Injustice

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Has female birth control become oppressive to women?
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MissO
MissO
3 Followers

One of the first accomplishments of feminism in the mid-20th century was the legalization of female birth control. It was to open the world of free sex to the female population. No longer would be live in fear of pregnancy. No longer were the constraints of the "rhythm method" or other forms of "natural" birth control methods a problem; we could now pop a pill and be free to sleep around throughout our 28-day cycle.

When I first became sexually active, I went on the Pill. Everyday at 7pm I would open a small pink case and swallow a small blue pill. Regardless of the fact that my partner and I always used condoms as a form of contraception, I felt that birth control would be a good idea.

However, within a few short weeks of starting on the Pill, I began to get very sick. My stomach was not pleased with me, and I was cramping abnormally. My body, much like my mother's body had done when she was on the Pill, was suffering some of the more severe side affects of the hormones, and I was advised to stop taking it. The problem was, my partner refused to have it. "You can't stop taking the birth control," he demanded. "If you get pregnant, it isn't going to be my fault." The blame would be all mine.

So this was the first encounter with the patriarchy that birth control has undergone. It was no longer a way for me, a woman, to control my sexuality, but had instead become a way to remove all reproductive responsibility from my partner.

I soon separated from this boy, and began dating another. Our sex life was exciting and we engaged in relations daily for over a year. Our only form of contraception was condoms, and used the calendar form of natural family planning, a charted form of birth control. I felt completely comfortable in our cooperative responsibility. I was responsible for charting myself, he checked the cervical fluid, I took my temperature, and we both bought the condoms.

When our relationship ended, I did not go looking for another partner. However, I had the assumption that birth control in relationships would be this egalitarian. I expected that I would continue to do my part at charting my fertile and non-fertile days, and he would continue to use condoms every time.

Then I got a "wake-up call." Now, I am about to subject you to a very personal and uncomfortable part of my life, but it makes directly the point of this thesis.

So I had been seeing this "gentleman" for approximately a two weeks. Now, I had been celibate for many months, and was quite attracted to this boy. He had brought me over homemade soup when I was ill, and helped me clean the snow off my car during a parking ban. He had scored many politeness points with me, and I agreed to spend the night with him after a few dates.

It started weird. His room was oddly designed with a high loft of a bed. Things moved quickly, and we proceeded to begin having intercourse. I was very adamant from the beginning that he had to wear a condom, or I would leave, and he proceeded to wear one. The sex was the worst sex of my life. He was slightly violent and pushy. I was very uncomfortable and regretting my choice to sleep with him, and when he stopped, I thanked the Lord it was over. We proceeded to lay in bed and fall asleep.

Not much later from the moment I had dozed off, I awoke to him entering into me. I was so shocked, laying on my stomach as he lifted me so that he could penetrate. I didn't know what to do. My whole life, everyone from my mother to my teacher's had prepared me for this moment. "Remember to butt his nose and knee his groin," I heard my mother saying in my head. But I was in no position to do so. I was pinned on a lofted bed 10 feet above the floor. When it was over, he rolled over next to me and smiled. "Where's the condom," I asked, knowing something was up, other than the fact he just assulted me in his own apartment. "Umm, didn't you feel me make a mess inside you?" he said with a grin. I immediately began to shoot tears, trying to hide them as best as possible. Those words killed me. I immediately cringed. How could anyone be so disgusting? This was certainly not the man I had met just two weeks ago. I wanted to run, but his body blocked the stairs to get down from the bed. As I write this, I can remember how sick to my stomach I was, and how much I wanted my mother, and I wanted someone to rescue me. It was weird how someone so strong, turned so weak at that moment.

"You are on birth control, right?" he asked, definitely expecting me to say yes. "No, I am not on fucking birth control!" I yelled back at him, turning over. He was quiet for a minute and then replied with strict confidence, "Oh, don't worry, when this happened with my ex we just went to Planned Parenthood and got EC. I will take you in the morning."

My whole life I have stood up for pro-choice campaigns. Birth control, abortion, emergency contraception, and even the RU-486. Never in that entire time did I ever think it would be a man who forced to take part in any of these methods. Never in my life had I wanted, or planned on having to take the morning after pill, or worry about having to have an abortion.

Before he laid back down, with my head hidden in a tears-stained pillow he remarked, "You know, I would make a really great dad." I started to cry even harder.

That morning, as I walked into Planned Parenthood on Forest Avenue for the first time in my life, I had to pick up a phone. The woman asked me, "What can we do for you?" I stuttered for a few seconds and replied, "I think I need EC." The door unlocked.

As I filled out the questionnaire, I grew more nervous. With my ex-partner, we had practiced natural family planning, and by a quick calendar count, I realized that I had been accosted during a fertile day. My heart dropped. "I could be pregnant," I thought.

The EC made my stomach cramp and my head pound, like the nurse had told me it would. I withered in severe pain, one from my bruised vagina, and the other from the foreign drugs in my system. I cried for days, never telling anyone what had happened. People would be so ashamed, I thought. Everyone expects me to be the strong one.

It started weird. His room was oddly designed with a high loft of a bed. Things moved quickly, and we proceeded to begin having intercourse. I was very adamant from the beginning that he had to wear a condom, or I would leave, and he proceeded to wear one. The sex was the worst sex of my life. He was slightly violent and pushy. I was very uncomfortable and regretting my choice to sleep with him, and when he stopped, I thanked the Lord it was over. We proceeded to lay in bed and fall asleep.

Not much later from the moment I had dozed off, I awoke to him entering into me. I was so shocked, laying on my stomach as he lifted me so that he could penetrate. I didn't know what to do. My whole life, everyone from my mother to my teacher's had prepared me for this moment. "Remember to butt his nose and knee his groin," I heard my mother saying in my head. But I was in no position to do so. I was pinned on a lofted bed 10 feet above the floor. When it was over, he rolled over next to me and smiled. "Where's the condom," I asked, knowing something was up, other than the fact he just assulted me in his own apartment. "Umm, didn't you feel me make a mess inside you?" he said with a grin. I immediately began to shoot tears, trying to hide them as best as possible. Those words killed me. I immediately cringed. How could anyone be so disgusting? This was certainly not the man I had met just two weeks ago. I wanted to run, but his body blocked the stairs to get down from the bed. As I write this, I can remember how sick to my stomach I was, and how much I wanted my mother, and I wanted someone to rescue me. It was weird how someone so strong, turned so weak at that moment.

"You are on birth control, right?" he asked, definitely expecting me to say yes. "No, I am not on fucking birth control!" I yelled back at him, turning over. He was quiet for a minute and then replied with strict confidence, "Oh, don't worry, when this happened with my ex we just went to Planned Parenthood and got EC. I will take you in the morning."

My whole life I have stood up for pro-choice campaigns. Birth control, abortion, emergency contraception, and even the RU-486. Never in that entire time did I ever think it would be a man who forced to take part in any of these methods. Never in my life had I wanted, or planned on having to take the morning after pill, or worry about having to have an abortion.

Before he laid back down, with my head hidden in a tears-stained pillow he remarked, "You know, I would make a really great dad." I started to cry even harder.

That morning, as I walked into Planned Parenthood on Forest Avenue for the first time in my life, I had to pick up a phone. The woman asked me, "What can we do for you?" I stuttered for a few seconds and replied, "I think I need EC." The door unlocked.

As I filled out the questionnaire, I grew more nervous. With my ex-partner, we had practiced natural family planning, and by a quick calendar count, I realized that I had been accosted during a fertile day. My heart dropped. "I could be pregnant," I thought.

The EC made my stomach cramp and my head pound, like the nurse had told me it would. I withered in severe pain, one from my bruised vagina, and the other from the foreign drugs in my system. I cried for days, never telling anyone what had happened. People would be so ashamed, I thought. Everyone expects me to be the strong one.

I never spoke to him again, but the fear continued to stay in my mind. "I can't not be on birth control," I told myself. "You never know if this could happen again."

So I made an appointment for birth control. I approached the practitioner with all my concerns and worries of the Pill, and she suggested I take Depo Provera. It was more than evident that this woman was a champion for the shot, which is better described here if you know little or nothing about it. I knew my sister had been on Depo for almost a year, and she had had only minor side effects. The list the woman gave me was horrible. Loss of libido, extreme weight gain, loss of bone density, vaginal pain during sex, loss of lubrication, severe depression and mood swings, abnormal hair growth...the list went on. After she shoved the needle in my arm she remarked, "Now you don't have to worry for 3 whole months!" My stomach churned again.

In the weeks, and now months, that have followed that day, I have suffered some major side-effects, including the inability to orgasm, moody swings, night sweats and hot flashes, abnormal bleeding, and loss of natural lubrication. I became angry that I had this inside me, and began to do more research. Hundreds upon hundreds of sites were dedicated to women who had suffered severities related to the Depo Provera shot. I soon learned it was believed to have caused infertility in test subjects, and was also the same drug given to rapists as a form of "chemical castration." How ironic. Not only had birth control stolen my ability to find sexual pleasure, but it may have also stolen my ability to have children. In a time when I was finally getting excited about someday being someone's wife and mother, this was even harder to accept.

"Depo is the best thing to ever happen to men," a male friend said to me when I told him about my problem. He was absolutely right. The drug not only took all contraceptive responsibility away from the man, but like female genital mutilation, took away a woman's right to pleasure and most of all, her health. Depo was the greatest threat to the feminist sexual movement. Knowing it will be in my body for almost a whole other month, makes me very frustrated.

I feel that in this day and age, that female, chemical birth control becomes more and more a way for men to control women. When men ask, "Are you on the Pill?" to my girlfriends or I, I can't help but get enraged. The worst part, is when I tell other women at events such as "Take Back the Night," this story they always victimize me. They always place me in a position of being victimized. I always tell them, "I am not so mad about the assault, as I am about the event forced me to go to Planned Parenthood, having to take EC, having to worry about whether I was going to need an abortion, having to spend $20 on a pregnancy test. That is what makes me angry." The whole idea that it is social unacceptable to have children out of wedlock, the shame that comes with being a survivor of rape, the force to abort products of rape, but remain quiet about the assault...that is what makes me angry. The fact that I technically lost all control of my sexuality during and following the event, that is what makes me just plain disgusted.

Birth control was distributed and proclaimed by feminist groups as a way of women to lead healthy, sexual lives. A way for women to become equal with their male sexual counterparts. A way for them to take back their sexuality. Current male responses to birth control, and lack of responsibility in child rearing, has torn this power away. Birth control is nothing more than a patriarchical devise, and that sickens me.

MissO
MissO
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AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
...

I don't know how far back your story dates, but you seem to overlook the fact that *feminists* campaign(ed) for alternative male BC *not* to be researched and/or produced, as that would take away the right that women (and women only) have (with chemicals) to choose when to get pregnant or not.

It is also ironic that *feminists* (and please, don't tell me they are not the 'true' feminists) essentially forced several laboratories to release on the market female drugs (BC, drugs against frigidity...) that were considered to be both inefficient and to have important side-effects - because "Women deserve it! We are free!". But of course the great evil of patriarchy must have forced them to do that too.

Please, do research what you are talking about, you'll only be seen as a whiny child otherwise.

I apologise for any language mistakes as English is not my mother tongue.

tazz317tazz317over 11 years ago
A WOMANS WORK IS NEVER DONE

and now it carry's over into playtime, TK U MLJ LV NV

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago

Thank you for sharing your story and, for what it's worth, you have my support. The sad fact is that it is human nature to try to push responsibility off onto another person. There is no pill that can take care of that. The egregious side-effect of the pill is that it is almost expected of women that they should take it, or some other form of birth control. Some liberation. I don't know how long it's been since the article was written, but here is to hoping things have turned better.

Pineapple2Pineapple2over 14 years ago
Disgusting

That was disgusting, the way your ex raped you. Did you call the police? It was assholish of your other ex to dump you when you said you weren't on the pill. But it wasn't the fault of the birth control itself. I think birth control is great, and there should be more of it, not less. Meaning, instead of getting rid of women's b/c, they should make birth control for men. And obviously, anything that effects your body should not be compulsory.

I would like to address one of the reviewer's comments that I found disagreeable. "that's life" by anonymous. First of all, does anonymous think that being raped is just a normal part of life? Just deal with it?

"Do you really want men to be the only ones responsible for BC?"

Obviously, MissO has clearly implied that she wants men and women to share the burden of BC. Never has she stated that she thinks men should be the only ones responsible. Which makes your next point moot.

" Assuming a man you're having sex with for the first time will be nice and responsible is just unsafe. So either be on BC, or be prepared to say NO and go for the groin if necessary."

So what you are suggesting, anonymous, is that women have to assume that every man they're going out with is a potential rapist? Why would anyone want to go out with a rapist? Should weak heterosexual women just not date at all? Maybe they should stay out of remote places, or better yet, just stay home. (Sarcasm.)

"They're not all the same - you may well find one that works if you experiment a bit."

Maybe I don't want to unnecessarily experiment with my health. What then?

And finally, the most illogical, stupid phrase of the whole post. The punchline:

"And anyway, how can you simultaneously complain that Depo or pills make your sex less pleasurable, and dismiss the fact that condoms do the same for at least some men?"

Does anonymous understand what she's saying? She is saying that putting foreign chemicals in your bloodstream is the equivalent of putting a piece of plastic around your dick. Let the readers judge.

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
Thank you for writing this

I have had many feelings on the same issue. Not only do you get ugly looks and questions about buying condoms (since your guy doesnt want to buy them any more because you should be on the pill) but even birth control you get dirty looks. When I see men doing the same for condoms, lube, or whatever, it's not even a funny glance. I buy condoms at a female owned sex store now to avoid the glares and enjoy being sexually liberated. The pill made me very sick as well, and I actually needed it for medical reasons (ovarian cysts) but I quit because it caused more pain then helped. Thank you for sharing your story and I am sorry this has happpened to you.

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