. You're English is better than mine!"

"Si Jefe."

Chris poured himself another scotch while Juan poured a glass of White Zinfandel for Maria.

"You gonna have to talk Jefe. Maybe you run now, Si?"

"I maybe coulda done that before I ate her Gorditas, Jaun!"

They both laughed. Chris never tired of Juan's sense of humor; it was always tuned perfectly to his mood. Juan was a perceptive and intelligent friend and despite the significant age difference they had much in common. Chris counted them both as better than friends and would allow them liberties he wouldn't tolerate in anyone else. They never took advantage but sometimes tested the boundaries of those liberties. Chris had always ultimately benefited from that and had complete faith that if Maria was going to push him now it would serve him well to let her.

Intellectually he understood that; emotionally? Well that was another matter altogether.

"Chris. We're going to talk now so that is your last drink for a while." Maria ordered entering the family room just as Juan handed her a glass of wine in a move that seemed choreographed but Chris knew was nothing more than a couple deeply in love and in sync with one another.

"Si Jefa!" Chris droned as they all smiled, each for their own reasons.

"Chris, we have talked very little about your marriage and how it ended. We have not asked you too many questions since it didn't seem like you were comfortable talking about it and it seemed like it was not our business. But I can see you are upset and Juan told me about what happened with Callie today and... well we want to help you."

"Maria...Juan...I love you both and I appreciate your concern but I am fine. I will be fine, really."

"Niño tonto - Juan slap him for me!" which Juan did even as Maria was ordering it.

"Chris, this is overdue. She came today, she may come again tomorrow or next month or next year. You looked like a ghost today when Callie was here. Let us help. Maybe if you talked about it you would feel better."

"Exactly!" beamed Maria. "Chris, have you ever spoken to anyone about this? "

Chris sighed, resigned to the inevitable, painful kindness of his friends. "No. Not even Callie."

"Bueno, mi amigo vamos a hablar." Juan laughed with an affected Spanish accent, twisting a handlebar mustache he did not have..

"No hablo español" Chris smirked in his best gringo drawl.

"Ah, you take all of the fun out of it, Chris!" laughed Juan.

"Chris? mi tío más querido. Now is the time."

"Uncle Chris is it? Alright, Maria."

Chris drained his tumbler and began telling his story to his family.

* Callie and Kate *

"You did what?!" Katie barked over the phone.

"I'm sorry, Katie. I had to."

"No you didn't, Mom. Why you two never divorced I'll never know but I do know that he couldn't have been happy to see you."

"Well, maybe but he seemed more upset about his broken gate than seeing me. Doesn't that mean it may be a good time for us to...I don't know - clear the air?"

"It means not only did you break his heart you also broke his gate!"

"Broke his heart? All I tried to do was fix a stale marriage. Can I help it if his stupid male ego got in the way."

"That's not how he sees it, Mom. What does it matter anyway? That was years ago. He's moved on, he's happy - why do you have to go and upset him all over again?"

"We never talked about it, Katie. He just left. He took what he could cash in quickly and left."

"Well you didn't seem to care at the time, Mom. Why do you care now all of a sudden?"

Callie paused. This was the question wasn't it? Why now? Why after all of these years did she feel the need to see, to speak to her husband? Closure perhaps...ugh what a tired phrase. She didn't buy that for a second. What then? She'd asked herself that countless times and it always came back to the same thing.

"I still love him, Katie!"

* Chris, Juan and Maria *

"I don't understand that part, Chris. So she came to you and told you she wanted to talk about an open marriage. So what...it was just talk right?" Maria looked right at Juan then "talking is ok, it's harmless. Juan talks all the time. Sometimes I listen."

"Well, maybe if that was all that it was, Maria. Maybe if I had been the first and only person she had spoken to about it but I wasn't, was I? I'm going to pour myself another drink now Maria ok?"

She nodded considering things.

"Maria, say Juan came to you to discuss this very issue He wanted to have an open marriage, maybe become swingers. How would you react?"

"I would slap him hard, tell him 'NO' and make him sleep in the barn for a week. Then I would make him beg me for forgiveness but I would not leave him, Chris."

"Maybe not, Maria. Now what if he had spoken to you about it only after he had found a woman he wanted to sleep with and had spoken with her about it? How do you feel now?"

Maria thought for a moment before her eyes began blazing - she appeared to change before their eyes; from a loving, concerned friend and wife to a fire breathing murderess.

"Dios mío! I think I understand now."

"Yes, Maria. Callie didn't just open an honest dialogue with me about the state of our marriage did she."

"No, she spent weeks maybe months lying to you, cheating on you!"

"qué?" asked Juan, not really following this.

"Juan, she had to have seduced or been seduced by this man. It would take weeks or months for her to feel comfortable enough with this man to discuss her stale sex life and how to approach her husband about an open marriage because she didn't want to cheat. The seduction takes time and she hid all of that from Chris, lied to Chris and complained to this man about Chris and their sex life together. That is unforgivable and then she talks to Chris only after she has agreed to have sex with this man if her husband agrees. Yes Chris?"

"Yes, Maria. In my eyes she had already abandoned me. She spent a long time getting to know this man, and entertaining her attraction for him behind my back. It's okay to be attracted to other people. That is only natural. I was. But I never had a secret, intimate lunch with another woman I found attractive. I never nurtured an intimate relationship and lied to my wife about it. I would never have complained about my sex life to anyone but my wife and I certainly would never have discussed a solution to a marital problem with anyone but my wife first. Especially with someone I wanted to sleep with and who had expressed an interest in sleeping with me. Callie was no slut. All of this would have taken months. Months, where she lied to me, developed an intimate relationship with another man, confided in that man and conspired with him to get me to accept her having an affair." Chris sighed "It was just too much!"

"And you figured that all out in the space of that conversation with her?" asked Juan impressed.

"No" chuckled Chris "Well most of it. When I left that day, I knew she had ambushed me, had cheated on me, at least emotionally, and I was heartbroken and furious at the same time. But when I left the house that day I hadn't left for good...yet. I took a room in a hotel and sat and thought about everything. It was several hours later when I fully realized what was happening; how long this had to have been going on and the depth of her betrayal. It was then that I decided I'd had enough. She wasn't honest about wanting to spice up our marriage. If she had wanted to do that we could have discussed it and tried any number of things without involving others."

"She never told you she was bored, Chris?"

"No, Maria. Oh, I suppose I should have guessed but we'd both spent years building careers and raising Katie. Our sex life never really was a burning priority. It should have been, I know. But it wasn't."

"But if she hadn't had sex with him yet why didn't you try to talk with her. Win her back?"

"Maria, you are sweet and I love you. Do you think...uh, could you love and respect Juan the way you do now and do what Callie did to me?"

"I could never...Oh, yes I see. No, I couldn't. It was already too late. But Chris she said today she still loves you. Why not talk to her now?"

* Callie and Kate *

Katie laughed. "Mom you can't love someone and treat them the way you treated Dad."

"I was honest with your Father!"

"After all these years you are still lying to yourself Mom. What you did was only honest to the extent that you spoke to Dad before you had sex with Dan but not before you had cheated on Dad."

"I didn't cheat on your Dad with Dan!"

"What do you call it then Mom? What you did? If the tables were turned would you be calling Dad honest?"

"It was wrong, yes but it wasn't bad enough to end our marriage."

"But Mom, it didn't end it. You're still married!" Katie laughed.

"Katie! God, you're as bad as your Father. I should have known he'd make me out to be the bad guy! "

"Mom, Dad has never spoken to me about what happened. I know what I know based on what you told me. I think badly of you because of what you did not what he said you did. You told me you met this guy Dan at work. That he flirted with you for weeks before you started to flirt back. That you shared lunches and dinners and went to a couple of shows together. That you were attracted to him and that he seduced you. Does that about cover it?"

"Well, yes but..."

"Mom, what about that sounds like you were being faithful to Dad? Did you tell Dan to go fuck himself like a good wife should have? Did you tell Dad that some douchebag at work was flirting with you and trying to seduce you? Did you tell Dad about all the lunches you shared with Dan? The dinners? Did you have dinner with Dan or go to shows with Dan with Dad's permission or did you lie to him about where you were and who you were with?"

"Katie, I made a lot of mistakes but..."

"Let's talk about something else for a minute Mom. Let's forget about how badly you treated Dad, how you cheated on him. Why now? When he left, you were happy to be rid of him. Sure you were pissed that he'd left, that he never gave you the chance to argue more about you slutting around..."

"Katrhyn!"

"Whatever, Mom. You were happy when he left. When they found his car and you found out he had taken the money and disappeared you couldn't wait to get into Dan's bed. That's all you thought about admit it!"

"I was mad, Katie but I DID NOT slut around. Your Father acted like a child and abandoned me. Why should I stop living because he couldn't act like an adult?"

"Tell yourself whatever you like Mom but the truth is you didn't care that he was gone. You got on with the business of spreading your legs just like you wanted. You got what you wanted, Dan got what he wanted. The only one who didn't was Dad. He did get screwed though that's for sure!"

"I don't know why I bothered calling you, Kate!"

"Me either Mom. Leave Dad alone! If you want closure, file for divorce but leave the poor man alone!"

* Chris, Juan and Maria *

"Why should I talk to her, Maria? We have nothing left to discuss. Maybe she loves me but I don't love her the way I used to and I don't want to be loved by her. I don't trust her and she and I clearly want different things from marriage."

"But Chris, you are still married. Why haven't you divorced her? Wouldn't that have been better?"

"Maybe Juan. I don't know. I don't hate her. I mean, I used to tell myself I did but honestly I just don't think about her at all anymore. I suppose I could have divorced her and taken as much as I could get my hands on but... I didn't want that. I just wanted to leave. Money didn't seem important, my career didn't seem important. I just wanted to go away, to forget and move forward...on my terms. Who cares about a divorce if you don't plan to re-marry? Besides I always thought she would file."

"And now, Tio? What will you do now? She's here; back in your life. What now. Will you run away again. Run away from us?" Maria was fighting back tears.

"Maria, I have never run away from the people I love; just the people who have hurt me. I am not running away."

"Talk to her then Jefe. Tell her goodbye before she wrecks your gate again."

* Callie and Kate *

"Katie, please. I do love your Father. Yes, I made mistakes. Yes, it took me a long time to accept that I missed him, that I still love him and it took even longer to get the courage to admit that I want him back. Why now? Because now I am trying to be honest. I love him; I'll always love him and I want to try again. I hate my life without him - it took me a long time to figure that out but I have now. Maybe it is too late but if I don't try...please Katie, will you help me?"

"Help you hurt him again? No, Mom I won't do that!"

"Katie, he never filed for divorce. Maybe he still loves me. Maybe we can fix this. I have to at least try! I have to!"

"I'll talk to him, Mom but I am not promising anything. I won't badger him for you and God help you if you hurt him again!"

"Thank you Katie. I love you."

"I love you too Mom you stupid bitch!"

* Chris and Katie *

"No, of course I don't blame you Katie! I wasn't exactly hiding; she could have found me anytime she wanted. I just never thought she'd want to - especially now after so many years!"

"Well, I just didn't want you to think I was taking her side. I'm not and it's especially important you know that before I say what I have to say."

"That sounds ominous. What's up, sweetie?"

There was a pregnant pause. Not perhaps something most people would be concerned about but Katie wasn't one to hesitate or pull punches. She called a spade a spade and never shied away from doing so. It was something Chris was fiercely proud of. Katie had a strong mind and a keen sense of herself. She was confident, intelligent and independent. Exactly as he, as her Father, hoped.

"She asked me to help her, Dad."

"Help her with what, Katie?"

"She really wants to talk with you. Really talk, I mean."

Chris sighed. "What does she think needs to be said at this point? Seriously, I'm not trying to be an ass; it just seems so pointless. What the fuck does she want?"

"She says she loves you; that she misses you and wants to try to repair things or at least clear the air."

"Well that seems consistent anyway. It's still all about what she wants. I don't want to see her or speak with her Katie. When does what I want come into play here?"

"I know Dad. Maybe if you give her this you'll finally be able to end it. A lot has been left open-ended. You guys never really talked about it, you didn't divorce her. Hell you never even told her to 'Fuck off'!"

Chris thought for a moment. As the seconds ticked away, Katie started to worry that she had jeopardized her relationship with her Dad.

"Dad?"

"DAD?"

"I don't know, Katie. I can't see any good coming from this. I am happy...well was happy till recently. What's in it for me?"

"I don't know Dad; maybe nothing, maybe heartache, maybe happiness. I did tell her only God could save her if she hurt you again. I love you Dad. I think it's a chance for you to close this book and put it away. I know you say you've been happy but this has to have been bothering you on some level. You know not having an honest discussion, a divorce, a flogging...something. I don't expect or want you to get back together with her and truthfully, I only agreed to speak with you about it because I think YOU need this. I love her but I don't really care what she wants."

Chris chuckled despite himself. "Maybe you're right and truly she can't hurt me anymore, Katie. I'd have to lover her for her to be able to do that and I don't."

Another agonizingly long pause.

"Okay, Katie. Tell your Mother I will be at the Lunchbox at two PM tomorrow. I'll give her 20 minutes and then I expect her to leave me alone. That's important, Katie. I will only meet with her this one time. She needs to promise she'll leave me alone after tomorrow."

"Thank you Dad. I'll make sure she promises that before I tell her where and when. And Dad? Good luck. I love you."

I love you too, Katie!"

* Chris and Callie *

"Hello Chris."

"Callie."

"May I sit down?"

"Oh for fuck sake woman, you wanted to talk, I agreed and here we are. Sit your fat ass down; the clock is tickin'!"

Callie sucked in her breath. Her hopes for this meeting had been high. When Katie told her Chris had agreed to meet with her she was very encouraged. They would finally talk. It appeared now though that she had been prematurely optimistic.

"I'm sorry, Chris. I'm a little nervous. Have you ordered?"

"Callie, we're not on a date here. I have a coffee if you want one go stand in line - they don't have table service but I will be gone in19 minutes. Your choice."

"Really Chris this conversation is long overdue are you seriously going to limit our discussion to 20 minutes?"

"No, there is less than 19 minutes left now, Callie. Did you want to spend them arguing with me about that instead?"

Callie tried to calm herself. This was not going as she had imagined, hoped. She wiped her tear away absently and reached across the table to take his hand.

"Chris, I... I made some mistakes; we made some mistakes. I want to...we were good together Chris. We had a good life. Surely you miss that, miss Dallas, being married, me!" she was almost pleading.

Chris looked down at her hand covering his and gently, slowly extricated it and picked up his coffee. As he took a sip it occurred to him that he was surprised that he felt nothing at all when she touched him. He didn't want it but he didn't hate it either.

He smiled.

He felt better. Maybe Katie, Juan and Maria had been right. Maybe this would be good for him. He had often told himself how much he hated Callie after she cheated on him and then later told himself that he just didn't care but he hadn't really believed that until just now. When she touched his hand he felt neither longing nor revulsion, kinship nor hatred. He felt a perspiring hand; nothing more, nothing less.