Influenced

When it was obvious she couldn't get away, Jane slumped against the bench.

"He knows Steph. He's always known."

"Who knows what Jane?"

"Dave, Steph. He knows everything."

"What? How?"

"The first time you tried and he almost caught you. He told me that you'd shared one of your state of the union talks and you denied everything when he confronted you. He said he put his arm around you and felt your heart pounding in your chest. He knew you were lying. I've really got to go."

"Not until you tell me everything."

My heart was again producing that roaring noise in my ears. I had a flashback to the night she was talking about. The cold way that Dave said, 'You've given me your answer'.

"He came and saw me in the middle of the night, a couple of weeks after your first attempt. He told me he'd set up recorders everywhere after he caught you lying. He hadn't said anything till then as you seemed to be determined never to do it again. Remember it took me about two weeks to talk you back into it. Well, that was the night. I answered the door and he grabbed me round the throat and almost choked me. I could see the rage in his eyes. He told me that as I'd talked you into it, I now had to talk you out of it or he would kill me. He warned me not to change any of our habits and only talk about it face to face like we'd always done. If I tried to warn you or go to the police, he would kill me. Then he punched me in the stomach Steph, just to show me he was serious."

"Oh come on Jane. Dave wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Are you sure Steph? How long did I have to wear that scarf to hide the bruises? What about that guy he killed?"

"That was an accident."

"Was it Steph? Are you sure?"

The look in her eye told me she didn't think so.

"Did you know he beat up his first fiancé and her lover Steph? Then threatened them so they didn't report him."

"No. He wouldn't do that."

"He did Steph. I went and saw her."

I felt the colour drain from my face also. Jane used my distraction to make for the door. Half way through she threw over her shoulder.

"I'm sorry for getting you involved Steph. Take my advice. Run away. Far away."

As her car screamed off down the road I sat down and panicked. Which one was really Dave? The mild mannered man I knew or the violent avenging one Jane described. I had a horrible feeling I knew. I tried to look through his eyes. I could imagine the disappointment when he'd first found out. The relief, when he discovered that nothing happened. The listening, as Jane hammered at my resolve. The cautious optimism, as he'd tried to show me how much I meant to him, while all the time monitoring our conversations. His visit to Jane certainly explained her abruptly strange behaviour.

All of a sudden I remembered her bizarre search of the kitchen that day. I stood and picked up the telephone just as she'd done. I couldn't see anything. I searched the rest of the kitchen. It took me 20 minutes to find it. A small electronic box behind the cookbooks on a shelf. I picked it up and remembered what it must have recorded less than an hour ago. I desperately examined it, looking for an erase or a play button. There was nothing but an on/off switch.

Five minutes of planning later, I had an idea. I would pretend I'd found it while spring cleaning that afternoon. They do say that the best means of defence is attack. I would tell him I was devastated that he'd invaded my privacy and demand he erase it. That would work. It had to. I realised I was dripping sweat in my nervousness, so I went for a shower.

When I came back down, Dave's briefcase was in the lounge.

"Dave honey, where are you? We need to talk."

"I'm just in the study Steph. I'll be out in a tick."

I turned on the coffee maker and put the bug right in the centre of the table. Swallowing my nervousness, I tried to work myself into a rage.

All of a sudden, there was a huge bellow from the study and a mighty crash. On reflex I headed to the study door and looked in. Dave had his back to me and was kicking his overturned desk. He still had a pair of headphones around his neck. Suddenly I realised why he went into the study every night. The bugs must transmit to a central recorder. He'd already heard my confession. I was busted and he was lividly out of control. As I watched in horror, he picked up his desk chair and half turned to smash it against the bookshelf. As he did this he spotted me and I saw his slitted eyes, in a flushed face, focus on me. I felt like a deer in a spotlight. I have never seen or even heard of that much rage going into a single glance.

"SLUT", was the only word he spat. I watched in terror as he span again and stepped to his safe. The one he kept his target pistol in. I finally recovered enough to run. Pausing only to grab the keys, I jumped in my car and added my own to Jane's rubber tracks on the road. I rang Jane. She was half an hour out of town already. I pleaded with her to stop and wait for me. She reluctantly agreed. When we met up, we drove for another hour. We withdrew the daily maximum from an ATM on all our accounts then ditched our traceable cell phones in a bin and bought disposable ones. Then we headed off in a completely different direction. Two days later we parted ways. We just were a constant reminder to ourselves that we'd destroyed each other's lives. Before we parted we came up with a plan to stay in touch. When we both settled down we would keep our disposable phones in safety deposit boxes. At 11AM on the first day of each quarter we would ring each other. We would never tell each other where we lived in case one of us was discovered and live completely separate lives.

"So how long ago was that again madam?"

"That was 11 years ago and this is the first time I have been back to town officer."

"So that makes you what, 45?"

I saw the sceptical look he gave me and felt I had to defend myself.

"Yes, I know I look older. 11 years of looking over your shoulder, never being able to contact your old life and constant guilt does that to you."

"Oh, so you finally found some guilt did you?"

"Yes, but mainly for Dave. I was the second long term partner that he had stab him in the back. The chances of him leading a normal life after that were zero."

"What about Jane?"

"Well we rang each other on the first day of the next quarter. She wasn't travelling very well at all. As she'd left town very quickly, she didn't have any work references. She didn't come out and say it but reading between the lines she was hooking to make ends meet. I didn't hear from her after that. Two years later I had some spare cash so I hired a PI. He managed to trace her phone to a lawyer's office. All they would tell him was it was part of a deceased estate. They wouldn't tell him any more and I said no when he asked if I wanted to dig further. What was the point? I know what happened."

"And what exactly do you want from the police madam?"

"Well, I got back to town just now. My mother is dying. Can you send someone with me to Dave's house and warn him off any retribution. I just want to say goodbye to my mum. If he wants to kill me after today he can. I've had enough. I'm not going to run anymore."

"Haven't you got a husband or a boyfriend that can go with you?"

"Are you kidding? Leading a life under a false name, too scared to make any friends because you know you'll have to leave within a year, doesn't lead to healthy friendships. One guy was special once, about seven years ago. But when I told him why I was so scared, he disappeared pretty quickly."

"Okay madam. It's highly unusual but what the hell, it's a slow day."

I jumped in his cruiser. We drove down Jane's street on the way. Her house was gone, replaced by some units.

"What happened there? Did they pull the old house down?"

"No. It burnt down, oh, 10 or 11 years ago."

I had tears in my eyes when we pulled up in front of my old house. According to the telephone directory it was still Dave's. Reluctantly I got out, followed by the policeman. He undid his holster and stood to the side of the door while I rang the bell. The familiar chime just reinforced what a waste of time the last 11 years had been.

The door was opened by a child. Despite being only about eight or nine he was unusually tall with blonde hair and good looks.

"Hello, I'm looking for David Brown."

"Mum, there's a lady here looking for Dad."

While I waited for the child's mother to arrive I watched two other smaller children play in the lounge. Finally a slim woman, about five years younger than me and quite beautiful, appeared over her son's shoulder. She saw me and hustled the child back into the lounge.

"Hello Mrs. Brown, I'm..."

"I know who you are. What do you want?"

"I just wanted to apologise to my husband and..."

"I can assure you that MY husband doesn't want anything to do with you. Seeing you will just make him sad again. Please leave."

"Well, just tell him I'm staying at my mother's place and just to come over there and get anything out of his system he wants to."

"Why would he want to see you?"

"Well, I know he has been looking for me for 11 years."

"I can tell you that I have known him for almost 11 years and been married to him for over nine. I can assure you that he never said anything to me about trying to find you. I handle the family finances so I know he has never hired a PI. Since his promotion to CEO nine years ago he hasn't even left town without me. I'm sure you are mistaken."

She looked at me as that news sank in. Had my last 11 years of constant movement and frequent name changes really been all for nothing? I couldn't accept that. I remembered the two times I'd moved just because I was sure I'd glimpsed his truck.

"Is that all you wanted? I have to go back to making dinner, it's the Cooks night off."

I just nodded as I looked past her to a life that should have been mine. A tear escaped each of my eyes.

"If it's all the same to you, I won't even tell Dave you were here. He really loved you, you know. He waited for a year for you to come back. After it was obvious you weren't, I convinced him to divorce you for abandonment. Telling him you're around will just open up old wounds that took me a lot of effort to close. Please respect our privacy."

As she shut the door, the friendly policeman put his arm around me and helped me down a path I couldn't even see through my tears.

Epilogue

I never did see Dave again. Two weeks later I ran into Jane's sister. She told me about the suicide note that Jane sent. Forced by desperation into selling herself, she'd turned to drugs to cope. One night, faced with the shame of her new life and living with the constant fear of an avenging Dave, she wrote her final letter.

The end.

Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?

A: Erotic you use a feather. Kinky you use the whole damn chicken.