I'd Do Anything For Love (But...)

"I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)"

For thrall, who suggested it, and for Lady Ru'etha, who seconded the notion.

*

"Y'see, doc...it's about my wife."

Doctor Hendricks looked down at Jim with an expression of good-natured skepticism on his face. "And yet," he said mildly, "you're the one sitting on the couch. Want to go into a little more detail about what you want out of all this, or should we just go ahead and skip this appointment, and get your wife in here for a hypnotherapy session?"

Jim smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, yeah, okay," he said, punctuating the comment with a heavy sigh. "Is Thursday all right?" It might be a snap judgment, but he was already feeling pretty comfortable enough with Doctor Hendricks to crack jokes. Jim had maybe expected some sort of tight-assed clinical shrink, or maybe a creepy Svengali type, but this felt like talking to a regular guy who just happened to have a bunch of degrees up on his wall.

"Seriously, Doc," he continued, "my wife and I, a few months back we decided that things weren't clicking in the bedroom the way they used to. I mean, you know, not that sex was bad, or anything--she never had anything to complain about, I made sure of that. But we thought about maybe doing something to spice up the old night life, you know?"

Doctor Hendricks nodded. "It's not an unfamiliar idea once you've been married for eight years, and not a bad one, either. So long as you can talk openly and honestly about what you're interested in trying, that is." He looked a little confused, like he was wondering why Jim had come to him instead of calling up Doctor Ruth or something.

"Well, that wasn't a problem," Jim said, his cheeks feeling a little bit hot as he remembered the night he and Dorrie spent sharing their sexual fantasies. Just talking about it had gotten them both hotter than they'd been in years, as they described in detail the things that had always turned them on. He'd felt like there was an iron bar in his pants when he talked about fantasies of Dorrie with another girl, and the way she'd squirmed when she shyly mentioned wanting to be tied up was getting him hard right now as he remembered it. "We talked a lot, and we've been trying some stuff. And it's been...wow." He let out a low whistle. "It's been pretty damn nice, Doc."

"Please," Doctor Hendricks said, "call me Rob. Saying 'Doc' all the time makes me feel like I'm hypnotizing Bugs Bunny." He leaned back in his chair. "So if you're happy, and she's happy, then why are you here telling me that your wife is making you want to be hypnotized?"

Jim shifted a little on the couch. "Yeah, well...there's some stuff she wants to do, see. It's a little..." He fidgeted a little, then finally shrugged. "Weird. I mean, not, you know, weird weird. She's not asking me to piss on her or anything like that. It's just, well...I mean, it's not that I don't want to, I can tell this is something she really wants, it's just that I thought, well, maybe I could use a little help easing into the idea. Not that there's anything wrong with it or anything, but--"

Doctor Hendricks held up a hand. "Whoa, there. We're not going to get anywhere like this. Not only are you getting so tense that you're practically tying yourself up in knots, you're not making a lick of sense. I think the first thing you're going to get out of our sessions is relaxing enough to tell me what you want out of our sessions."

Jim tried to hide the nervousness in his voice. "So I guess it's time for you to hypnotize me, huh, Doc...er, Rob?"

Doctor Hendricks pulled out a crystal pendulum on a long silver chain. "No, it's time for you to hypnotize you." He held the pendant out for Jim to take. "Look," he said, noticing Jim's confused expression, "you don't get to be a certified hypnotherapist without getting pretty good at noticing people's body language, and your body is telling me that you're not all that comfortable with the idea of me hypnotizing you. So we're going to try something a little different, and let you do all the work." He grinned. "It doesn't mean that I'm sharing my fee for the session, though."

Jim held up the pendulum. "So what do I do?" he asked, staring helplessly at it. He didn't know what to do with it; the only hypnosis he'd ever seen was on an old re-run of 'Hart To Hart'.

Doctor Hendricks shrugged. "For now, just try to relax. Go ahead and look at it, and imagine all those worries about me, and about your wife, draining out of your body. Just go ahead and watch that pendulum--if it starts to swing around a little, that's fine. That's normal. That's good. Follow it with your eyes if it starts to move, and relax. If there's something you feel like saying, go ahead and let it out. But it's alright to just watch and listen for now."

Jim looked at the pendulum. He'd expected something really eye-catching, like a sparkly gemstone or something. Maybe even a pocket-watch--that was what they were always supposed to use, right? But this was just a sort of dull, solid-colored pinkish-purple rock that had been cut and polished. It had some veins of deeper purple running through it, which was kind of pretty, but Jim didn't know from rocks. He was an engineer, not a geologist. He'd played with model rockets as a kid, not rock tumblers. "What, um...what's this made out of?" he asked. He twisted his hand a little to get a look at the whole thing.

"It's amethyst," Doctor Hendricks said calmly. "But don't try to move it. Just keep watching it, and it'll move all on its own. You'll be lying there, feeling all the stress pour out of you like the air out of a balloon, and as you feel yourself relaxing and sinking into the couch, the pendulum will move...all on its own. And when it does, Jim, you'll relax even more."

Jim squinted at the pendulum, watching it intently to see if it would really move on its own the way Doctor Hendricks said it would. It sounded like bullshit to him. He was holding it, wasn't he? If he wasn't going to be moving it, who was? "It might help if you traced the veins of deeper purple with your eyes," Doctor Hendricks said, but already his words had become background noise as Jim focused his attention on the pendulum. Jim didn't want to tune him out or anything, but the guy was making it sound like this thing was going to start moving by magic or something. And if that really was going to happen, Jim didn't want to miss it.

"Take a deep breath, and let it out slowly," Doctor Hendricks said. Jim almost didn't notice his lungs inflate. He was too busy tracing the threads of dark purple through the pink hues of the stone. He really wished he'd decided to hold the pendulum closer to his eyes; the effort of narrowing his focus even further down from the stone to the veins was making them water slightly, and every time he blinked, he had to refocus all over again. But he didn't want to move it, not when Doctor Hendricks had told him not to. He just had to keep watching and listening, tracing the purple in the pink.

"And you might notice your hand getting tired from holding the pendulum up, or your eyes getting tired from watching it," Doctor Hendricks said, "but try to ignore that for now. The rest of your body is relaxing so well that it's fine if your eyes get tired, or your hand gets tired. You know you want to see the pendulum move, and you'll need to have your eyes open for that. They can close later."

Jim nodded absently. He'd almost totally forgotten about blinking now, and his eyes were burning a little from the effort of keeping them open. It was good to know that he'd be able to close them soon. As soon as...

The pendulum moved. Jim's eyes almost closed, but he was too astonished to let them shut yet. It was really happening, he thought. The pendulum was swaying--just a tiny little bit at first, but now moving into a regular, even motion as he watched it. His eyes followed the stone back and forth as it swayed, and his jaw hung open as he tried to figure out how it was happening. He knew he wasn't moving his hand, he was trying so hard to hold it up and hold it still even though it felt so tired and heavy now; but the pendulum was moving anyway. It danced and swung on the end of the chain all on its own. "And what does that do to you?" Doctor Hendricks said quietly as he watched Jim's eyes widen in awe.

Jim felt his breath go out in a whoosh. "Relaxes me..." he mumbled out.

"Very good," Doctor Hendricks said. "And every swing makes you ten times as relaxed now, every time the pendulum passes from right to left...and from left to right...it relaxes you deeper. And when you're relaxed enough, Jim, you'll feel the words spill right out as you tell me everything you want me to know. And every time you tell me something you want me to know, every time you unburden yourself from another secret, that will relax you even deeper."

Jim felt like he sat there forever watching the pendulum swing. He followed it with his eyes as it swung once...and then again...and then another time...and he couldn't remember how many times that was now, he was too relaxed to really worry about counting, but it felt like a long time. Time felt like it was stretching like taffy as he watched the pendulum, and it could have been hours before he finally said, "My wife wants to have a threesome with another man."

He barely even heard Doctor Hendricks' words as the rush of unwinding tension sent him even deeper into the wonderful, floaty sensation of watching the crystal and relaxing. "And you're worried about seeing your wife with another man?"

"No..." Jim said, the words coming easier as he relaxed and his relaxation making the words come out easier. "I think...she hasn't quite said it, but I can tell, she wants me to...participate. With him." The tension started to build again at the thought of it, but then the pendulum passed from right to left, and it drained away. "I'm not sure I can go through with it. But I know she wants it, and it'd be...wrong...if I asked her to do all these things in the bedroom, but I wouldn't do the things she wanted me to do. I want to do this for her. I really do. I'm just not sure I can..."

"Because you don't want to touch another man?" Doctor Hendricks asked.

"I'm not gay," Jim said, a touch of childish petulance in his voice. "I played football in college, I...I don't want guys thinking I'm gay."

"That's an interesting way of putting it, Jim," Doctor Hendricks said. "Are you worried about...participating...with another man, or are you worried that other people would think of you differently if they knew?"

Jim listened to himself talk with a certain degree of amazement--he was actually surprised to hear some of the things he was saying, but once he heard them, they did make a lot of sense. "I'm afraid I'll think of me differently. I'm not gay, and I don't want to be gay. I'm scared I'll like it too much, that it'll do something to me. I'm..." Jim knew he must be deeply hypnotized when he heard what he said next, because he'd never have said something so stupid out loud if he wasn't. "I'm afraid it'll turn me gay."

As stupid as it sounded, he realized he really believed it. Knowing it was stupid didn't get of the fear that it would happen somehow, that he'd touch another guy's dick and suddenly get all swishy. "S'why I want you to hypnotize me...take away the fear, so I can do this and make my wife happy."

He felt Doctor Hendricks' hand on his shoulder. It was only then that he realized his eyes were closed, that the pendulum was now swaying only in his mind. "It's okay, Jim," Doctor Hendricks said. "You don't have to be afraid. Nobody can make you gay, Jim. Ask any scientist, they'll tell you that's a fact. Being gay is more than just having sex with a man; it's a part of who you are. If you're not gay, nothing can make you gay, no matter what you do in the bedroom." Doctor Hendricks' hand slid just a little bit down Jim's arm, pressing it down gently and letting it flop onto his chest, pendulum and all. He felt even more relaxed as his arm went limp. "Nobody can make you gay, Jim. Say it with me."

"Nobody...can make you gay..." Jim sighed out, feeling as though he was floating as the burden of worry started to lighten.

"Nobody can make you gay."

"Nobody...c'n make...gay..." Jim felt his lips grow slack and loose as he relaxed even further.

"Nobody can make you gay."

"nbdy...c'n mk...g'y..." It was getting harder to say the words, but easier to think them.

"You can be close to another man without being gay, Jim," Doctor Hendricks said, maintaining a warm grip on Jim's arm. "Think back to college. You played football with other men. You showered with them, you grappled with them, you slapped them on the back or patted them on the butt or even hugged them. You maybe even slept in the same bed with them on road trips." Jim nodded, his voice momentarily lost as he relaxed even more. "None of that made you gay. It was just a close bonding experience with another man."

Jim tried to say something, but it only came out as a sigh. Doctor Hendricks seemed to take the point, though. "And you still enjoy the company of other men, Jim. You enjoy talking to them, playing cards, fishing, watching football, camping...all close, emotional experiences, Jim. That's all this is going to be. Just another close experience with a man. It won't make you gay, because nobody can make you gay."

"b'dy...g'y..." The words came automatically now, even though they were slurred and whispered to the point of unrecognizability.

"That's right, Jim. Even now, you're very relaxed in my presence; I'm touching you, we're having a deeply emotional and close moment, and you're comfortable with that, aren't you?" As he spoke, Doctor Hendricks put his hand on Jim's chest.

For a moment, Jim wasn't quite comfortable with it. It felt maybe a little too close. But then he remembered that it was alright. It wasn't going to make him gay. Nobody could make him gay. He sighed, feeling the gentle pressure of Doctor Hendricks' hand moving up and down with his chest as he breathed out, and whispered a "y's..."

"That's right. We're just bonding, that's all. Two men, enjoying the camaraderie of each other's presence, learning to trust each other. That feels good, Jim. It feels good to learn to trust me, to be close to me like this."

And it did feel good. It felt warm, and relaxing, and comfortable, and yet somehow very enjoyable. His flesh almost seemed to tingle with the warm, dreamy ease of it all. "And because we've bonded like this, Jim, it's going to be even easier for you to relax like this when you're with me. I'll say, 'Trust me, Jim', and you'll remember how this experience has brought us together, and how warm and comfortable that feels, and that's going to relax you until you're all the way down in trance like this again. Isn't that right, Jim?"

Jim couldn't even speak now; he just let his head bob up and down slightly to agree. The thought of being able to come back to this place again and again, it sounded so wonderful that it made him sink deeper simply imagining it. He pictured Doctor Hendricks saying the words, pictured himself relaxing, and that image in his mind's eye made him relax all the more.

"Very good, Jim. And you might find, when you come back up, that you're still a little nervous. That's okay, Jim. That just means we have more work to do. All you need to think about right now is how productive this session was. It made you feel good, it made you feel comfortable, it made you feel relaxed and close to me. Those are all good things." And they were good things, Jim knew. He squirmed slightly on the couch with every word of it, feeling a warm dreamy heat as he felt Doctor Hendricks rub his chest, his fingers occasionally brushing against Jim's nipples through his clothing. He didn't need to think about that, though. All he needed to think about right now was how productive this session was.

It felt like it went on forever, a warm liquid sensation of pleasant relaxation and tingling stimulation. Jim was almost disappointed when Doctor Hendricks finally took his hand away and said, "And now, Jim, I'm going to count up to five. When I do that, you'll feel yourself becoming more alert and aware with each number, remembering how productive and helpful this was, and how good it felt. One... two... three... four... five."

Jim opened his eyes. "How...um..." His mouth felt a little dry. "How long was I, um, out?" He shifted position slightly on the couch. He felt kind of embarrassed, waking up with a little bit of a chubby, and he didn't want the doc noticing. It'd be kind of awkward if Doctor Hendricks thought that Jim was into him or something, when he was really just enjoying being relaxed like that.

"About forty-five minutes," Doctor Hendricks replied. "A productive first session, but I certainly didn't expect to solve all your problems in one go. And I hope you didn't either."

Jim blinked heavily, his head still a bit full of cobwebs. "Huh? Oh, no. No, I'm fine with coming back. Whatever it takes to make the wife happy, right?"

Doctor Hendricks smiled. "Whatever it takes to make you comfortable, Jim. My patients are always the most important things to me." He patted Jim on the shoulder in a friendly way. Jim was surprised at how soothing the little gesture was. "Come on. Let's get your next session scheduled."

*****

"So," Doctor Hendricks said as Jim settled onto the couch, "What does your wife think about what you're doing here?"

Jim froze up for a second, then chuckled. "Wow, Rob, you really don't mess around, do you?"

"Sorry," Doctor Hendricks said with a mischievous grin. "I figured you were paying by the hour, you probably wanted to skip the small talk. But if you want, we can chat a little bit. See the game on Sunday? Dolphins look pretty good this year, don't they? How about that Pennington, huh? Why did you avoid answering the question about your wife?" He paused. "Sorry, that last one was back to business. I don't want to waste too much of your money."

Jim shifted a little. "I haven't exactly told her yet. She knows I'm talking to a therapist, but I didn't tell her about the hypnosis, and I didn't tell her what it was about. As far as she's concerned, the whole 'threesome' thing is still something I'm thinking about. Which, you know, she's been good about it. She hasn't nagged me or anything. But I can tell sometimes that she's thinking about me thinking about it."

"Well then," Doctor Hendricks said, rubbing his hands together, "let's not keep her waiting too much longer, shall we? Do you remember what happened in last week's session?"

Jim furrowed his brow a little as he thought back to the hazy warmth of his trance a week ago. "I...some of it. A little." He remembered his eyes getting heavy, burning with the strain of keeping them open... "We, um...we talked about what I wanted. Out of this. To be comfortable with another man." His arm felt heavy, even though it was resting at his side instead of working so hard to hold up the pendulum so that he could watch it swing back and forth.

Doctor Hendricks leaned forward a bit, watching Jim's eyes as they became ever so slightly glassy. "I gave you a special phrase, Jim, one that would relax you and make you more comfortable. Do you remember what that phrase was?"

"Um..." Jim tried to think, but all he could really remember was the feel of fingers, bumping up against his nipples and making them stiffen into tiny buds on his chest. The memory was so clear it felt like he was feeling it all over again. "No. Sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Jim," Doctor Hendricks said warmly. "That's good. That's very good. That's a sign that you're comfortable with me, and that you're willing to trust me, Jim."

"Uh-huh..." Jim felt his muscles go loose and rubbery as he realized how good that knowledge felt. It was so nice to trust Doctor Hendricks, so warm and soft and relaxing. His eyes slid halfway shut as the pleasure of it overwhelmed him.