Is Love All or Nothing? Ch. 17

"You mean like with what happened between Andy and Lauren?"

"That and how I let my temper get the better of me last time I saw her."

Silence came upon them for several minutes before Jackie spoke up. "Have you thought about calling her and apologizing?"

"I have," he admitted, "but my mind then starts playing scenarios of how she cusses me out and won't accept my apology. Anxiety takes over and I just can't go through with it."

"Does that happen a lot? Your mind playing scenarios on you."

Keith nods his head. "More often than anyone realizes."

"How often?"

"Probably at least a few times a week, especially after something happens at work that leads to some sort of drama."

"Like working threatening drama?"

"Nothing like that. Mostly just small stuff but that doesn't stop my Asperger's mind from blowing it out of proportion."

Jackie shook her head trying understand how Keith lives like that. "I mean...how the hell do you not go insane?"

"I just don't," Keith said not sure how else to put it. "I've lived in my own mind long enough that it just feels normal to have those thoughts."

Jackie laid her head on his chest pondering the things Keith is telling her. She couldn't wrap her head around how Keith didn't go crazy with the way his mind thinks and plays out extreme scenarios in his head. Then she remembered the night that everything almost fell apart before their relationship began.

"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to," she prefaced, "but what type of stuff were you thinking after that night you revealed you have Asperger's?" Keith took a deep breath, trying to collect this thoughts. That night and those next few days stuck with him in his memory, but he wanted to make sure to convey what he felt properly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked," Jackie said feeling guilty.

"The next few days were some of the most challenging for me," he began. "I always felt that once I told a woman I was dating or wanted to date that I have Asperger's they would want nothing to do with me anymore. When you left that reinforced that perception and made me feel forlorn and isolated. I honestly thought I had just screwed up the one chance I had at true, meaningful love."

"Even after getting your text that you wanted to meet up and talk about what happened, I didn't think we would still be friends because of the way you left and how I blew up at you. I was ready to get yelled, scolded, told I'm a piece of shit and that I need help. In none of the scenarios that played in my head did I see us not just being friendly but you letting me kiss you outside your car. Sometimes I still think this is all just a dream that you are with me still."

Jackie tightened her hug around Keith as he told her these things. "I'm glad I sent you that text so that we could hash out what happened and become vulnerable with each other."

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"It's about damn time you finally said yes to the dress," Jackie said, relieved that the search was over.

"You make it sound like it was torture," Melissa replied. "It took us as many stores as was needed."

"Yeah, but you are extremely picky. You make even Keith seem normal with how picky you are."

Melissa quickly glanced at her best friend with disapproving look before returning her eyes to the road. "Did you really just compare Keith's pickiness with food to finding the perfect wedding dress for me?"

"Yes I did and I am not ashamed because it is true."

"Oh you are going to pay for that. I'll make sure to bring it up when we go dress shopping for you after Keith proposes."

Jackie simply shook her head dismissing Melissa's claim. They arrived at the mall and headed into several clothing stores, trying on several outfits. After they buy a few that they really like they headed to the lingerie store Pink to buy new bras as they both said they needed new ones. They picked out a few for each other before going into the changing rooms. Every few minutes they would exit and show each other what they wanted and complimented each other on how good they looked in them. They each got a few pairs and started to head out of the store when they ran across paths with Lauren.

They all made eye contact with each other and awkwardly smiled at each other standing right outside the store.

"Hey Lauren," Jackie greeted, "how have you been?"

"I've been good," she replied. "How have you two been?"

"We're doing good too," Jackie answered."

"That's good. How are things going with the wedding planning?"

"Well I finally found my dress today," Melissa said.

"That's great," Lauren said trying to sound sincere. "It was nice seeing you two, but I'm meeting a friend to buy some new bras."

"No better place thank Pink to get them," Melissa chimed in.

"Definitely not," Lauren agreed. "I guess I'll you see around." With that she walked into Pink and Melissa and Jackie walked towards the exit of the mall. As they came out of the mall they crossed paths Jillian and glared at each other as they passed each other.

"So do you think we could ask her to hang out with us next weekend?" Melissa asked as they reached her car.

Jackie wasn't sure that was a good idea. "Don't you think she would have tried to keep in touch after she broke up with Andy?"

"She probably just needed some space from everyone. Remember when you broke up with what's his name? You didn't go outside of your apartment other than for work for two weeks."

"That's different," Jackie defended. "The bastard cheated on me. Six months of dating that was lie that I'll never get back."

Melissa could sense the angry tone Jackie took. "I'm sorry. I didn't know..."

Jackie took a deep breath as they got into Melissa's car. "No, I'm sorry. I guess I'm still pretty hurt by what happened."

Melissa starts the car. "I would probably be the same way if ever found out Luke was cheating on me. Hell, I'd probably drink myself to sleep many nights if that ever happened."

"Only if I let you drink that much."

"Like you could stop me from drinking," Melissa shot back.

"You think I wouldn't have Keith and Andy back me up?"

"They wouldn't lay a hand on me," she said laughing.

"I would tell them do what they have to do. I would back them up."

"Of course you would have your boyfriend do your dirty work for you."

"Anything to keep my best friend healthy and safe."

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Five o'clock couldn't come any faster for Keith. Work had been hell that whole week and he had to cancel plans with Jackie twice that week. She told him that she would see him Saturday afternoon which made him feel guilty because he thought he should be spending more time with her, at least in what he thought what was socially needed to do in terms of being in a relationship. However, she made it clear that she could tell he was stressed and needed a night to relax and destress. She had already made plans to go to Brownstead with Melissa and some of Melissa's friends.

As Keith was driving home, he started to realize Jackie was right. He was very wound up and ready to snap. His body was just tense all over with almost everything going wrong all week. Orders were lost and paperwork was missing. Finally everything had gotten sorted out around 3 pm and he was able to breathe.

Keith was ready to do nothing but drink some good Michigan beer and watch whatever NBA games were going to be on ESPN. What he did not expect to see was Lauren outside the building buzzing Andy's apartment trying to get him to let her in.

"You know he's working tonight right?"

Lauren jumped not hearing Keith walk up to open the door to the building. "Shit Keith, don't sneak up on a girl like that."

"I'm sorry, but what are you doing here?"

"I was hoping he and I could arrange something so we could give each other back some stuff. I thought he would be at the bar later," she said embarrassed.

"Not on Fridays. He's there around three making sure everything is ready. Sometimes he doesn't get home until 2 or 3 in the morning."

"I see."

Keith couldn't remember how far away Lauren lived, but knew it was around half hour drive. She seemed like she really wanted to get this over with and put Andy in her past, but she seemed anxious about something else.

"Is something else going on? Are you..."

"Am I what?"

Keith knew what he was about to ask was personal and should probably keep his mouth shut, but this could end up affecting Andy. "Are you pregnant?" he asked nervously.

Lauren laughed at the thought. "No, I'm not pregnant. I just would like some of my stuff back. I already gave him back his key but now I wish I still had it."

"I should have a spare in my apartment. You can come in if you want while I look for it."

"Are you sure? I don't want to put a damper on your night, especially when Jackie comes over."

"She and Melissa are actually at Brownstead with some of Melissa's friends. They wanted to have a lady's night and I needed a night to myself after this week at work."

"Ok, but I still don't want to intrude."

Keith chuckled, wondering why people always questioned his kindness. "You can't be intruding if I'm in inviting you in." He opened the door and walked into his apartment with Lauren following behind him. She took a seat on the couch and put her purse on the coffee table. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Do you have some bottled water?"

Keith disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a bottle water for her and a beer for himself. He left his beer on the coffee table and went into his bedroom looking for his key into Andy's apartment. After five minutes of searching, he returned to the kitchen and started opening drawers. He started getting frustrated that he couldn't find the damn key. He returned to his living room to see Lauren still sitting on the couch with her bottle of water half empty.

"Well I guess I wasted your time because I can't find the key."

"When was the last time you used it?" Lauren asked, hoping that would jog his memory.

Keith thought for a few moments then smiling, chuckling with his hand on his forehead. "I have never actually used it. He gave it to me when we moved into the building but that was two years ago. I'm probably going to find it in the most random spot one day and forget where it is the next." He sat down next to Lauren and took a long sip of his beer. "I hate that you drove all this way for nothing. Sorry."

Lauren shook her head. "It was nice seeing you again. To be honest, I do miss seeing you and the rest of the group. It's just...you know, weird for me and Andy to be in the same room."

"Only if you let it be weird," Keith countered.

"In what ways wouldn't it be weird for us and the rest of the group?" Lauren asked confused.

"Because you two mutually broke up even with how bad things got. I don't know the details because that is between you and Andy," Keith said as he took another sip of his beer and put it back on the coffee table. "You are still our friend and we wouldn't want to make you feel unwelcomed."

Lauren could not believe what he was saying as she shook her head. "You really think that way? You're strange Keith."

"Yes I am strange," he professed with a big smile, "and I accept I am strange to most people. They can either love me or hate me which is their problem if they hate me."

Lauren busted out laughing. "I can see why Jackie likes you. You accept who you are and confident in who you are."

Keith let out a yawn. "I can only be me and no one else."

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Jackie was on her way to Keith's place not knowing what he needed to talk to her about that couldn't be done over text or a simple phone call. He had texted her the previous night that Lauren was at his place wanting to get some stuff from Andy's place, but he couldn't find the key. That is one of the things she loved about him. He was always open, honest, and communicated what was going on with him or who he was with. More than once when he worked late and it was just him and a female coworker, he let her know.

That is why seeing a text from him when she woke up for her to come over as soon as possible made very little sense to her. She tried calling him and texting him but he never responded. The whole thing seemed strange to her and she was starting to get uncomfortable.

Once she got his apartment complex she immediately went into the building and tried to open his door which was locked. That also was strange to her because he always left the door unlocked for her when she was invited over. She got out her keys and looked for his key on the keychain. Once she found the key she put it into the lock unlocking it and opened the door. Nothing seemed out of order as she walked in.

"Keith? Where are you?" she called out.

She walked around some more and found a couple empty water bottles and four empty beer bottles on the coffee table. 'Well he at least didn't overdue it with his drinking', she thought to herself.

"Are you home Keith?" she called out again, thinking maybe he locked the door because he wasn't home. But then why did he text her to meet him here?

Nothing was making sense and she decided to try calling him to figure out where he was. A sound started coming from his bedroom and she recognized it as the ringtone he had set for her. Her heart started pounding hard, afraid Keith was unconscious and needed medical attention.

She ran towards the bedroom door and quickly opened it. She was speechless to what she saw. Her hands covered her mouth, her heart sank and tears started flowing down her face. 'Not again', she thought to herself. 'Please no, not again'.

Slowly Lauren turned as the ringing from Keith's phone awakened her, taking her arm off him. Her eyes opened to see Jackie looking at her from the doorway. Their eyes locked and Lauren seemed shocked to see Jackie.

"Well this is awkward," Lauren said.

"Awkward?" Jackie yelled. "Awkward!"" she screamed broken hearted. "You're in bed with my boyfriend you bitch!"

Jackie's screaming woke Keith up, but he wasn't understanding why she was saying someone was in bed with him until he turned to see Lauren next to him. Immediately he panicked seeing Lauren naked next to him and Jackie staring at the both of them.

"Jackie I...this..." he couldn't find the words to say. "I wouldn't...I mean..."

"How fucking could you Keith!" Jackie yelled. "You told me you never would cheat on me and here you are with another woman in your bed."

"I would never...we didn't have sex," Keith defended. "You are the only..."

"Shut up!" she interrupted before he could tell anymore lies. "Don't you ever contact me again you piece of shit!"

Jackie stormed out of the apartment, her face covered in tears. The man that she loved, the one she could trust, the only person that made her feel loved for everything that she is, the man she wanted to marry had just cheated on her and she caught him in the act.

Keith sat there in his bed trying to piece everything that happened. How did he end up in bed with Lauren? Why were they naked? He couldn't remember anything that would have led to what his current situation is.

Lauren got out of the bed and put her clothes back. "If it means anything Keith, last night was really special me to."

"Get the fuck out," he said under his breath.

"Look, I know things last night..."

"Get the fuck out," he said louder for her to hear.

"Keith, don't be mad."

"I said get the fuck out!" he screamed. "Get out of my apartment!"

Without saying another word, Lauren left the apartment but met eyes with Andy as he stepped out of his apartment to see her leaving. Confused, Andy walked into Keith's apartment and found him sitting up in his bed looking like his whole world just got destroyed.

"What is all the screaming about and why is Lauren leaving from here?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Keith said shaking his head.

"We are going to talk about this. What the fuck just happened?"

"I don't give a fuck if you want to talk about it Andy."

"I thought Lauren just stopped by to try to get things from my place. Why is she leaving from your place?"

"Andy, leave me alone. I don't want to talk"

"What the fuck happened last night Keith?" Andy demanded.

"I don't know!" Keith exclaimed, his face red and tears running down from his eyes. "All I fucking know is I wake up to Jackie screaming at Lauren who for some reason is naked in my bed. Jackie thinks I've just cheated on her and Lauren thinks it is no big deal and I can't fucking remember last night at all once I let Lauren in and gave her a bottle of water.

"Jackie has just now broken up with me and now you're here seeing me at my fucking goddamn worst, right after everything went down and I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do! So I'm sorry if I don't want to talk about what just happened because my whole world is crumbling right in front of me and I have no fucking clue how or why anything that just happened happened!"

None of this is making any sense to Andy. He knows Keith would never cheat on Jackie, but yet he was just caught in bed with another woman. Hell, not just any woman but his ex. Everything he knew about Keith said he would never do anything like this...yet the situation seemed as such. He left the room and Keith's apartment to let him be. He needed time to figure out what the truth was.

Keith just sat there in his bed trying to figure out when everything wrong. Nothing made sense. He would never, ever cheat on Jackie. He never wanted Lauren sexually. He only saw her as a friend.

After an hour of trying to remember what happened the previous night and not remembering anything to help him, he gave up. Whatever did happen and for whatever reason didn't matter anymore. He and Jackie were no longer together and he hurt her. That look on her face, the look of pain and sadness became etched into his brain, unable to forget. He silenced his phone not wanting to hear from anyone else and laid back down in his bed where he stayed for the rest of the day.

*****

Chapter 18 will be submitted on same day I see this chapter is posted so hopefully only have to wait a couple of days to see what happens next. Everything will be answered next chapter.