It was Written in the Stars Ch. 02

"I don't understand, Cora; how could you hurt me like this? All I ever did was love you more than life itself and look what you did; you crushed that love just like I crushed your fucking rings. I never thought you could be so cruel. Come on," I said to Brad, "let's go and leave the lovers alone."

Just then a young, pimply faced motel manager came rushing around the corner of the building but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me with the sledge hammer. He looked at the door hanging from only the bottom hinge. The look in his eyes was definitely one of fear.

"Don't worry," I told him, "I'm not going to hurt anybody." I pulled a business card from my wallet and handed it to him. "Here, just send me the bill for the door and the sidewalk."

Cora was still slumped in the doorway, naked. She held her face in her hands and bawled, paying no attention to the growing crowd of gawkers. I think she was in shock, or something pretty close to it. When Brad and I got back to our cars I took the camera from him and threw the sledge in the back seat.

"Are you going to be alright? Why don't you come home with me, don't go back to the house right now."

"Thanks, I really appreciate the offer but I need to be alone. I think..."

"That's just what you don't need right now, Steve; you've just gone through an extremely traumatic experience; you need people around you, people who care for you. Come on, come home with me."

I knew he was worried that I might do something to myself; to tell the truth, the thought had crossed my mind. In any event I wanted to be alone. "Thanks, Brad, but no; I'm going to stay at the studio for a few days."

I could see the worried look on his face as I got into my car but I'd never been so depressed in my life and I just didn't want anyone around me; I had just come to terms with the fact that I was going to live the rest of my life without the woman I loved and I wanted time to...well, to wallow in my misery.

As I left the parking lot I took one last look at the woman who had made me so happy. She was still sitting naked in front of the doorway. At some point her shit-head lover had gotten dressed and was trying to get her back on her feet but she was flailing her arms at his legs and screaming something at him. I couldn't tell what it was. I hope she and the stars and her asshole, 'perfect match,' boyfriend will be very happy together, I told myself sarcastically.

When I unlocked the front door to my studio and stepped inside everything looked different; oh, the lights, the cameras, stands, and all the other equipment was the same stuff I'd been using for years but somehow it had lost its importance, its stature in my life. What was it all for? True, I loved my work, I was very lucky that way, but it had been all for US; to build a life for US, Cora, me and our kids; my family. But there was no family anymore, there wasn't even an US anymore; just me. Was it still worth all the time and trouble; was it still worth all the ups and downs of running my own business?

I turned back around and left again; I locked the door and started to walk; I had no destination in mind, I just needed to clear my head. It was time to reevaluate my life.

Deep in the vertigo of my thoughts, I seemed to pass a never ending parade of streetlights that would cast my shadow across the pavement. By the time my legs were so tired I could hardly stand anymore, I found myself in front the dark, choppy waters of Lake Michigan; how I got there I hadn't a clue. I was miles from the studio. I reached into my pocket to check the time on my phone and realized I'd left it on the seat of my car. As the soothing sound of the night tide echoed in my mind, the turbulent waves nipped at my heels as I climbed along some of the smaller rocks to a large bolder; there I sat down for a well-deserved rest. I looked around to get my bearings. Damn, I had to be five or six miles from my studio; I suspected it was one or two in the morning. At least I used the time productively, I thought. During my little stroll I had pretty much mapped out a plan for the rest of my life...and it didn't include Cora or any other women for that matter, just me; I decided I was the only person I could count on and I swore never to give my heart away like that again.

I'd spent the last five years of my life building a business to be proud of; earlier I had asked myself if it was worth it; I decided the answer was yes; that business would be my love, my only love. I would throw myself into it lock-stock-and-barrel. I would build the most prestigious photography studio in Chicago-land...well, that was the plan anyway.

By the time I got back it was getting light out. The first thing I did was get my phone out of my car. My voice mail was full. I couldn't believe how popular I had become all of a sudden. There were calls from Brad, Cora, her mom and dad, her sister, Doti, Barbara, and Julie, a friend of Cora's from the bank. The only ones I didn't erase were the ones from Brad; I would call him back as soon as I was sure he was up. The rest I wanted nothing to do with. Part of my plan was to cut myself off from Cora, her friends, her sister, and even her folks, as much as I loved them; I just didn't want anyone around reminding me of what I'd lost.

In the back of the studio I had a small room I used for a model's dressing room. It had a closet, make-up desk, couch, and a shower; I would get rid of the couch in exchange for a futon, partition off half the closet for my own clothes and the room would second as my bedroom. In the office I had a hot plate for cooking and a small refrigerator; all the comforts of home.

I checked my schedule and found I had only one photo shoot and it was in the studio at three in the afternoon. I set the alarm on my phone for eight o'clock, just three hours away, and lay down on the couch; I didn't even remember closing my eyes, I was asleep so fast.

The next thing I knew my phone was going off already; could it be eight o'clock so soon, I wondered as I reached for it...no, it was only seven. It wasn't the alarm but the phone itself was ringing.

"Hello," I mumbled doing the best I could on two hours of sleep.

"Steve, are you alright? Damn it, man, where have you been; Gail and I have been half out of our minds worrying about you!" I recognized the angry man on the other end as Brad.

"Steve, don't you ever do this to us again," said his angry wife on the extension.

"Good morning, Brad; good morning, Gail." I said a little sheepishly. I heard somebody sigh but wasn't sure if it was Brad or his better half. "Brad, I told you I'd be okay, I'm not going to do anything to myself. I went for a long walk last night and left my phone in the car, that's all; sorry if I worried you guys."

There was a short pause on the other end; I think they were just glad I was okay. Gail spoke first. "Damn it, Steve, you had us scared to death. The first person Cora called was Doti; she went over to the studio figuring that's where you'd go. When you never showed she called here asking if your car was across the street. You told Brad you were going to the studio so when she said you weren't there we all got worried."

"I'm sorry, really; I did go to the studio but left right away. By the time I got back it was dawn."

"Have you talked to Cora yet, she's called here probably twenty times already. I don't think she believed us when we told her you weren't staying here," sighed Gail.

"All she has to do is look across the street and see my car's not there."

"I don't think she's been home yet, Steve," Brad chimed in.

"She probably stayed with good old Mark," I said with venom.

"No, I doubt that, Steve; she was crying pretty good and begging us to have you call her if we talked to you; I don't think she'd be talking like that if she was with him," Gail said.

"Well I haven't talked to her and I don't intend to. As soon as it's nine o'clock I'm calling my lawyer and filing for divorce. I want nothing more to do with her or her idiotic, starry-eyed friends; none of them."

"Steve, can't you just talk to her; please. She really sounds broken up, maybe there's still a chance for you two, maybe if you went to couples counseling or something."

"Gail, you weren't listening to me...I want nothing more to do with her," I said emphatically. "Damn it; she literally abandoned me, Gail; abandoned me for that asshole because their charts matched; that's what gets me, it's all just so fucking stupid! Forgive my language," I said.

"Yeah, I know; Brad told me the story. I know she loves you though, I'll bet if you gave her a second chance..."

I cut her off. "Gail, there will be no second chances; we're done, I could never go through anything like this ever again...and I won't. From now on I am Steven Haynes, photographer and that's it; not husband, not father, not lady's man, not lover, just photographer.

"Oh, Steve, please don't do this to yourself; you're a wonderful man, don't let your heart turn to stone like that."

"Sorry, Gail, it already has; from now on my only love is my studio," I said coldly.

Three times, while talking with Brad and Gail, my phone buzzed telling me I had a call waiting; I ignored each of them. After hanging up I turned the phone off, took a shower, and walked the four blocks to Denny's for breakfast.

By the time I got back it was shortly after nine; time to get things started. Lou was the lawyer who helped me incorporate a few years earlier. He was my first call; when I explained the situation, he said he'd handle the divorce for me and gave me advice about finances; the problem was, our personal account and my business account were both held by the bank my wife worked for. I didn't want to go in and see Cora. Lou suggested I not go into the main bank where she worked but pick a branch several miles away.

I looked on the computer and picked out one that was a forty-five minute drive. Lou told me if Cora fought the divorce the court could order the accounts frozen, so his advice was to take out enough cash to hold me over if needed.

Cora and I had one joint credit card which I paid off and closed before going to the bank. Again, on Lou's suggestion I was only going to take about forty percent of the money from our joint accounts so as not to piss off the court. I would; however, close out my business account and move it to another bank. She didn't have access to that account anyway, but I just didn't like the idea of it being in the same bank as where she worked. I also had a corporate credit card I could use in a pinch.

Between going with Cora to Christmas parties and other social events the bank had I half expected to see someone I recognized at the branch when I walked in, but happily, I didn't. I waited for the guy in line ahead of me to finish then went up the window and told the teller I wanted to cash the check I handed her and close out my business account. She looked at the name on the check, excused herself, and ran into the branch manager's office. I saw him make a quick phone call then come back out with the teller.

"Hello, Mr. Haynes," he said extending his hand, "I'm Mr. Peterson, the branch manager. I can help you in my office if you don't mind."

The cashier left us and went through his office and came back out on the other side of the teller's window again. She looked at me with a sheepish smile as I followed Mr. Peterson into his office and sat across the desk from him.

"Why do we have to come in here, Mr. Peterson, is there a problem?" I asked. I was sure Cora had already put the word out and the call he made was to the main bank to alert her I was there.

"No, no, Mr. Haynes," he said with an awkward smile, "It's just that when someone wants to close out a substantial account like yours, it's actually my job to try and persuade them to keep it here. Ah, can I offer you something, coffee?" he asked.

"No thanks," I said shaking head. I was sure all this was just a stalling tactic. "Look, if this is going to be a big deal I'll have to come back; I have appointments this afternoon and didn't expect this would take all day," I said flatly.

"No, no, Mr. Haynes, ah just let me bring up your account here," he said moving the mouse on his computer. "Okay, let's see here," he said pondering at the screen. After two or three minutes of staring a hole into his monitor and not saying a word, I spoke up.

"Okay, look; you've obviously been given the heads up already about my wife and me; I strongly suspect that call you made was to inform her that I was here. Now let me make this as clear as I can; I don't want to talk to her and if you think you can stall me for the next forty-five minutes while she gets here, you're wrong."

He sighed and slumped down in his chair a little. "Alright, Mr. Haynes, I'm sorry but the request to stall you came from the Vice President, himself. I'm pretty sure he called all the branch managers, so no matter what branch you go to you're going to get the same treatment from all of them."

It was my turn to sigh, and I did. "Look, Mr. Peterson, I don't mean to get you in trouble but either I get this taken care of in a timely manner or I make a complaint to the banking commission. You can tell you VP I made that threat and intend to carry it through."

"Yes, Sir," he said looking down, "We'll get you all set."

Well he certainly didn't break any land speed records but in thirty-five minutes I was walking out of there with Three thousand dollars in cash and a cashier's check from my closed out business account. I was halfway through the small lobby...

"Steve, WAIT!" I heard her yell.

I looked up and saw Cora approaching from a side door. Damn, I thought, how the hell did she get here so fast; she must have broken every speed limit she came to.

"Please, please, Steve, please talk to me," she begged.

She looked so bad I almost felt sorry for her; I was pretty sure she had even less sleep than I'd had. Oh what the hell, I thought; avoiding her is the cowardly thing to do; man up and talk to her, I told myself.

"Okay, Cora, let's talk, but not here; let's find a restaurant or someplace we can grab some coffee," I said.

"There's a little place right around the corner," said Mr. Peterson grinning as he walked out of his office knowing he accomplished his goal.

We walked over, sat in a little two person booth in the corner, and ordered coffee.

"Steve, I don't even know how to begin to tell you how sorry I am," she started. "I can't believe I betrayed you like that; I'm so ashamed of myself. In spite of how it looks, I do still love you; Steve."

I hadn't said a word yet, she practically broke the sound barrier getting there; I figured it was her show.

She was fidgeting with her napkin. "Steve, everything you said in that motel room about me being the one who lied and cheated; it was all the truth, every word of it and I'm so sorry; you've been a good husband and you didn't deserve that. I...I don't know why..."

I couldn't help myself; I had to open my mouth. "Because you believe more in the stupid stars than you do in me," I said interrupting her. "I've never felt such pain in my life, emotional or physical; I thought I was going to drop dead in that motel room, Cora, I really did."

Her eyes brimmed with tears. "Yes, I don't think I realized how badly you were hurt until you smashed my rings and told me that was the way I smashed your heart; God, I'm so very sorry, Steve; I handled things all wrong; I really messed up." She took her napkin and dried her eyes.

"But, Steve, it just wouldn't have worked between us. I know you consider what I believe in to be a lot of hooey; and...well, that's part of the problem. When I found out about you being born in Michigan and then redoing your chart...well, I...I knew I'd made a mistake. Mark and I are more compatible with each other, we..."

"Ah come on, Cora; we've had five great," I stopped for a second then continued, "no, not great, fantastic...five fantastic years together; you're never going to find anyone who's more compatible than us. We could have built a wonderful life together, started a family, and grown old together. Your belief in astrology ruined it all; I just can't believe it, what a waste," I said looking down and shaking my head.

"Steve, I know it seems that way to you right now, but you'll find someone to do all those things with; someone who's right for you; you're a great guy, I know there's someone out there..."

"Oh, Cora, just shut up will you," I said not being able to listen to anymore of her bullshit. "Look, it's over between us; let's just leave at that. I don't want to hear about meeting someone else; I don't plan on meeting anyone. I'm going to put my heart and soul into the studio from now on. I'm no longer interested in a wife and family; I'm no longer interested in having kids and I'm sure as hell not interested in having my heart broken again."

"Oh, Steve, don't do that, please; don't close yourself off like that. You're a wonderful man and you'll make a wonderful father someday."

"Enough," I said. "Look, you wanted to talk and we talked. If you have nothing more to say, I have to get going."

"Alright," she said slightly nodding her head and still wiping her tears. "In spite of what you think, I do still love you; I can't just turn that off and I'm so ashamed of how I acted and what I did to you; I'm so sorry, Steve. I do hope that you find someone; I really do. Please don't let what I did, keep you from loving someone else and raising that family."

"Yeah, fine," I said getting up from the table.

We said out goodbyes, I paid the check and we went our separate ways. It turned out, I was glad she caught me; our talk gave me a sense of closure.

Earlier, even though I denounced them at the time, Gail's words about counseling did make an impression on me. After the way Cora cried and acted at the motel, a part of me wondered if she was so desperate to get ahold of me because she wanted to try and save our marriage. Maybe she wanted tell me she no longer believed in astrology; that she knew I was still the man she married; of course she didn't. There was no need for counseling; divorce was the only option. Now, after talking to Cora I actually felt a little better, my path was clear and there was no turning back. Tuesday of the following week the papers would be filed in court and that Friday she'd be served at her mother and father's place where she was staying.

Me...I put that segment of my life behind me by sitting down and formulating a new business plan for the studio; it had three time-elements, ninety days, one year, and five years; it took me all weekend but I got everything all mapped out...and then I cried!

Cora was very amicable; as a result, the divorce went through without a hitch. We sold the house but had very little equity in it so neither of us got a lot. We both found apartments; hers was not far from where we lived, mine was six blocks from the studio.

As planned, I threw myself into my work. At times I wondered why I even paid rent for an apartment, the only thing I ever did there was sleep, and sometimes I didn't even do that. I worked day and night without even thinking of socializing. It wasn't really all that bad until the holidays hit. I was invited to a couple Christmas parties but really didn't feel like going and my folks were celebrating a belated anniversary with a Caribbean cruise.

As long as I could keep busy I was fine but there was nothing for me to do around Christmas. As hard as I tried to stay away from all of Cora's friends, every once in a while I'd hear something through the grapevine; the latest was that she and that asshole, Mark had moved in together. On Christmas day I sat alone in my office at the studio, and for the first time in months...cried my eyes out. This is stupid, I told myself, she's gone, let her go; but I just couldn't help it, it was the holidays and I'd never felt so all alone in my life.