It's Not Easy to Be a Love Goddess Ch. 12

Though I had a youthful body, and younger men found me alluring, on the inside I was old with experience, and just the slightest bit tired. I had been serving my parish now for a long time. I began to be aware that the time for my retirement was approaching in a few years, so I felt I ought to concentrate on older men. I wanted to be sure, when it was time for me to step down, that I had left no part of the population out that could benefit by me.

This was a special area of ministry dear to my heart, because I was able to give men past their prime, past their years of productivity, a sense of value and worth many of them had not felt in years.

They had the experience with me of feeling young again, of feeling masculine; and many whose pillar of honor had not given its salute in a long time found it ready to stand up and be counted again.

I also knew that the implantation of the Fire in them would help them make the transition which would be shortly coming to them, out of this world and into the next. Those energies would be needed when it was time for them to shift out of this dimension toward Cosmic Oneness.

So I began to spend more time in the parks, at coffee shops and senior community centers. I volunteered to serve meals at a particular senior center, and had to laugh when I overheard one attendee mention the "Shawna Club" to another. There was a good chance I would achieve 100 percent conversion in this center! Then I could move on to the next.

* * * * * * * * *

One day, Barry walked into the center. He looked a lot older than the last time I had seen him, but that nose was unmistakable. Well, I supposed 99 percent would have to do.

I went over to him and held out my hand.

"Shawna? Shawna?" he said in great surprise. "Why, it is you! You haven't aged a day since I saw you last! How are you?"

"I'm wonderful," I replied. "It's good to see you, Barry."

"Likewise."

We chatted for a little while, and then I had to get back to my duties behind the steam table.

Barry began to frequent the center, and we would talk after lunch was served and I had some time. He had always been a great conversationalist, and I was taking a little more time these days to smell the roses. I was not so one-track minded about my job anymore. There were other things in life.

Barry had only added to the storehouse of his knowledge in all these years, and held me spellbound with his lectures on history, geography, the etymology of language, art, science—you name it, and he had studied it! What a treasury of information and insight he had become.

I told him about Darian, because I had decided I wanted to invite him over sometime to meet my family. He wasn't as happy to hear that I was "married" as I though he would be.

"So . . . you gave up your profession, did you?" he asked, trying to be tactful.

"Well, no. But Darian supports it."

He wasn't as shocked by that as I thought he'd be, either.

"He must be a pretty amazing individual," was all he commented.

"Yes, he is. And I'd like you to meet him, and my daughter Angela and her partner, Tom. I think they would really enjoy the things you have to share."

"All right," he assented.

So Barry came to dinner, and of course Darian remembered him. But he was happy to meet Darian for the first time, and told him what a lucky man he was to have such a fine wife. He enjoyed meeting Angela and Tom, too.

We had a lively discussion around the meal, and retired to the living-room for coffee and tea, to talk further. I knew Angela would like him, because she had always enjoyed school so much. And she had her share of hysterical pet stories to tell us from her years of veterinary practice.

It was a very satisfying evening when we all said good-night.

* * * * * * * * *

The next time I saw Barry at the center, we went to a nearby park after I completed my duties there. He wanted to double check something with me.

"You said you didn't give up your profession?" he asked me.

"Yes, that's right."

"How does Darian deal with that?"

He really seemed to be trying to comprehend.

"Darian and I have an understanding. He believes in the value of my work. You see, Barry, I don't just have sex with men. I use sex with men as a vehicle to teach them about the true nature of Love.

"It is an access point; a way to reach their heart and soul that is unlike any other available on this planet. I use my body as a conduit to channel higher energies—Cosmic Oneness; spiritual power you might say—to the men I serve. And I do mean, serve. This is my service to mankind."

"Wow."

Barry was thoughtful.

"I thought you were so misguided back when we first met. But you speak with such conviction and such authority. You've stayed true to it all these years. I really think you know what you're doing."

I nodded my head. "Yes, I do . . ."

"So, did you ever marry?" I queried.

He shook his head. "No, I never married. It's just been my books and me all these years."

"You sound a little sad about that," I suggested.

"Y'know, the truth is . . ." He looked at me. "I think I was too scared of sex to get married. You scared the hell out of me with your wicked ways, and I couldn't handle it."

"Do I still scare you?"

"A little," he smiled.

"I guess . . ." he ventured then. "I guess I'm just wondering if there's such a thing as a terminal virgin."

"A what?" I snorted.

"A . . . terminal virgin. Someone who's too old to . . . you know."

"No," I shook my head, chuckling. "There's no such thing."

"Well," Barry said. "I'm getting older every day; and I feel kind of sad to think I might end up leaving this earth without ever getting that taste of heaven first. Who knows, I might die and get to Peter's gates and not even recognize them, 'cause I didn't get that taste of it here!"

"Well," I said. "We can't have that. Not if I have anything to say about it."

His watery brown eyes looked in mine.

"Darian won't mind?" he said.

"No, Darian won't mind."

* * * * * * * * *

I talked it over with Darian, and he had a suggestion.

"Why don't you do this one without me? There's no safety issue here. His long friendship with you has earned him a night to himself."

I looked at Darian. What an angel he was! Always sensitive to me in every way. I appreciated his acknowledgment of the special feelings I had for Barry.

"Thank you," I said to him.