Interview with the Sex Therapist

Earl walked into his third and maybe his last session or interview with the mad Sex Therapist. Everybody called Forsythe T&A for short. For all his strange nature(his feet always touched ground) he was probably the best for the job. Best east of Pasadena, and if you did not understand Forsythe, the truth about men and women in America will always be a mystery. He'd say It is best to decide on a good beer or liquor you like. There's your companion, mate, the sex "analyst" would say. There are always good table wines like merlot and burgundy. They hit home better than a Chablis. If you wanted to get hammered, there are others choices. Ibuprofen and headache powder is a suggestion for later if one for later if you really like fortified wine. But the point of the alcohol example is that hanging with the babe takes a little more than internal strength.

They sat down and Earl went straight to business. Earl was looking at his left hand where a Winston should be. It wasn't there. The U.S. government took his tobacco and nicotine salad away for the duration of Earl's visit. If Proposition 19 actually passed, the grass would not pass either. Earl started the conversation. He turned 20 on Columbus Day.

"Well, when or if somebody gets married, I mean for a guy, it must be a lot easier to get some at home."

T&A looked out the window. "You just keep thinking that way, buddy roe. I would not count so heavily on that thought."

Earl thought some more. "Well, after high school, then."

T&A looked at Earl and said "What do you have to offer?"

Earl coughed, looked down. "Women like men who like TV shows about the dark and light side. I saw almost every episode where Sarah Jessica made rude little remarks about men. Which was probably all of them."

Got a live one here, but no future I know of. T&A returned "But no one really listened to her character. And why is that?"

Earl simply said "I was focused on Miss Parker's boobs. I guess."

T&A was starting to get restless. "Tell me about second base, then."

Earl rubbed his chin. "Oh. I know." So if I can get my hand down her blouse, is a woman going to let me do anything?" T&A now had the head of a huge dinosaur. He looked like a T-Rex. Earl did not seem to be surprised or scared. He figured it was all part of the method. And that worm in the bottle of mezcal Earl put so much importance on.

"You don't get out very much, do you Earl?" The omnivorous lizard made a dull roar. "You stand there between two mounds, weighing them."

"Mr. Forsyth, women cannot all be the ones who have the key. She opens the door, says come on in. She says to wait on the couch while she rinses off and says she can see me now in the bedroom. I must be Lancelot. Riding around bedding down royal wenches. And its always her idea?"

Now T&A looked like Merlin. "You can try Love Potion #9 or do some Adam Sandler impressions. But yeah, it's always her idea. Unless you trick her. Lie to her, you squirmy dog."

Earl was thinking of a very mild but potent cigar in a messy drawer at his place. Earl had a date...sooner or later. The cigar was for later. Then the college freshman said "Between the time I propose and our first kid, that's when I can just get a transfusion whenever I like. What do you say, T&A?"

The man being asked the question looked over at the paper on his wall, the one that turned him on in the mornings. He was now himself again. He had on his 60 dollar denims and and a nice polyester blend shirt mused over the latest question. He did humor his clients, all of them males. Finally, T&A says to his last case of the day "Are you planning to disarm this woman? Or just suck the blood out of her neck?"

Forsyth got home finally at about eight that night. It was comfortable. The thermostat was on 74. His wife was in the kitchenette, having After Shock and wearing absolutely nothing. Except sunglasses. Everything was okay in their roomy little efficiency apartment. A man living on T&A's salary can only have so much.

They had the little houseboat on a cove, not far from Albemarle Sound. The couple paid a respectable fee to keep their love nest from being taken out to sea or smashed against the rocks. They knew the guy who takes care of it, and he was married. Still, the professionals had fun together at home. Forsyth knew it was Thursday night and so did the missus.

Elaine said "Hi honey, I'm home."

Carl hung up his jacket and said "I can see that".

She smirked and left the room to put on her red Intimate Attitudes robe he gave her for her birthday. "Do you want a blowjob?" Elaine Forsyth asked her husband.

Back in the kitchenette T&A's wife took another shot of cinnamon schnapps, and chased it with a little Heineken.

"Let's talk about your job first, OK, honey? Where are you now?"

"Private school. Freshmen in a special school, and then they finish somewhere as seniors somewhere else."

"What is special?" Carl pulled a Mexican beer out of the refrigerator.

"They all live with both of their parents, dude."

"At the same time?" T&A dragged something out of his eye. Elaine Forsyth sipped at the cold red liquer now.

"Well, what can I say. Glad I took those extra psychology classes."

On any campus, Forsyth thought, I'd never find such a succulent, determined redneck woman with a heart of peasant glory. And in the top 12 percent of her graduating class.

"So what's new with you, ace?" The woman with her own personalized bottle of ginger ale, pulled her robe off in the den and walked back into the kitchenette, pulling up a barstool. A slip was what T&A's wife had on now, mocha with pink trim and transparent roses. T&A was thinking, I need to get that credit slab back before she explores the internet anymore. But, that nightie, damn it was gorgeous. Elaine was a ten in any street clothes, and on good nights the man was on the tenth floor of the next apartment had a chance overlook the view. The therapist's wife was plus but she was also six feet. Curvaceous, delicious, soft as a field of gerbera daisies.

"One of my clients who I've known for six months has a new girlfriend. An escort. He was so taken with the woman that nothing sexual happened the first night. He was fine with that. He's older, and never has any luck with women unless he calls up an agency. This woman happened to be a lot younger than him. Half, I think."

"He didn't nail her right away? What does he do? Smuggle art forgeries?"

"No. He just talked a lot about how nice she was. A rural woman."

"A country girl, old man. You should know the type by now."

"Once I've had peace in the woods, I always knew I would." Carl the sex therapist quipped, grinning.

Later, after a fierce concert of the senses, and mutual pleasuring, Elaine said "So does the guy with the consort tell you what he gives the woman? Or gave her, rather?"

Carl was on his back, and put his hand behind his head. "Why do you ask, Elaine? You want a boy toy or do you want to perform your own therapy?" The therapist continued "And what will my cut be? You know you have to have a pimp."

"Do not." Carl's wife turned on her side and her 44 C's fell over on the man. She closed her eyes, her head on Carl's chest.

Both were quiet for a moment, thinking of when they were first married when the technician came over to look at the refrigerator. T&A was off that day. At first Carl would listen on the cellular and Elaine would lie the landline discreetly on the night stand. Then Elaine plus-sized schoolteacher suggested instead that her husband be right there in there the bedroom. But the technician got another call while Elaine was in the bathroom and that was the end of that. Nothing else like the near-rendezvous with the refrigerator had happened during Elaine and Carl's marriage.

Friday came, and a bit of role-playing was happening at the Forsyth apartment. Elaine had a small problem with the desktop computer. They liked to watch their DVD's on the computer with the LCD monitor. Elaine, said "Oh whatever will we do, honey?" Will I have to strip tease or something else to entertain you tonight?" "I know a computer tech." Carl said. "He is a client of mine."

"But darling, how will we pay him? We could feed him. There are hamburgers, but they are not quite thawed out yet."

"You might have to show him some kind of hospitality yourself, Elaine. And then show him out. Or throw him out."

"Doesn't sound very polite, T&A." She giggled.

The tech came over to look over the PC and after fooling around with the control panel, the guy had the DVD software working like a charm. Elaine looked pretty good; it was hard for her to look any other way, in Carl's mind. She had on a pair of tight pre-washed jeans and a white pullover.

Carl had stepped into the bedroom bathroom, and right after that his wife walked in. They kissed, and she walked out of the bathroom. Carl the T&A turned off the light over the sink, and left the bathroom door slightly open. In a few minutes, Elaine came back into the bedroom. "I have one other small problem. This fool digital alarm clock. By the way Terry, do you want a cold beer?"

Terry looked over her way and said "Thanks." He started pushing buttons on the clock radio. She doesn't know how to use this thing, the guy thought.

Elaine came back into the bedroom with two beers. He sat hers down. Then she opened the guy's beer and the beer was under pressure. It sprayed all over the guy's button-down shirt.

"Oh, I am so sorry" Elaine said. "I'm going to have to give you another shirt to wear. Let me take that one off."

He sat down on the bed like Elaine wanted him to. She took his shirt off, then noticed she had gotten beer on the young guy's pants. Just like she intended to.

T&A was watching all this and smoking an aromatic cigar, letting the smoke go up into the fan. He thought Terry was getting the idea. If he wasn't he was too dumb for even therapy.

Elaine would not let Terry take his own pants off. But he did not seem to mind, and lay back on the bed while the teacher pulled his pants off. "I'm going to lay your wet clothes on this chair over here."

Then Elaine gave the guy a good, sloppy blowjob, jerking him off and watching him while she moved around in excitement on the bed. He hollered loudly, while Elaine watched while the guy exploded everywhere. Elaine cleaned up the mess with some personal wipes so her guest did not go to the bathroom where Carl was.

Elaine and Carl's visitor left, and he did not ask where the therapist was. Elaine and Carl took a shower, and then Carl took his wife to bed where he passionately fucked her brains out.

Later in bed, Elaine said "That was fun, Carl. Do you think your student learned anything today?"

"I believe so, Elaine. No escort can possibly be as much fun as you."