I'm Now Called Dee Ch. 06

In work on the Monday after our night out clubbing, I could barely look at Craig, especially when he started bragging about giving 'some lesbo an orgasm.' I wanted to say something and defend a person's sexual choices, but didn't have the courage and didn't want his attention drawn to me.

I sought Pamela out, asking if she would go to lunch with me as I had something I wished to discuss in private. Pamela realising it had to be important, suggested picking up a sandwich and finding a quiet corner in the park nearby.

At last we got to the park.

"That 'lesbo' Craig was talking about was me," I blurted, explaining what really happened.

"Oh you poor thing. I did wonder why you went so pale. Don't worry too much, he just reinforced what the women already think of him. Neanderthal."

"What if he realises who the 'lesbo' was?"

"I doubt he'd do anything other than give you some dirty looks now, he'd be too afraid of making a scene and people questioning his 'manliness.' Unfortunately, as Yvonne and I know, some people can be both physically and verbally abusive towards the LGBT community. They for some reason feel threatened by what they perceive as unnatural."

This was something I didn't understand, what harm were we doing? Did it matter, we didn't question their relationships.

Kate and I bought some toys to experiment with. I continued reading about hormone treatment, the more I read the more I wanted to start. We made friends with Cynthia and her LGBT friends and made some useful contacts.

I spoke at length with Alex. I had lots of questions. Over time as Kate and I got to know her better, she shared the details of her surgery, from Adam's apple reduction, breast augmentation also known as top surgery, and vaginoplasty know as bottom surgery. She shared her video diary with us, which was very comprehensive and intimate. Alex was so proud of her vagina, she asked if we would like to look. If she'd sat next to Kate, I wouldn't have known which one was the reconstructed one.

"That's a beautiful job," said Kate.

"Thank you. The things that most surprised me, although I'd been warned of the possibility, were how sensitive my clit was and how wet I became, when aroused. It's not the same for everyone though."

I wanted to know how the pain was bearable. The swelling, bruising, scaring and other symptoms I'd seen in the video diary look horrifyingly painful and frightening.

"I can only tell you how it was for me. Before transitioning I'd tried sex with partners of both sexes, but neither felt right. After GRS and despite the pain and swelling etc I felt like the person I should have been all along. I was having penetrative sex as soon as I could, in fact I went a bit wild, jumping into bed with any man I could. By the time I hooked up with Dave, my boyfriend, I'd calmed down a bit, I was able confide in him. He was a patient lover and brought out the best in me."

They were getting married in the new year, about seven months away, and she wanted me to be one of her bridesmaids. That got me giggling.

"What's so funny?" Kate and Alex both asked.

"I've never heard of a transgender bridesmaid before," I said.

I had no problem being a bridesmaid, every little girl's dream. After-all the only time I wasn't dressed properly, was at work or visiting parents.

"Dee," said Kate, laughing, "that is the first time you have referred to yourself as transgender."

We talked more about the wedding and who would be there. Alex and Dave's parents would be there as well as lots of our new friends from the LGBT community.

At home I told Kate I'd made my mind up to see the doctor and see if I could get hormone therapy on the NHS. We also needed to tell our parents, that was going to be a difficult conversation.

Later in the week Kate and I went to the doctor. When it was our turn to see him we walked in and sat holding hands. The doctor look at me then his notes, asked my date of birth and address. As, I assume, an extra precaution he asked what name was on his notes. So I told him.

"And what name do you wish to be known by now?" He asked.

"Dee."

"OK Dee, correct me if I'm wrong, but your going to ask if gender reassignment is possible on the NHS. The answer is yes it's possible, but you would need to be referred for psychological assessment first and that could take months. So that I can start to build a case, tell me about your life and marriage."

I explained that I'd had these feelings for along time, and had assumed them to be fantasies. When I'd admitted to Kate how I felt, we experimented with crossdressing, but that just reinforced my femininity and desire to be female. How now when we made love, in my head I was a woman, and I hadn't had an erection in the last six months at least. What the doctor didn't need to know, was the last time I had an erection was our night with Cynthia. The only time Kate or I had extramarital sex, was the night I realised I was on a journey towards womanhood. I suspected that if I went as far down the road as Alex, I would want to try penis in vagina sex, but that was hypothetical for the moment. He wrote a letter of referral and made an appointment to see us both again in a couple of weeks.

Kate had arranged to visit her parents at the weekend, saying we had something important and deeply personal we wanted to share with them face to face and not to worry we'd see them soon.

The day came when they would see me as a woman for the first time, and I wanted to look my best for them. I took extra care with my appearance that day, I wanted an elegant and sophisticated look.

As soon as Kate's mum saw us she knew, without us saying anything, what was coming. She took my hand, giving it a little squeeze. Kate's dad wasn't far behind.

Sitting down, we explained how we had got to this point and how we were going forward, but that we didn't know if or where the journey would end. They both listened, every now and again asking questions. When we finished explaining, Kate's dad, Steve, got up.

"I'll be in the shed if you girls want me."

Margaret, Kate's mum saw the look of disappointment on my face.

"Don't worry Dee, he accepts it. He may need half an hour to process the information because it is a lot to take in. If he'd just said he was going in the shed, that would have been different. He's giving us chance to have a 'girly' chat."

"Do you think so?" I asked hopefully.

"Oh yes Dee," she replied. "I always wondered if you had a preference for women, Kate."

"Mum, what gave you that idea?"

"Did you think I couldn't hear what was going on in your bedroom when some of your girlfriends came round."

"You never said anything?"

"Experimenting with sex is all part of growing up, I didn't want you having a guilt trip. Besides with a girl you weren't going to get pregnant."

Laughing Kate said, "And I thought I was so careful."

"Yes you were, more careful than Ellie. You know how untidy she can be, I find her vibrators in odd places around the house, you never did that."

"I never had the courage to go and buy one at that age, I used the handle of my hairbrush."

"I worry about Ellie," their mum said, "I know she has a string of boyfriends, I just hope she's taking precautions."

"Don't worry mum, she says she is on the pill and as far as I know no boy has yet popped her cherry. To use her words 'they can finger not fuck' and 'I'll suck not fuck.'"

"Well I'm glad she's taking precautions while still having fun experimenting. You kids seem to think you invented sex. We wouldn't all be here if our forebears hadn't enjoyed a bit of sex."

She was right of course, why did we never think of our parents as sexual beings with their own needs and desires? Whatever we thought about them, there was no such thing as immaculate conception.

"Don't think your father and I are innocent when it comes to relationships, same sex and otherwise."

"Mum!...do you still?"

"Not any more, but your father and I still sometimes relive our fantasies in our more intimate moments."

All these family confessions were making me hot in the knicker area, figuratively speaking of course, but then I wasn't used to talking about such intimate details with close family members.

"I think I'll go and see Steve in the shed."

"He'll like that dear. As you know, he likes to show people his latest pieces."

Steve's shed was actually a reasonably large workshop. His little hobby, as he liked to call it, was up-cycling old tired furniture into beautiful shabby chic pieces, of which we had a number at home. As usual he offered me anything we wanted from his collection.

We had a long man to woman chat, during which he asked if we'd told my parents yet.

"No, that's not something I'm looking forward, to they're not as relaxed and open about life as you guys are. That is something I'm still getting used to, but is what I love about this family."

"Dee, you know I love to talk about my hobby because it's something I enjoy. You, Kate and most other people like to share and talk about your interests. Sex, probably humanities favourite pastime, is kept in the dark. Why? Life without sex in whatever form would be intolerable."

With that we were called in for coffee by Kate. Sitting round the kitchen table Margaret asked if we would like to invite my parents to their house when we revealed Dee to them. Neutral territory, she said. About this time, Ellie breezed in.

"Oh, hi Kate, hi Dee."

"Ellie knew?" questioned their mum.

"Yes," I said, "it was accidental, she burst into the bathroom as I was getting ready."

"Well I was desperate for a pee and I didn't think."

"Ellie, that's your problem, you never think!" they all three exclaimed in unison.