It's Too Cliché...Right? Ch. 11

"Ah," he said, nodding in understanding. "He wasn't willing to come out. I guess visibility is important, I would assume even more so for you seeing that you're out of the closet. Evan's always been stubborn. Sometimes I worry that he'll never be happy."

Something occurred to me then. Evan hadn't come out to his father and I had basically outed him to his dad. Sure, Eric seemed to have had his own suspicions and seemed comfortable with the idea of Evan being gay, but I realize how out of line I had been. It seemed that I was making a habit of it, first with my friends and then with his father. Was I pressuring Evan even without me knowing?

"So, you're okay with Evan being...you know, gay?" I asked, needing to make sure that I hadn't just ruined Evan's life more than I could even begin to fathom.

"Of course. Why do you ask?"

"It's just that...Evan said he hasn't come out to you yet so I just..."

"Is that what he told you?" Eric said, shaking his head. "Evan came out to me many years ago. I've known he's gay for a long time now, as much as he tries denying it."

"But...wait...I think I'm lost," I said, more confused than ever before. If Evan came out, why was he so afraid of...coming out? How can he be scared of something he's already done?

"I can understand why," Eric said, giving me a look that said he himself took a long time understanding.

Just then, the waitress returned balancing two plates in her hands. Placing each dish in front of us, the smell wafted to my nose but my eyes were glued to Eric. Food was the last thing on my mind because it seemed like the world made less and less sense with each passing day.

The girl left, Eric picking up a fork but not eating either, instead, pushing his cob of corn back and forth, his eyes tracing the vegetable as it rolled around on the plate. After what felt like minutes, Eric sighed, dropping the fork and looking up at me.

"Do you know how Evan's mom died?" he asked.

"Um...Evan said she was shot but that's about what I know," I replied.

"It's a little more than that," Eric said, stopping as he took a deep breath. I could tell that talking about this was hard even for Eric, and I remembered how Evan was when he tried to talk about it that one time during the pool party. Mr. Trevorrow was about to speak again when I cut in.

"Wait, are you sure you should be telling me this? Would Evan appreciate you telling me what you're about to tell me?"

Sighing, he dropped his head down, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "No, he wouldn't, but you need to know. You need to know why Evan's put up these walls because he'll never willingly tell anyone this."

A part of me wanted to tell Eric that I didn't want to hear what he was going to say, to not betray Evan like that, but another part of me wanted to know. I wanted, needed, a reason to help me justify his actions because from what I could tell, Evan only stood to gain from being open with me. I needed to know what was stopping him if only to give me some form of closure. Eric gave me a look, wordlessly asking if he should continue and I gave him a nod of approval.

"If I'm going to tell you this, I need to start from the beginning, before any of this happened. The Evan you know now, and the Evan from 5 years ago, were two very different people. I'm sure you've seen some of the photos of Evan in his younger days, and I know you can tell that he is no longer that happy kid in those pictures."

I nodded, knowing that I had never seen Evan smile as widely as he did in that one photo with his mom on his desk.

"Yeah, Evan was a much happier kid back then. He had a lot of friends in school and his mother was every bit the doting parent. She loved him as much as any parent could love their child and more. I guess maybe that's why he had felt comfortable coming out at 13.

"I'll admit that I hadn't taken the news too well and it's something I'm not proud of. Evan was my only son and it sort of felt like he had to somehow take over me and my business one day. I know now that a person's sexual orientation has no effect whatsoever on his capabilities in work, but at the time I was ignorant and foolish.

"I grew slightly more distant to Evan after he came out and I'm sure he sensed it. I mean, I couldn't even look him in the eye or say anything longer than one-word answers. Sally ripped me a new one on that too, telling me that I should be supportive of our child. I knew a part of me felt ashamed of my behavior, even back then, but I was a stubborn old mule. The only consolation was that at least Evan had one good parent.

"However, it was only much later in the year did his mother and I realized that Evan started changing. Turns out most of his friends had abandoned him when they found out he was gay, some of them even turning to bullying him. He had lost every single one of his many friends and in some ways, even his own father."

I watched Eric battle with his emotions, choking back the whimper that threatened to escape, eyes welling up before tears spilled down his cheeks. Seeing Eric like that made my own emotions bubble to the surface, though I manage to keep myself composed.

"The day of the shooting, Evan and Sally had gone out to do some grocery shopping. It was supposed to be a routine thing but everything went wrong that day. It wasn't even a case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time because it wasn't some random psycho that decided to go on a rampage. No, it was much worse than that. The man had one target in mind and that target was my son.

"The man was the father of one of the kids in Evan's school, one of his former friends. The kid had apparently gone home and told his family about the new fag in school and his asshole father had decided that he didn't want someone like that near his son. He decided that it was up to him, who deserved to live or die."

By this point, Eric's fists were clenched on the table, a mixture of anger and pain written on his face. I wanted to reach out, just to lay my hand on his and give him some form of comfort, but I too was in no shape to be providing it. I didn't personally know the man, but I felt an immediate hatred for the self-entitled, homophobic jackass.

"Sally saw the man approaching with the gun raised toward Evan and she immediately jumped into the path of the bullet, right as the trigger went off. The worst thing wasn't that Sally got shot because I know that we'd both willingly die for Evan, but that Evan had to kneel next to his mother as he watched her bleed out. I would do anything to help him forget that."

"I'm sorry," I choked out, feeling like it was the right thing to say. I wasn't saying sorry for the things that happened, although I was, but sorry for making Eric relive all of this.

"You don't need to be sorry. The only person that needed to be sorry was handed the death penalty," Eric said, teeth clenched. Even without saying it, I knew that Eric still felt like it wasn't enough because the death of that asshole wouldn't have brought back his wife.

We waited in silence, each letting the heat of our anger simmer down before engaging in further conversation. When Eric spoke again, his voice was soft, almost broken.

"With the death of Sally, I knew I had to do whatever it takes to keep Evan safe and all I knew was that wasn't in Florida. Nearly losing him had made me realize how much I didn't care that he was gay. We moved to California because I'd found out about Cornway High, a school where my son could be safe...and maybe even happy. I had hoped that it would make things better for him. I knew it wouldn't erase what had happened, but I had hoped that it would at least make Evan happier.

"Turned out that Evan didn't have the same idea. We hadn't talked for a few weeks, which I could understand after what happened to him. I felt guilty for a long time, wondering if he no longer felt like he could talk to me after I had basically shunned him before, but I knew that I had to make sure he understood that I loved him.

"One day, he finally talked to me, but it wasn't what I had assumed we would be talking about. He came to me, saying how he wasn't gay anymore. At first, I tried reasoning with him, trying to make him see that I didn't care if he was gay, but he was adamant that he was straight. I stopped bringing it up because he got angry whenever I did, but that didn't mean I stopped hoping that Evan would eventually get over whatever denial he was dealing with."

It all suddenly seemed so clear to me, why Evan had such a difficult time accepting his sexuality. His coming out had brought on the worst things in his life. His father stopped giving him attention, his friends deserted him, and his mother died because someone was trying to hurt him, all because he was gay. He had put his trust in people by coming out and most of them had turned on him. So, he put up walls to protect himself and by doing so, prevent any more pain from befalling him.

Guilt filled me at that moment, remembering all the things that I had said to him when we broke up. I shouldn't have pushed him because I didn't know what he was going through. I guess I had envisioned our relationship as that perfect, all honesty type of relationship, but I should have known that Evan wasn't an open book. I should have expected him to keep some things from me.

"I accused him of being homophobic," I said, staring down at my hands. "I had called him exactly the thing that took away his mom."

"You didn't know," Eric said.

"That doesn't excuse it. I said some horrible things to him, Eric."

"You can't blame yourself for everything, Brad. Evan's not the most put together person, as much as he likes to make people think he is."

"I just..." I trailed off.

"I know," he said, putting his hand on mine in a way I assumed a father would for his son. I realized then just how much I wished my father was more like Eric. The man loved his son, so much so that he moved across the country for him. The same couldn't be said for my father. "Evan's lucky to have you for a dad."

"It means a lot to me to hear that. Sometimes I feel like I've already failed as a father and I'm just trying my best to make it up to him."

"Trust me, you haven't failed him."

Eric smiled, squeezing my hand in a way that said he appreciated that I thought that way. "Now, how about we get to the food."

I chuckled but moved to pick up my cutlery, Eric doing the same. Despite the food already being slightly cold after just sitting on the table while we talked, the first bite of beef was still pretty good. "It's good," I said, smiling up at Eric.

"I knew you'd like it," he replied, both of us continuing our meal in relative silence. Occasionally, one of us would start a lighthearted conversation, but these generally died down pretty quick. It wasn't that we couldn't hold a conversation but that we both had other things on our mind.

For me, I was thinking back about everything that had happened with Evan and me, looking at things in a new light after knowing what Evan had gone through. The walls he had put up made so much sense to me now and his aversion to coming out was understandable. I became conflicted about our breakup, knowing now how much pressure I was actually putting on him without even realizing.

Soon, we were done with our meal and heading off. I stood beside Eric, unsure what I was going to say. I mean, we had a seriously personal conversation over lunch, and somehow just saying a simple goodbye after that seemed...awkward? Thankfully, the businessman in Eric knew exactly how to diffuse tense meetings.

"I had a good time today. I never realized how much I needed to talk about it until just now. Thanks for listening to an old man ramble," he said, patting me on the shoulder.

"I should be the one thanking you for the meal."

"Consider it payment for my impromptu therapy session," he said, giving me a warm smile. "And as for Evan, well, I can't really change Evan's mind about anything, believe me, I've tried, but if it means anything to you, I would have been proud that you were his boyfriend for these past months."

"Thanks, Eric. I'm sorry about Evan's attitude towards Claire too. I know he's been...difficult about the issue."

"He told you about that, huh."

"Yeah. I think he'll come around, though. He's just scared that you'll forget his mom."

"I won't," he said, shaking his head. "Even Claire understands that. I just hope that Evan will one day too."

"I think he will."

With that, we parted ways, me deciding to head home, mentally exhausted after all the new information that I'd learned in the past hour alone. I tried my best not to think about it because the last thing I needed was to get hung up on Evan again. Sure, our breakup may have been a bad decision on my part, but that didn't mean that the problems that surrounded our relationship hadn't been real.

Evan had a reason for not wanting to come out but I still couldn't go back into the closet just for him. Traumatic past or not, I would not allow myself to pretend that a secret relationship was ever what I wanted. Before, I had thought that Evan was scared to come out and maybe even had a slight case of internalized homophobia, but I knew now that that wasn't the case. However, it does not change the fact that Evan doesn't want to be out, at least, not at this point in his life. So, who was I to force him to be?

My train of thought was abruptly cut short when I rounded the corner to my house and saw not one, but two vehicles parked in the usually empty driveway. The Mercedes wasn't so much the surprise, seeing that the twins could have dropped by, but I hadn't expected to see the black Ford Fiesta.

Opening my front door, I noticed the living room was empty, which wasn't really surprising seeing that the gang hardly ever hung out in the room. The muffled sound of conversation from behind my bedroom door told me exactly where everyone was.

Walking through the door, the previously muffled voices became clearer, though still not clear enough to make out what they were saying. All I knew was that the voice belonged to Brian which told me that my best friend was indeed back in town.

"Okay, but did he seem okay? I'm sure he's gotta be broken up about it," Brian asked.

"I am," I interjected, replying on behalf of whoever Brian had directed the question to. "But I'll survive."

"Dude!" Brian shouted, coming over and gripping me in a tight bear hug. "We came as soon as Tim told us."

I darted my eyes to Tim, only to see him give me a non-apologetic shrug of his shoulders. "Well, I'm fine," I said, wriggling out of Brian's lung-crushing embrace. "What are you doing back? You weren't supposed to be back till later tonight."

"Did you honestly think I'd not rush back the minute I heard that my best friend has a broken heart?" Brian asked, acting appalled that I had assumed the worst of him.

"You didn't, though," Sam chimed in. "Tim called you last night but we only left San Fran this morning, so..."

"Well, did you expect me to drive through the night?" Brian argued back.

"I'm just saying, you didn't actually rush back the minute you heard."

Brian was about to retort with a snappy comeback when I interrupted instead. "Guys, it's fine. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry and ruin your weekend away."

"Then what about us? You could have told us yesterday. It's not like we're out of town or anything," Mitch cried out, gesturing to Jake and Mel.

"Don't feel bad. I'm his best friend after all," Brian answered. emphasizing the 'best', tilting his head up as if that was something to be proud of.

"Oh, excuse you but—"

"Guys," I jumped in before my friends started arguing in front of me. "I didn't tell you because I was still trying to figure shit out for myself. I didn't wanna bother you when I was still fucked up. Last thing I need is for you guys to see me break down or something."

"Next time, bother us," Melissa scolded.

"Yeah, man. We're like family," Jake added.

"Okay, okay, my bad," I said, raising my hands in surrender as I walked over to my bed and flopped down onto it. "I'll make sure to bother you guys the next time anything happens to me."

I felt the mattress dip beside me, the warmth of body heat radiating from the source before a comforting hand rested on my thigh. "Are you okay?" Sam asked.

"I'm fine...I think." Grabbing a pillow, I threw it over my face to muffle the subsequent scream that I let rip. Releasing all my emotions into the yell, I felt my body relax as I let go of the pent-up tension in my body and mind. "Why can't I have a normal, boring love life?"

The pillow was roughly pulled from my face before it was swiftly slammed into my torso, causing me to groan from the unexpected assault. "You were the one who was always complaining that your life wasn't clichéd enough."

"I know, but I hadn't meant the whole breakup part. Hell, I don't even know if we'll get back together in the future, so no, this was anything but cliché."

"Do you want to get back together with him?" Mitch asked from the couch.

I lifted my head off the bed, looking to the other pairs of eyes as they waited for my response. I sighed, running a hand down my face. "Yes and no."

"Explain," Brian said.

"Geez. Of course, I want to get back with him. I mean, I love him—"

"YOU WHAT!" came the synchronous shouts of everyone in the room. Fuck, I should not have said that out loud.

"Uh...I didn't..." I tried, my brain coming up empty of excuses I could make.

"You love him? Holy fuck, dude. You just admitted it," Brian screamed, grabbing his hair like the piece of information was causing him to lose his mind. I guess his surprise wasn't so much that I was in love with Evan, seeing that he was adamant that I was, but that I had admitted it out loud to the group of people that would have interrogated me to no end about the matter.

Not seeing any way that I could get out of this, I decided to just give in. "Fine. Yes, I love him."

"Then you have to get back together with him," Melissa said.

"It's not that simple."

"Oh, come on. You love him. Make sure he knows that and then you'll get back together." Sam said.

"Guys, you don't even know why we broke up?" I groaned, growing frustrated at their persistence.

"Let me guess. He wasn't ready to be out with you," Jake deadpanned, making my jaw drop. Talk about hitting it on the nose, only the very tip of the nose but still.

"Well, yes, but—"

"Then wait for him. You of all people should know that coming out is a difficult process. You can still have a relationship like you had before and let him take his time."

It sounded so simple when Jake put it like that, but I knew it wasn't. Coming out was only the tip of the iceberg with Evan, though, because he needed to first get over his denial that he was gay. I almost wanted to say that Evan had come out before but manage to hold my tongue. It was definitely not my place to tell my friends about Evan's personal problems.

"Listen, guys. Evan has some...personal matters that get in the way of us being together. I'm not going to tell you what they are because it isn't my place, but just know that it's a lot more complicated that what it looks like on the surface. He needs to sort out these problems before I can even think about getting back with him."

Everyone was silent for a moment, probably letting what I had said sink in, Personally, I think they took the time to think about either any arguments that could be made or words of comfort to console me. I didn't want either, if I was being completely honest.

"So, what now?" Tim asked, breaking the silence.

"Things go back to the way before Evan, that's what. Evan stays a fragment of the past until Brad decides otherwise," Brian said.