It's Just Wrong: Mothers and Sons 01

* This is part 1. Part 2 coming soon *

The phone rang loudly, disturbing the silence of his office. He sat in his cozy leather chair looking over today's newspaper. It was a nice, sunny day outside, yet he felt the morning chill creeping in through the open window. The phone rang again. He closed the newspaper and carefully laid it onto the coffee table. He stood up and walked over to the phone and waited for another ring. When the phone rang the third time, he snatched it up and brought it to his ear.

"Howard Stern speaking," he said calmly.

"Hey Howard, it's Mike!"

Howard recognized the cheerful voice right away. It was Howard's recruiter – the man who was responsible for getting people to appear on "The Howard Stern Show". Mike had a special task this time and it was taking longer than usual to find the willing participants.

"What's up Mike?" Howard asked.

"I've finally found enough participants!" announced Mike.

"Great," Howard said simply, trying to hide his delight.

"I tell you man, this was a difficult one. I know it took me longer that I promised, but I guarantee you – it was well worth it."

"Did you check their identities? Make sure they were all good? This is important."

"Of course! What do you take me for, an amateur? I have their birth certificates and I ran the background checks. This is as real as it gets. I'll fax those over to you right away."

"You're the best, Mike," Howard allowed himself a smile. "That's why you are my recruiter – always paying attention to details. It's settled then. Let's plan for this weekend. I'll get my crew and the studio ready." Howard opened his calendar a looked at it for a moment. "How does Saturday at four sound?"

"That works for me, Howard. I'll let the participants know."

"Make sure they are on time."

"I will," assured Mike. "Talk to you later, Howard."

Howard Stern hung up the phone and looked out of the open window, squinting. He walked closer to the window and breathed in the morning air. He wished he could remember where he put his sunglasses last night as the morning sun was already blazing bright. Saturday was three days from today and he began making plans on whom to call and what to prepare. He never really liked creating scripts for his shows, but he had a mind to make this show a little bit more interesting. A few moments later Howard Stern was enthusiastically calling up his loyal staff members to announce the show they would be shooting this Saturday.

On Saturday afternoon, Howard Stern entered his studio where he filmed all of his shows. He walked past a few members of the film crew that were already setting up the equipment. He proceeded over to his desk and checked his microphone. It was working well, as usual. Howard took out a stack of papers and looked over them – birth certificates, background checks, release agreements – everything looked to be in place. Then he opened up his notebooks and read over the script that he had prepared for himself. As he read, he marveled at his own brilliance.

Since this show had a very unusual topic, Howard decided to tell very few people about this shooting. It would be a small crew today – one guy to record the show, and two of his sidekicks: Robin Quivers and Gary Dell'Abate, also known as Baba Booey. Both of them were there for the other "It's Just Wrong" shows and Howard knew they would be comfortable with this one. He had warned his co-hosts ahead of time that this show would have a little twist to it.

The set-up crew departed after they finished preparing the video and sound equipment. The guy who would do the actual recording arrived shortly after. Howard trusted this guy – he had employed him for a very long time.

"There's the master himself!" sounded the cheerful voice of Robin Quivers as she walked into the studio with Gary Dell'Abate following in.

"Did you guys carpool here or something?" asked Howard looking up from his notebook.

"No, I found Gary on the corner of the building, trying to sell himself for sex," laughed Robin and Howard cracked a somber smile at Gary.

"Hey, a man needs to make a living and we all know that Howard doesn't pay us squat," said Gary as he walked over to his own desk and tapped his microphone with one finger.

"So Howard, another It's Just Wrong episode?" asked Robin raising one eyebrow.

"Yes. Mothers and sons this time," answered Howard nodding his head.

"Should be interesting," said Gary smiling broadly. "Have you met the contestants yet?"

"Not yet. They should be her at four. So I'm expecting them to show up soon," answered Howard.

"Sons stripping their own mothers," said Robin shaking her head. "There is nothing more wrong than that."

"I told you, Robin, this time there will be a twist," said Howard fixing Robin with a mischievous gaze.

"Howard, you dog!" laughed Robin "What do you have in mind? See if a mother will let her son squeeze her tits, like the brother and sister show?"

"Robin, dear, I have a lot more in mind than that," replied Howard.

"Oh, I like this!" exclaimed Gary, grinning broadly. "I like this a lot!"

"You two are the dirtiest men I've ever met," laughed Robin.

"You know you like it," jested Gary.

They spent the next fifteen, or so, minutes making small talk. When Mike finally arrived he waked in through the side door alone.

Gary spotted him first. "Hey, Mikey!" he shouted across the room.

"Gary. Robin. Howard." Mike nodded to each person in turn. "How are you all this fine afternoon?"

"Good, my man," replied Howard. "You are right on time."

"You guys are going to love me. I found some real gems for your show," said Mike.

"I checked out the birth certificates," said Howard. "The all look real."

"Of course they are real!" exclaimed Mike. "I always do what you ask of me."

Howard couldn't argue – the man was reliable.

"Excellent, then we should start right away," declared Gary, unable to hide his excitement.

Howard shifted his microphone closer to his mouth and said: "Test. Test."

Everything seemed to be ready.

"Where are the contestants?" asked Howard.

"In the hallway, waiting for my signal," said Mike. "Should I let them in?"

"On my signal," said Howard. "Are you staying for the show, Mike?"

"I would absolutely love to but you know me – always busy. I've got a meeting with another client in half an hour. You know that show biz people do not like to wait. Plus, I'm sure I can get a copy of the recording from you later, right?"

"You know it. Take care, Mike, and we'll begin on three," spoke Howard as he put his studio headphones on.

On the count of three the cameraman began rolling and Howard Stern did a small greeting to his listeners as usual.

"Today, we have a really special show for you all. It's Just Wrong has been such a big hit, that we decided to do another episode. So, let's begin with It's Just Wrong: Mothers and Sons."

Howard Stern gave the signal and Mike let the six participants into the room. Three women and three young men walked into the studio room. They took up their positions facing the show. There was a standing microphone set up for each mother and son pair.

"We've got quite impressive looking participants today," announced Howard after everyone was in place. "How is everyone doing today?"

"Good Howard, thank you," answered one woman.

"It's a pleasure to be here," said another leaning enthusiastically into the microphone.

"Excellent," continued Howard. "Do you all know why you're here? Judging by the nods, it looks like you do. Good. Let's go ahead and have you introduce yourselves, starting from my left."

The very first person to introduce herself was an energetic woman who seemed to be in very high spirits. She was about 5'3" and wore a white t-shirt. The t-shirt was tight and barely came down to cover the woman's flat stomach. She wore a pair of short-cut denim shorts, which were pulled over a set of tanned, muscular legs. Her long hair was bleached bright blonde and pulled back into a ponytail. Her round, cute, cheerful face was sprinkled with barely visible freckles.

"Hi Howard!" said the woman eagerly. "My name is Jessica, but my friends call me Jessie. I'm 35 years old. This is my son, Joe. He is 18 and about to graduate from high school".

"Jessie, I've got to say you are quite the MILF," said Howard. "Joe, you are a lucky guy to have a mom like that."

Jessica smiled and her son, Joe, seemed to blush lightly. He stood next to his mother with his hands behind his back. He wasn't tall – perhaps half a head taller than his mom. He was a stocky young man, but not overly muscular. His dark blond hair was closely buzzed to his skull. He wore blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt. In fact, it seemed like the mother and the son planned to wear matching t-shirts, as if they wore a team uniform.

"Jessica what do you do?" asked Robin.

"Well..." Jessica paused for a second and glanced over at her son. "I'm not employed right now. I'm a..." she paused again. "Well, I was a house wife."

"Was?"

"Yes, well... you see I was married to a wealthy guy and he just recently kicked me out of the house. So, I'm not sure what to do," explained Jessica.

"Why did he kick you out?"

"My husband is... a really jealous man and he caught me making out with the pool boy. He got really pissed off and threw us out... and filed for divorce."

"Wait, wait. You banged the pool boy and your husband kicked you out?" asked Gary, his mouth hanging open.

"No!" exclaimed Jessica. "I didn't bang him. My husband is a lot older than me and he's always traveling on business, so I got a little adventurous. But all we did was kiss a little, me and the pool boy that is."

"Whoa! That's quite a story." Gary couldn't contain his amusement.

"And what about Joe?" asked Howard. "Did his father kick him out too?"

"He's not Joe's father and he never thought of him as his son. Joe never liked my husband, to be honest. We were both kicked out," explained Jessie.

"Where is Joe's father then?"

"Who knows," replied Jessie. "I had Joe when I was still in high school..." Jessie trailed off, leaving the obvious unspoken.

"So, you are homeless now, until the divorce settlement anyway. Then the old fart would wish he'd never divorced you, eh?" joked Gary.

Jessica's bright face seemed to darken for a moment. "I signed the prenup," she said.

"Ho ho! The prenup!" blurted Gary. "Ouch! That sucks."

"Pretty much," agreed Jessica. "Right now Joe and I are staying with a friend, but we really need to get out on our own."

"And that's why you're playing It's Just Wrong. If you win you get ten thousand dollars," reassured Howard.

Jessica's eyes lit up and she began nodding excitedly. He bright blonde pony tail bobbed around wildly.

"Okay. Let's move on. How about you two in the middle?" asked Howard.

"I'm Linda. I'm a 39 year old librarian and this is my son Brent," the woman said calmly. She was a tall woman, with a slim body. Her light brown hair hung down past her shoulders. Linda wore a summer dress with a scattered flower design. Next to her stood her son, who was a whole head taller than his mom, which put him over six feet tall. His long arms and legs made him look lanky.

"How old are you, Brent?" asked Howard.

Brent bent down to get closer to the microphone and said in a booming voice: "I'm 19, Howard."

"And what brings you guys here today?"

"My dad needs surgery," said Brent. "It's a very expensive procedure, so in order to get a loan we need to get enough for a down payment."

"That's a noble cause," chimed in Robin. "I wish you luck."

"Thank you," said Brent.

"Our last two contestants – can you introduce yourselves?" moved on Howard.

The third was an attractive brunette with pale skin. Her angular face was framed by straight, shiny black hair, which hung down to the top of her cleavage. She wore a dark green low cut shirt, which barely contained her large breasts and she kept yanking her shirt up. Her jeans sat tight on her curvy waist. She was of an average height, a little taller than Jessica.

Beside her stood, what appeared to be, a copy of his mom only with shorter hair and a boyish body. He was the same height as his mother. His dark black hair hung limp over his eyes and he would brush it out of the way from time to time. He wore a checkered button-up shirt with gray slacks. He looked very scrawny comparing to the other two boys.

"My name is Suzanne and this is Tommy. I'm a 36-year-old teacher and Tommy wants to become an engineer. Oh, and he's 18." Suzanne smiled shyly while Tom was studying his shoes.

"Welcome to the show Suzanne. Can we call you Suzy?" asked Howard.

"Of course," answered Suzanne, blushing.

"What's your story, Suzy?" asked Gary.

"While I said I was a teacher," began Suzanne, "I was recently laid off. I tried to find another job at other schools, but a lot of teachers are being laid off right now. Tommy works at a bookstore after school, but it's barely enough for groceries. Thus, we fell behind in mortgage payments. Now we need money or we'll lose the house."

"Ouch! I feel for you," said Robin. "It's tough times right now with the economy being in the dumpster. I can't believe even the teachers are feeling the squeeze."

"Sounds like you all are here for good reasons and could use the money," summarized Howard. "Like I said earlier, the grand prize is ten thousand dollars. I wish all of you good luck and may the best mother and son win. Now, I do believe that you all are familiar with how this works, but just to make sure that we are all on the same page, I'll explain it again. I will ask each son a general trivia question when it's his turn. If the son answers the question wrong, he has to take off a piece of his mother's clothing."

Howard paused and let his words sink in. Everyone seemed to be listening to him intently. He continued: "I'll ask the questions in the same order you introduced yourself, starting with Jessie on my left. The mother is allowed four pieces of clothing before she is completely nude. Preferably, it would be pants, shirt, bra and panties. Since Linda is wearing a dress, we'll allow her to count her shoes as a piece. Once the mother is fully nude then I'll ask her the questions. If she answers wrong, she will take off a piece of her son's clothing. The sons are allowed three pieces of clothing. Do you have any questions before we begin?"

"Wait, let me get this clear," said Robin. "If the mother is nude, then she has to answer questions and undress her son?"

"That's right," replied Howard. "The last team to be clothed is the winner and will walk out of here with the grand prize."

Howard waited for more questions, eyeing everyone in the room. Everyone looked ready.

"Okay, in that case, let's play It's Just Wrong!"

Howard Stern flipped through his notebook where the trivia questions and answers were carefully written out. He adjusted his glasses on his nose and addressed the first mother and son couple.

"The first question is to you Joe. Are you ready?"

"Ready as ever," answered Joe and squinted in concentration.

"What president was shot while walking to California Governor Jerry Brown's office?" asked Howard Stern.

Joe looked up at the ceiling and frowned.

After a few seconds of silence he said: "Howard, I believe it was, umm... JFK?"

A brief pause followed.

"Joe, JFK was shot while riding in a car in Dallas, not while walking around in California," said Howard dryly. "I'm sorry but that was the wrong answer. The right answer was President Gerald Ford."

Joe shook his head, like he should have known the answer.

"Okay Jessie, you know the rules. Joe gets to take off some of your clothes. What will it be?" asked Howard.

"My shirt," answered Jessica without a moment's hesitation.

"Go ahead Joe, take off your mother's shirt," prodded Gary with a grin.

Joe stepped up to his mom, who turned to face him. Jessica was smiling as she raised her hands above her head. Joe glanced over at the show hosts, then back to his mom. Slowly, he reached up, grabbed the bottom of her t-shirt and pulled it up. The shirt was pretty tight and didn't yield right away. As Joe pulled more roughly, the t-shirt yielded but got caught on Jessica's ponytail. It took them a moment to work it out. Once the shirt was off, they turned back to face the hosts.

Jessica was wearing a solid white bra, supporting a pair of good size breasts.

"Wow, Jessie! You've got some nice knockers," said Howard.

"Thank you," Jessie chirped, exposing her perfect white teeth.

"Do you mind if I ask you if those are real?" added Howard Stern.

"No," replied Jessica. "They are fake. I got them done about five years ago. At least, I got something out of the marriage."

There was a respectable silence as everyone enjoyed the view of the first losing contestant.

"Well, I have to say that I hope we get to see them tonight," chimed in Gary.

"Very considerate of you," retorted Robin.

"Joe, how did it feel taking off your own mother's shirt?" asked Howard.

"It was fine," Joe shrugged.

Howard studied Joe for a moment, noticing that Joe blushed slightly, but otherwise seemed well composed otherwise.

"What do you think about the fact that you might see your mom butt naked?" asked Gary.

"Well," hesitated Joe. "I think it will be pretty weird."

"I sure hope it will," laughed Robin.

Howard nodded thoughtfully and decided to move to the next pair of contestants.

"Okay. Next question is for Brent," said Howard, his face a mask. "Ready?"

"I am," nodded the tall boy confidently.

"Who was the last president of the soviet union?"

Without pausing, Brent leaned in closer to the microphone and said: "Howard, I believe it was Boris Yeltsin."

"Close, but no," Howard said. "It was Mikhail Gorbatchev."

"Of course!" exclaimed Brent and slapped his forehead. "I can't believe I got that wrong."

"Maybe next time, Brent," consoled Robin. "Linda, your son answered the question wrong. What shall he remove?"

"My shoes," answered Linda. Swiftly, Brent bent down to his knees and took his mother's sandals off.

"That was incredibly boring," yawned Gary.

"Linda, your dress would have to go next if Brent gets another question wrong," added Howard and Linda nodded. "Let's keep going. Tommy? It's your turn. The question is – by what name is the Roman Emperor Charles the Great more commonly known?"

Tom looked up from the floor and approached the microphone.

"Charlemagne," he said quietly.

Howard nodded looking down at his notebook. "That is correct! We have our first correct answer. Suzy, your clothes survive this round."

Suzanne smiled and looked proudly over at her son.

Howard Stern played a short clip of silly music and announced: "Round two. Back to Joe. Come on Joe, I know you can get this one."

Joe perked up at those words. His mother was standing next to him, her hands behind her back, proudly sticking out her bra clad chest.

"What modern vehicle was invented to circumvent the trench warfare?" Howard read the question and looked up.

Joe looked around, almost not believing that he knew the answer to the question.

"I think it was the tank, Howard," he said.

"The tank," Howard agreed. "Good job, Joe. You got it right."

Jessica began clapping.

"Jessie, are you relieved to keep your clothes on?" asked Robin.

"Yes and I'm happy we got one right," Jessica replied.

"I'm not happy," said Gary making a sad face and looking over at Jessica.

"He can't help himself," laughed Robin.

"Okay, okay," interjected Howard. "Next one is for Brent. What trade was Greek philosopher Socrates trained for?" read off Howard.

"Uff, let's see... since he was a philosopher, I think it must have been writing, so he must have been trained as a scribe." Brent seemed to be thinking out loud. He felt silent and frowned over the answer for a few moments.