Hypothetically Speaking

I pull out my phone and call my wife to tell her I will be late, only an hour, maybe two. She is not happy, hell anyone would think it is a chore to spend time with the kids, maybe she has got a hot date?

A man comes up to the bar and takes the seat next to me, he is talking to someone on his phone, from his manner I'll bet it's his wife, maybe his kids too, I allow myself a smile when he proves my guess correct by telling each of them goodbye. Most people do not realise how much information they can give out with a personal call.

He sits and orders a drink, before it arrives, his phone rings. I listen to him again as the caller and he talk.

"Hello darling, all good for tonight, I can't wait to see you."

"Never mind, can't be helped, not like last week when your sister arrived out of the blue like that."

"Yes I know sweetheart, but isn't that just an example of the way he treats you, you know putting his job before you."

"Ha ha, I thought you know his father."

"Oh, you'll make it up to me, that sounds inviting, maybe I should have dessert delivered to my room."

"It is, well I'm looking forward to seeing you even more now... Okay you see to your children and I'll be waiting for you, bye bye, bye love."

People like him make me sick, they need to be taken down a peg. Smiling, I turn on the charm and suggest, "Sounds like someone's getting lucky tonight."

He turns to face me, the supercilious smile is sickening. "Yeah, and about bloody time. Jesus Christ, I've had to work hard for some of bitches I've knobbed, but this one, hell she's really made me work and I still haven't cracked it, but tonight I think I'm there. It's her old man's fault, if he had gotten home on time she wouldn't be so pissed off with him. I thought it was going to take a couple of more weeks, but now, I think I may be able to get there."

"Married eh, do you always go for the married ones?"

"Not just married mate, they have to be happily married, I don't want some bitch that wants out of her marriage, I want some bitch that desperately wants to stay in it, especially after I've got her."

"Don't want them falling in love with you, following you home."

"Hah, they all fall in love, maybe not with me, but they fall in love with my cock."

"Oh yeah."

"Yeah all eleven and a half inches."

"Eleven and a half, eh, that half inch must be really important."

Missing my sarcasm, he answers smugly, "Hell yeah."

"You want another drink?"

"Yeah, thanks bud, what's your name."

"Dave... yours?"

"Calvin, I work as a consultant, I get called in to look at peoples businesses, find out the problem and tell them how to solve it." He boasts after his introduction.

I summon the barman with a wave, when he approaches I tell him the same again, gesturing it is for my companion and myself.

As the drinks are poured, my new friend asks, "So what is it you do?"

Holding out a twenty for the barman to take I look at the man thoughtfully before answering. "Well... I'm not sure what I do has an exact title, but like you it has much to do with preventing people's problems from continuing."

"Sounds intriguing, does it pay well?"

"It keeps the wolves at bay." I agree.

"Come on chap, you've got me interested, what is it you do."

I take a drink and receive my change before I answer him. "Well as I said, there is no real title for it and it's difficult to explain and no offence... especially to someone such as yourself."

"Ahh, you're just winding me up."

I just shake my head, knowing full well he is about to take the bait he is nibbling at. "I do different things for different customers, but the philosophy is the same. I work on a subject to get the subject to acquiesce to my customers wishes therefore solving my customer's problem.

"You say customers not clients."

"A client should be able to presume continued loyalty, I give no such guarantee, my services are one offs, unique to the subject, the customer and the desired conclusion."

"How do you do that?"

I exhale loudly, signalling he is being too presumptuous, but he won't let up, his type don't like to be told no, but do any of us?

"Well the subject needs to know that anything I say are not just random possibilities, he needs to be sure I have the contacts and therefore the ability to make that something a reality. He then needs to understand that these new realities will happen if I do not return with a favourable conclusion for my customer. That is for my own protection. "

"You blackmail people?"

"That's such an ugly word, don't you think? No I don't think so, I merely offer incentive to people, incentive to rethink things, incentive to adjust their own behaviour."

"No... Not getting it."

"Sorry, but there is not much else I can say."

"You must be able to give me an example." He says somewhat forcefully, just shy of sounding demanding.

Gotcha... I do not show my inner glee as I begin to reel him in.

"Okay, but you realise I couldn't possibly go into details, you know all this modern bullshit about data protection and such, not that I care about much about that, you understand?"

"God yes, it's a pain in the arse."

"Hmm, perhaps I can give you an example, a hypothetical scenario?" I offer, trying to sound uneasy.

"Yeah, give me one of those." He says, swelling with pride, he still thinks he is in control.

"Mmm, yes, that will do," I say hesitantly, "are you sure?"

He nods his answer as a broad grin spreads over his face, no doubt massaging his over inflated ego, as it convinces him he has gotten his way again. "Now, think about this lady you are meeting later."

"Yes?" he looks at me suspiciously.

"Now, just suppose I had been engaged by, say her husband for example, to umm, make sure that you do not meet her tonight... or ever again."

"Uhhh, you're not working for him are you." He asks with a hint of caution.

I give him a friendly grin. "No, no, at this moment I am off the clock, I'm on my own time and unless something urgent comes up, I am free for the next couple of weeks, No I am not working, let me carry on with the scenario. So, if I were working for someone, it need not be her hubby just someone with a vested interest in her being a good girl, maybe brother, parent, some other interested party may even be another lover, whoever it does not matter."

"Yeah, I get it, so what would you do then?"

"Firstly, hmmm, I might do something like, umm, maybe manufacture a chance meeting."

I take another sip from my glass, my friend seems to have lost a little confidence. "And then maybe I would engage you in conversation, talk for a while and bring the conversation around to something unrelated, seemingly innocent and yet useful to my end goal. For instance, I may mention the latest terrorist atrocity, which would no doubt provoke a discussion. I could then point out something like, how different the Islamic culture is from our own. How that while we think that much of what they do, especially with the treatment of their women and young girls is abhorrent, they see our women, even the most staid and reserved, the most modestly dressed as barely clothed outspoken temptresses and wanton whores. Our freedom, they see as a total rejection of Allah and his laws..."

I can see he is getting bored, wishing he had not asked, well that is about to change.

"... and then it is no problem to throw in something else, something with a more personal connection, such as... I might suggest that a good looking married woman in her late twenties, not unlike your Susan for instance." The use of his wife's name gains his sudden attention. "A clean and no doubt experienced woman, should she become available, would be perfect for say, mmm... maybe a rich oil sheikh to buy... a woman to give to his sons, grandsons and maybe eventually his great-grandsons for her to teach, to teach them how to best get their satisfaction from a woman..."

Calvin seems to be concerned about something, he looks uncomfortable, he seems to be looking around the bar for someone or something.

"... I may, or may not point out that such men, those that only consider using women their own pleasure do not make for good partners. Then, if I thought it was needed, I might even suggest that if this were a caring rich oil sheikh, it would be considered nothing less than sympathetic, amongst his peers, no less than a loving gesture to keep a mother and daughter together for a short while. For young Annie to have her mother with her for a few days, just long enough to acclimatise and let her recover a bit from her circumcision before she is married, he may even take her to be his own wife."

Calvin does not seem to be in any way grateful for my hypothetical scenario, in fact he is looking quite pale. I am sure my concern for him is reflected on my face as I continue.

"A truly loving husband and father, knowing that he could have prevented this from happening by only being a better person, by only honouring his own and other peoples marriages, would no doubt be burdened by guilt, thoughts about the things that could be happening to his wife and daughter. Would he be able to cope? Would he end up institutionalised? Or considering that would leave young Peter all alone, would he be content that he would be put into, if he were lucky foster care, or perhaps he would be taken in by a catholic orphanage. He's a good looking lad, I'm sure one priest or another, maybe a couple or even a half dozen or so, will take a shine to him, show him the ways of the world so to speak. That then beggars questions, in his pain; would he just take the easy way out, sad and alone, or would he perhaps be taking young Peter with him?"

I look at him, maintaining my friendly grin. "You're not looking very well chap, you've gone all white and sweaty, perhaps you would be better off if you cancelled your date and let your wife and kids look after you."

He forces himself to give me a nod of agreement, I'm wondering whether he is about to have a stroke. I finish my drink and bid him farewell. I walk off to my car hoping he gets better soon and wondering whom the poor bastard with the wayward wife might be.