Hunting Venus

She laughed that husky laugh, the sound making me want her all the more. "Welcome, Drake, or Doug? Which do you prefer?" The first time I heard her talk, and oh how perfect her voice is! It was that deep, seductive timbre fiery woman were wont to have, with a musical accent I could not place.

"Who are you?"

It came out as a forced whisper, yet she heard me all the same, "I have been called various names. When last I walked this plane I was often referred to as Kilili. Let us go with that, if names are important to you." With that brazenness I so admired she opened herself to me, moving with unnatural grace, and held out a hand, "Shall we?"

Slowly, my voice was returning to me, yet I still struggled to keep my tone confident, "You have a habit of wearing a man's entrails after lying with them. You'll forgive me if I decline."

She smiled that wondrous smile and looked at me coyly, "Inside me, inside you, inside everyone there is a desire to be broken. Those men smiled with delight as I tore them apart. I showed them their core desire, of pleasure so intense it ripped the life from them. As a whore, it is my duty to utterly satisfy my clients. But you," she got to her knees and held her arms out to me reverence, "You are different. They were but pebbles to cast into the lake, you the gold nugget amongst them, too valuable to cast away, wonderful though it would be. Do you know why I am here?"

I shook my head, wondering if she had said the same words to the others before she slaughtered them. She answered, "You brought me here. Your soul screams of its loneliness so profoundly it echoes across the planes. I heard it, and marvelled at how it matched the cry of my own spirit. Just as you had to find me, I just had to find you, traversing the spheres to do so. We belong, you and I, shed the delusions this mundane realm has placed on you, and you shall see." She lay back and open her legs to me, "Come, my love."

I stepped forward, then paused, still uncertain.

"Choose now, love." She said, "You are at the crossroads. Be a coward and never be content, or risk all and be the man you yearn to become. There is no turning back after tonight."

That won me. All my life I had been shy, sweet reader, because you know what? People terrify me. Rejection terrifies me. As a consequence I hid in my literature, regretting what I could have been, what other choices I could have made. Every poem I wrote was a cry for someone to fulfil me, every word a scream of anguish at the loneliness of it all. So I went to her.

We did not make romantic love in the candlelight dear reader. Oh no. We fucked like animals, countless times. This was not about that empty crap you see in romance movies and books. This was raw, this was passionate, carnal. We did things to one another most people would not dare to even dream of. The kind of things people are careful to remove from their internet search history. Yes, you know what I mean you sickos, don't you feign ignorance.

Yet because we did such things it made us all the more closer to one another, more intimate because we knew the base desires that lay within both of us, and revelled in it. The fact that she could gut me any moment also lent a sense of urgency to my movements. Reality seemed to shift, revealing worlds beyond my own, but I was so focussed on her I did not glimpse the horrors I witnessed before. Instead I looked into her eyes and saw the madness there, only to realise it was but a mirror of my own soul.

As I lay there exhausted, candles guttering, Kilili in my arms, I wondered if my cock would fall off. I had gone on longer than was natural and was hurting all over, particularly my back which she had shredded with her nails. I guess she could not completely withhold her instincts. Kilili, on the other hand, seemed happy to continue if I let her. I suppose she had more experience than me. Did she find me lacking? "What am I to you?" I found myself saying breathlessly.

"Everything and nothing." She mounted me, somehow my cock had gone hard again and quick as a snake she had it in her, "What am I to you? I am your whore, your teacher, your mother, your queen, your goddess." She took my face in both hands and gave me a serious and searching expression as she slid up and down me, "Most of all I am your true love."

There you have it folks, that final bit with that expression revealed much. It seems even a perfect creature such as she feared and suffered rejection. Had the others sought escape once they had slaked themselves on her? Had their proclamations of love in fact been lust, quickly spent after a quick frolic? I found that hard to believe, I was being pushed beyond my endurance and I still wanted her. Fortunately for me she seemed to see that and smiled.

She finished me up and with fingers gently brushing my face she whispered in my ear, "Sleep now love, we have a long future together. Tonight was but a taste of the delights to come." All my energy spent, and feeling relaxed by her sweet voice, I fell into a dreamless slumber.

18/06/15

As I write this I am now on a cheap flight to Germany. Having put the pieces together I know this adventure will end there.

I awoke the next morning expecting the woman of my dreams to be beside me. But to my crushing despair she had gone. Every muscle aching like hell I rose and looked about, knocking over the melted candles, daylight streaming through thin curtains. I went out but the hall was empty now. The incense faded. I went to the apartments and tried asking the whores but they had gone like the street walkers back home, Kilili's presence seemed to awaken the nymphomaniac in prostitutes and set them working with a new fervour. I recalled how Kilili told me of the desire to be broken within everyone and wondered if she revealed that yearning within them, causing them to go mad with lust as a result. Either way they were not very forthcoming, if I was not going to use them they were not interested. After the previous night I was in no condition to do so.

I left the building, passing a scared looking landlord as I did so, and returned to the hotel. I took a shower, gritting my teeth as the cuts on my back flared with pain. But the pain of her disappearance hurt more. Why had she left? Did I fail to satisfy her? Few men could have endured what we did last night, I did not think myself so capable until she came into my life.

I looked at myself in the mirror, sure I am no super model, but I did not think I was ugly wither. In fact, vain as it sounds, I thought myself quite the catch. That night went over and over in my mind. What had I done wrong, what could I have done? Not really caring, I turned to analyse the extent of the damage on my back. My jaw slackened at what I saw.

The crazy bitch had clawed an entire stanza into my back! Considering the debauched things we did to one another, I could not believe she retained enough focus to do such a thing. But sure enough there it was:

And so they wait, while empires sprung

Of hatred thunder past above,

Deep in the earth, forever young

Tännhauser and the Queen of Love

A quick google search on my trusty laptop showed it to be a ballad by John Davidson, but it was the content that was the key, not the writer. Having studied literature, I was well aware of the legend of Tännhauser. The knight who dwelled in the Venusberg, the mountain where Venus held her court hidden from most mortals. I realised that what I had was an invitation from Kilili to come dwell with her in her world. I recalled the scenes I had witnessed and wondered if I could stand to do such a thing.

Of course I could, after last night I was irrevocably bound to her. I would surrender my writing hand if it meant staying with her. Unfortunately to do so I had to find a mythological place that no one believes exists, I suppose just carving an address into me was too simple for her. Thankfully I live in the age where the internet rules the world and found the Hörselberge mountain in Germany to be my best bet. I researched the place and it had a wealth of history and legends, the most predominant being that it was a place of witches and goddesses.

Out of curiosity I also looked into the name Kilili. To my amazement I actually came across articles of a prostitute goddess from ancient Sumeria, one of the earliest known civilisations. Is she really that ancient? Although it is debated, evidence suggested that prostitute and priestess was one and the same back then. This struck chillingly close to the mark for those maddened whores I encountered.

So here I am on a plane. If I knew I would not be heading home I would not have been quite so lascivious in Rome. As it was I managed to get a cheap last minute flight and looked up the inexpensive hostels to be found in the area. So arrivederci Rome, hallo Eisenach. I knew nothing of the town but I did not intend to spend much time there.

21/06/15

My hands tremble as I write this, I am not sure I am in the right frame of mind to write this at all. It is taking all my will to hold my sanity together. You shall have to forgive me if this account is not as coherent as the previous entries.

How to begin this entry? Suffice to say I found her. Where I had splurged on a pleasant in Rome I dared only arrange for a place in the hostel at Eisenach. I hated those places, I was used to living alone so sharing bunks with a group of foreign strangers was tough for me. But at the risk that I had travelled all the way to the wrong place I decided I had better be more frugal. I did decide to invest in a backpack and a few essentials however, articles seemed to state that the Groβer Hörselberge (apparently there is a big and small one), can be an arduous climb.

I took a taxi to the place and enjoyed a meal and cool drink at the inn situated at its base. This along with the fair weather put me in better spirits than I had been and I soon made my way up the indicated path.

Tracking my murderous femme fatale aside it was a truly beautiful place. This time of year the wooded area of the berg was teeming with flora and fauna. As you ascend the woods give way to afford you a magnificent view of the surrounding area. I would have enjoyed myself had I not been looking for a centuries old nympho-psycho who used my back like parchment, which stung as I sweated. I smiled politely as I passed other hikers, wondering if any of them had been led here like me.

It reminded me of my childhood when I would run about in the forests after reading about the Tuatha De Danaan, seeking a portal to the otherworld where they dwell. How many of those tourists came to the place saying to themselves that it is for the scenery, when in reality it is their inner child hoping that maybe, just maybe, they would be privy to something special, that they of all people would be gifted with a fantastical sight. I know I used to, never dreaming that I would encounter my fairy woman in a dark alleyway rather than a forest, with a corpse at her feet rather than flowers. Not exactly a Disney romance, yet I confess I felt more enticed because the danger was so real.

I went to the main tourist attraction, the Venus cave and the Tännhauser cave, both enterprisingly named and inconveniently near the summit. I had heard the Venus cave was where the court of Venus was held from prying mortal eyes. I got there, looked inside and do you know what I encountered? Nothing, just as I did in the Tännhauser cave. I checked every inch of that place and encountered little more than bare rock. I searched outside for any other landmark that may be suspect but located nothing. Kilili was nowhere to be seen.

As the sun began to set so I started to despair. I knew I should head back, traversing the berg in the dark was not advised and I did not relish the thought of breaking a limb up there. Yet I could not bring myself to return to the hostel. Something inside convinced me that this had to be the place. I was aware of another place at a castle in Bavaria, but it was manufactured to bring in people, surely she did not mean there?

As exhaustion and depressions set in and the sun was lost to the distant hills, I decided to head back. That was when I saw it, another cave deep in the wooded area. I was certain it was not there before, yet it was shrouded by moss and lichen, so it could easily have been missed. With no one else around, I entered the dark crevice, switching on the torch I had purchased.

What a sight it was! Glistening stalactites and mites surrounded a pool just a few paces in. How had no one found this or advertised this? I knew that if I read the clue correctly then Kilili would be somewhere in here. But then why could I not see her? I advanced on the crystal clear pool and realised at once that the gateway was before me. I could almost hear her siren call, beckoning towards it. I looked down and saw my own reflection, made gloomy by the poor lighting. Should I dive in? That did not feel right somehow. So I just stared at my dreary reflection, waiting for some clue.

My reflection shifted, whirled, then disappeared into a dark void. For a moment I saw only blackness until that parted like a curtain to reveal a completely new scene.

There was a hall, magnificently furnished with various mosaics and tapestry. To one side musicians played whilst the many attendees feasted around a great table. In my mind's eye I had pictured her realm to be something like collier's painting. Gallant knights and barely clothed women. None of the men and women were clothed here, and not all of them were human. Some closer to animals than people. At the far end of the table sat a woman so beautiful I thought my heart would burst, I could not stare at her for long. It was like looking at the sun, glorious but likely to burn out your retinas. Seated to her left was Kilili, she seemed to see me and raised a goblet in greeting.

I would have stepped through then and there, save the atmosphere of the hall shifted. The minstrels started to play faster, the attendants grew restless and seemingly cruder in their banter, and before I could understand what was occurring they were at one another.

Reader, how do I begin to describe the horrors I saw at that moment. Eros and Thanatos melded as one, more extreme than the most open-minded bacchante. Every orifice was used, every kind of body fluid available was spilt. The things me and Kilili did together was dross compared to the vile things enacted there. Nothing was restricted, nothing taboo. The minstrels increased their tempo to a maddening cacophony before joining in. None seemed unhappy to be there, even if it meant being used and cast aside like broken toys. I looked for where Kilili was amidst the massacre/orgy.

She was on all fours on the table, gasping in pleasure and pain as a goat-man, a satyr perhaps, rammed his unnaturally sized cock in her. I am not saying this out of jealousy reader, that thing was enormous, too big. She kept her eyes on me the entire time. Once the satyr bleated in orgasm Kilili calmly reached behind her and tore out its throat. It fell back, gurgling and still ejaculating.

With serpentine grace, seemingly nonplussed by what she had taken into her vulva, she rose and walked over the table towards me, thighs streaming blood and semen. Stepping over the writhing bodies, she held out her arms to me invitingly. Even then I wanted her more than ever, the sight of her still intoxicating to me, her promise of forbidden delights somehow making her all the more desirable to me. I understood then that the feast was being held in my honour, a welcome party for the new mortal given the opportunity to enter Kilili's realm.

It was too much for me, the shock of it all overwhelmed my desire for her and I ran again. I was too terrified to think about the danger of running through the woodland in the dark. I tripped and stumbled multiple times but as up and running again a moment later. The most disturbing thing was that I did not hear Kilili's shriek of outrage as I fled, just her mocking laughter.

24/06/15

Depending how things go, this should be my last entry.

Yes, I am going back, I am going to be with her.

I made it back to the hostel. I spent the entire night running back and hid in my allocated bunk for the next two days. My sleep was plagued with nightmares of the things I saw, Kilili smiling at me all the while. I expected to wake and find her there above me, expression hateful, nails poised to rip into me. But she did not come, and I knew why.

She had laughed at my cowardice because she knows I would inevitably return. As I began to take in what I saw and clicked it with the things she had said to me that night we spent together, I began to realise the feast was as much a lesson for me as it was a celebration. What at first had seemed mindless slaughter I soon realised was something else, I'll let you figure it out reader, Kilili's the teacher here not I. My fear has dimmed but my yearning for Kilili has only increased, I am compelled to go to her. I can resist no more, I will seek that pool tonight and step in without hesitation, pledging fealty to the magnificent goddess she serves.

I suppose I should leave some meaningful, parting words. Something poetic to carve on whatever monument is set up to represent my corpse.

How about a quote that would not usually apply to romances such as mine? Something like "Love conquers all..."