I Want You

Chapter one

I was in the middle of moving my things out when Shia got back from his trip out of town. He came into the bedroom where I was having the movers load the last of the boxes.

When he saw me and what I was doing; he dumped his duffel bag onto the floor. He walked over to me, pinned me against the wall, and then barked at me.

"You were just going to fucking leave and not say anything to me."

I didn't respond to him, not wanting to fight, which is why I had waited until he was gone to move my things out. I thought I had another day before he got back home.

"Are you trying to punish me because I'm not ready to get married?" he demanded.

I told him 'no' while meeting his hazel gaze. "I just think that we need some space."

It was the truth and it wasn't. We had been fighting a lot lately. Ever since I had brought up the idea of marriage he had been acting like I was conspiring against him to make it happen, even though he'd told me flat-out that he wasn't ready.

I'd brought it up because I was ready and I felt that after three years together that he should be ready also. We lived together. We worked together, though not directly. And I was tired of having to keep our relationship on a need-to-know basis.

This was his idea. His reason; he said, was that I was his subordinate, and he didn't want work to interfere with our personal life. We'd been working together for over a year and no one other than his closest friends knew I even existed in his life.

"Space?" he asked me again, bringing me back into the present. His hazel eyes probed my brown ones deeply. "You moved from Texas to be here in Chicago with me and now you want space?"

"I just don't see what the point in us living together is if we have to keep everything a fucking secret," I snapped.

"You know why that's important, he growled. You want to succeed in the bureau--"

"Yeah, and god forbid anyone finds out you're screwing my black ass," I snapped angrily.

"Fuck you and that bullshit" he yelled, moving away from me, just as the movers came back into the room. There were three of them two black guys and one Hispanic male. Their facial expressions made it look as though they had overheard our conversation.

"Should we come back?" one of them asked.

"No." I answered, firmly.

I moved to leave out of the room after they took the last few boxes. Shia blocked my exit again as I moved to leave.

He walked over to me then picked me up, and slammed the bedroom door.

"Shia what are you doing?"

He didn't answer. Instead he undressed the both of

us. He then fucked me against the door.

Shia was the best lover I'd had in my entire life.

Chapter Two

I bought a tiny little loft. I loved it the first moment that I saw it. I thought it was a perfect fit for me.

My job is in forensics and I was currently a CSIA. I loved my job. Forensics was so much cooler than they made it look on TV. I was never bored at work; pissed off, frustrated at times, but never bored.

Shia was further up the chain of command from me. His title: Assistant Special Agent in Charge ASAC—which means he ran shit. He was in charge of his own teams. He was bad- ass and awesome at what he did.

We were broken up for less than a month when I was assigned to one of his teams.

I walked into the room where he stood at the podium. His eyes widened fractionally when they laid on me.

I tried not to swallow my tongue. I hadn't seen him, and I'd dodged his calls for the past three weeks.

One of the guys, I don't know which, called out 'fresh meat' as I entered. Other ones laughed, as I walked into the room. That pissed me off enough to take my nervousness away.

"Go fuck yourselves" I called out in the direction the sound came from, and then heard a lot of oohs and boos.

A bunch of fucking clowns, I thought, though I didn't smile. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. I probably wouldn't even have to speak to him that often.

"Alright let's calm down," I heard Shia say in his drill sergeant voice that intimidated even me when it wasn't directed at me. The room fell into silence.

I walked over to him and handed him my orders.

He wouldn't look at me, which was fine, I didn't want him to. At least that's what I told myself.

"Take a seat, and welcome aboard," he told me.

Why this pissed me off, I didn't want to think about for too long. I did know now would be a fine time for him to reassign me due to fraternization policies and what-not, but clearly he wasn't going to do that.

Chapter Three

I met a few people that I liked right away; two agent's senior special agents Desean Phillips and Shasa Ryder, both black guys. There were not very many of us under Shia's command. They sort of took me under their wing and didn't let anyone fuck me with me too bad, but of course they pranked the shit out of me, since I was a newbie.

Whenever they got in house assignments I was always dragged along. I learned a lot in a short time and especially that I loved being in the direct action.

I worked my ass off and stayed out of Shia's way. We'd been back and forth at each other's places for a few months, but then he decided that we should see other people.

Around the same time that I was fully welcomed to the team, he started dating a pretty strawberry-blond from where else, but Texas. She worked in Administration. It hurt me to see them together but I was determined to move on with my life as he obviously had.

With all of my prerequisite hours under my belt I was now official. Desean and took me out to celebrate. I'd also been celebrating the fact that I'd helped to solve my first big case.

Dasean, Shasa, and I all worked well together and of course the other losers we worked with thought that we were having a three way relationship, but then my closest friends and now teammates thought I was gay because I didn't date. Because I had never messed with any of them, all the guys thought I was a closet lesbian.

Celebrating with us were like maybe ten males and six of us women. It was the first time that I wore anything other than jeans or sneakers when hanging out with guys from work. We met at a nightclub. I wore a black leather dress over my slim athletic figure and apple bottom ass. It was form-fitting and short. Along with it I wore five inch Jimmy Choo's. I wore my hair down in the loose curls I'd just had it done in.

I swear these guys acted like they had never seen me before. I ignored all of the tongue wagging and went straight to the bar.

I had the next three days off so I planned to get smashed like I hadn't been since I couldn't remember. I was happy about the small break from work, as well as the break from my thoughts of Shia, and the bitch that was clinging to him every time I turned around.

This club played different types of music and had a largely mixed crowd. I loved dancing and was good enough that I probably could have taught a class on stripping if I wanted to. I had learned to dance by doing it for Shia, a lot.

Before I could pay for my drink Shasa came over and paid for it. He then asked the bartender for four more drinks.

I'd had Tequila before but the guys were buying Herradura, which I had never had. After only my second shot I had no inhibitions left. I'd been having a lot of fun drinking and dancing, letting loose when I spotted Shia walk into the area where we were with a few of his close work associates and friends. The strawberry-blond was with him and dressed somewhat similarly to me. It pissed me off.

An older, sexy song came on, Oobie's I'm so horny. I pulled some random guy, the one who was closest to me, who'd come with Desean and Shasa, onto the dance floor. I moved to the music and even though he wasn't touching me with his hands I could feel how hard he was. I was so intent on what I was doing to him that I didn't even realize that a crowd had accumulated.

I knew that I was too far gone when I backed up into him grinding on his dick, inviting him to touch me with my eyes, teasing him with my lips.

The next thing I knew I was being snatched away from him.

Shia dragged me outside where put me into a cab and then got in with me.

He sat across from me in a chair at my tiny

kitchen table forcing coffee down my throat, after I told him that he could leave.

"Isn't your little girlfriend waiting?" I asked as I puked in the toilet for the third time, and he stood watching me.

He glared down at me. "This is so much better than how we normally spend our nights," he bit out.

"I'm glad that you decided to leave me. Now I get to fucking babysit."

"The only reason that you came over there was because you can't stand to see me with someone else. You're fucking selfish," I said to him.

"And you're fucking drunk," he told me.

"I know that. I fucking know that," I said, trying to get my emotions under control.

"So what was I supposed to do just let him take you home and fuck you? All of them?"

"I wasn't going home with anyone and why do you care? What about the blonde bimbo you've been screwing in my bed?-- You know what never mind that," I said angry with myself for asking, for even caring.

I had one hell of a hangover when I woke up wearing Shia's t-shirt and nothing else while lying stretched out across my bed.I found him asleep on the couch. I woke him up.

He brought me his morning after elixir. It worked well enough for me to take a shower and brush my teeth and then he forced me to eat.

When his cell phone rang, he answered it. It was his little girlfriend. I could hear her whiny little voice. He told her that he was on his way, and then smiled at something she said.

It broke my heart. I got up out of my seat then went into my bedroom. I didn't want to see someone else make him happy.

It also made me angry. I'd wasted four years of my life with him, loving him, and he'd moved on so--quickly.

***

Chapter Four

I got back to work and suddenly everyone was being extra nice to me. Guys who hadn't noticed me before were trying to talk to me all day long, and then in the days that followed.

By the end of the week Shia put an end to it by calling me Agent Tawny, as in Tawny Kitaen, the infamous video vixen that was doing kick-ass things on the hood of a car in a Whitesnake video, back in the day.

I was mortified so I retaliated, and then we started this back and forth insults, that became the greatest source of entertainment in the meetings.

I got my shots in, but I think he won the war.

One particular morning he asked if I could sign my pinups after work. I made a particularly nasty remark to which he retorted something that got the entire rooms attention.

"Yeah I hate to break it to you, but most of the males in this room prefer blondes to brunettes, even your teammates," he said harshly.

There was silence in the room after that.

Cue the blonde that he was seeing. She

waltzed into the room with her overly tight uniform on; looking like a cheerleader.

Everyone knew that they were fucking. She was so obvious about it, and he didn't try to hide it; the way he watched her somewhat of an ass when she left the room. I quickly averted my eyes so that I could focus on my notes.

Chapter Five

"So I need a volunteer--"Shia said down on the floor.

Adams shot out of her seat. Her thin, chocolate-

skinned self, made sure to sway her hips on the way down to the mat.

"Alright show me what you got," he told her.

I wondered if this was his way of redeeming himself for the blonde comment last week. Everyone thought he was a racist now, even more than before.

"Alright, Special Agent Nirvana," he said amid chuckles, "get down here."

I was pissed off and sparring with him was the last thing I needed to be doing.

"Show me—

Before he could finish I smacked the shit out of him, and then kicked him in his stomach.

"Oh are we playing dirty? I thought this was a training exercise?" his voice that much deeper.

He grabbed me by my hair.

"The reason that we like the hair shorter around here is because it's easier to take advantage of someone who has their hair within reach."

He let my hair go and then kicked me across the mats. Not very hard, but hard enough that it hurt.

"Next," he said, not bothering to help me up.

"While I'm at it I want to clear up some fucking nasty rumors that I have been hearing around here. I am not now nor have I ever been a fucking racist. And if anybody is bold enough to say it about me behind my back they should be able to say it to my face and we can discuss it.

He glared at me like it was my fault. Everyone in the room probably thought I was saying it.

He continued, "I had to go to some fucking sensitivity training that I don't fucking need just because I am in charge of a bunch of fucking pussies, instead of spending my off days inside my girl. The shit had me so emotional; I think I need to grow my balls back. He took us all outside and made us run one of the toughest obstacle courses from basic training.

"You fucking happy now," he asked me when I walked back into the building doggedly tired, like everyone else. He then made us do push-ups on the mat.

It was supposed to be our weekend off, but training trumps off time in a regular work week.

"This is some bullshit! Why don't you just tell him you said the shit Nichols?" someone yelled out at me.

"It wasn't me; you fucking prick," I yelled back.

"Bullshit," another guy said.

"She said that she didn't say it, so shut the fuck up," Desean countered before I could.

"Everybody shut the fuck up. I know who said the shit, and she knows who said it too. I think we understand each other very well at this point.

You're all dismissed," Shia spit.

Chapter Six

Shia

"See this is why I didn't want to work with her. It's driving me crazy," Shia said later as he sat with his friend Logan at his place.

"Just transfer her out," Logan said.

"If I do that she is going to be on everybody's shit list-- so I can't. And, plus, she is a damn good agent. I'd rather let some of these pansy-assed little twits go first."

"Yeah. That and you won't see her anymore," Logan told his best friend. "Just fucking give her the ring."

He flattened his palm against his chest. "No. Because, I'm not ready and no one is going to force me to do some shit I don't want to do yet."

"Then why the fuck did you buy it over two years ago?"

"I was getting used to the idea. I mean eventually

I want to do the whole thing, but not this fucking minute. I mean--

"Dude, it's just us and believe me; I understand how you feel. So stop with the sweating bullets and stuttering, Logan laughed.

***

Chapter Seven

After that training weekend I realized that, in a way Shia was right, our personal life was also affecting our work relationship. I decided to just swallow the fact that he and I were no longer together, that it was over, and that I needed to be as professional as possible at work.

I stopped with the snide comments and focused only on my job. I stopped talking to him altogether unless it was necessary.

I spent my first Thanksgiving without him in three years and I felt every bit of lonely. Shia had traded his blonde in for a brunette. I guess he liked her because I heard that he took her home to Texas for the holiday.

I stayed in my apartment eating Chinese takeout.

Chapter Eight

I was in the weight room when he walked in.

He was gorgeous. Even in my downed state, I could see that.

Tall, about 6ft3, caramel colored skin, medium brown eyes.

"Didn't know anyone was in here," he said to me as he walked by, shirtless.

"I'm almost finished, just working out," I told him trying to avoid staring.

"I'm SCIC William Conlyn .I just transferred in,"

he said as stood in front of me. He pulled a t-shirt from his waist band and pulled it on over his head.

"Oh uh, special agent-- I'm Nia," I told him.

"That's cool. I knew you were fairly new; I was just trying to impress you with my title since you couldn't take your eyes off me when I walked in the door."

"I do believe you have that the other way around,"

I told him with a smile.

"Yeah. Maybe I do," he smiled back.

"So hey, since were alone this late, why don't we go out and grab a bite to eat?"

We ate at the cheesecake factory in jeans and t-shirts.

"Are you always so cocky and arrogant?" I asked, as every woman in the room stared at him, and he noticed.

"Have my eyes strayed from you once?" he asked me.

"No, I told him but--"

"Good, he interrupted-- you've been paying attention."

Will explained to me that he was, single and looking. I told him I was newly single, and not sure that I was over my last relationship enough to date yet.

We became fast friends. We hung out together a lot. He came around like the rest of the guys.

We spent Christmas together. He had this tiny little tree. The two of us made dinner. It was nice.

On New Year's Eve night I said yes to him and he told me that we could go as slow as I wanted.

Naked; I lay back on his soft, comfortable, and yet unfamiliar bed. I felt a lot of different things as he came down between my thighs.

I loved everything about the way that he smelled, felt, and tasted.

His strokes inside of me were long and deep. I was as wet as the ocean as he moved in and out of me like he had done it a hundred times before.

When I came, I grasped his back and head. It was me who threw my pussy back on him. I was coming so deeply; I wanted to swallow all of it. I hadn't felt that in a very long time; too long.

Will made me feel a myriad of emotions, but it was good being with him. He was a good friend, and even better lover.

I didn't want anyone to know about us being together at work. Even though he questioned it, he relented and told me he would go along with what I felt.

We opted to maintain that we were friends.

Chapter Nine

"How was your break?" Shia asked me, when I saw him back at work after the New Year.

"Great. How was yours? I heard you took your girlfriend home to Texas again, must be getting serious."I tried to smile. It must have worked.

"Yeah. I took someone home," he said shrugging.

"Can we talk?" he asked me.

"About what?"

"You and me."

"I don't think that's necessary," I answered him.

"Why not?"

"I like the way things have been at work. Space has really been good for us."

I walked past him, and into the briefing.

Chapter Ten

*William*

Will sat with the guys at one of their regular hangout spots. The pub was pretty full that night. They all sat at the bar.

"So what do you think Desean?" asked William "Is she a lesbian or what?"

"A lesbian? Nah I didn't get that vibe."

"I did," Tracy said, "She's a lesbian. Women do not turn me down. I mean look at me," the blonde haired, blue eyed Adonis stated conceitedly.

"Would you hit it though?" Channing asked Will, ignoring Tracy's early state of inebriation.

William took a drink of his beer as he shrugged. "I might," he answered.

***

Chapter Eleven

People started arriving something like four hours before the game started. There were more people than I had anticipated that showed up to my superbowl party; but after a while I stopped being concerned. We had enough food and drinks, and everyone was having fun. It also might have been the jello shots I'd partaken of.

I was in festive mood. I wore a referee shirt and shorts, knee-high matching socks and heeled sneaks. I wore a hat and had a whistle around my neck.

"If I had known what this was I wouldn't have brought a date," William told me as he pulled me down onto his lap, as I was about to walk by him. He was sitting on the living room couch.

Before he could toss back his scotch; I took the glass. "You have had enough," I told him.