I Want To Feel Everything

The atmosphere of the party is typical: noisy, smoky, dimly lit, and filled with the ever-present murmur of voices striving to be heard over blaring top-40 music. I begin to question why I came at all, mentally cursing the so-called "friend" who had urged me to meet her there. Within five minutes of arriving, she had disappeared with some new guy, leaving me in the company of various spoiled upper-class party-types. Meanwhile, most of the interesting people present seem uninterested or occupied.

Among them I see a person I think might be interesting. Tall, darkish with short black hair, a good-looking athletic type. I decide to try and at least make the best of my evening, as he seems to be free for the moment. Getting up my nerve, I walk forward and try to get his attention. "Hi." I shout, trying to sound casual and friendly while yelling above the music.

"Hey" he shouts back, indicating possible interest.

"So what do you think about this party?"

"It's pretty cool" he answers, barely looking at me. "Hey Fred!" he shouts, walking past me as if I don't exist. After several more attempts with similar results, I figure I've had enough. I decide it's time to seek greener pastures, and make my way to the door with a bit of haste brought on by frustration.

"Leaving so soon?"

I literally feel the voice shouting over the din at the same time as I feel the hand touch my shoulder almost forcefully. It causes me to turn and look toward my addresser. He seems very strong and handsome, and I wonder why I hadn't noticed him before.

"Do I know you?" I ask.

"I don't think so... " He answers, with a strange air of smug confidence, almost carved of indifference. "I've been watching you" he says. "I see you don't care much for these type of people either."

"Hi. Who are you?" I ask, becoming slightly interested, but unsure.

"I'm James. This is my place, but my friend asked if he could have a few people over. I figured what heck, it would give the place a little atmosphere."

"Yeah, air and noise pollution," I quip, waving away a puff of cigarette smoke generously donated by a nearby co-ed.

"The air's clear out on the terrace, and it's quieter there," he suggests, "it's really nice out there if you want to talk. It's this way," he gestures toward the back and left side of the building while almost pushing me along, his other hand pressed irresistibly against my back.

I am slightly put off by his presumptuous and aggressive manner, but I figure it's better than anything else I have planned, so I decide to go along. At least, for a little while. At the same time I begin to feel both curious and apprehensive about being alone with someone I just met. I'm almost afraid to pass up this opportunity though, and also feel somewhat inadequate because of his attitude-- I'm beginning to be really convinced that he knows something that I simply must find out. Behind that is a sensible voice telling me that maybe this isn't such a good idea. I silence this voice, however, with the rationalization that I can take care of myself if he decides to try anything. Besides, I'm in a house full of people.

The opening to the back-terrace follows a hallway and a flight of stairs, into an upper bedroom and through a sliding glass door with white louvre blinds. Compared to the noise of the party atmosphere, the cool night air of the terrace feels incredibly refreshing, as well as calm and serene. Looking out over the back hillside offers a striking view of the evening sky. Although I can only make out a handful of stars, I notice a particularly beautiful cloud drifting in front of the full moon.

As I find myself moved by this, again I become conscious of various thoughts. Feelings of desire conflict with those of apprehension as I think of what to do or say next, how to respond to his various actions. He, on the other hand, seems completely unfazed, regarding me with the utmost confidence. He almost interrogates me with an arrogant gaze broken only by the occasional indifferent glance toward other points on the horizon, leaving me feeling even more curious and apprehensive, and perhaps insignificant.

"So what is it that brought you here?" he asks coolly with a wry smile.

"Excuse me?" I ask, unsure of his meaning.

"What is your interest?" he responds, still cool but also slightly harsh now. Finding myself uncomfortable with being put on the spot, yet enjoying the feeling of attention, I begin to discuss various subjects of my interest.

"No," he stops me sharply, "Tell me, what is it that holds your attention to the point where you feel utterly fascinated, draws you in and makes you feel that fascination entirely?" Something in the tone of his voice seems to command me to do just that...

I ponder this, mildly alarmed by his question and manner. Feeling both shocked and somehow weak, almost mesmerized, I hear myself answer as if in a dream "Um, I don't know." Then I seem to feel my guard dissolve, and I become aware of myself saying the words, "I...I want to feel everything."

The confident stare now becomes almost triumphant, gloating over my words as if over a surrender. "What would you do to feel that?" he asks, challenging, mocking me. I feel an almost uncomfortable stirring in my abdomen, which I can't place for the moment but which seems to only spur an answer.

"I don't know," I emote, still feeling some sense of control. "Anything... I suppose." Again, however, I am uncertain as to who or what actually spoke those words, as if I don't believe that it was I who spoke them.

"Come with me, I want to show you something." he takes me by the arm and almost literally drags me toward the sliding glass door into the house. Now thoroughly curious and yet somewhat intimidated, I resist slightly at first, then follow as the noise of the party downstairs reassures me somewhat. As I feel both of his hands on my arms, I suddenly realize with a start what he may have in mind.

This realization hits me precisely as I feel his hand on my back shoving me forcefully into the room. Shocked, I stumble forward and turn to see him close and lock the bedroom door. In a fearful daze, I begin to protest, but I feel his hands on my shoulders and the weight of his body pushing me back down on the bed. Terrified but desperate, I gather all of my strength and attack as best as I can, causing him to lose his grip as he avoids my blows. I fight free and rush for the door, struggling with the lock until I feel his hand seizing my arm from behind. No longer gentle as before, he squeezes with incredible strength and pulls me around to face him directly, now holding both of my arms helplessly.

"What, are you trying to turn me on? Go ahead and fight some more," he laughs smugly, mocking my attempts to struggle free and holding me close to his body to smother my kicks. He holds both of my arms helpless in a brutal grip and stares condescendingly down at me.

"You have so much to learn."

My fear and frustration increase as he seems to foil my every attempt to attack or break free. As I feel him pressing me back against the bed I slowly realize that I really can't get away. I know that the noise of the party, barely audible through the door and floor, will surely muffle any screams for help I might make before he can stop me...

In frustration, I stop struggling, but still refuse to cooperate. However, with this relaxation also comes a realization that, although I feel very frightened and violated, I also feel strangely aroused and excited in a way I can't describe. This notion causes me to feel suddenly ashamed and guilty. An even deeper craving for more of this of rare excitement rushes through me as I begin to surrender to it completely. I hear him speaking softly into my ear…

"I know what you want... I know your deepest secrets and desires... I know you want to get fucked… Admit it… Tell me you want it."

I hear him continue to mock and humiliate me as he pulls off my clothes gradually, leaving me in nothing but underwear and my top as he remains on top of me fully clothed.

"You really want me to fuck you, don't you? Hmmmm? I know you want it... You're practically BEGGING for it!"

"No, get off of me!" I protest meekly, but inside I feel that I really can't control the excitement. I feel that inner sense of danger building through me, and begin to lose all sense of control…

"I know you want to feel everything... You want to feel me all over you, on top of you, and inside of you." he mocks knowingly in a commanding tone, but also somehow intriguing.

I begin to imagine I hear the sound of his voice, the deep, rich warmth of it wrapping itself around me, centering in my heart with a feeling that builds into a fire. It spreads all through my chest, down through my body and thighs... My heart beats faster and I feel the energy building up inside of me, something relaxing down below as I begin to feel very, very hot....

"NO!" I shout one last time, trying to struggle but finding myself weak as my voice. I feel my body refusing to obey me, as I grow more and more excited and aroused... I feel a hand slip under my panties and between my thighs…

"Then why are you so wet?" he teases. I gasp in shock from the intrusion, but realize that I am somehow very wet.. He begins to stroke my clit very gently and teases it with his finger. "You're really enjoying this aren't you? Hmmm? You like that baby? I know you love it…"

"No.." I answer, finding that I can barely whisper...

"Funny, it doesn't FEEL cold in here." he mocks once again as he lifts up my top and exposes my now fully-erect nipples. I feel his other hand attacking one breast roughly. I cry out as I feel him lightly biting the other, and a strange but familiar sensation begins to spread through my body. Suddenly I am struck with the intense realization that I am unable to control my responses, that I'm feeling an intense inner throbbing in my lower abdomen, building up like nothing I have ever felt before.

I am terrified that my tension is building to the point that I might not be able to avoid climaxing, which would be the ultimate humiliation. I fight the feeling, but resistance seems petty and insignificant as I find myself giving in to that pleasure and excitement. It's as if that sense of fear and danger intensifies the desire to feel that thrill of the forbidden. But above all, I don't want him to win, to let him know that I am enjoying this. For that would be the greatest humiliation of all, to give into that... That would be the final indignity, and I resolve to fight it with every ounce of my being.

Still, I feel the sensation begin to mount, as I'm about to explode. The energy is building and pulsing and pounding, and the more I try to hold back the stronger it builds. And now I can feel him removing my panties, exposing me…

"They're soaked through!," he comments. I am too shocked and humiliated to even notice my tears and soft weeping, as the emotion intensifies and fills me entirely, going back through my past and sense of future as if he has possessed and violated my entire existence.

"You really want it don't you?" he sneers in unbridled arrogance.

"No" I whisper weakly one last time, breathing heavily through my sobs.

"So you say..." I can dimly feel something large and hot pressed against my pelvis between my thighs… I can feel his cock pushing against me, so swollen that even my involuntary desire can't contain it… I feel him forcing into me with his full weight on top of me, holding me down while entering me… I can feel the sensation of being violated and forced open that hurts fiercely, but feels so GOOD! I feel myself swell and throb against him as he slides deeper and deeper into me... until I am filled completely. He proceeds to penetrate me with long, powerful strokes, and I realize that I am beyond any hope of holding back. I can't take much more of this...

A little corner of myself screams "NO!" and tries to hold back in vain, as the racking throbs begin to build. I feel a creamy stroking sensation somewhere inside of me, tingling all throughout my pelvis and radiating out through my body… Strange pulsing electrical sensations of intense pleasure… I try to maintain control but the more I try, the stronger it becomes, until I know I'm going to explode.

"Come on me baby… You know you want to…" he scowls as I can feel him inside of me. I can feel him explode, the strong spasms filling me as the hot liquid gushes in, forcing itself up deeper inside… This sets off something even deeper, and I begin to contract uncontrollably in the ultimate humiliation-- Here I am, being horribly raped, and enjoying it completely!

And now the moment I most feared arrives, as the racking throbs begin to spill over the edge and I plunge headlong over the brink of an ever-increasing climax… Exploding in wave after increasing wave of pleasure, marked by inner and outer contractions, I lose awareness of my body…

Aware only of being pierced by thousands of volts of electricity, my back is unstoppably arched and my breath literally stopped except for a gasp with each racking contraction. My hips rock uncontrollably with each spasm, and the pleasure becomes so intense that I lose all consciousness except for the sound of a moan that I realize is my own before I finally collapse....

I awaken slowly, maybe hours later, dimly aware of him standing over me… smirking triumphantly...