I've Had Enough!

Well, unfortunately for you if you were looking for a jerking story, this is not it. This is going to be more of a rant then erotic. Actually, there isn't going to be any erotic story telling in this one because I'm going to be truthful to you and say that my sexual escapades are few and far between.

You see, my relationships have been kind of a joke. My first girlfriend back when I was in high school cheated on me with her cousin. In her defense, it was her third cousin twice removed or some kind of stupid crap like that. After she found out what she had done, she was nice enough to try and smooth things back over with me. Never mind that she never put out to me. I wasn't even allowed to get to second base with her! And she let her cousin hit a home run! But being the naïve love sick puppy that I was, I took her back with open arms. Two weeks later, I caught her screwing my best friend. Nice huh? It gets a whole lot better. I only found out cause I walked out to my car to get a text book for a class I had left and they were nice enough to be going at it in the back seat of my car. Yeah very nice!

Ok, on to girlfriend number two, or as I like to call her, psycho. Now I'm not exactly sure on how things work on the female's side of growing up, but I am pretty sure that I have come to the conclusion that once the female gender has hit puberty, their mothers give them a little had book that's title "How to fuck with a man's mind and make him think it is his fault, ALL THE TIME." And this girl had the handbook down pat!

You see, I was a little gun shy, once bitten twice shy (insert your own stupid quote here) after the whole fiasco with girlfriend number one, but after a night of drinking nothing but tequila shots, you kind of start forgetting little things like that. So thanks to my buddy Jose, we hooked up for the loooooongest two months of my life.

The relationship was going swimmingly for the first month. On our one month anniversary she talked me into going to the mall with her to go shopping. We went into a store where she blamed me for staring at a store manikin for too long! Seriously! Ok, so the manikin did have a nice figure and it was showing off a swimsuit that probably should not have been worn out in public, but IT'S AN INANAMITE OBJECT! And it wasn't one of those nice quiet arguments between two people. Nope, it involved the entire store. She actually killed the manikin, knocked its head off with her purse.

"You don't make me feel sexy when you look at stuff like that!"

That should have sent up warning flags right away. Of course it didn't, I apologize for staring, and I bought her a nice bouquet of flowers. Now I know that in the back of your mind your saying "Grow a back bone you pussy!" and I am very happy to tell you that I did about two weeks later, when she pulled a kitchen knife on me. I don't really remember why she pulled the knife on me, and I really didn't care, I just got out of there as fast as I could. The next day I went out to my very nice pickup truck to head to work, and I saw her car had t-boned mine in the parking lot. I'm not really sure when she got out of jail, but the good news is, I haven't heard from her since.

Girlfriend number three cheated on me with her ex in my bed.

Girlfriend number four cheated on me with her best friend's boyfriend.

Last but not least girlfriend number five cheated on me with her ex boyfriend who cheated on her with my ex girlfriend number four. If I were you, I wouldn't read that last one more than twice if you are confused, your head might explode.

Needless to say, I am enjoying the single life. I get to go skydiving whenever I want to. Take a snowboarding trip to where ever the snow is the best. And the best part of it all, I have money to do all these things and I don't have to here nag nag nag nag nag nag nag.

Thank you for reading my rant and have yourself a great day :)